Notes: Thanks to everyone for the reviews! Glad you all liked the country music joke…now if only I had songwriting skills…Also I would like to say I recognize this is the cheesiest chapter title ever, but I've really got a hankering for some Calzone so I went with it.
CH 4: Calzone Confession
Jane sat at her desk the next day half-heartedly buried in a stack of files. She tapped her pencil repeatedly on the desk until the motion made the cut on her knuckles start to throb. She massaged around the band-aid with her thumb before peeling back the adhesive strip to take a peek. The glue left a gummy residue on her hand in the shape of the bandage; she hated that.
"Damn Rizzoli! You get in a fight or something?"
Jane turned her head slowly to look over shoulder at Korsak who was craning his head over her to check out her hand.
"Something like that…" Jane folded the band-aid back over.
"Geez Jane, just can't take it easy can you? Who was the unfortunate recipient?"
No sooner had Frost gotten the question out than a call came in for him and Korsak.
"Saved by the bell" Jane joked.
"You're not getting off that easy," Korsak said, "you can tell us who you were playing rock 'em sock 'em robots with at lunch…we were gonna hit Pepperoncini's."
Jane fidgeted with the files as Korsak and Frost gathered their things, "I told Maura I'd have lunch with her…"
Korsak stopped, a genuine look of hurt on his face, "You've had lunch with the Doc everyday this week, come on Jane, can't you spare one measly lunchtime with your old partners?"
Jane rolled her eyes, "Yeah, ok, ok Detective Guilt Trip"
She hadn't been down to the morgue yet since the shooting. The elevator ride seemed unusually prolonged as if the machine was drawing out the trip on purpose, allowing plenty of time for the scenes from the last time she was there to replay in surround. Jane glanced through the doors to find an empty morgue.
"Maura?" She tapped her hand nervously with the files she had brought down, but Maura wasn't there. Jane dropped the files on Maura's desk and approached the autopsy slab. The dead people's table? Frankie's voice ringing in her ears. She ran her hand along the edge of the cool metal. The overhead lights bounced off the steely table, sterile…not in terms of being clean, though it was, Maura was meticulous about keeping her workspace clean. Sterile…cold, hard, lifeless. A vision of Frankie lying there, blood seeping out flashed in front of her. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes hoping to vanquish the memory but instead she felt transported back to that moment. Maura bending over Frankie rattling off what kind of procedure he needed in order to live but saying she couldn't do it.
Do it Maura! "Do it." Jane didn't even realize she said it out loud.
"Do what?" Maura asked. She had slipped back into the morgue completely unnoticed by Jane.
"Shit! Maura" Jane jumped grabbing her chest from the start.
"What are you doing?" Maura asked as she shifted her weight to look around Jane at the empty autopsy table.
"I put some files on your desk…and, it's you know…the first time I've been down here since…" Jane looked down as she said it, momentarily embarrassed at the effect being in the morgue was having on her.
"Oh…OH!" It took Maura a moment to fully realize that it really was the first time Jane had been down there since the incident. She reached out and rubbed Jane's arm as she moved in closer, "It's perfectly natural to experience traumatic event recall when confronted with the actual surroundings of the place, even things that remind you of the event can elicit memories, flashbacks or sensations you experienced during that time."
"Yes Maura, Dr. Stevens might have mentioned that…"
"It will pass Jane…" Maura said softly as she held Jane's sight; the halogen overheads bounced off her eyes, illuminating every green and gold fleck in the sea of hazel, "It will pass." She squeezed Jane's bicep in a demonstration of reassurance and let her thumb stroke back and forth over the rough fabric of Jane's blazer.
Jane nodded, "I know, it's just more strange than anything…you know, how it works…like feeling what you felt but not the same way, not the same kind of fear as when we were here then but it's like being outside of yourself and seeing yourself knowing you're scared. Like fear two times removed. I'm not making any sense." Jane ran her hand through her hair.
"You're making perfect sense." At that moment all Maura wanted to do was wrap her arms around Jane, bury her face in the dark cascade of loose waves, smell the flowery scent of her shampoo, kiss the soft skin of her neck. But she held back, mindful of their location and the necessity of remaining professional on the job.
"When I first came back, they hadn't even patched all the bullet holes in the walls. For days I had to walk back and forth past them, each one searing that image of you on the sidewalk in my mind. When it started to get to me, I'd just think of us in my living room that night when you came over after getting out of the hospital and fleeing your parents. I'd think of kissing you, and of falling asleep on the sofa my arms wrapped around you, and the feel of your heartbeat under my palm. I'd remind myself that you were alive and that I'd see you at the end of the day and little by little the sidewalk outside, and the scars on the wall, and this table…they didn't remind me of what I almost lost, but what I gained and what I had to look forward to."
Jane smiled and took Maura's hand bringing it to her lips she placed a quick kiss on it. It was then Maura noticed the end of the band-aid on Jane's hand peeled up and flopping.
"Jane! I thought I told you to clean that and put a new bandage on it this morning? Here, let me take care of it before we go to lunch" Maura led Jane over to the sink.
"Oh! Yeah, lunch, I almost forgot…look, would you be upset if we didn't go to lunch together today? Frost and Korsak want me to go with them…I think I'm gonna tell them…you know, about us."
Maura looked up from rinsing Jane's hand and smiled, "That's fine, I'll cook dinner tonight at my place."
Jane started back upstairs to meet Korsak and Frost but stopped at the morgue doors and spun around on her heels.
"What?" Maura asked, amused.
Jane strode back over to her and lightly gripped her chin placing a quick kiss on her lips, "See you after lunch."
"God I love this place" Korsak effused as he eyed the menu.
Jane and Frost laughed, Frost took the opportunity to get in some ribbing on the older detective, "Yeah man, we can tell…I think you're dripping on the menu." Frost motioned to some imaginary drool on his lip and chin.
"Seriously…" Jane snorted, "…I don't know you might need to unlove the calzones a little bit Korsak" she raised her eyebrows and gestured towards her midsection.
"Both of you can kiss it" Korsak retorted not even taking his eyes off the menu.
They placed their orders with the waitress and then Korsak couldn't hold back any longer, "Ok Janie, out with it, we want the story on the TKO, who or what did you punch?"
Jane swirled the spoon around in her coffee nervously, letting it clang against the ceramic sides of the mug, she sighed looking up to see both Korsak and Frost staring at her expectantly. "My brother."
"Frankie!" Korsak asked in a tone of utter disbelief.
"No, not Frankie…Tommy."
"Damn Jane, that's gangsta" Frost added.
"Pfft" Jane snorted, "Gangsta Frost? Really?"
Korsak chuckled as he took a swig of his coffee, "So, Tommy's back…what'd you get into it over."
Moment of truth. "Maura."
"The Doc?" Korsak questioned.
Fuck, ok Rizzoli just get it over with. "Ma and Pop wanted to have a big family dinner since Tommy was back…again. You know my Ma, any reason to cook a big meal. After dinner, Tommy, who was drunk, of course, cornered Maura in the hallway trying to put the moves on her and touch her. I caught him told him to get his hands off my girlfriend, he called me a fucking dyke and I punched him in the mouth."
Jane didn't immediately look up from her coffee, but the silence was causing the hair on her arms to stand up so she finally quit gazing into the creamy abyss of her mug to see Frost and Korsak looking at each other mouths slightly agape.
"Wait…" Korsak broke the silence, "…girlfriend, like girlfriend girlfriend?"
"You know, that's the first thing Tommy said, well before he called me a fucking dyke and made me slug him…yeah…girlfriend girlfriend, why does everyone ask that way? Has the meaning of the word changed? What term would be clearer for you, main squeeze, honey, my 'boo' if you will" Jane emphasized the last term with finger quotes and shot a sly look towards Frost.
"Girlfriend works." Korsak replied cutting into the calzone the waitress had just set down in front of him.
Frost looked at Jane, gave her a nod, "Nice Rizzoli."
"Nice? Huh" Jane looked at Frost skeptically.
"Yeah, nice, good for you, the Doc's hot…" Frost shrugged his shoulders as he said it and then froze, his eyes widened, "…you know, I mean that in a totally respectful and professional way…please don't punch me in the mouth."
The three detectives spent the next couple of minutes eating in relative silence, but Jane wasn't satisfied. She exhaled and put her fork down, "That's it?"
"What?" Korsak looked up, a fork full of cheesy calzone hovering in front of his mouth, "So, you're gay and you and the Doc are together…doesn't change anything Jane, we're still friends, you're still a good detective. Who you're sleeping with makes no difference to me as long as you're happy."
"Yeah, we're happy for you…" Frost joined in, "…how long…?"
"Just since the shooting."
"Hmmm" Korsak mumbled, "Poor Doc, you shoulda seen her at the hospital when they took you back for surgery. She was a mess."
"Never seen the Doc like that you know…" Frost added, "…unglued."
"Well, it's time to put that behind us" Jane said.
"I'll drink to that" Korsak replied shoveling another bite of molten cheese and sauce into his mouth, "Friday night, at the Robber, for your 'surprise' welcome back party."
"You know I hate surprises" Jane said pointing an accusatory finger in Korsak's direction and then at Frost.
"Yeah, that's why we're telling you now" Frost laughed.
Korsak finally stopped eating and put his fork down, "So, Jane, in all seriousness…you and Maura, Frost and I got your back and the Doc's. You know we won't say anything…"
"No, it's not a secret, we don't want it to be a secret. I can take care of myself if anyone gives me shit, more shit than usual anyway," she said with a slight chuckle, "just…you guys let me know if you hear of anyone giving Maura a hard time."
"No problem partner" Frost assured her, reaching for the check.