Hey-za, people!

So, this is the beginning of something new and Be- Ah- OO-Ti –Full, namely the start of my second random (and illegal- shhh) fanfic, despite the fact that I never finished the first one.

I'm being WAY too coherent, am I not?

So YA mi pee-ah-ples!!! Dis is wat dat be!

No, that's kind of disturbing to the soul innit?

Eh, I'll just figure it out as I go along the FABULOUS way.

So in this wonderfulllyfull tale d'mine, Artemis Fowl, His Most Geniusliness, will be WONDERFABULOUSLYSOME! He shall eat cookies and be random! He will be afraid of lollipop! He'll Hang Wit Da Authoress! He'll become clinically insane! (izz a sighde egffect off hahngihn wight daghhh Authaghress)

And the LEP, Butler, Juliet, and Other People are coming too! Yay! So here they are!

Artemis: What is the meaning of this? I demand a lawyer!

Juliet: Artemis, you poor dumb genius, we're not under arrest, we've been taken from our homes in the dead of the night presumably to a horrible and painful death perhaps after weeks of physical and psychological torture. You might want to demand a rubba ducky, or a blankie.

Holly: Wait, you don't mean-

Artemis: BUTLEEEEERRRR!!!!!

Juliet: Um, Yeah….

Artemis: BUTLEEEEEERRRR!!!!!

Holly: Oh d'arvit, we're all going to die.

Artemis: Why, there you are Butler! Where EVER have you been?

Juliet: Umm… Artemis?

Artemis: What is it Juliet? Butler and I are quite annoyed that you have interrupted our tea party. I, for one, am going to have to talk to someone about your belligerence and total disregard for the privacy of others.

Juliet: Butler's not here, Smarty-Arty.

I'm sorry; the content of Artemis's response has been deemed Too Disturbing And Inappropriate for anyone under the age of Seba Nile.

Holly: Wowza , Artemis . Someone's got oatmeal in their shorts.

Artemis: HIS OR HER, D'ARVIT!!!!

Juliet: Fisha B. Kool.

Holly: Um, What the Magulagrek?

Juliet: It's my new name. Call meh Fisha, people!!! That means you too, Authoress.

*!THUNDER!*

Holly: Oh, that's SO incredible. No, seriously. Don't kill meh!

Artemis: WHY DON"T YOU LOVE ME??? WAHHHH!!!! I think I need a hug.*pouts*

Juliet: Oh Lordy, my goose. HEY! It's Fisha! My Name is Fisha, and that's my name! All right, YEAH, YEAH! That's my name, it's Fisha, YEAH!

*!THUNDER!*

Artemis: I feel preetyyy!!!!! And OMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Holly: *pulls out a gun* NOBODY MOVE!

Everyone: *Freezes*

Holly: All right, Gimme all your valeueueueueuables.

Everyone: *give holly the Shtuff*

Artemis: Is a Secret Armani Underwear Only Allowed To Be Worn By Famous People Or People Who Can Steal Shtuff From Famous People considered a valueueueueueueueable?

Holly: Depends. Have you worn it?

Artemis: YOU"LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, YA EVIL RANCID CHICKEN!!! NONE KNOW YOUR SECRET IDENTITY!!!!

Chicken: Oh Noes!

Artemis: IT IS THE VILLAN OF TWILIGHT!!!

Chicken : Wait….What the Magulagrek?

Artemis: You're the one who killed the cat that was supposed to accompany Bella to Seattle and save her from the Clique du Freak! You tweaked the fairy dust and sent her into a coma for twenty thousand years! You were the one who bribed her tutor into only teaching her the sentence "I like to play with live grenades" in Scandinavian, and then sent her to Scandinavia, and told her to say it again and again to every person she met!! You are the Lord of the Vampaneze!

Holly: Hey! Gimme all your money! I'm the one with the pickle!

Juliet: Oh Noes! I thought it was just a gun!

Artemis: A PICKLE???? OH MY ARMANI UNDERWEAR WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! YOU PUT A PICKLE IN THE HANDS OF SOMEONE AS UNSTABLE AS HOLLY SHORT? SHE WAS PROBLY TEASED ALOT IN SCHOOL GROWING UP!! SHE HAS RED HAIR, FOR THE UNDERWEAR'S SAKE! WE'RE GONNA DIE! I WAN'T TO TAKE OUT MY MUTAL FUND!!!!! BEFORE I DIE, I WANT TO TELL YOU ALL THAT THERE'S NO BETTER BANK THAN BANK OF AMERICA!!! OPEN AN ACCOUNT THERE TODAY!!!!!

Holly: Umm….I'm going to go now.

Juliet: Why?

Holly: There might be… a bomb….in Artemis…

Artemis: I'm a wittle baybee bumble beee…. *hums longer than it takes to buy a particular fat dude thirty nine million, seven hundred fifty one thousand, three hundred ninety-two donuts in varying flavors and icings and sprinkle colors.*

Juliet: I just realized something….

Holly: What Julla-Bee? If it has to do with Artemis being insane, don't worry, we know. We ALL know. *creeper eyes: creeper smile*

Juliet: There's a llama in the room.

Llama: *doesn't say anything. Just sits there, being a llama, and doing llama things, like…..breathing?*

Holly: There's a llama.

Juliet: What's it doing here?

Holly: I don't know.

Juliet: Should we do something?

Holly: What should we do?

Juliet: There's a llama in the room.

Holly: What should we do?

Artemis: OH MY MAGULAGREK! *Shoots llama* I'm a wittle baybee bubble bee….

Holly: Don't look now, but there's a dead llama in the room.

Juliet: OH MY MAGULAGREK!!!!! EEEEKKKKKK!!!!!

Angel That Looks Suspiciously Like Butler: Didn't I ever tell you Juliet had an irrational fear of dead llamas? *flies away*

Holly: *Skips around in a circle* I like cookies!!!!

Artemis: I like trains….*train runs him over*

Everyone: ….

Holly: Hey, where'd you think I got the cake bomb from? Venetian Princess?

Artemis: Wait, that was cake????

Juliet: Atemis! You're an alive child!! How? Was it some wonderful and imaginative plan that will make us marvel at your geniuslyness? Or was it an incredibly stupid plan that will make us wonder if the authoress is sane?

Artemis: I jumped through the whole in the fourth wall eight before the train hit, and fought my way though thousands of Mary Sues (By the Way, did you know they all have an irrational fear of striped socks with oatmeal inside them? Coincidence? I THINK NOT! This is SOOO going to win me a Somewhat Noblish Prize) and returned here before the plot. I CAN SAVE YOU FROM THE FUTURE!!! Or I could go buy stocks….

Juliet: DIE POTATO!

Potato: Aiiiiii!!!!! *Splat*

Holly: You guys, don't look now, but we're being followed by Chinese people.

Chinese people: *blink*

Juliet: Stop!

Holly and Arty: *Stop*

Chinese people: *stop too, in order to make it obvious that they are following the Butler, Short, and Fowl*

Chinese people: *start taking pictures of the Kiddos and Shorty*

Artemis: OH MY MAGULAGRK, WHAT THE MAGULAGREK ARE YOU DOING???

Chinese people: We like taking pictures of five dollar bills!

Aretmis: WHAT TH-

Chinese people: Five dollar bills, five dollar bills! *snap pictures*

Artemis: WHAT TH-

Holly: *shoots everyone* Ahhh… tranquility…*eats cake*….ahhh….

BOOM

The End!

All right you humans, review!

Are you men, or mice???

Horse: …