A/N: I choose to do this chapter in two parts for many reasons, one being I wanted to focus a lot on Elena and Damon for one. I hope it isn't a problem with anyone, also please remember to R&R! Alright, I know I promise this chapter would be longer, and it is, when it is in one full part, but I didn't want to do that, so I'm sorry readers.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.
Chapter Five Part One: Regrets
Dear Diary,
Everyone has something they regret, and even if they don't admit to them it seems that they always find ways to come back to haunt them and no matter what is done the memories cannot be erased. I cannot say that I do not regret leaving my family, but at the same time I am rather glad that I left because if I hadn't I fear Damon would of died.
It has only been two weeks, but I feel closer to him now then I had before, and I guess that's because we've actually talked to one another. Well, it's been me who has talked and Damon who has listened as I talked. I cannot say for sure, but I feel maybe I bore him, or he has regrets too that cause him to hold back from talking to me. I don't let him see that it bothers me, but I have come to realize that sex isn't everything. I need love too.
Does this mean I don't enjoy sex, well to be honest no. I enjoy everything about it. I love how Damon's skin feels against mine, and how his lips feel when they press to mine, I love the feeling of being close to him.. Oh! I forgot to mention earlier, but we found a town to live in, it's far enough out of the kingdom that no one knows who I am, and it's like Damon and I can live a life all our own.
I just wish we truly were the married couple we had claimed to be in order to get a room in a local inn. I guess I should not complain, I have seen girls look at him, jealousy in their eyes and all I can do is smile because he is with me every night, not them.
I guess you could say I'm happy, I have what I wanted, and yet without knowing him, and without his love I don't feel complete..
-Elena
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Elena closed her dairy as she looked around the small inn room, she was sitting on the bed that was made for two, the early autumn sun draped into the room through the large window, she was alone. She had the blanket wrapped around her chest, for her and Damon had made love the night before and she once again woke to him being gone.
She knew what it meant, he was out feeding, maybe doing some flirting, but most of all he was making himself seem as human as he possibly could because he did not want to be found out again. Did it bother Elena, well if you asked her she would say no, but if you read her diary you would know the truth.
A knocking at the door caused Elena's heart to race against her ribcage, because whoever was at the door knocked meant it had not been Damon, and so Elena hurried off the bed and grabbed her clothes from the day before and slipped them on in a hurried manor before going to the door. Slowly, she opened it and looked out, she saw the inn keepers wife and felt a faint sigh come as she opened the door more and smiled at the older woman.
"Can I do anything for you?" Elena asked softly, fearing the woman came bearing bad news. In her mind she had the worst played out for why the woman was at her door, she did not want to think of the worst, but it seemed she was doing only that.
"I was just coming to see if you, or your husband needed anything, but I see he is not here. Do you need anything dear?" The woman spoke so warmly that Elena wanted to hug her, but she held back as she looked at her and lightly bit on her lip.
Did she need anything? Elena was about to answer when her stomach growled softly, the woman smiled as she looked at Elena and nodded, as if she understood. "I will get you something to eat." She then left and Elena was alone once more, but instead of grabbing her diary she walked out of the room and down the hall to the bathing room.
She needed time to herself, as if she didn't have enough of it already, and she also needed a good scrubbing. It felt as if they were still new to the town, Elena hardly knew anyone, and Damon was always gone so she had no one to talk to. It wasn't what she had imagined it to be like, not at all, she had wanted more.
However, even though things were not as planned, Elena wasn't about to allow herself to feel bad, or even get discouraged, everything was still new, and she had to give it more time, she couldn't expect so much anymore. She wasn't a princess to these people, she was no different than them, and so she had to act that way, she could not let on to something that could cause her to be found out.
'I don't regret saying good-bye to my old life, I regret not knowing what I was getting into when I fed Damon my blood.' Elena thought, as she slipped the dress she had thrown on off slowly, once it fell to the floor she looked down at herself for a while before climbing into the bath, but once she did she realized there was no water in it.
Elena almost cursed herself, but instead she laughed, for she had been so used to someone else filling it for her that she did not think of doing it on her own. 'I still have much to learn, but I am not stupid.' She got out of the bath, and looked around, she figured maybe she could wait on a bath, and have the inn keepers wife do it for her, no, she could not do that. She was not a princess to these people!
"I guess I will do it myself then." Elena said out loud, as she grabbed her dress, slipped it back on and walked back out the bathing room, but before she got down the stairs the in keepers wife was coming up, she had a bucket of warm water, and Elena felt almost bad that she had done so, but said nothing as she waited on the woman.
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Elena wasn't sure what had caused the woman to bring the bath water, but Elena did not complain as she relaxed in the warm water, her hair was pulled up and away from her body, she had no bubbles, like at the palace, but she was relaxed none the less. Her eyes slowly closed, she was sore from the nights of sex with Damon, he wasn't exactly careful not to mention he bit her whenever they got done with sex and it was painful too.
Elena thought maybe it would be somethin nice, something she could enjoy, but it wasn't, and maybe that was because they didn't know each other all that well. Elena tried to tell herself that was the reason for why he also left every morning, but came back at night. Elena told herself that he would grow to love her in time, and that their feelings for one another would become something more, and something great. It was easy to dream.
"I'm sorry,"
The voice nearly caused Elena to jump, her eyes shot open and her heart rang hard against her chest. She turned in the bath to see Damon standing by the window, he had come in without her knowing, and had he not spoke she would not of seen him until she opened her eyes again. However, she frowned at his words, once they sunk in, he was sorry, but for what reason? Elena had never thought he had one, and she wanted to question, but she did not know where to begin. She figured it was easier to let Damon continue then to ask and be told off, or even yelled at for asking a question.
Before Elena could ask Damon why, or even hear him continue he was gone, and she was once again left alone. It didn't surprise her, but at the same time it did because he had found her, told her he was sorry (with no explanation) and then he was gone as quick as he had come. Elena closed her eyes once again and sighed softly as she tried to figure Damon out, it wasn't easy, he was like a puzzle that had missing pieces, but not just a few missing pieces it seemed as if all of them were missing and Elena had to slowly find them and put them back into place.
'I wish you would say more to me, you don't even realize how much I love to hear your voice.' Elena thought as she opened her eyes once more, she wanted to see him in the bathing room again, telling her his reason for why he was sorry, but no one other than herself was there. She sighed and began to wash her body before she switched to washing her hair, maybe she would get an explanation tonight, or maybe she never would. She hoped for the latter of the two. She wanted him to be more open with her, and tell her more things, but she couldn't complain, she actually knew him better now then when they first met, which was saying so much!
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Dear Diary,
I went into town for the first time today, the inn keepers wife had brought me a dress, one that is much simpler than anything I have ever worn but comfortable because of no corset, and I got to see things I have never seen before! I saw people, common people, living their lives as if they had no worries, or cares! I never thought that was possible, and it makes me want to interact with them more now then I had ever thought to do so.
I want to also bring Damon with me, I feel he would enjoy the people as well, and maybe we can get to know each other better that way too. It would be nice, to maybe know where he is from, or when he was turned. All I ask is for simple information, nothing too painful, but maybe all memories for him are painful. I do not know, we never talked about that, and so I cannot be sure about what is painful for him to talk about, or not.
-Elena
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Elena felt Damon kiss her neck and smiled as she closed her diary and set it onto the table by the bed, she turned to look at him, he did not have hunger in his eyes. She smiled more as she leaned up and placed a soft kiss to his lips before she whispered, "I believe I'm falling in love with you, and I don't even know you." She then kissed him again, figuring she was scared of what his reply to her words would be. She wanted to be safe from the pain of rejection, but she had to pull away to breath.
She watched as Damon's lips form a small smile, he then told her, "Being honest is not easy, but I could give it a try." He kissed her again, and he felt her smile from under the kiss, he had said something right, which had not happened in a long while. Both seemed to be rather happy with what they had been told. It was not going to be easy, as Damon had said, but he was going to try for her, because he knew that he had been hurting her by not telling her anything, and so he was going to try and change that. He needed her to be understanding though.