I'm not sure if this story is making any sense at all, because truthfully none of it ever really made sense. It is a bit slow getting started but everyone really needs to know the background information before the dramatic parts begin. Even if this means nothing to most people, it's my own personal therapy so... reviews are greatly appreciated, but simply having people read this is enough. Hang in there guys, the good stuff will soon be starting.
"I wanna do this, I wanna be in this for the long run. Are you in?" His words smelled of promise and new beginnings, unlike anything I could have hoped for before.
"I'm in." I whispered.
No one could have prepared me for this moment. If they screamed at me and told me that walking into this cafe would change who I was, make me lie and cheat and become a terrible person, I would have never believed them. You know how people always say that even after all of the drama and madness, they'd do it all over again? I wouldn't. If I could get my time back I would have never walked into that cafe. I would have run from it, actually. Far from it, fast.
But no, I walked into that cafe on that rainy morning to meet Jake, and found him sitting with Gavin talking intensely. I wish I would have turned around. But instead I sat with them and listened to Gavin complain for a half an hour about how LeAnn was driving him crazy after only being together for two months.
"She thinks I told her I love her, when all I said was that I loved her or doing something." He was rambling. As he spoke I barely heard a wordy that came out of his mouth. All I knew was that he looked as good that morning as he did when I was intoxicated the night before. That, mixed with the new knowledge that he had only been with LeAnn for a short time and wasn't happy, made his appeal grow. It was only the times that my mind was on his that they weren't on Nathan, and that was a miracle. It took me a moment to realize that his rambling was directed at me and Jake had excused himself to answer a phone call. But before I knew it that beautiful mouth was smiling at me, and I was completely engulfed in what I thought, at the time, was pure magic.
"So where was your boyfriend last night?" He smiled. I needed him to stop smiling, it was a dangerous smile that was breaking my life apart dimple by dimple. His curly sand coloured hair was falling across his eyebrow where a small scar was peeking out and I wanted desperately to reach out and move it to get a better look.
"I don't have a boyfriend." I whispered. My cheeks flushed and I found it difficult to stop my newly dark brown locks from falling in my face. I suddenly felt like I was being shoved into a shameful spotlight. I found myself wondering if my make up has smeared in the rain, if I should have let Brooke dye my hair into this dark brown. I should have done my nails... but I never did my nails.
"I find that really hard to believe." He grinned. Jake fell to his side, his hair misted with rain from being outside.
"That was Nathan, Hales." Jake stared at me, waiting for a reaction. I was filled with mix emotions and it was evident. My hands shook and it made the ring on my finger click against the porcelain. It was Gavin's warm hand against mine that stopped the shaking. It was becoming clear that Gavin was the opposite of Nathan in so many ways. While Nathan made my heart race, Gavin slowed it to a point that it almost skipped a beat. Gavin's tendency to make me nervous and shaky contrasted perfectly with how at ease and steady I was with Nathan. This was something I had never experienced before. "He is coming here..."
I shrugged, trying to pretend that I didn't care, and Gavin's intense stare was really helping with that. "I should go, I have a meeting with an academic advisor and then a chemistry lab."
"Chemistry lab?" Jake smiled, "first year? I guess Gavin here is going to be your new TA." At that point my heat skipped about a thousand beats and crash landed into my rib cage. This was going to all year. be a semester I'd never forget, and I had no idea.
"For today's lab we're just going to go through the basics. I'll assign you to a TA out of the two standing here, and that will be the person who will be correcting your work and assisting you for the rest of this semester. We're going to go through the basic fire escape procedures and..." My chemistry instructor was an older man who walked with a cane. He had a huge grey beard that was probably a fire accident itself and there was no way anything about that man was safe in a chemistry lab. But I'd never really know what was and wasn't safe, because the only thing I was paying attention to was the way Gavin was glancing over at me. As Mr. Ackles rambled on and on about code of conduct and chemical safety, Gavin kept moving closer and closer to me. My heart pounded with each step he took and towards me until he was standing right at my side and my heart had come to almost a complete stop.
"I broke up with LeAnn..." He whispered to me. My heart smiled but I forced myself to keep a calm face. I spent my whole life longing for one person, who never wanted me. It felt amazing that for the first someone seemed to want me instead. I wasn't doing the chasing, but being chased.
"I'm sorry." I tried to sound sincere, but the smile at the corner of my lips probably gave me away. Trying my best to at least pretend I was paying attention, but I could feel him breathing down my neck. I met him less than twenty four hours ago and he was already reaching his fingers out close to mine as I leaned against the lab bench. He was coming on so strong and it was a big change from the slow, comfortable atmosphere I was used to. It was threatening, but exciting.
"Don't be." He grinned.
"I hope you're simply introducing yourself, Mr. Morrison, and have no other connection to this student, because according to my records here you will be her TA." Mr. Ackles spoke in a deep, steady raspy voice. For an old man he was certainly intimidating. "and I trust neither of you missed the part of my talk about the code of conduct?" I knew he was suggesting the forbiddance of student/TA relationships. But beneath his genuinely gorgeous smile, it was evident that Gavin didn't care.
"Nothing to worry about, Joe." Gavin spoke up. Joe smiled and nodded, and went back to his monotone talk. I laughed to myself, and Gavin quietly slipped a small piece of paper into my hand. This wasn't going to stop with innocent flirting, I knew that much.
"Okay, you guys can leave! But next week we're going to have a full lab session."
And then I bolted. The electricity he was omitting was enough to kill me, and I needed out. I didn't know him and it scared me how badly I wanted to. I squeezed through the door before he could even speak to me, and fell against the wall outside.
"Hard day?" my ears rang at the sound of his voice. And there it was, my heart was pounding, but with ease. The familiarity of his scent sent shivers up my spine and made me weak in the knees.
"Nathan..." I breathed to myself. I hated saying his name, because of how much I loved it. This needed to stop, this fascination, this love. This just needed to stop. I wasn't that girl anymore. I turned to him and watched as he eyed the length of my skirt, or lack of length. His eyes fixed on my new hair and the lipstick on my mouth. Waiting for a reaction was nerve wrecking, bit disappointing as he shook his head and looked away.
"You look different." He sighed.
"Not really." I responded. There was a long, awkward pause and then Nathan stepped back, as if to leave.
"It's not you." He stared at me intently. "But... I just came to say I miss you. Although, I guess you're gone for good, huh?" His blue eyes tore through my skin. But his tall, dark, handsome stature reminded me drew me in. It was Nathan, and he was here. He could act mad, and he could look disappointed but I knew he was just afraid. This was our problem, I was screaming to be someone different and he always wanted me to stay as the sweet little girl next door, even if he grew and changed. I never knew why, but I couldn't do it anymore.
"Why are you here?"
"I told you, I wanted to see you. I missed you." He struggled to speak.
"We were just a summer thing, Nathan. You made that very clear. So tell me, what are you doing in Miami? Because the summer is gone." I did everything I could to act tough and confident, but it took great amounts of strength for the words to even leave my mouth, and with each one I was left feeling more and more weak.
"Yeah I guess the summer is gone. It must have taken Haley with it." His words pierced my skin and broke my heart. But he'd never know. I stood tall and walked away. Did I just inflict that look of pain on Nathan's face? Because it was something I never thought possible. But my hands wrapped around Gavin's number in my palm and I felt as though I were drawing strength from it. I had made a decision for myself that didn't involve him, but if it was the right decision was yet to be decided.