How could one text message change my life in such a way? Those ten words were causing me more pain than ten gun shots would. "This was a big mistake. I love her. This is over."
"I had so much fun today!" Brooke smiled as she sipped a soda in our newly decorated living room.
"Me too." I whispered sincerely. "When is your date with... Todd? Was it?" I laughed. Of course Brooke had a date. Brooke always had a date. We hadn't even been here for forty eight hours and she was probably already the talk of the city. Brooke was born for places like this. She was born to make friends and have fun, while I was born to watch her do so, usually while reading a good book.
"Meh, I don't know. I haven't decided if I'm going to call him yet." She giggled proudly. "This is a new place and a new year, I have to shop around a bit first, you know. There could be many much more handsome men out there just waiting for me to find them"
"You're probably right." I laughed. "What time do classes start for you tomorrow?"
"Not until after lunch. I really hope this fashion program is going to offer as much as the counsellor claimed. I don't know if I've ever been this excited." She grinned. "What about you?"
"I have a meeting with an academic advisor at noon. I have no idea what classes I want to take or anything." I sighed. It was scary, not knowing where my life was going. All of my life savings were going into this impulsive decision to move away and be whatever I wanted to be. But doing that was difficult when you had no idea. I automatically felt a ball of stress in my chest. I always felt this way lately, like I'd never be happy enough or spirited enough. My whole life I've been stressed about bills, school, and friends. How was a stupid, sunny city going to change that? I mean, of course the increased melatonin levels due to extra sun exposure have proved to... never mind. I couldn't bank on scientific knowledge. I needed to make sure that this place would work for me. My whole future was riding on it.
Brooke just stared at me, and I knew she was worried I wouldn't fit in here. But I wasn't sure if she was worried because she wanted me to be happy or because my slum could get in the way of her own fun. "Do you mind if I invite some people here tonight? Just for a few drinks and conversation." She winked. My chance to express my worries about my future in this city, and in general, just got completely thrown out the window. I was probably better off. There was no point in worrying Brooke about the things that she couldn't change. She was having fun, I needed to let her have it.
"How did you manage to meet enough people today to invite here? You're a total social butterfly." I laughed, trying to forget about my worries and remind myself that I was just getting started in this foreign land. Brooke shrugged and laughed. "Yeah, I don't mind." I smiled, staring down at my hands and wedged them beneath my legs so she wouldn't notice how they were shaking.
"James, what's going on in that confusing mind of yours?" Brooke looked concerned, for once. And it made my hands tremble. If Brooke was concerned then she had reason to be. "Have you spoken to Nathan?" she whispered. And there it was. Flashbacks of a summer love swarmed me. The smell of his skin came rushing back. The magnetic field that surrounded his body began to make my skin throb and the sound of his whispers made my ears ring. He was just a summer love, the first step of the becoming a new me, being able to be with someone in such a way and leave it behind. For once Haley James had appeared to leave her heart out of the situation, but only Brooke and I knew it wasn't true.
I bit my lip and shook my head. "Why would I? It was just a summer thing. He is in Charlotte, I'm here. It feels like we're worlds apart. We both made it clear that there were no feelings involved in that whole thing and I'm fine with it. He is back with Rachel now, and I'm going to find someone else too, right?"
Brooke smiled brightly and nodded, "Oh, are you ever!" She pulled out her phone and started texting frantically. I realized then that this night was about to become a lot more interesting, and these jeans would not suffice.
I smiled at her deviously, the thought of Nathan still aching in my chest, "mind if I raid your closet?"
Her eyes lit up and she jumped off the couch. "That is the first time you asked that, I was afraid you never would!" Grabbing my hand, she pulled me into her bedroom and start throwing clothing at me.
How did casual drinks turn into what could be one of the most talked about parties this year. I had never seen so many people jammed into one room. It was sweaty and loud and frustrating. The shirt that I was wearing was a little low in the chest, and the skirt a little high. This whole scenario wasn't me, yet I was nodding along as a cute boy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. He seemed interesting up until the point where he told me that he worked at a local convenience store and had no plans of going elsewhere. There were a lot of things about myself that I wanted and needed to change, but it worried me that this was one thing I couldn't. The reason I was here was because I needed a future that didn't involve a small town dead end life. I didn't want to be married and struggling to pay bills during a time that I dreamed I'd be travelling the world and finding new experiences. I didn't want to be stressed out all the time like my parents, and I was on the rocky journey straight in that direction and I reminded myself that this was my out.
Mumbling something about needing another drink I stumbled towards the table where a very intense game of beer pong was being held. There was screaming and laughing all around me and before I knew it I felt like I was drowning, and dashed for the door. Sitting on my front step, the sound of the bass inside made me feel like I was being pulled harshly between two universes. One where I was the girl inside that house, with the short skirt and too much alcohol in her system, and one where I was the small town girl I was now, sitting on the front porch alone. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the last time I was truly happy, but as soon as his face appeared, I opened them, afraid of what that meant.
"If someone told me that the best party on the block was taking place at Haley James' house, I would have thought they were lying." A numbingly familiar voice laughed.
"Jake?" I watched his tall, handsome figure stroll up my driveway, swerving cars and indecent people. With his hands in his coat pockets, he stood and stared at me. "Jake." I smiled, a sigh of relief leaving my stress tightened chest. It was one of the best feelings in the world, seeing someone I knew.
"What are you doing here, Hale?" He reached out and grabbed me, and I fell into his friendly arms. Starting to relax and feel a lot less out of place, I laughed at the complicated mess that was my life.
"Oh, you know. Trying to be ..." I stepped back and let him take a look at what I was wearing. "This." He laughed and pulled me in again, whispering into my hair.
"Why? That's not you." His words stung. I knew it wasn't me, but I didn't want that to be obvious. I didn't want people to look at me and think, why is this girl here? She doesn't belong in this place. "Although, you're pulling it off... but your eyes give you away." He smiled. I smirked a little, and sat back down on the porch, happy when he joined me. "I had no idea you were here, Tree Hill getting smaller?"
"So small it was smothering." I admitted.
He put his arm around me and pulled me in. Jake had been one of my best friends in school, but after graduation we grew apart and he moved away. "What are you doing here?"
"I've been living here since I left Tree Hill. I've started over, you know? The way you're trying to." He glanced over my outfit one more time. "You're living with Brooke, aren't you?" I laughed at how well he knew us all, and nodded. "I thought so."
As Jake started to speak again, I completely lost his voice when a tall, dark figure walked towards us. The porch light lit his silhouette in ways I never knew possible, and the smile on his face sent a wave of emotion through my body that I never thought possible. It was the first time in my entire life that I was able to think of anyone besides Nathan Scott.
"Oh! Haley, this is my good friend Gavin!" We both stood up as he introduced us. Shaking his hand was one of the most intense experiences I'd ever had. I had never seen such a jaw line, such a smile, such eyes. I had never seen anything like him. "Gavin, this is my old friend from Tree Hill, Haley."
"It's nice to meet you." He smiled. He reached into what seemed to be the complete darkness and pulled a tanned, slim figure into his side. "This is LeAnn, my girlfriend." He smiled down at her in ways that I used to imagine Nathan would smile at me, and ways I couldn't dream Gavin would even think about looking at me. He was one of those guys that I wanted to be with, but wouldn't be able to picture myself with. Clinging to his side, LeAnn glared at me and dragged Gavin into the house.
"Heard you had a thing with Nate over the summer," Jake continued our conversation, nudging me in the side, not realizing how absolutely astonished I had been. I laughed at the grin on his face, knowing that he was thinking about how long I had wanted to be with Nathan.
"Yeah, it was just a thing. It was nothing." I tried to convince myself more than him. It wasn't Gavin himself, but the fact that he made me feel that way, that made me realize that there were other guys in the world besides Nathan Scott.
"We both know that isn't true. Come on, let's go in." He wrapped an arm around me and directed me inside. "I've missed you, Hales." He whispered, as we walked back into the madness. I smiled up at him, before taking in the whole scene that was once again surrounding me. Brooke was laughing and talking with a group of girls, and Gavin and LeAnn were having what seemed to be an intense argument in the corner. It felt like high school again, and I still wasn't ready for high school.