A/N: Thanks so much for continuing to read! I love writing Sierra I think she is adorable and already realizes that she has Danny wrapped around her finger. So here is the next chapter, again thanks to kcaitlin for her support.
Chapter 7
That connection only lasted a few seconds, but when I looked into her eyes I could almost see past the hurt, towards what had originally brought us together. It was always in these moments when our eyes met, when we were each at our most vulnerable. She couldn't hide from me. I now knew the truth, that despite the worse pain I could put her through, for some reason, she still felt something for me. It was not just homicidal rage. I allowed myself to hope that it was more than just the love she would always carry for her daughter's father. Maybe she could love me again.
"Oh oh oh Danny, you'll get to meet Tiger. Oh oh and I can introduce you to Jasper. I think you'll like him a lot. He's really cool. Mommy, do you think Danny will like Jasper?" I had to steel my face, to avoid revealing my crestfallen look. I looked at Lindsay, but of course now her face didn't betray a thing, she only nodded. Not any hint of who Jasper might be, boyfriend, husband, gay roommate, I got nothing. So I said, "I'm looking forward to it."
I was led into their apartment, the apartment was distinctly Lindsay. It was reminiscent of her apartment in New York, and I always felt at home there. She had a big soft brown leather couch near the window, similar to the one we'd make love on, when we'd stumble into her apartment, after long shifts apart. Near a rustic wooden coffee table there was a large ivory chair, much like her one in New York, I thought it might actually be the same one. I loved that chair; it used hold to us both perfectly. Lindsay would be snuggled on my lap, our legs intertwining. I hadn't realized how much even her furniture invoked in me. Here a large portion of the living room was devoted to Sierra. A small plastic table, covered with crayons and drawings, bins of toys, a little bookshelf brimming with well used books placed haphazardly in rows. I didn't realize I was still standing on the threshold until Sierra walked back into the room, carrying a large squirming cat. The cat was making loud disgruntled sounds while locked under the arms by the little girl.
"Sierra, what did I tell you about holding Tiger properly?" Lindsay walked over to help the struggling cat.
"You said I needed to support the kitty, cause she didn't like to be dropped." Her voice revealed her pouting. Trying to justify her behavior because she was in a hurry to show off the cat.
"She's lovely, Tiger is the perfect name for her." I scratched the cat's ears, as she began to purr.
"Mommy, can Danny meet Jasper now?" I looked to Lindsay hoping to gain any insight. I realized that she had an amazing poker face, she could make a killing; maybe she picked up some tricks here in Las Vegas.
"Sure. He is in my office." I had to ward off the feeling of hyperventilation. I tried practicing some deep breathing techniques. When that didn't work I imagined a peaceful beach, a snowy mountain, floating down a cool river on a hot summer's day.
She let Tiger scamper away, for a split second I looked for the exit. I really didn't want to meet this Jasper guy, but I was determined to be mature, gracious even.
I followed Sierra down the hallway we stopped at the last door. Sierra turned back to me, a huge smile on her face. "I think you are really going to like him." I smiled back at her. I wished it were true, and maybe under different circumstances I would have liked him. But not when I was jealous of a life which I so desperately wanted.
Sierra opened the door slowly, looking around the room, her brow furrowed in concentration, but I didn't see anyone. Suddenly Sierra dropped to her knees looking under the wooden desk in the corner; she stretched her small hands under the desk and slid out a large brown and white rabbit. She looked thrilled. "This is Jasper. Isn't he cool? He is a French Lop. My Grandpa gave him to me when we were in Montana. Have you ever been to Montana? I got to play with him there, he was my Grandma's but Grandpa said it was too cold there in the winter for Jasper so he asked if we could take him with us. He said Jasper would be a lot happier in Nevada, like summer vacation all the time for Jasper. I think Grandpa was fibbing. I think he didn't want Jasper because Jasper had lots of girlfriends and babies." She then burst into a fit of giggles.
My mind was only just catching up to the fact that Jasper wasn't a person. "He has to live in Mommy's office when we're not home, because he likes to hide. One day we couldn't find him for 3 whole days. I thought he was lost forever and I cried." The thought of this little girl ever crying was enough to slay me. "I'll leave him in here so he doesn't get lost." The brown spotted rabbit hopped back under the desk and Sierra led me back out into the living room.
"Mommy, I think Danny really liked Jasper." I looked up at Lindsay standing in the kitchen, a small smirk tugged at the corners of her mouth, and her brown eyes twinkled mischievously. She knew this whole time how much this Jasper fellow was torturing me and didn't say anything. I couldn't help but smile. So far there was no man lurking in the apartment. I wasn't completely comforted but it was a start, especially now that Lindsay was grinning like a cat that ate a canary.
"Dinner is ready sweetie. Can you please put the silverware on the table?" She handed three sets to Sierra.
"What kind of silverware do you need for chicken fingers Mommy?" She was adorably inquisitive.
"The kind of chicken fingers that live next to broccoli." I got the impression that Sierra wasn't a huge fan of these neighbors.
"Oh ick, yuck. Are you going to make Danny eat broccoli too?" I thought wryly that maybe she had taken after me after all.
"I'm sure Danny would agree that broccoli is good for you, a necessary evil." She gave me a look that told me to agree with her that broccoli was not the enemy, despite my own usual aversion to it.
"Sorry kiddo." I said. Sierra looked resigned, disgusted but resigned to eating broccoli. So she clambered up onto the dining room chair and plopped down. Lindsay brought Sierra's plate of chicken fingers, the dreaded broccoli, and two small containers, one ranch and one barbeque sauce. When Sierra got her plate she started mixing the two sauces. Lindsay also placed my plate in front of me. I was intrigued, I never knew anyone else who liked to mix them like I did. It warmed my heart that Lindsay still remembered those small details for me as well. I guess I could understand because I remembered every kiss, every touch, and every smile.
"Mommy do you think Danny could come to my school in two weeks?" I didn't know what she was talking about but I was flattered that my daughter would want me to go.
"I don't know honey. We'll talk about it later." Sierra looked disappointed and had become quiet. Lindsay reached over to Sierra and caressed her cheek. Lindsay smiled down at her; Sierra finally raised her eyes and returned a small melancholy smile. I felt like an outsider, a voyeur. I was witnessing such an intimate unspoken moment between mother and daughter, they had such a strong connection. Lindsay knew exactly what was bothering her without words, and comforted her with a silence that stilled the room. We used to have that as well.