If we walk away now
There's no turning around
Gotta say what I mean
While you're here with me
I'm not sure I'll find words
To cover the hurt
That I see in your eyes
But I gotta try

Lucas sat there thinking; thinking about everything that has occurred in the last two years of his life. He went from not caring about anyone to caring about too much for someone to losing them. A night of fighting and drinking lead him to a bar that night, sorta of like tonight. But much like that night no amount of alcohol could let the pain he felt numb even a little.

"Brooke I am so sick of this shit!" Lucas yelled as he walked into his apartment with his girlfriend after a night out. After a night of watching some guy flirt with his girlfriend nonstop and his girlfriend just letting it happen.

"Well don't be tired of it just quit acting like a damn idiot! God Lucas why would you for a second believe I still had any feelings what so ever for Chase? We broke up, we have been for almost a year now and I have been with you for almost a year now. You think you would believe I'm not going anywhere!" Brooke argued so tired of this conversation. So tired of arguing and making her boyfriend believe she had no feelings what so ever for her ex.

"Yeah well with the way you spent the whole night throwing yourself at the guy!" Lucas scuffed walking over and pulling a beer from his fridge.

"Don't you think you have drank enough tonight?" Brooke asked but Lucas just took the lid off tossing it on the counter and taking a sip.

"Nope, I think I will drink as much as I want. Since you kind of do whatever the hell you want without listening to me, don't really think I have to listen to you," he shrugged downing his beer and brushing past Brooke to his living room.

"Lucas will you stop being an ass for two seconds and really think what you are saying? I mean damn it he is my friend I can talk to him."

"Fine go talk to him. Talk to who you want see what I care."

"God you are such an asshole. A drunken asshole and I hate you right now!" Brooke yelled. She hated when Lucas got like this, when he got all jealous over nothing and then would drink to try to ignore his feelings but it just made everything worse.

"Aww you hate me I am truly hurt," he mocked placing his hand over his heart. "I guess you should go run to your little Chase and get him to make you feel better."

"Wow, are you so insecure that you would think I would do that?"

"Oh baby I am not insecure at all. I know I am way better then that tool," Lucas pretended to laugh finishing off his beer and walking to grab another one but Brooke grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Lucas take another beer and I swear to god I am out of here, I am not even kidding," she threatened. He drank too much, when he got upset he drank more then he should and when he drank he became someone she hated. His drinking seemed to slow down since they started dating but now he was like in old Lucas form.

Lucas looked at her for a second then the beer in the fridge, then back at her and coldly replied with, "Tell Chase hi." Grabbing his beer and storming past her into his room slamming the door. Sitting there a few moments he heard the front door slam. With a sigh he looked at his beer before throwing it and smashing it against his wall causing it to explode and glass to go everywhere.

He laid on his bed thinking about the ass he was for no reason. He knew Brooke didn't care for Chase, he knew she loved him but he was just so tired of that guy always around. He was tired of this feeling he was going to lose her because he knew she was better than him; that she was so much more then he deserved and he counted down the days until she realized that.

"Hey baby it's me. I'm sorry I shouldn't have snapped at you. I shouldn't have drank so much but you know how I get when I drink. I'm sorry. Please call me back. I love you," he left her a message and as he laid there his phone never rang, not once and as the seconds became minutes and minutes became hours he climbed out of his bed craving and needing another drink. His fridge was empty and after a long debate he grabbed his keys and went to the bar down the road.

"You want another?" the bartender asked pulling Lucas out of his thoughts and Lucas just nodded as the older tattooed man walked over grabbing him another then sitting it down in front of him. He slipped his hand in his pocket pulling out the thing he had still yet to get rid of. Placing it between is thumb and index finger playing with it he sighed, "Just want to numb the pain a little."

I know rocks turn to sand
And hearts can change hands
And you're not to blame
When the sky fills with rain
But if we stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you
I still love you

Brooke just got back from Adam's. They went out to dinner that night and though Brooke felt bad leaving everyone to kind of do their own thing for the night she enjoyed spending time with her boyfriend, she felt like they definitely needed it. And after the awkwardness of them walking in half naked with the entire house there, she was more than glad to get out of her place.

"Hey guys what's up?" Brooke asked throwing down her purse and walking over to her fridge grabbing a bottled water then walking into the living room to see most her friends there, well all her friends just no Lucas. "Where is Lucas?" she asked and saw them all give each other worried glances.

"Umm..he…" Cam trailed off knowing his sister wouldn't like where he was.

"He what?" She asked taking a sip of her water then growing nervous with all the looks the group was tossing each other, "Guys where is Lucas?"

"Well he was just not having a good day," Jason said but Brooke still didn't get how that explained where he is.

"So he went for a walk?" She asked but they all shook their heads no, "Matt?" she turned look at him, "You never lie to me so tell me where he is?" she ordered.

"He just wanted to get out so he went to get a drink. You know to relax some," Matt shrugged trying to act like it was no big deal but saw by Brooke's face it was, they all knew it was.

"And ya'll let him!" she snapped and they all sat quiet, "Damn it guys you know he shouldn't drink! What the hell. Why would you let him go do that?" she yelled walking over grabbing her purse.

"Brooke wait where are you going?" Rachel asked knowing it was not a good idea for Brooke to go find him.

"I am going to go find him. Something all you should have done. Hell you shouldn't have let him leave!"

"Brooke, Lucas is a big boy. And you know like the rest of us if he wants a drink he will have a drink doesn't matter what any of us say," Cam tried to reason.

"Yeah well you should have tried," she snapped storming out of her apartment slamming the door before they said anything else.

Can you search down inside
Let go of your pride?
If I forget trying to win
And just let you in
I didn't travel this far
To watch it all fall apart
So give me your hand
And take a chance

She drove down the road knowing there weren't many places Lucas could have gone since he had only been there a couple weeks. He didn't know much about this place and then that worried her because he could get drunk and get lost. She pulled into one bar after another to find them empty, well not empty just not having Lucas in them. As she made her way to one of the ones she brought them to a few weeks ago, her heart started to hurt thinking about maybe he wasn't at a bar because he went home with some girl, and then that thought made her think of when she found him in that very scenario.

"Luke?" Brooke called entering her brothers and boyfriend's apartment. She felt bad about fighting with Lucas. She hated when they fought and hated even more she stormed out without fixing things. The apartment was dark but she saw his car outside so knew he was home, "Lucas?" she called walking into the living room flipping on the light to find no one but she did find his shirt from that night thrown across the couch.

She headed down the hall towards his room and with every step she felt her heart race faster and faster by some noises she was hearing. Though it grossed her out the thought she prayed to everything the noises were coming from her brother's room. That him and Rachel came here instead of staying at her house and were in his room. But as her steps got closer to the bedrooms she realized her brother's door was open, it was open and his room was dark and no one was in it.

She stopped in front of her boyfriend's room closing her eyes reaching for the door handle, taking a deep breath she heard someone moan his name. Someone moan her boyfriend's name and as bad as she wanted to run, get the hell out of there she couldn't stop her hand from turning the handle and opening the door to find the last thing she wanted to see.

"Oh my god," she whispered covering her hand over her mouth as his head snapped to look at her.

"Brooke…"

"Oh my god," she repeated but louder this time as she turned to leave. She wanted to run; she wanted to run as fast as she could but it was like her feet were against it and just walked down the hall. She placed her hand on her stomach as she walked feeling physically sick as tears ran steady down her cheeks. Stopping at the door cut out that entered into the living room she leaned against it letting in a long breath and when she went to let it out it just came out a long sob as she broke.

She felt his arms wrap around her as she started to fall but his arms bringing her back up and she cursed herself for not fighting him off. Not pushing him away, but the shock of walking in on what she just walked in on was still set in and it was like she had yet to really grasp what the hell just happened.

"God Brooke I'm sorry…that…that wasn't…" he tried searching for his words but failing so bad. He knew there was no way to explain it, he messed up, he got drunk he had sex with someone else and there was no way to explain that. She cried in his arms and he closed his eyes burying his face in her neck and hair and squeezing her tight, "Baby I'm sorry," he whispered.

"No…" she choked out removing herself from his arms around walking almost zombie like towards the front door.

"Brooke please stop!" he begged grabbing her hand that she yanked away from him, "Brooke!" he yelled again grabbing her but this time when he did she spun around slapping him hard across the face.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled finally letting everything take over, "Don't you ever touch me again!"

"Please just listen to me please ok that," he said pointing to his room, "Was just stupid. I was drunk and mad. I was pissed you wouldn't answer your phone and I didn't know where you were," he started but realized that it didn't matter, none of what he said mattered because it wasn't an excuse. And as the words actually came out he realized just how stupid they sounded.

"So fucking someone else is your solution to me not answering my phone!" she yelled, "God I hate you. I hate you so much," she hissed heading back to the door.

"Baby please stop. I'm sorry it was a mistake, please. God I love you so much!" he pleaded taking her hand. "I can fix this," he tried to say but she just pulled away from him.

"Lucas you cheated on me! You can't fix that! You can't go back and let it not happen. You say you love me and claim it but you slept with someone else! You slept with someone else in the bed you claim to make love to me in god damn it!" She was trying so hard to be mad at him, not show pain but all she thought about was that she was losing him and she couldn't help but cry, "How could you do that?" she said in such a whisper she wasn't even sure he heard her.

"Let me fix this please," he begged but she kept shaking her head no as tears fell down her face.

"No Lucas you can't and I won't let you try because…because I'm done. We're done," she choked out turning to leave again.

"Baby please don't say that...please don't. We can't be done, we can't," he pleaded as he felt the heat build in his eyes. "Pretty Girl please stop!" he begged but she didn't. She didn't stop she walked out the door with a slam. "I need you," he whispered falling against the wall staring at the door she just left.

Brooke ran down the steps of the apartment building falling on the last step as tears seemed to not stop. "Damn it!" she cursed cradling her legs close to her body, "How could you?"

I know rocks turn to sand
And hearts can change hands
And you're not to blame
When the sky fills with rain
But if we stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you

Brooke shook her head at all thoughts because that didn't matter anymore. She just needed to find him and bring him home before he did something stupid he would regret. Pulling up at the last bar she could think of she grabbed her keys and walked inside but stopping dead in her tracks at the scene. He was there he was but he wasn't alone.

Some long hair blonde was talking to him. She had her legs crossed showing off her long tan legs and her back straight trying desperately to catch his eye but to Brooke's almost surprise it wasn't working. As the blonde seemed to ramble on about something Lucas just took a sip of his beer and peeled the label clearly not interested.

He looked down running his hand through his hair making it stick up every which way before tipping towards the bartender he needed another beer and after that Brooke knew it was time to step in. Slowly walking over to him without a word took a seat next to him and nodding at the bartender for a drink.

"Nice night don't ya think?" she smiled over at him and saw his head shoot up to look at her almost surprised she was there. She also noticed the blonde giving her a glare. "Hi I'm Brooke," she smiled sticking out her hand and the blonde just took it slowly telling her name was Sarah. "Well Sarah it was very nice to keep him company but I think you should get going," Brooke said in the nicest way possible.

"Well I was talking to him first. What makes you think he wants me to leave?" she asked and Brooke laughed looking at Lucas who was still just staring at her almost shocked she was sitting next to him.

"Broody how long has Sarah been sitting here?" she asked.

"Who?" he asked looking confused and finally breaking his long gaze on her as she pointed at the pissed looking blonde behind him. "Oh umm…I…I don't know," he said really not sure because he hadn't paid much attention to her.

"Yeah well bye-bye," Brooke smiled waving at her and the girl with a growl got up and walked away. "Well she was nice."

"I know I could have really liked her," he teased remembering this talk they had many times before dating. "What you doing here Brooke?" he asked moving his attention away from the Sarah blonde who already seemed to find someone else to talk to and look at the only girl who would be able to hold his attention tonight.

"I could ask you the same question," Brooke whispered running her hands through his hair and making it look a little more tamed.

"Don't do that," he said pulling away from her touch and Brooke slowly pulled her hand back mumbling an I'm sorry. "And don't give me that look," he mumbled not even having to look at her to know what look she is giving him.

"What look?"

"You know what look I am talking about. So stop," he said turning to look at her and she felt her heart break. He looked like a mess, he was clearly drunk well on his way there, his eyes were all blood shot and glassy looking, he had dark circles under his eyes and he just didn't look like the Lucas she once loved. "Why are you here Brooke?"

"I want to know your ok," she sighed.

"I'm fine. Couldn't be better," he said in a fake cheery tone.

"Luke…" she sighed not sure what to say, because he was anything but fine.

"You want to know how great my trip has been so far?" he asked but didn't let her answer before he continued. "Well before even getting in the car to come down here I had long sleepless nights because every time I closed my eyes I would have some damn dream about you. But it wasn't really a dream as much as memories but then the ride down I got yelled at by Rachel about how much of an ass I am. Oh I got here and got to hear you having sex with your boyfriend, which after that I should have just left. Then I get a front row seat to watch you two all lovey dovey shit the past three weeks. And then the icing on the damn cake which is my life I get to watch you dancing around half naked with this tool after spending the night flirting with me, touching me and almost letting you kiss me!" he pointed out and she so badly wanted to tell him that wasn't true but she knew it was crap. She did let all of that happen.

"I'm sorry," she glanced down but he completely dismissed her.

"But can I say something? No, I can't say anything because I am not supposed to be hurt, I am not supposed to be upset because I am the one who was the reason we ended. I am the one who cheated so it is impossible for me to be upset by anything," he said with a dry laugh taking a long sip of beer.

"Lucas I never said you couldn't hurt," she sighed.

"Yeah well the rest of the world would disagree with you," he frowned peeling on his label before finishing it off and asking for another.

"Luke maybe you should stop," she said in a soothing voice placing her hand on leg then looking at him and wondering how many he had so far; since he had two in the short ten minutes she sat here.

"Maybe I should but that doesn't mean I am," he laughed pulling his leg away from her hand and making it fall before taking his drink.

Riding with me as close as before
Whatever happens, I won't ask for more
Here in my heart from now 'til the end
Flame out or fly, we have to try again

Brooke just sat there watching him drink beer after beer, and did nothing. Said nothing just watched. She knew she couldn't stop him but wasn't going to leave him alone so just waited. An about an hour of waiting he was all drunk and stupid, slurring half his words.

"Hello bartender," he called the older guy over.

"What can I get for ya son?" he asked about to cut the young blonde off anyway, would have cut him off sooner but once the young brunette showed up decided to let it go for now. Since she clearly wasn't going to let him drive home.

"What is your name?" Lucas asked tilting his head to the side moving his hand with it and almost spilling his beer.

"I'm Jim," the bartender told him and saw Lucas nod.

"Well Jim being a bartender you listen to peoples' lives or problems or whatever right?" Lucas slurred.

"Yes I have heard some stories," Jim nodded tossing a glance at Brooke who was too busy staring at the beer in Lucas's hand.

"Well I want to tell you mine," Lucas smiled "You see this girl next to me?" he asked nodding his head towards Brooke and Jim nods, "Isn't she gorgeous?"

"Yes son she is very pretty," Jim smiled over at Brooke who said a small thank you.

"Well you see she use to be mine. Wasn't I lucky?" Lucas slurred looking at Brooke "I had the most amazing and gorgeous girl and I messed it up," he said in a small whisper as he cupped Brooke's cheek and she just looked at him. "You want to know how?" he asked breaking his gaze on Brooke and dropping his hand.

"Luke come on why don't we go home?" Brooke tried to say grabbing onto his shoulder not really wanting the world knowing her business.

"No no I am telling Jim a story," Lucas said shrugging of her hand. "Now you see Jim I was jealous. So so very jealous I mean when your girlfriend looked like mine wouldn't you be jealous?" he said with a hiccup but didn't let Jim answer. "Of course you would but you see we got in a fight. We always got into fights but this one was different. I tried calling her. I tried and I tried and I failed and I failed," he said with a small laugh.

"Luke come on really lets go," Brooke pleaded.

"No, I am not done yet so just sit your pretty little butt down and let me finish," he said with another hiccup placing his hand on Brooke's leg to stop all her moving. "Ok…ok Jim you see I knew she was better than me. Everyone knew she was better than me, everyone but her. She didn't realize how much better she was then me so I just waited for the day when she realized that and that night I thought she finally did," he told him and Brooke frowned thinking he thought that and for reasons she will never know slipped her hand in his playing with his fingers. "I was drunk, I knew she hated it so of course I shouldn't have but there I was drinking myself into oblivion and when she never called back I got this image in my head that I couldn't for the life of me get out. I had this image, that my girlfriend was having sex with her ex. But she wasn't; she wasn't because she only had sex with me. I'm mean I did take her virginity."

"Lucas!" Brooke shrieked grabbing his arm but he again pulled away.

"So I got drunk, I got so so very drunk and there was this girl. Was she pretty? Hell I don't remember but she was there. And I had sex with her, but you know this girl was not so great. I mean I don't even remember the sex but I remember I said Brooke. Can you believe that? I called some girl while having sex Brooke and she said nothing; didn't stop us or nothing just let it go. So how much of a slut do you think she was?" Lucas laughed.

"I don't know but it looks like Brooke here is worried about you so why don't you let her take you home?" Jim tried to help but Lucas just shook his head no.

"You see Jim if I let her take me home I have to see Adam and I don't want to see Adam," Lucas slurred leaning over the bar toward Jim. "I really don't like him but shh don't tell Brooke," he laughed falling back into his seat.

"Luke, Adam isn't there so please will you come home with me, please?" Brooke tried to beg and thanked everything when Lucas stood up but he didn't really move just stood there and swayed some digging his hand in his pocket.

"You want to see something Jim?" he asked and Jim just nodded sure as he pulled out a small ring. "I was going to give this too her," he said and Brooke's hand dropped from his arm making him fall back in his seat as she stared at the ring in his hand mouth opened and eyes widened. "I was going to say Brooke Davis be my forever. I called her best friend and we went getting it even though Rachel told me I was nuts," he slurred and Brooke felt a tear burn in her eye and also a pain in her chest then she thought that he was going to ask her to marry him and on top of that Rachel knew. "But I didn't care if I was nuts because I was in love. I was so happy in love and I wanted to be with her forever. I was going to ask her to be with me forever but I didn't. Then Adam goes and gets her this…" he growled grabbing hand showing the ring, "but didn't even ask her to marry him. I was going to ask her but I didn't do it but it doesn't matter anymore," he frowned staring at the ring a little longer. "I don't really need this thing anymore," he said tossing it on the bar and start stumbling out the door.

Brooke stood in shock a few more seconds. Being completely frozen just like that night he kissed her at the club. Sending her through a completely world wind and she sat frozen a few moments before grabbing the ring off the bar and chasing after him to find him stumbling down the empty dark sidewalk.

"You bastard!" she yelled and sees him stop and turn to look at her.

"Are you mad at me again?" he asked and she walked up to him and slamming the ring into his chest.

"How dare you say that! How dare you come here bring this here and say that to me!" she snapped.

"I didn't say anything to you I said it too Jim," he smiled proudly like he won this argument.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this to me?" she asked throwing her hands in the air.

"I'm not doing anything! I am just here, but I'm not here I don't know where I am," he sighs falling on the curb. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore," he mumbled running his hands through his hair as Brooke just stood there staring at him, "I'm glad I cheated on you."

She heard him, she did but she had to have heard him wrong, he did not just say that to her, he didn't actually say he was glad he cheated.

"What?" she said but her voice choked so bad she wasn't even sure it made a word more of a noise. It was like the word along with her breath all got stuck in her throat and all that pain she felt by him came rushing back.

"I said I was glad I cheated on you," he repeated turning his head to look at her holding her gaze for a second then looking back down. "I never made you smile like he does. I don't make you laugh or your eyes light up. Everything Adam does I never did too you," he whispered to her and Brooke closed her eyes as a single tear slid down her cheek at his words. "See I bet Adam never makes you cry," he said looking at her, "I made you cry all the time."

"No you didn't Lucas," she frowned shaking her head sitting next to him, "Lucas do you have any clue how happy you made me?"

"I don't know how, all I did was cause you pain."

"No you didn't. There was only two times in the whole time dating you when you hurt me one being that time we broke up for like a week because Cam thought us dating was such a bad idea."

"God he flipped when he found out. I have never seen someone so pissed at me in my whole life," Lucas said with a small laugh, "His whole what the hell were you thinking man that is my little sister. That is my baby sister and you are with her? What the hell!" he said in his best Cam voice.

"Yeah he acted like it was all you and that I was just a victim or something in the whole thing," Brooke agreed laughing and they both fell into a silence thinking about it all.

"Me cheating on you," Lucas whispered breaking the silence and Brooke turned to look at him, "The second time I hurt you bad was when I cheated on you," he said and she nodded. "I never deserved you," he whispered looking at her and Brooke could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"That's not true."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"I know you didn't Luke," she whispered as another tear fell running her hand slowly through his hair, "God I loved you so much," she choked out as the tears fell faster.

"I still love you so much," he confessed and Brooke closed her eyes letting the feeling of hearing him say that sink in again. And it scared her that even after all this time, even with having Adam; hearing him say he loved her still makes her heart flutter.

She watches as he moves closer to her, his eyes opened the whole time and he tilts his head to the side stopping right in front of her lips. They are so close she felt his breath on her lips and felt his nose graze over hers, she felt her head telling her to move away from him but her heart yelling don't you dare. She saw him swallow hard and lick his bottom lip pausing waiting for her to stop him but when she doesn't she watches him close his eyes and slowly and softly touch his lips against hers.

She tasted his alcohol and he tasted her tears but neither broke apart. Neither move their bodies or pulled away just let their lips almost mold together. It's not deepened, it's not full of passion and lust and it's not like many kisses they have shared. It's soft and Brooke knew it was on his side full of so much love.

Brooke placed her shaking hand on his cheek and pulling away from him leaning the side of her head against his. "I should get you home," her heart raced as she stood up, wiping her hands on her pants and spinning away from him.

"No," he shook his head, standing up and grabbing her wrist, spinning her around and catching her mouth with his again. His tongue grazing over her soft bottom lip, sucking it between his and tangling her hair in his hand.

"Luke…" she whimpered against his mouth, hating herself for accepting when he deepened their kiss, swaying her towards the side of the bar and her back slamming against it. "Lucas…" she moaned in his mouth, digging her nails in his hair and pressing her mouth harder against his.

"Let me take you somewhere," he begged, sliding her arms around her small waist and smashing her body harder against his.

"No," she shook her head, pushing his mouth away. "Luke stop, we can't."

"Mmm…" he latched his mouth onto her neck, finding the spot quickly he would never forget.

"Luke…" she swallowed the moan not at all wanting it to come out, she couldn't. This was wrong, this was beyond wrong. "No stop," she jerked to the side away from him. "You're drunk," she blinked the tears and cursed the shaking in her voice. "And I need to get you home," she told him, Lucas resting his head against the brink wall, trying to make his breathing normal again. "Please Lucas," she took a step forward taking his hand. "Please let me take you home this time, please listen to me."

"Ok," he caved breathing in a deep breath and trying to push off the wall. But the alcohol seeming to rush through him and make him stumble.

"Come on," she pulled him towards her car, helping him inside before climbing into the driver's seat.

"Brooke…" he turned to look at her, tears slowly trickling down her face.

"Don't," she held her hand up to him. "Just don't say anything," she begged keeping her eyes focused on the road.

"And again I make you cry," he shook his head at himself and stared out the window, hearing the small cries that she tried to swallow and hating himself for crushing her all over again.

If we stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you
I still love you

Sorry its been so long.

Hope you enjoy

Please review.