Okay, the suspense is killing even me! I Considered writing a chapter for Stan or even Eleanor (and I may yet, this started as a one shot!) but the tension between Mary and Marshall is just too excruciating.

So here goes, this time from Mary's perspective. Sorry for the delay, I wanted to be sure that this was worthy of Mary and all of you (and I'm still humble enough to have my doubts).

Disclaimer: not mine but oh how I wish it were!

Through Your Eyes

She leaned her head against the car window looking out at the night time desert as it rolled past her. Sometimes Marshall's insistence on remaining within ten miles per hour of the speed limit annoyed her, but not tonight.

Had she been driving, the scenery would have flown by them featureless and unimportant. Watching it now she couldn't help but wonder what her partner saw when he looked out at the landscape.

She could have asked,but didn't. She took a moment to just drink him in,to see him clearly without the details flying past in a blur. He was relaxed in the seat beside her tapping on the steering wheel and humming quietly along with the music on the radio. Something slow, sappy and country; one of his few guilty pleasures. She laughed inwardly. Though she knew her partner to be a real badass lawman, he certainly didn't look it now. Even after all these years she sometimes found it hard to fit together all the pieces that made up one Marshal Marshall Mann. He was one of a kind, alright.

For one, he saw everything, or seemed to. Standing on a corner with a pad and pen deftly drawing the sniper sight-lines for a building, or recognizing different types of tropical fish as they swam by in a tank.

His endless reserves of random facts weren't as useless as she had once thought. They were simply the overflow of a constantly active and inquisitive mind. She couldn't count the number of times his knowledge had saved them and their witnesses and these days she only ragged him on it out of a force of habit... and of course she lo- enjoyed getting a rise out of him.

Marshall could see that too. She knew he'd seen the difference, the shift, over the years. Her teasing of him now was more out of affection than annoyance. She had no intention to hurt him, ever, and yet she had. He had put his cards on the table and she'd told him to fold without showing her hand.

The song changed and Marshall smiled recognizing it as one of his favorites. She found herself weirdly wishing she knew the words. Something about love and all the wrong choices that were really the right ones. He was such a girl, but the meaning wasn't lost on her. Above everything, Marshall believed in love, he believed that people could be good and be good for each other. In her experience it wasn't that simple, it could never be that simple. Could it?

They were so different, she and Marshall, worlds different. It wasn't just their pasts, though that was a huge part of it. He was so good to her, so patient and forgiving. She was sure he knew every word to her favorite song by heart. She hadn't even needed to tell him which one it was.

Ever since he'd been shot in that gas station she had known that he was a much better friend to her than she deserved... than she would ever be able to be to him. She tried but it seemed she wasn't built that way. Somehow she understood that he knew that too.

Yet, he stayed.

She had pushed him away... gotten kidnaped... gotten engaged to Raph... dragged him into her family troubles... gotten shot... fallen apart in front of him... and run off with Faber because... because... he wasn't messy.

Yet, he stayed.

He'd promised to stay and she wasn't used to people keeping those kind of promises. She wasn't used to someone caring about the choices she made for herself. She wasn't used to being able to count on anyone.

She didn't know what would become of her without him in her life, but what kind of life would he have if he stayed?

Marshall... she looked over at him as he gazed out at the stillness, the moon and the open road. He didn't deserve messy. He was the forever kind, the happily ever after kind.

The cowboy in the white hat riding off into the blazing sunset after having run the bandits out of town. She couldn't stand to pull him down off of his horse. Now she knew she'd been watching too many of his movies...

Still, it was true that she'd never be... enough for him and she'd be fooling herself if she hadn't realized they'd reached a point where they needed to make a choice.

She took a deep breath and sat up straighter in her seat. They were still 3 hours out of Alberquerque and this would probably be the last bit of peace they'd have for a while. She needed to talk with him, she needed to make him understand that they needed to move on... that this... whatever it was... wasn't good for him and...that she knew they couldn't be just partners anymore.

Noticing her body language Marshall reached out to turn down the radio till you couldn't hear it over the sound of the desert wind. Rather than return it to the steering wheel, he lowered the hand to rest between them; an offer that she fought with herself not to accept. If this was going to work she needed to keep it together and stay distant from him.

For his sake she needed to convince him she didn't need him. That she didn't... want him so close.

Opening her mouth to speak the words caught in her throat and she chocked on them. The coughing didn't ease until she accepted the bottle of water Marshall had opened for her and felt his warm and gentle hand rubbing her back.

Then he said them, the words she knew would be her down fall... and his.

"What do you need?"

She shook her head, trying to convince herself that the tears in her eyes were from the chocking but she knew they weren't. Marshall stole a closer look into her face, reaching a thumb up to wipe away a tear before deftly pulling the car off of the road and getting out to come around to her.

She shivered and the water bottle crackled under her grip. She needed to convince him, she had to look into his eyes and tell him that if he wouldn't leave she would.

For his sake.

She gasped and jumped as her door was pulled open, nearly spilling what remained of the water in the bottle. She could tell she was scaring Marshall as he crouched beside the car looking up at her with those open eyes. He wouldn't see it coming she realized as a new wave of tears began to flow. So much for keeping it together... dammit get a grip!

For his sake.

"What do you need, Mare? I'm not going anywhere"

"no, you're not and thats the problem." His eyes widened further and she couldn't take him looking up at her like that. She undid the seatbelt and barely gave him enough time to step aside before she barreled out of the car and into the desert night. Because she couldn't say it to his face, she whispered it to the clear sky filled with stars.

"I can't do this anymore, Marshall."

She felt him move closer, instinctively taking his usual position three steps behind her right shoulder. She tried not to think how she would feel him standing there even after he'd gone, and crossed her arms around her chest where it began to hurt.

"Do what anymore, Mare?"

"Marshall... we can't be partners anymore."

She waited for it and knew the moment when confusion turned to anger.

"Why?" it was a calm inquiry but barely.

She had prepared so many lies. Things she knew would anger him; force him to go once and for all. She had been prepared to make him hate her so much that he couldn't stand her presence let alone forgive her. She told herself it was for his sake.

She couldn't do it. In this one thing at least she would try to be the friend he deserved, her last act as his partner would be her best.

"I'm... no good for you." She turned quickly to shut down his retort, pressing her hand firmly into his chest where she could feel his heart beating. "If you stay, if we stay together, I'll just destroy you. Use you up till there is nothing left. You keep giving Marshall and I can't give it back."

He swallowed, she saw it. She waited for him to step back from her burnt and angry but he didn't, nor did he defend her. He did something worse.

He reached out and pulled her in, she closed her eyes but felt everything as his hands cupped her face and drew her lips into a kiss.

She fell into him forgetting her plans forgetting it was wrong to... to lo...

Coming up for air she jumped away from him. "NO!" she turned away from him wanting to run- her fingers jammed into her hair. "It's too messy, its... its..."

His arms came around her from behind, and she could not find it in herself to shake him off.

"Let me decide that" his voice was low and calm with just the tiniest hint of his badass lawman tone. The tone that proved the strength and will she could feel coiled in his arms. The same arms that settled loosely around her waist, framing without caging her. She knew he'd let go if she asked, but she didn't ask.

"I think you know that... I love you Mary... more than a partner should. But let me decide whats good for me."

"Why..." she had to ask it or forever lose her chance "Why me Marshall? What do you see in me that's worth loving? worth sacrificing all your dreams of things you know I can't give you?"

"The only thing constant in my dreams is you, and if you'd only let me share my life with you I would be content." she bowed her head and listened to that voice that wasn't her partner, wasn't her friend but was just Marshall, the man that loved her with all of his heart. "Mary, you don't love someone in spite of their faults you love all of them, the whole package. I love all of you. I love..." he punctuated the thought with a kiss to the top of her head as it nestled beneath his chin. "your love for your family even when they don't deserve it. I love..." he kissed that tender place behind her ear "your sarcasm." She could feel his smile now and allowed herself to lean into him more as he punctuated the next statement with a kiss to her neck. "I love the way you care for our witnesses. I love..." he turned her in his arms so he could look into her eyes and kiss the small fading line above her eye. "your trust in me. I love that you let me comfort you." He kissed her playfully on the nose "I love how you keep me honest." She brought a hand up to cup his cheek and he turned into it kissing her palm. "I love your smile, when you let me see it. your vulnerability, your strength..." he looked deeply into her eyes "I love that you love me."

"how? how do you know?" she asked breathlessly.

"if you didn't you wouldn't be trying to run."

She swallowed, remembering her purpose. This didn't change anything... did it?

"You do know that I'd follow you, Mare, don't you?"

She could see the truth of it in his eyes.

"Why are you fighting this, Mary? What do you need?"

"I need... not to hurt you" she ran a thumb across his cheek feeling that little bit of stubble there. "I need not to lean on you so hard. I need to see you happy."

"I trust you Mare you would never hurt me, not really. I want you to lean on me I can take it I promise. We've made it this far haven't we?" He swept a piece of hair behind her ear "You make me happy Mary... and maybe you're right its not the best thing for my health and sanity" he smiled "but you do. I want us to be happy together"

"forever? I'm not the forever type, Marshall. I don't know that I can promise you that."

"And I don't want you to."

She blinked up at him and he let out a small laugh.

"Of course I would like you to marry me, but I'm not stupid. Mary Elizabeth Shannon, I'll take whatever you can give me. A year, 5 years, a week an hour or just a kiss. I can build a life on that, can you?"

Could she? It would be terribly selfish. He was making it so easy, too easy on her.

"I'm scared Marshall, a year from now, maybe two if we're lucky, I'll walk out the door and not come back" she put a finger to his lips to stop him from speaking "and I know you're saying you understand that, that you'd understand if I ran. But, it would break you. The uncertainty the fear, I can't build a life on that. Not with you. It would be selfish and wrong... so wrong"

He just pulled her more tightly to him wrapping his long arms around her, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"or maybe it would be right" he whispered into her hair. "maybe you would never run and two years would be twenty or more. you can't know the future"

"and neither can you, Marshall." She paused not wanting to say what she knew they were both thinking, had been forced to think over the years. "Even if I didn't run. Even if we were happy, you know there are no sureties. Any day one or both of us could be killed. Marshall, you could loose me... I could loose you and have no say in it. Wouldn't even see it coming"

"It would be worse to never try, it would be worse to live and regret never having at least tried"

She pulled away from him, she needed to see his eyes. They were glassed over in tears.

"you really believe that?"

"I do." he nodded and looked into her until she couldn't take it anymore. She broke his gaze biting her lip.

"I don't want to live without you" she admitted looking down at her hands as they played with a button on the front of his shirt.

Marshall laced his fingers through hers and brought them to his lips for a kiss.

"I promise I'll try to live for you" he said looking into her eyes.

"I promise... I'll try to live for you" she returned to him, the words felt more binding than any marriage vow and she had meant every word. "It won't be easy" she warned.

"Nothing that's good ever is..." He leaned in to kiss her deeply but she stopped him.

"Marshall?"

"Mary?"

"You said you don't want me to promise you forever."

"Yes, Mary, I don't need you to say that you'll marry me or give me anything but today"

"There is one problem with that" she said a smile beginning to tug at the corner of her lips.

"What?" She could tell Marshall had no idea what she was was going to say and that he was more curious than scared. That's what finally gave her the courage to say it.

"I may not be good at forever, probably suck at it. But, I love you too much not to want to try to have that with you."

He blinked, his already quick mind racing to catch up.

"Mary Shannon... you are unpredictable"

"And I bet you love that too"

"I do." he chuckled. "Mary, do you mean?"

"I do, Marshall. Till death do us part"

She thought Marshall was speechless with joy as he swept her into a passionate kiss. But she couldn't help but laugh at the moon when he added beneath his breath

"till death do us part, or we kill each other first"

She stopped up his grinning mouth with another kiss and discovered it was her favorite way to get him to shut up.