His Whole World
A Mentalist Story
By Brown Eyes Parker
Chapter Summary:
Disclaimer:
Again, I do not own anything. If I did, Jane and Lisbon would already be together. . . or on the verge of getting together at least. And there would be a lot of Jane and Lisbon scenes. Oh! And I own "I Can't Make You Love Me" cover
Author's Note:
Originally this story was inspired by "Over My Head (the Cable Car Song)", and then "Collide" by Howie Day. But I was listening to "I Can't Make You Love Me", and I was inspired. . . I was completely inspired. I got half of what I wanted to say written in five minutes. Then I added "Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me)" to the mix, and it got even better.
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I'll close my eyes
Then I won't see the love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me 'til then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I feel the power
But you won't
No you won't
I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt_
Every night on my knees I pray
Dear Lord, hear my plea don't let another take his love from me
Or I will surely die
It's heavenly when your arms enfold me
I hear a tender rhapsody
But in reality, he doesn't even know me
It was just my imagination running away with me
Just my imagination, running away with me. . .
*Just My Imagination, Gwyneth Paltrow with Baby Face_
I'm not an idiot. . . I know that Red John is the center of his whole universe. It's been that way since the day that we met, and I'm pretty sure that it will always be that way. I am just a means to an end. A chess piece in his game with Red John. I am a queen in his game, yes. But I'm a game-piece all the same.
I know that his dead wife and daughter are there too. They're a little blurry because of Red John, but they're there just the same. The three of them is all that he sees.
I knew this when I signed up to work with him. That's why I never let our relationship go beyond the boundaries of friendship and a little harmless flirting. That's why, as much as I wanted to fall for him, I built up a wall that I thought he couldn't scale.
That's why his attentiveness the night of Van Pelt's anti-wedding didn't mean anything to me. Not really anyways.
That's why when I woke up in his arms the morning after Van Pelt's anti-wedding party, I didn't read too much into it. There had been a huge thunderstorm out at the lodge she had rented for the party. It stranded all of the guests for the night. . . Jane being Jane snuck away when the party got to be too much for him. Me being me went to look for him after a while.
I found him in a room made almost completely out of glass windows. He was sitting with his back against a wall, staring out at the storm raging on outside. He was so lost in thought that I didn't think he would notice me take my shoes off and slide down next to him. But he's the man that notices everything and everybody. So, of course he noticed me. He didn't say anything though, he just gave me a welcoming smile and then we spent the rest of the evening in silence. The storm eventually lulling us off to sleep.
I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy waking up in his arms. I would be lying to say my heart didn't skip a beat when I discovered his fingers tangled through mine, and an arm wrapped around my waist. I would be lying to say that it didn't warm my heart and soul to find Jane sleeping peacefully for what was probably the first time in years. I would be lying to say that I wouldn't have wanted to spend the rest of my life out there with him. . . in our own private world where reality couldn't touch us. Ever.
But the incredible high I woke up on didn't last very long. Whatever I felt in those few moments were replaced with thoughts of Red John. They were replaced with feelings that I would never be what he needed. I would never be what he wanted. I would never be Angela. And so, I came crashing down. I untangled our fingers and gently removed his arm from my waist, then I hightailed it out of the study before he woke up and realized what had happened. Before he realized that everything in our world could change because of one stupid mistake. Because I thought that I had to rescue him from something as mundane as a party that lasted longer than anybody had really wanted, or expected.
Luckily when he found me and we got into his car for the long drive back to Sacramento, he didn't say anything to me about what had happened the night before. Which I was thankful for. It would have brought up a lot of things that I didn't want brought up. It would have probably made me face feelings that I didn't want to face. It would have made me face a fact that I had memorized a long time ago . . who the center of his universe really was. It wasn't me. . . it would never be me.
But still. . . as long as I breathe, as long as I know him. . . I think I'll hold out hope against hope that Patrick Jane will choose me over Red John one day. That one day I will be on the pedestal that he holds Red John on. I guess I'm in a little bit over my head. And maybe I'm a bigger idiot than I thought, because I let him scale the wall.
End Part Three
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Author's Note 2:
I know that Lisbon was a little bit OOC in this story. But I took creative liberties for the story. Hope the changes didn't mess anybody up too badly. And I hope you enjoyed this chapter of the story. I think it was one of my favorite parts to write, even if I did cry a little bit. If you liked it, please review.
*I would like to dedicate this story to somebody very special to me: "To have a boy like him is truly a dream come true/out of all the girlies in the world/he belongs to you/but it was just my imagination running away with me/it was just my imagination running away with me".
Until next time I remain faithfully your's,
Holly, April 14, 2011_