'ello 'umans!

On this glorious day I say t- WAIT!

I gots ta prep.

Blah Blai Bloopo Blummers. Bwooo… Bwooo.. Bwa! Bwa!

Ohhhh……! Even if the sound of it is Summat Quite Hilaris. Did you know that I have never owned any Artemis Fowlis? !!!

Twoot! Twoo doo dooo! Ah, Shaddap, Spellcheck.

That is BAR NONE the Best Disclaimer of All The Time Where Books, Authors, Fiction, Miffed People, Lawyers, Copyrights, and Lovely Lampshades Have Existed. I wants my award.

So this is the fwourth inthall-mint of the twime Thmarty-Arty went to Pwanet (Deep Breath) . Well, IT SHOULD BE! You know, If I was less…A-pa-the-tic….-o. Wells, it's where we fall in. TIME to Start tHE Ficcy!

Artemis: So, like, Ohmigwad, I was walking along the...place were there's water and sand and stuff… and I saw a girl with BLUE HAIR! Like, Oh. My. Gwad. And I was like, 'ohmigwad girlfriend do you have, like blue hair?' and she was like, Eye Roll and then she, like, PUNCHED ME in the face! And I was like, 'Ow'! Cuz it hurted.

Authoress: But isn't it easy to imagine?? No, my dear reader-humans, I have not given my brain to monkeys for them to play shuffleboard with, but only if it's not snow weather then they'd play curling. I HAVE, however, gotten my NEWEST BATCH OF CLICHÉS!!! YAYA! *does something that some people might consider dancing, but most would consider a major health problem while attempting to impersonate a Spy Fish*

Delivery WOMAN: Dude, pay up! I've been standing here for three minutes! The maggots in [Mulch]'s hair are trying to eat the zombies I'm about to deliver to….no one…

Noh Won: Yayz! *to the tune of It's A Small World* I'm getting my zombies, I'm getting my zombies! I've been waiting for three million, two hundred fifteen thousand five years. I' am going to kill the workers at Zombie Suppiers Inc. first!

Holly: Chick Chick! Boom!

Chix: Holly???? Was that the sound of you calling my name?? Are we going to-

Mulch: I wouldn't be annoying enough to make Opal the Narcissistic suicide herself today, Chix. Someone stole Holly's gun…and her pickle!

Everyone: *gasps* Oh Frond. This will not end well.

Holly: Shaddup, everyone! Chick chick! Boom! MUAHAHAHA!

Authoress: CANADA!

People: *stare* *tilt heads sideways* *edge away*

Foaly: Muahahaha! Finally all the people have come under my control! I can make them do things simultaneously! I now avait further directions from the Tin Hat from Eeilthtkstherestoppevquesopl ! I seem to be developing a German accent. Oh dear. This is bad.

German Flamers: Attack za von who stereotypes Germans!

Authoress: Lookie! Pie!

Everyone (including the authoress): What does that have to do with anything?

Authoress: It gave me time to pull out Holly's (dundundun) pickle! *has pickle, and is pointing it menacingly at the Flaming Germans* MUAHAHA!

Artemis: I hate to be the voice of reason-

Authoress: Wells, yeah, Arty-Blarty. People who reveal themselves to be the voice of reason will be banished to the farthest and darkest corners of the under-my-bed where they will live for seventeen million seconds, eventually befriend the citizens Lost Colony of Things the Authoress Has Lost, and eventually come to a tragic demise, involving pie, plastic plants, and the LCoTtAHL army of iPod headphones, Purple With Stars Division. So, duh.

Artemis: As I was saying before the Authoress so rudely interrupted me,-

Authoress: Yeah, as if.

Artemis: -I believe in things that have sometimes proclaimed to be rabid, and Authoress should be called Mellindabelly.

Authoress: Ah, stupid reason. Carry on.

Mulch: HEY!

Humans…and Fairy-people( including Mulch): What?

Mulch: Isn't anyone going to ask how the Ever Incompetent at Stealing Shtuff Authoress managed to steal. Holly's Most Prized Possession? Doesn't anyone wonder why Holly has become insane so quickly? Aren't you all wondering where Opal Koboi is? CAN"T YOU THINK OF ONE SINGLE PERSON WHO MIGHT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THAT???

People: No.

Mulch: Really? Because I was thinking maybe it was a kender by the name of…. Tasslehoff Burrfoot!

Artemis: Umm…who?

Authoress: OMFG!

Everyone: Old Maria's Flying Goose!!!!

Authoress: Artemis. Doesn't. Know. SOMETHING????

Logical people: Oh yes! We're back! To mark our return, we will tell you that Artemis displays ignorance sometimes, though not often, as you, Authoress, are well aware, so your statement- *all die*

Holly: MUAHAHA! While you all were talking about Artemis's stupidness, I was…. BUYING ANOUTHER PICKLE!!!!

Holly's long Lost Sister Who Has Mysteriously Appeared: Oh, *bleep*.

Holly: Sister-person!

As you can probably tell, this will not end well.

HLLSWHMA: Yes, It is I! Back from the supposed-dead!

Artemis: This is strange. So strange, in fact, that I will interrogate everyone in sight to attempt to defeat the (Buln blun blun) Five-people-dying-away from- being –a –Duke of Ignorance!

FPDAFBADOI: Hey.

HLLSWHMA: We both have long names that have to be acronymed into things that no-one-

Noh Won: Hey.

HLLSWHMA: can pronounce, any yet the Ever-Insane Authoress Insists on reading as a word!

Audience: Wait, we thought that you were supposed to pronounce her name aych, el, el, es, double yoo, aych, em , ay.

Authoress: Nope.

Audience: So, it's Hllswhma?

Authoress: Yep.

Audience: And Fpdafbadoi?

Authoress: If you ask me more short and un-funny questions I will feed you to a Lili, a Trouble, and a Beetroot.

Humans: Oh my!

Fairies: *are slowly taking over the world, while the humans are quoting their own movies*

Hllswhma: AS I WAS SAYING… It is clearly meant to be!

Foaly: Yeah, as if. You think just because you're a sister of the main character AND a product of a deranged mind-

Authoress: You do realize I'm the Authoress, right?

Foaly: that you can just pick up YOUR plot again? I mean, I was going to take over the world by listening to directions of a Tin Hat, but do you see me complaining?

Authoress: Yes.

Artemis: Are you aware that he just, to put it colloquially, dissed you?

Authoress: Oh, yeah. Twanks Far Remyndin Meh, Thmarty-Arty!

*Ka-boom*

Holly: Foaly? Artemis? Where…? What…?

Authoress: Haven't you read my fanfiction? Mon Dieu!

Miranda: Sacre merde! The Authoress stole my thing!

Artemis: Miranda!

Holly: *insert appropriate facial expression, neener neener, neener neener neener, appropriate facial expression!*

Root: Wait, he came back? I thought he'd been Ka-boomed?

Artemis: If I trade away a piece of my sanity, I get to come back from the dead! YAY! I LOVE BEING ME!

Juliet: So what did you trade away this time, Arty-the- Plarty?

Artemis: AHHHH!!!!! FEMALE!!!!!

Authoress: Wait! Wait wait! Wait wait wait! Wait wait wait wait! Wait wait wait-

Beetroot: WHAT? Ahhh! My name's not BEETROOT!

Authoress: If you don't want an annoying nickname, then don't interrupt the Authoress. But anyway, Arty can't be scared of females! What kind of crazy shipper jokes can I make then? Don't answer that. TO THE HEADQUARTERS!!!!!!!

Vice President of Quality Returning From the Dead Reimbursements: Sorry. Have a complimentary pen.

Authoress: *makes threatening gestures with a spork*

Vpoqrftdr: Did I say pen? I meant Arty's Sanity.

Authoress: Not ALL of it! Then I'd have to change the title!

Artemis: Should I just give up trying to get people to call me by my REAL NAME????

Holly: Yes.

Foaly: So….Today I'm going to teach you all about network computers! Networking computers is a complex process with a variety of options, each dictating use of specific hardware, cabling and software. When connecting to an existing network, your network administrator should be able to tell you how to connect. These steps are for a Windows-based computer. Purchase the required hardware and cabling for the type of network you want to use. If the network doesn't yet exist, decide on a network type: for a client/server network, you need a hub to connect the computer to; for a peer-to-peer network, you just need a cable. Then choose the data-transfer protocol (typically Ethernet) for the network you-

Juliet: Oh, I'm sorry Foaly, were you talking?

Atemis: It appears as if I have become, mildly, ever so slightly, just the tiniest bit, bored.

Butler: BORED???? EVERYBODY DOWN! *shoots Foaly with a water gun*.

Artemis: Ahhh…thank you Butler. I'll have to speak to father about giving you a .0000001 percent raise.

Butler: OH boy! Now I'll be making 7.140000014 dollars a year! I'll be able to buy FOOD!

Artemis's Cook: I want a raise.

Holly: QUACK!

Everybody: *stare*

Holly: Do I need a reason?

Artemis: Authoress, this is clearly not the time for random humour! This situation clearly calls fo-

*ka-boom*

Authoress: Have you ever noticed how Artemis's voice gets high and squeaky when I make it that way?

The End….of the chapter.

What, did you honestly think you would get off that easily?? HA!

Monkey: *Fells pressured because he has to do somthing amusing and original at the end of EACH Chapper!* Hoo. Hoo. Ha. Ha.

He's really lost his sparkle.

REVIEW, You HUMANS!

I'm tellin' YOU/ to Review /This fic/ Cos it is sick/ly awesome and wonderful!

Well, see you….sometime…. Hopfuly…I'm my rapping didn't kill you.

Oh shim, now I've told you that I was rapping, not just writing with random slashes!!

Ah, vezzles. WDID! To the person who tells me what that stand for, I will give the most prettifullest e-cookie anyone has ever seen!

Angeline: Bet on it???

I'm backing away slowly…..