Voldemort's Flying Circus
Part I: The Improbable World
Chapter 2
"You're not joking, are you, my Lord?" A Death Eater enquired meekly.
"Of course not, have I ever seemed the type to humour my minions? Perhaps I should put on a jester costume and prance about, attempting to tickle the soles of your feet with a thirty-foot feather. Or better yet, grow a head of long, wavy hair, don a white robe and sandals and wander around Diagon Alley, speaking in parables and claiming to be Jesus Christ."
Of course, none of the Death Eaters, who were actually authentic (and therefore ignorant) purebloods, seemed to be familiar with this "Geesus Cryst" person, and Voldemort's first attempt at sarcasm in the presence of his followers fell flat.
"W…Well… I THINK NOT! I have never made a saner decision in my life! I will start a theatre troop, and every one of you here will be witnesses to... The New Reich!"
Again, none of his followers had received a basic muggle education and therefore had no idea what a 'Reich' was. Rather than risk incurring their Lord's wrath, they chose, instead, to stare at him stupidly while mentally assuring themselves that their Lord was going mad and speaking in nonsensical terms that no one could understand. They were all well-bred purebloods, surely the problem could not lie with their lack of general knowledge.
"In addition, do not forget to be packed by tomorrow. I assure you that there will be dire consequences if you fail to do so. And henceforth, honourifics such as 'my Lord' and 'the Dark Lord' will not be condoned."
The Death Eaters stared at their Un-Lord in shock. This they could understand, but it was preposterous! Almost all of them had been at the receiving end of Voldemort's wand for not addressing him with the respect he deserved, and now they were being told not to do so? It was an outrage! A scandal! They had not signed up for this nonsense. They had signed up to kill, to maim, to torture, to-
"Also, killing and torturing will not be allowed, it's bad publicity."
There was complete silence, and just as the Death Eaters were about to open their mouths to complain and stage a rebellion, the universe sneezed, and the world descended into darkness.