The Birds and the Bees

Gabe has just gotten up on Sunday, his only day off, and slept in to his heart's content. He walks down the stairs and into the kitchen, wiping his eyes of grogginess and still feeling tired after sleeping all the way to one in the afternoon. He hears the distant hum of the television from the room over and plates clattering against one another.

Upon entering the small kitchen, Dr. Cunningham is forced to squeeze his eyes shut against the sunlight pouring in from the windows that reflect off the sink and metal appliances. His wife stands by the stove, hovering over a pan with three grilled cheeses cooking, the butter making a satisfying sizzling noise.

His groan against the sunlight is what brings her attention to him. Looking over her shoulder as she flips a sandwich with a spatula, her mouth spreads into a grin and she says with relief, "Oh Gabe, I'm so glad you're here!" Her chocolate brown eyes sparkle for a moment but, as if she remembers something very important, they dull into seriousness.

Bleary from just waking up, the man runs a hand through his crazy green hair and lets out a loud, obnoxious yawn, causing his wife to hesitate in what she was going to say. She's a little annoyed with his rudeness but in truth it doesn't bother her, she just waits till he's finished yawning and looks at her expectedly with dazed ochre eyes. "Gabe," she addresses him again, this time in a whisper and her smile falling away to a thin, straight line. Turning off the stove, she takes a few steps toward him and rests a hand on his shoulder. He looks down at her questioningly and she continues earnestly, "I realized this morning while talking to Irene – Luke's mom – that we have never bothered to educate Joshua on the…um, sensitive spots in life. He's fourteen, he needs to know by now."

There is a moment of silence as Gabe tries to process what his wife just said but, by the blank look on his face, she realizes that he has no clue.

Sighing, she tries to clarify, "I want you to give him the talk."

"What!" Gabe instantly yells, jumping away and now fully awake. The sleep is gone from his eyes and it's as if the mention of the topic made his body ready for a marathon. Even though he's a doctor, he'll run ten miles if it means he doesn't have to get in to such an awkward conversation with his boy – somebody who he wants to be innocent and adorable forever.

"He's a boy and you're a man…" she attempts to calm him down in her soft spoken manner. "It's a father-son thing."

"No," Gabe argues, stepping closer and lowering his voice so his son doesn't hear, but the clamor of the television from the room over drowns their voices. "A father-son thing is going fishing or playing catch -"

"You don't do either of those things."

"Don't blame me if fishing is the biggest waste of time!" Gabe begins, ready to rant about the idiocy of fishing as he is known to do whenever the subject is mentioned. "Why would anybody want to sit on a boat for hours and likely end up with nothing? And if you do catch something, it's a disgusting, scaly, dripping-with-parasitic-water, fish that's gushing blood and flapping around like it's trying to beat the shit out of you! I just don't want to –"

"I know, I know," Lisa interjects, smiling in amusement at him and patting his shoulder to stop him. "Fishing sucks because you had a bad childhood experience. The fish wasn't trying to repeatedly slap you."

"Ha, tell that to my two teeth that got knocked out," Gabe huffs, crossing his arms and looking to the side, a deep frown creasing his face.

Suppressing a chuckle, his wife focuses back to the topic at hand and leans her face closer to his. Once he gazes back at her wide and pleading chocolate brown eyes that she knows he can't ignore, she asks again, "Can you talk to him, please?"
He hesitates, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking down at the ground. "Do I have to?" He mumbles with the same reluctance and sadness of a little boy being told to brush his teeth and go to bed.

"Yes," she replies, stepping away from him and heading back over to the stove. She suddenly yells, breaking the whispering silence between them, "Joshua! Your dad needs to talk to you!"

"Okay!" Joshua calls back instantly, followed by the sound of the T.V. clicking off.

"What?" Gabe gasps as Lisa puts a plate of two grilled cheeses on the table in the small kitchen, keeping one for herself. "I don't want to do it now! I just woke up!"

"Too late," she smiles mischievously at him, a witty gleam in her eyes, before rapidly walking out of the room and up the stairs. Right after that, Joshua enters, stopping by the threshold of the door and gazing at his father curiously.

"What do you need, Dad?" He questions, his adorably wide amber eyes staring up at Gabe with a mix of concern and curiosity. His tall, lanky body goes up to his dad's shoulders but he has only just started growing. It seems that everyday they have to buy new clothes and shoes to fit him.

Coughing nervously and poking at the ground with his foot, Gabe mumbles in defeat and anxiousness, "Take a seat, son."

Wondering if he is in trouble or his father has some bad news, Joshua slides into a chair and Gabe sits across from him, still looking at the ground and coughing a bit.

They sit in silence for a minute, Dr. Cunningham glancing between his son and his hands every few seconds, and shifts around in his seat constantly. The boy simply stays put, his hands resting on his knees and his head cocked to the side in confusion.

Finally, after what seems like forever, Gabe clears his throat and begins, "As you know, you are fourteen now…and going through some changes."

At the mention of this Joshua's face pales and he stares at his father like he just said, "Maria is hiding in your closet and is waiting to kill you with a toothbrush and deodorant. Run to the neighbors when I say go."

Through his nervousness, Gabe forces himself to look into his son's wide and horrified eyes. "D-Dad," Joshua stammers. "I already know what happens, you don't have to-,"

"No, no," his father cuts him off, holding up a hand and releasing a sigh. "You might think you know everything but maybe you don't. You see, Joshua…um…well, you know what a penis is, right?"

"Yes, Dad, I know what a penis is," Joshua replies dryly and Gabe coughs a bit more.

"Okay, so…when you see a really attractive woman – probably with large breasts-"

"Dad," Joshua cuts in a bit more strongly. "I know what happens, it's okay."

Silence.

"Do you know what an erection is?"

Joshua starts smacking his head against the table.

Suddenly terms start coming up uncontrollably and Dr. Cunningham starts blurting them out, like his mind thinks that simply saying everything will make it better.

"How about ejaculating? See, women have vaginas…"

More head bangs against the table.

"Do you know what sex is?"

Joshua continues to hit his head a little harder and mumbles a pained, "Yes."

Resorting to his old method of dealing with awkward issues, Gabe leans back in his chair and yells a little too loudly, "Boy, this sure is awwwkward!" He exclaims, holding the last part out while his son continues to try to kill his brain cells in an attempt to get this incredibly disturbing conversation out of his head.

After a few more head pounds, Joshua straightens up, a large red mark on his forehead hidden a bit by his bangs, and looks at his father with tired eyes. "Did mom tell you to do this?"

"Yep."

"Then can we shorten this down, please? Not to be rude or anything…it's just that I have homework and what not…" Joshua trails off there, glancing around nervously as his father nods in agreement.

"Sounds good to me," he responds, leaning forward and beckoning his son to do the same. Both of them hunched over the table, Gabe explains in a determined yet calm voice like he's setting the offense for a football team. "Okay, don't do drugs and don't have sex. Deal?"

"Deal."

They shake hands, both noting how clammy the other's is, before departing the kitchen in opposite directions faster than Joshua can say Deoxyribonucleic Acid.

Author's Note

Eh, it's kind of short but I feel like stretching this out would just be tedious. Plus I did this on a whim, so if I were to really think about it I probably wouldn't have enjoyed doing it as much as I did.

Oh the talk, what a classic thing to discuss. :) I actually never got it, I guess having no cable and nothing else to watch but That 70s Show and Friends, along with three older siblings, kind of destroys the need to have the talk. But of course Gabe would blow it with his son, and of course Joshua is so smart that he already knows it. He's fourteen after all, I guess his parents were just a little late with it.

This wasn't the angst two-part fic by the way, just something I wanted to write to take a break from work and what not.

Thank you for all the reviews last chapter and the ones before them. I really love them, they are a ton of fun to read and encouraging, making me write faster. Thanks for reading and please review!

~~Wave~~