A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing, I hope you are still enjoying the story because I'm enjoying writing it. Here is Chapter 5, it's a bit longer.

Chapter 5

Danny- Meet me at the park on Sunset Blvd at 1:30pm. –Lindsay

I had been staring at this scrap of paper for 15 minutes. Tracing her handwriting, my fingers aching to get close to her, even if it was just through the pressure of the ink on the paper. It had been a week since she came to me in my motel room. I waited patiently and sometimes not so patiently.

I called my Ma. Told her I wouldn't be able to make it to dinner on Sunday. She was disappointed but she had become used to my excuses. I couldn't look her in the eye anymore either. Right after Lindsay left, she recognized my foul moods. She asked me what happened. I said I ended it. She sighed and said she thought she was perfect for me. I didn't disagree. The years went by, she dropped hints, asking me if I was seeing anyone, the answer was always no. She would tell me stories of her friends and their latest grandchildren. I never told her that she already had one.

In this one week I never strayed far from my motel room in case Lindsay came by. But I still ended up missing her. Instead collecting this note from the old tobacco chewing man at the front desk. I had finally broken my station needing groceries, perhaps some vegetables to start on my new healthy lifestyle. I had decided to purge myself of bad habits, no more cigarettes. And even in the loneliest time at night I resisted the urge to swallow some whisky to help chase the darkness away. I tried not to think about what she was doing right now. Was she crying? Was she telling her husband or boyfriend what had happened? Were they arguing if I should be allowed into their lives? Would she defend me or attack me? I didn't want to think of her with another man, but I resigned myself to the likelihood that she was with someone. These thoughts were circular and extremely self-destructive, paving a direct path to the ninth circle of hell.

Here it was; a note. A note that could leave me at the start of something amazing or the end. I was so scared to find out which. I watched the clock and counted down the hours until deliverance or damnation.

When I got to the park I was a few minutes early but I could see her already there. She was sitting on a wooden bench, shoulders sagging. I tried not to read her body language. There was no telling how she felt about the decision she made, and I didn't need to torture myself anymore. I took a deep breath and walked purposefully over to her.

"Lindsay.." I meant to say more, maybe thank her for even meeting me, but my voice stopped with her name.

"I don't know how to do this. I never thought I'd have to do this." She still hadn't looked at me, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. "She needs a father, and I had hoped it would be you." I didn't know if she meant she had recently hoped or originally hoped. Had I now been written out of their lives? "I haven't told her who you are yet. I think we should wait." My heart sank. "So first you can spend some time with her, so she can get comfortable with you." And just like that my heart was in my throat again. So many emotions overwhelmed me, I wanted to scream with delight, wrap my arms around Lindsay in thanksgiving, and I wanted to cry. I would get to meet her.

"Sierra, can you come over here for a second? I have someone for you to meet." I felt like a daft idiot, I was so focused on Lindsay and my sentencing that I never even noticed what Lindsay had been looking at the whole time. Sierra sat no more than 20 feet away playing with some bright plastic toys. She clambered up from her spot. Touching the toys briefly as if to remind them to stay exactly as they were.

"Honey, this is Danny, he was my friend in New York." I tried not to let my face fall with her use of the past tense and the dreaded neutral friend word. I was so grateful for anything and quickly pushed aside anything which showed ingratitude.

"What do you say when meeting new people?" It was a little disconcerting to see her in this capacity, as a mother. She amazed me with her ever patient parent voice.

"It's very nice to meet you Danny." Sierra said in a slightly sing-song voice before looking back at her toys to check that they still remained in position.

"I'm very pleased to meet you too." The formality between us made my heart ache. I should have been her father and not a stranger.

"Do want to go play in the sandbox with me Danny?" I looked back towards Lindsay and received a small approving nod.

"Sure, I'd love to." She grabbed my hand and tugged me dramatically towards the sandbox. I had to turn my head to stop the tears from falling, seeing her little hand in mine made my heart clench and feel like it was healing at the same time. When I turned my head I briefly caught Lindsay's eye again. She could always see right through me and this was no exception. Her face only conveyed acknowledgment a sort of kinship; she knew, just as well if not better, how easily one could be affected by this little girl.

"I have lotsa cool toys for the sandbox, I have this cool thing that sifts the sand so you can find treasure. Kinda like mining for gold. You know like in the gold rush? You can play with that one if you want." She held the bright red sand sieve out of me proudly with a big smile. I returned her smile, took the sieve, and she quickly went back to her other toys.

"My friend Sarah has this really cool thing that looks like a water wheel, you can use it for sand too, but it puts the perfect amount of water in the sand to make a castle. But Mom says I can just use a bucket of water." I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was biting her tongue, trying to get the wet sand out of the bucket. Gently shimmying, coaxing the bucket off of the mold, trying to maintain the perfect castle shape. Her blue eyes lit up when the removal of the bucket revealed a perfect castle. She looked over at me for confirmation of her achievement, and I smiled proudly. I was amazed by her intellect. I was like a man dying of thirst in this desert and she was the keeper of an oasis. I drank up her anecdotes, trying to piece together her life through her stories.

"Wow, you're really good at this." I wanted to know everything she was good at.

"My Auntie Stella taught me how. When we visited her we went to the beach. She said ocean water was the best for making sand castles. She said that the sea monkeys would help to build the castle so they could live in it. At that beach there were cool rollercoasters, and games, and balloons, and popsicles, I had an orange one. Have you ever been to a beach like that? I wish we had the ocean near us cause I want sea monkeys. But we live in Nevada so we don't have the ocean." My mind was reeling, trying to catch up with what I had heard. She knew Stella. She must have been to New York. I had been in the same city with her before, and I didn't even know. Stella knew my daughter. I tried to push aside the feelings of betrayal that I had no right to.

"Yeah, I have been to a beach like that. They are very cool. And I like orange popsicles too." It was hard to keep my voice steady. She could never understand why it was taking so much concentration to resist my muscles' desires to take her in my arms and never let her go.

"You talk funny." A snort of laughter escaped.

"Yeah I guess I do." She was so adorable and I couldn't get enough.

"It's okay my friend Lucas he talks funny too, he is from Liverpool like the Beatles. That's in England." I could have been completely content to sit in this sand box forever and listen to Sierra talk.

"Do you like the Beatles?" I asked. Once again I was blown away by how amazing this little girl was.

"Yep." And she even had great musical taste. I decided right there that my daughter was the smartest 6 year old in the world.

"You wanna know what?" My mind wanted to hang on to every detail, but her rapidly changing thoughts made it hard to keep up.

"What?" I replied.

"I have a cat." I even wanted to know about her cat.

"Oh ya? That's very cool."

"She is orange and black. Mommy let me name her. I named her Tiger." My attempt to stay in the present was waning. Transported to the first time I saw Lindsay. I thought she was beautiful even as I planned to piss her off.

"Wow that's cool. Did you know your mom has pet a real tiger before?" I wondered if Lindsay had ever told her about living in New York, her first day on the job, and the worst, her absent father still living there.

"Really? MOMMY!" Her eyes were bright and sparkling, toys forgotten at the idea of a real tiger.

"Yeah Honey?" Lindsay was sitting nearby on the bench. I could tell she was poised for an escape. At any hint of peril she would have whisked her away.

"Danny says you pet a real tiger, is that true?" I watched Lindsay's face, wondering how she would react to this question. I hoped I would see happy reminiscence.

"That was a very long time ago."