A/N: Thank you so much for the great response. Thanks kcaitlin for the beta. There is a lot of Sierra in this chapter, and I have no experience with kids so if she is not a good representation of a 6 yr old, well I'll have to attribute it to artistic license.

Chapter 6

"Oh Mommy you're so silly. You'd still remember even if it happened a long time ago." She couldn't possibly know how much happened a long time ago that would be better forgotten. For me there were even more things I never wanted to forget. "Was the tiger nice? Was it really soft? Did you put your head in its mouth? Did it try to bite you?" Sierra questioned, each excited inquiry raising an octave, oblivious to the deep retrospection of her parents.

"The tiger was asleep." I could tell Lindsay was trying to stay disconnected. And just like that, for Sierra, the moment was forgotten. "Danny, do you like chicken fingers? Mommy said we are having chicken fingers tonight. Sometimes Mommy works funny hours so she doesn't have time to cook, so she just puts chicken fingers in the oven. But I don't mind, I like them. I think there would be enough. Mommy? Can Danny come eat chicken fingers with us?"

"Honey you never asked Danny if he wanted to eat dinner with you. Maybe he has other plans." A slightly amused expression flickered across her face, realizing that Sierra wasn't going to let her off easy. It was quite clear that Sierra was smitten and she couldn't deny her anything, especially this new opportunity to know her father. I'm sure Lindsay thought the last thing she would be doing tonight was having me over to dinner.

"Danny would you like to eat dinner with me?" She has a huge smile on her face, and was nodding in persuasion. I wanted to say yes, but I was afraid that Lindsay didn't want me there. I wanted some subliminal message that said it was okay. Now for everything I did I wanted her approval. I wanted nothing to screw this up. I couldn't be trusted not to screw this up, so I looked to her for direction. Part of me was also afraid of who else I might meet there. It might just kill me to see Sierra interact with a man who had been there as her father. I had no right to ask, and if Lindsay realized I was fishing for information about her relationship status she might become closed off.

"I'd love to eat chicken fingers with you." I decided that I would take any opportunity to be with her, them. And if it meant the torture of another man's house, then that would only be my just punishment.

"See Mommy, Danny wants to. Danny, do you also want to push me on the swing?" Sierra knew a sucker when she saw one. She could ask me for a pony, the moon and I'd give it to her.

"Yeah of course, why don't you go and choose a swing, I'll be right over." I wanted the opportunity to talk to Lindsay even just for a second. I watched Sierra skip over to the swings. She carefully inspected the three swings, giving a little push to each. Deciding which would have the aerodynamics for the best swinging experience.

"Thank you Lindsay." I was thanking her for this opportunity that she really didn't have to give me. I was thanking her for this amazing daughter I didn't deserve.

"I'm not doing it for you." Her response was almost venomous; I should have anticipated the next statement. "If you hurt her, I will kill you." She was completely serious, slowly emphasizing each word. I didn't blame her. In fact I wanted to give her permission to string me up by the balls if I ever did anything to hurt her.

"I know." There was such a huge chasm between us now. So far away was the time when I could just look at her and receive a grin. I had lost her trust and even worse, her respect.

"Danny! Come on! I found the perfect swing, this one's the best, and it goes super high! With you pushing me I might be able to reach the top." She looked like she was oscillating from excitement at the prospect. I looked at Lindsay for anymore parting threats. I knew she was just doing what she had to as a mother. It just hurt so much that I was the person she needed to protect Sierra from. Lindsay just sat on the bench again as confirmation that our conversation was over.

I pushed her on the swing for a long time, her giggles, shrieks and encouragement filling the playground. Even when I couldn't get her to the top she consoled me insisting that I'd be able to achieve it next time. Once I looked over to Lindsay and saw her stealthily wiping her eyes. Even though I imagined she hated me, she did want me to be here for Sierra and seeing us together moved her more than she wanted to reveal to me.

We were both still hiding our feelings for each other after all these years. When we were together I knew I wanted a family with her. I knew I loved her but I could never get the words out. Our walls were tall and thick, with no princely character willing to scale. With our jobs and our past it was always easier to be casual. I remember when she told me she was pregnant. I was so shocked I didn't say anything for 10 minutes. In my head ran so many thoughts. Thoughts of my own parents, thoughts of Ruben, thoughts of Lindsay in the diner, thoughts of what our child would look like. I didn't even notice that Lindsay had walked into her bedroom and was silently sitting in the dark. The moonlight cast shadows on her face. For some reason, I think it was temporary insanity, I walked into her room, still standing near the door ready for a quick retreat, I told her I didn't want this, I couldn't do this. I forced myself to look at her reaction, and saw the tears cascading down her face. Then I turned, walked out of her apartment and her life.

Thinking about that now, I still felt sick. I could never look at myself the same way again. Sick from the things I lost. That hurt me even more, I didn't lose them at all, I pushed them away. I forced myself to return to the present, I had been given a second chance. For some reason Lindsay was willing to give me another chance with my daughter, I just hoped I would one day deserve it.

We started walking back towards their apartment, Sierra still grasping my hand. Our hands interlocked, swinging spectacularly, while she skipped intermittently. Sierra was chattering away, I was absorbing all I could. Lindsay was mainly silent, quietly answering Sierra's questions. Then Sierra grasped Lindsay's hand. For this brief instant we were connected. I closed my eyes imagining that I had never screwed up my life, for one second pretending that I feel Lindsay's soft skin through Sierra and into my hand. Imagining I could feel Linday's pulse under my fingertips. When I opened my eyes I was looking over into Lindsay's deep brown eyes and I knew she could feel it too.