You thought it was over. You thought it was just a one-shot. You thought it would finally leave you alone and let you get on with your life.
You were wrong.
Amaxing Fan Fiction Inc. proudly presents:
THE RETURN OF CHANCELLOR MOORE!
(Silence)
What? No… no cheering? No… oh…. Fine. Let's get this started then…
Disclaimer: Oh, I wish I owned a game like Ace Attorney… but I don't.
The Giant, Radioactive TurnaboutChancellor Moore knew only one party trick. Well, actually two if you counted singing 'OBJECTION!' loudly, but that one wasn't exactly popular. The other trick Chancellor knew was both quieter and more awe-inspiring. Those who saw it were immediately envious, and begged, nay, pleaded, for Chancellor to teach them how it was done. Chancellor, despite his fellow man's thirst for knowledge, never told them. Not that he could.
His party trick was his amazing ability to fall asleep anytime, anyplace, no matter what was going on.
The secret, as far as he knew, wasn't worth telling, as it only applied to him (or so he assumed). Anytime he wanted to drop into his subconscious and rest, he would start playing Cher's greatest hits in his head, and the resulting cacophony would cause his body to pass out to prevent any further brain damage. Not that there's anything wrong with Cher, but that's what worked for Chance (have to stay politically correct, after all).
On top of that, whenever Chancellor slept, no matter how deeply or for how long, he would dream. On this particular occasion, he was in court: not a legal court, but the court of the royal family of chocolate-covered strawberries. He was there to court the lovely princess Sedalia, and was eagerly awaiting her arrival. As always, Beethoven's Choral Fantasy played in the background.
After minutes of anxious waiting, she finally came. A carriage the shape of a chocolate-covered pumpkin arrived, dark brown stallions pulling furiously at the reins. The princess stepped out, her dark, crimson hair tied up in a bow, her brown dress clinging to her like… Chancellor gasped. The dress was made of chocolate. Dozens of thoughts, omitted here for the purposes of keeping a T rating, rushed through Chance's head as he gazed upon the chocolate-covered beauty. He cocked his head and focused on her face for a moment. If he didn't know better, he'd say that she looked like… he didn't know better. It was…
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" came a scratchy screech from the outside world.
Chancellor, dozing off on the swivel chair in his office, woke with a start, toppled out of his chair and fell hard to the floor. "Mr. Thenue!" he cried, springing to attention. "I'm very sorry sir! I didn't have my chocolate-covered strawberry today and…"
"Do I look like I care, Moore?" screamed Morage, a vein popping out of his bright-red face. "Chocolate-covered strawberries! It's always about those damn strawberries with you, isn't it? I'm tired, because I didn't have a chocolate-covered strawberry!" the man continued in a mocking tone. "I can't work because I didn't get my strawberry fix! I don't have the will to live unless I have my chocolate! All this chocolate makes me sick, Moore!" he finished, slamming Chancellor's desk and causing papers to fly everywhere.
"Hey!" Chancellor snapped. "Great, just great, I just got those organized! It took me so long to do, too, what with all the clients I've been having lately!" He grinned, but not enough for Thenue to notice.
Thenue noticed. "Wipe that smile off your face, Moore!" He bellowed, not caring that spit was now flying into Chancellor's never-groomed hair. "Those clients are the only reason you're still working at this firm, do you hear me?" He backed off a bit, grumbling to himself. "If we fired you after all the money you've raked in, it'd be like the final episodes of 'The Practice'."
"And then we could start every day with the 'Boston Legal' theme song!" Chancellor chimed in. "You should fire me just so we can do that!"
"NO!" yelled Morage. He'd never admit it, but he actually kind of agreed with the idea. But he could never fire Chancellor. Word has spread quickly that a young, upstart attorney had destroyed Tanya Krasivaya's perfect win record, and Thenue and Noble Law Offices had never had more clientele in its life. Chancellor had succeeded in creating a perfect win record of his own: eleven straight trials won in only a month. Granted, only one had been against Krasivaya; the rest had been against opponents with no more skill than Winston Payne.
"Fine, fine," Chance conceded after the recap was finished. "What can I do for you, Mr. Thenue?" He smiled his best fake 'I'm really glad to see you, boss' smile.
Morage responded with his best fake 'I really don't want to strangle you right now, you overconfident, cocky bastard' look. It wasn't very good. "Why else would I be here?" he asked rhetorically. "Another day, another case, another client. The defense never rests, no?" He chuckled to himself. A rare show of joy for Thenue, even if it was his own bad joke.
Chancellor groaned. "A pun my word, Mr. Thenue, that was hilarious." He tried to speak respectfully, but to no avail. "So what's the case this time?"
"Your case, if you choose to accept it" Morage began, as he did every time, "involves an incident that took place last night in Posheton Estates, an upper-class neighborhood on the outskirts of town. The manager of Safeguard Nuclear Power, one Ashley Nook, was found dead inside one of her employee's houses, that of André Ne Chrome."
"Nice name" whistled Chancellor. "Too bad 'Andre' isn't in the dictionary…"
Thenue gave Moore a puzzled look. He was going to regret asking, but… "Why exactly does it matter if it's in the dictionary or not?"
Chancellor flashed a smile. "I named myself," he explained. "I opened a dictionary on my first day at Dad's house and liked the way 'Chancellor' sounded, especially next to 'Moore'. I thought it had a really cool ring to it."
Thenue shook his head. The Moore you know… he thought to himself, the less you wish you knew. "I'm assuming you'll want to talk to the client before doing anything else, yes?" He ordered in the form of a question.
"I'm assuming you've already scheduled the exact time that I'm going to see my client, yes?" Chancellor complied in the form of a question. What is this? Jeopardy?
"1:00 pm." Morage answered succinctly. "Seeing as it's 12:30 now, you might want to get going."
Chancellor sighed. "There goes my lunch break then…" he shook his head, allowing his hair to shift back and forth freely. "That means you've made me miss two chocolate-covered strawberries today, Mr. Thenue. You must feel proud."
Morage actually smiled. "Any time I make you a little Moore miserable, Moore, I make myself a little Moore happier. Deal with it. Accept it. Make it your own."
Chancellor rolled his eyes. He got up, gathered a few papers and belongings together, and began to leave.
"Oh, and Chancellor?" Thenue called, causing Chance to turn around.
"Yes?" he responded.
Thenue smirked. "The prosecutor on this case… it's Krasivaya. I just thought you might want to know." He turned around and walked towards the other offices. "The prosecutor's office is on 7th and Maine, if you want to… gather more information about the case."
Chancellor scratched his head, ruffling his hair in the process. If he didn't know better, he'd say Morage was trying to… Chancellor paused. He had expected something to happen that would cause his doubts to become unfounded. He shrugged, and finished his thought. …play matchmaker.
He turned around to leave and gasped. He had forgotten about the mirror on the office door. Button your top button! Came a subconscious nag from inside his head. No! he yelled back, and hurried out the door, making sure to not catch his reflection in any of the car mirrors out in the parking lot.
-Boston Detention Center, 5/20, 12:57 P.M.
"Don't worry Mr. Ne Chrome! I'm going to get you out of here! I promise!"
Those were the words that Chancellor heard yelled… no, sobbed as he entered the room. They had come from a girl of seventeen pressed against the glass, her long, bright, blonde pigtails streaking against it along with the tears flowing out of her dark green eyes.
"Um… hello?" Chancellor ventured.
The young girl turned slowly to face Chance. "What do you want, lady?" She asked, clearly irritated that she had been interrupted.
Chancellor twitched uncontrollably. Must… resist… urge… to… strangle….
"Mr. Moore?" came a soft, high-toned voice from behind the glass. "Is that you?"
"It's a woman, Andre, its not Chancellor Moore" hushed the girl.
"And you would know that… how?" asked Chance in as deep a voice as possible.
The girl jumped. Literally. "OW!" she cried as her head hit the low ceiling of the room. Not a second after she hit the ground, she was back up, pointing accusingly at Chance. "What's the big idea, buddy?" She screamed accusingly, causing him to step back. "Do you like dressing as a woman and then scaring the living daylights out of innocent people like that? Is that your idea of some kind of sick joke? The nerve of people! You're just like that guy Ashton Kutcher! OOOOOH! Have I been PUNK'D now? Is that it? Well you see here, buddy…
'OBJECTION!' yelled Chancellor, sending the girl flying again. "Calm down, will you?" yelled Chance. "That's a nice way to treat your friend's defense attorney! Did you treat your doctors like that after they sewed you up for bumping your head? Too bad they couldn't fix the brain damage that came with it!" What the… I just got dragged down to the level of a high school kid. That's just SO professional of me.
The girl looked at Chance for a minute, then laughed. "You know, for being an adult, that was a pretty good zing!" she admitted. She smiled. "And you even made me feel better too… aren't you just the sweetest?"
"Eh?" Chancellor was caught off guard, and blushed. "Oh… well, it's nothing really, um…"
She laughed again, then extended her hand delicately. "The name's Cassandra. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mister Moore" she said in a mock-British accent.
Chance took the hand warily and shook it. Cassandra motioned for him to sit, and he dumped himself onto the worn, wooden bench. "Mr. Ne' Chrome, I presume?" he asked, looking at his client for the first time.
Andre nodded. He was a gaunt man, and thin black wiry hair ran down his face. It stopped just above his dark red eyes, which were almost lost within the dark, black rings that surrounded his eye sockets. One could describe him as looking like a madman, and an artist who had never seen him before could draw quite an accurate picture.
Great, thought Chancellor, so much for the 'Does this look like the face of a killer?' ploy. He cleared his throat. "Mr. Ne' Chrome… perhaps you could start by telling me what happened that day?"
"Sounds like a decent place…" Andre barely whispered. "I work at Safeguard Nuclear Plant as a safety supervisor. That afternoon, I got off my shift as usual around 5:00 pm and drove straight home. I took a shower, watched a little TV… then the police burst my door down and dragged me away after finding Ms. Nook's body in my bedroom." He looked straight at Chance all the time while speaking, and his voice remained eerily calm, yet warbled unnaturally from time to time.
"What was the body doing there?" asked Chancellor, uneasily.
Ne' Chrome shrugged. "Beats me, I didn't know it was there until they told me."
Chancellor almost fell over. Oh C'mon! You honestly expect me to believe there was a cadaver in your house, and you had NO CLUE?? He collected himself. He had to handle this situation with tact and grace.
"Oh C'mon!" Chancellor screamed suddenly, "You honestly expect me to believe there was a cadaver in your house, and you had NO CLUE??" He calmed himself. "Now granted, Mr. Ne' Chrome, since I'm your attorney, you're basically paying me to believe whatever you want me to believe, but you can't expect me to do a decent job defending you with a story like that! It's best if you tell me the whole truth; confidentiality will keep me from saying a word, and I'll be better able to defend you too!" Chancellor took a deep breath, the rant had taken a lot out of him, but it had felt good. Now they were getting somewhere. He looked his client in the eye.
Andre Ne' Chrome's lower lip was quivering violently, and tears began to well in his eyes. "What's your problem, Moore?" Cassandra slapped him hard on the arm. "Now he's gonna…"
"W-W-W…" Ne' Chrome stuttered, tears pooling in his eyes... "What's wrong with my story? I thought… I thought it was a good story…" He looked down. "Mother always said the best stories were the true ones, and… and…" he began to gasp unnaturally, his body heaving heavily as water began to streak down his face.
"Alright! Alright! I believe you!" Chancellor consoled hurriedly. "Just… please, calm down!"
"Oh… so… you like my story now?" Ne' Chrome asked eerily.
Chancellor fought the urge to inch away from his client, but to no avail. He began to rise, thinking of a reason to excuse himself, but a stern look from Cassandra brought him back down. "I know he seems… well, odd" she whispered harshly in his ear. "But if you quit on him I will never forgive you." Chancellor looked at Cassandra's face, and for the first time in several years, he feared for his life. He turned back to Ne' Chrome. "So," he began, avoiding answering Ne' Chrome's question, "What exactly was your relationship to the victim?"
"Ms. Nook is… was…" he chuckled slightly at his error, and Chancellor's eyes bugged out. "… my boss. She was a fine woman... I would often try to…seduce her, but well, it would seem I remind her too much of Salad Fingers to even be considered dateable."
That's it! Chancellor realized. That's exactly who this guy reminds me of!
"Other then that, would you say you two were on good terms?" Chancellor asked.
"Oh, mercy, no" Ne' Chrome chuckled. "She was always yelling at me about how I was scaring the other workers, how I was terrible at my job and should have been fired, and how I should cut my fingernails." He held up his hands to reveal his long, jagged, dirty, worn down nails. "But honestly, I think they help me do my job better. The workers don't dare cross me or…" his sentence trailed off eerily, and for the second time in several years, Chancellor feared for his life.
"Right then!" said Chancellor, again overcome with a desire to get out as soon as possible, "we're going to have to enter a plea of 'not guilty', and I'll be needing directions to both your house and your workplace."
"My… my workplace?" Ne' Chrome asked, confused.
"My motto is: 'Leave no stone unturned'" Chancellor recited. Because that way, even if I do mess my information up, I have the actual proof somewhere.
Ne' Chrome was impressed, and gave Chancellor the addresses.
"Duty calls!" yelled Chancellor in a chivalrous voice, and ran out of the room, relieved.
"Don't think you're going anywhere without me, buddy!" Cassandra yelled, chasing after him.
- 609 Posheton Estates, Ne' Chrome house. 5/20. 1:30 pm.
"So yeah, Ne' Chrome and my father have been friends since childhood" Cassandra finished as Chancellor pulled up to the curb outside Ne' Chrome manor. "I know he looks and acts a bit… well, creepy, but he's wouldn't hurt a fly."
"Why do I find that hard to believe?" Chancellor muttered under his breath, locking his car with a clicker. "Tell me, why did I let you come along again?"
"Because every lawyer needs a beautiful young woman to assist him on cases?" Cassandra implied, batting her eyelids.
"We'll go with 'young woman' and leave it at that, OK?" Chancellor chuckled.
Cassandra put on an over exaggerated frown, and looked back at Chancellor's car. "You know…" she mused, "I didn't even know they made green corvettes, and since when does a defense attorney have a car?"
Chancellor
laughed. "It's not against the law for a defense attorney to
have a car, you know. And with what I make, I can certainly afford
it!"
Cassandra looked at him with narrow, piercing eyes. "You
got it cheap because the owner went to jail, didn't you?"
"Four-hundred thirty-five dollars and sixty-seven cents" Chancellor admitted. "And it was worth every penny."
"AND JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE, LADY?" came a gravelly voice from the scene.
Cassandra jumped, literally, for the second time that day. Within a second she was back on her feet, proving to the world that hell hath not fury like a woman scorned.
"What on earth's the big idea, buddy?" she yelled at the man. "Do you enjoy sneaking up on innocent little children and barking at them in a strange demonic voice? Is that how you get you sick kicks? OOOOOOOOH! What the hell is this world coming to? There's you, there's him, there's Hugh Jackman, and there's…"
Tracy Spade peeked out from behind his upheld arm. "I didn't even notice you were there, girly!" He apologized. "I was talking to the lady next to you!"
"IT'S ME, DETECTIVE!" Now it was Chancellor's turn to snap. "Good gravy, I only show up habitually at every crime scene you investigate, you think you'd know I wasn't a woman by now!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Spade waved his hands, trying to calm his aggressors down. "I just wanted to know why you're here, I didn't know it was you, Mr. Moore!"
"Well that's alright then." Cassandra nodded her head. "I didn't know he was a man either until I heard him speak."
"Hey, wait a minute!" Chancellor reeled. "If you're going to be my assistant, you've got to be on my side, got it?"
"Wrong!" snapped Cassandra. "As your assistant, it's my duty to point out the error of your ways when your own character flaws blind you from the truth!"
"What? That's just… um…" Chancellor hung his head, not in shame, but in pain. The argument had given him a migraine. What was the point? "Fine" he conceded. "I'll admit, it is rather easy to mistake me for a woman… can we go in now?"
"You're not allowed inside the house!" Tracy barked. "It's a crime scene! Set one foot in there and you'll be looking at your own jail sentence, you hear?"
"But I thought detectives were supposed to be good friends with attorneys and help them solve cases! That's how it works in other stories!" Cassandra whined.
Chancellor looked at her. "This isn't a story, Cassie. This is real life."
"Says you!" snapped Cassie. "You don't have the power to break the fourth wall, now do you?"
"What the…" Chancellor sputtered. "There is no fourth wall! This is real, you… oh what's the use?" He hung his head in migraine again.
"Right…" Spade said uneasily. "Like I said, no going into the house, you got that? Any information you need about the crime is only going to come from one place, and that's from yours truly."
"So you will help us, then?" Chancellor asked.
"I wouldn't call it help" Spade muttered "I'd call it more like fighting fair…"
"That's the spirit!" chimed in Cassie, waving her fists around in the air. "Let's go! Let's knock this case out of the park! Let's let this case know its number is up! Let's…"
"So, detective!" Chancellor interrupted, causing Cassie to cross her arms and wrinkle her nose in a huff, "What exactly…er… happened, here?"
"The case, as we see it right now is open and shut" Spade explained. "We found Ms. Nook's body on Mr. Ne' Chrome's bed. We found a HAZMAT suit from the plant absolutely soaked in the victim's blood in the trunk of Mr. Ne' Chrome's Ferrari, leading us to believe that the murder actually occurred there, the plant, I mean, and that Mr. Ne' Chrome moved the body here to dispose of it. Ms. Nook was stabbed… well, more like ripped, through the throat; the blade went in around the center of her throat and came out the right side, taking the jugular out with it."
"Ouch" winced Chancellor. "Whoever did that has to have been packing some major muscle to rip all the flesh and blood out like that."
"Needless to say, it wasn't a pretty sight" Tracy concluded.
"Why arrest Mr. Ne' Chrome, though?" accused Cassandra. "Couldn't anybody have taken the body to his house and framed him?"
"Out of the question" Tracy shook his head. "We have security footage from the main gate and from the house across the street that makes the notion one-hundred percent impossible."
"Care to elaborate on that a little?" asked Chance hopefully.
"NOT A CHANCE, CHANCE!" barked Spade. "As if I'd tell you what the prosecution is planning to use for its case, do you think I'm a blundering moron?"
"Detectives in other stories are!" Cassandra countered.
Chancellor sighed, shaking his head. "If you just give us the autopsy report, detective, I promise I'll take this deluded child away, ok?"
"Deal!" said Detective Spade, and handed Chancellor the report.
"Hey! Deluded? Now you see here, buddy…"
Autopsy Report: Time of death: Between five and six pm, 5/19. Victim is thought to have died from a single wound, entering at the center of the throat and coming out the right side of the neck, slicing through the anterior and internal jugulars."
"There's more than one jugular?" Cassandra asked as they headed back to the car.
"I think there's three, actually, but I may be wrong" Chancellor mused.
"So what now?"
"Now we see what other tidbits we can get from 'the man'." Chancellor smiled. "And a very cute man, at that."
-Prosecutor's office. 5/20. 2:30 pm.
Tanya Krasivaya reclined comfortably in her plush office chair. The reports had all come in, the crime scene had been gone over with a fine-tooth comb, and all the evidence she needed to win was sitting in a protected bin inside police headquarters. She smiled to herself, shaking her head in wonder. It never ceased to amaze her how, in just twelve hours, a case could be solved, a truth could be revealed, and a killer could be brought to justice. It was just so easy. In fact, it was too easy.
She sat up, concerned at the thought she had just had. Is this job really getting too easy? She asked herself. Am I that good or are this town's defense attorneys that incompetent? She searched herself for a minute. The last time I actually felt challenged in court… she remembered… was with…
Knock, Knock, Knock!
"Come in!" said Tanya, momentarily shocked by the noise disturbing her thoughts. She looked up, and saw a casually dressed woman with shoulder length white hair walk in her room. Except it isn't a woman, she reminded herself. It's…
"Ms. Krasivaya?" asked Chancellor, softly closing the door behind him. "May I talk to you for a minute?"
"Mr. Moore" said Tanya, rising out of her chair and extending her hand. "A pleasure to see you again."
"Hey!" said Chancellor, smiling and taking her hand. "You remembered!"
Tanya smiled back. "I'm quite good with names, Mr. Moore."
"Not that" Chancellor dismissed with a wave. "You remembered that I'm a man!"
Tanya looked at him funny. "I don't see how one could forget, Mr. Moore, it was one of the biggest shocks of my life."
"Spade could" muttered Chancellor. "Even though he sees me practically every other day…"
Tanya chuckled. "Well, that's Spade for you. Not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed." She looked at Chance curiously. "What is it you're here for, Mr. Moore?"
"Well…" said Chancellor, a hand behind his head. "How are you, first of all?" he asked abruptly.
Krasivaya was momentarily startled by the suddenness of the question, but quickly recovered. "I've been doing alright," she said. "I can't really complain."
"Well that's good" Chance nodded. "I can't honestly see anything you'd have to complain about."
Silence. Both stood there, a bit put off by what the white-haired one had just said. Good gravy, I hate the people that write my dialogue… ack! Now I'm doing it too!
"Um… I didn't mean that to be quite so…" Chancellor began to explain.
"No, it's alright" Tanya said quickly. "I didn't think you meant…"
"Yeah, good… because I didn't."
"I wouldn't expect you to, I mean after all…"
"Yeah…"
There was silence again. It probably would have gone on for ages had a pig-tailed terror not gotten anxious sitting in the car.
"OK, I'M TIRED OF WAITING!" came a scream from the other side of the door. Chancellor made a face, and then ran to the door, trying to blockade it with his body. It was too late. Cassandra kicked open the door, a determined look on her face. "Ask her, Chance!" she demanded. "Ask her why… oh, dear, I'm sorry…" She pulled the door towards her, and Chancellor crawled out from where he had been slammed against the wall. "Anyway, ask her why they think Andy couldn't have been framed!"
Tanya laughed in amusement, and relief. "Who's this, Mr. Moore? Your little brother, perhaps?"
"Ha!" laughed Cassie. "As if this guy could have the honor of being related to…" she did a double take. "HEY, DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BOY?" "The NERVE of some people! What on earth would make you think…"
"I've learned not to take such things for granted" Krasivaya apologized. "You'll forgive me, I thought maybe his entire family was screwed up."
Cassie stopped yelling, and nodded in agreement. "Oh, well if that's the case, I suppose you're right. You never know with this guy."
"Hey!" defended Chancellor, still lying on the floor in pain. "My father is perfectly normal! Tell her! Tell her!"
"His adopted father is perfectly normal" Tanya told Cassie. "But I couldn't say the same for his real father."
"Who's his real father?" asked Cassie excitedly.
"Cassandra, think for a minute" Chancellor answered, standing up shakily, "if I was adopted, would I know who my real father was?"
Cassandra's face fell. "Oh… you're right… I'm sorry…." She glanced up at Chancellor, looking at him tenderly for the first time. "It must be hard…"
"Nah!" Chancellor dismissed. "I don't remember him at all; Thompson's been a great father to me anyway. Though I have to admit," he continued. "It would have been nice to have a mother…"
Cassie nodded. "I know what you mean."
Tanya cleared her throat. "Are you two going to sit around bonding all day, or are you going to stay focused?"
"I can't focus today" Chancellor whined, "I haven't had any chocolate-covered strawberries!"
Tanya stared at him for a moment with another queer look. She gave an over exaggerated sigh, rolled her eyes, and stooped behind her desk, emerging with a small metal box. "I don't know why I'm doing this, but… here." She opened the box, revealing no less than a dozen strawberries, smothered in milk chocolate.
Chancellor's jaw dropped, and he stared for a minute in amazement. "Amaxing…" he uttered. He turned to Krasivaya. "You've never been more beautiful than you are right now," he said in a sobbing tone. Krasivaya blushed, and Chance grabbed a strawberry, dropped it into his mouth, and allowed its richness to overflow his entire being.
-Twenty minutes later.
"Alright!" said Chancellor, finally allowing the last of the strawberry to drip down his throat. "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"M READYYYYYYYYY!" He struck his objection pose. "Yeah! You're going to tell us why Mr. Ne' Chrome was arrested!"
"I was?" Krasivaya asked. "When did I ever say that?"
Chancellor looked at her with a feigned look of hatred. "Krasivayaaaaaaaa" he growled.
She laughed. "Footage" she said. "We have security footage from the main gate and from across the street from Ne' Chrome's house. That's why we arrested him. No one else could have committed the crime."
"Right, right, Spade told us that" Chancellor said. "Do you care to tell us what was on the footage?"
Krasivaya smiled. "You'll see in court, won't you?"
"Yeah, but…"
"If you don't have any other questions, you can leave, Mr. Moore".
"What about the murder weapon?" Chancellor asked quickly, looking down into his chain and realizing he hadn't thought about that yet.
"I suppose I could tell you what the weapon was..." she smiled. "But what fun would that be? All I'll say for now is that it was something at the plant, and it was found in a broom closet."
Cassandra's jaw dropped. "You mean the murder weapon was some kind of sharp, metal broom?"
Chance and Tanya looked at her, not saying anything. "Yes" Tanya said sarcastically. "That's exactly what I meant."
Chancellor shook his head in amazement, and turned back to face Tanya. "Any witnesses we should know about?"
"Well…" Tanya thought for a moment. "The cleaner lady at the plant says she saw something…" Krasivaya stretched, flaunting her… (Don't make me say it) "…But from what I can tell, her testimony isn't all that important."
Ha! Chancellor thought that won't work on me! Whenever you stretch, you've got to be hiding something! … Kind of makes me wish you'd hide stuff more often…
"Well thank you for your time" said Chance. "I suppose we should be going then, thanks again Ms. Krasivaya."
But Cassandra wasn't moving yet. She shook her head and looked at the prosecutor with disdain. "Gosh, Dad was right!" She exclaimed. "You really will open up for this guy whenever, huh?"
Chance and Tanya both fell to the floor in shock. Had she just said that? Had she really just said that? The reason we can say that, folks, is because you only have to take in a perverted way if you want to.
"How dare he say something like that?" Tanya flustered. "Who… who is your father anyway?"
Cassandra put her finger next to her nose and winked. "I can't say; that'll ruin a major plot twist for a future case!"
Chance was going to remind Cassie that this was real life, not a story, but decided against it. "That's nice, Cassie, but you can tell your father that he's just plain wrong." He hauled himself from the floor and stood up straight. "As far as I know, there isn't anything going on here, understand?"
"Alright, fine…" Cassandra said, leaving the room slightly disappointed.
Chancellor turned to face Krasivaya. "Not that I'm against the idea." He winked at her and left. "DOSVEEDINYEH!"
"It's 'Da Sveedanya'" Tanya called back softly. She smiled. Maybe this job wasn't so boring after all.
-Safeguard Nuclear Plant, Main Gate. 5/20. 3:03 pm.
"Is that safe?" asked Cassie, peering in at the plant.
"Is what safe?" queried Chance.
"That" she pointed between two large silo-like structures at a large, open pit, occasionally letting out puffs of colored smoke.
"An open pit of nuclear waste?" asked Chance rhetorically. "Of course that's safe! Why wouldn't that be safe?" His voice so dripped with sarcasm it sounded like a leaky faucet. (That… doesn't quite work, does it?)
"Excuse me!" came an indignant voice from inside the gate. "I'll have you know that this complex is extremely safe. I won't have you spreading rumors in order to get our environmentally friendly, clean, and green nuclear power plant shut down!" The gates swung open, and a tall, crisp-looking man wearing a well-fitting Armani suit and a large, black, stovetop hat strode out to greet the two. "Can I do anything for you?" he demanded, clearly not wanting to do anything for them.
"You could let us in!" pleaded Cassandra, getting straight to the point. "I'd love you forever Mr… um…"
"Streng" finished the man, beginning to bounce up and down on the balls of his feet. "Abraham Streng, and no, you're not allowed in. This plant has very strict rules, you see, and for safety purposes, no unauthorized parties are allowed in!"
"I'm a lawyer," said Chance told him. "And I'm representing Mr. Ne' Chrome, your safety supervisor. Is that good enough for you?"
"No!" Streng replied. The bouncing intensified. "What possible connection does this plant have to do with Mr. Ne' Chrome's case?"
"Well, the police think the murder occurred here… and there's a witness here, no?" Cassie reminded him. "Can't we see her?"
"I'm under strict orders from the police not to let anyone in, or to let the witness speak with anyone, especially the attorney on this case!"
"Mr. Streng, do you want this plant to be sued?" asked Chance, threateningly.
"Wha-what on earth could you sue this plant for?" Abraham faltered.
"It's a nuclear power plant!" Chance replied. "It's all too easy to find something, especially if you're a lawyer." He pointed out.
Streng thought over Chance's words for a minute, and then put on a big smile.
"How do you do, good sir?" He cooed. "Would you like to come in? Is there anything I can help you with?"
Cassandra looked at Chance with sheer amazement. Chance smiled broadly and chuckled to himself. "Well for starters" he began "you can answer this girl's question, is this plant safe?"
"We follow the strictest of safety precautions here at Safeguard!" Streng informed them, straightening his tinted glasses. "That pit of waste you mentioned earlier is diluted with over a thousand gallons of cold water per day! If you fell in, you wouldn't be affected in the slightest!" He ran his hand through hair and put on a big smile. "I would know. The walkway caved in while I was walking yesterday, and I found myself taking a swim in it myself!"
"Yeah, that sounds safe!" Cassie interrupted. "By gosh Chance, maybe we should sue this plant! I mean that kind of thing is just unacceptable! You can't just allow people to fall into nuclear reactors! Why we ought to…"
"Calm down, calm down!" Streng soothed. "As manager of this place, I'm not about to sue myself! Besides, it was a freak accident! We thought that the building had been assembled under the strictest regulations, but it turns out that the architect cut a corner or two." He straightened his tie. "Besides, the only thing that happened to me was that my hair changed from black to greenish grey! And I'm certain that, under the strict hair treatment program my doctor has set out for me, it will be back to normal in no time!"
What kind of doctor prescribes a 'hair treatment' program? I'll have to ask Dad about that…
"So" Chancellor continued, "is the pathway fixed now?"
"Just about" Streng nodded. "We were a bit understaffed yesterday, so we've actually only just begun fixing it today."
"The more I hear about this plant, the more I find wrong with it…" Cassie whispered to Chance. She turned to face Streng. "You're Andy's boss, right? What's he like here at Safeguard?"
"Andre'…" Abraham mused. "He's an odd duck, at best. Has this strange fetish for really shiny, bright objects. He keeps a whole bunch of them in his office." He frowned. "Some of them are actually quite dangerous, weapons and such, and don't exactly follow regulations. Still, no matter how hard I tried…" he shook his head "I could never get Nook to make him get rid of them."
"But didn't Nook hate Mr. Ne Chrome?" Cassie asked, confused.
"With a passion" nodded Streng, bouncing even faster. "I never understood it really. She would always berate him, telling him to clean himself up, see a psychiatrist, go jump off a cliff…" he chuckled "I suppose she left him his collection so that he could retreat to it, find solace, and be somewhat refreshed when she came down on him the next day."
Gosh… you don't see unbridled hatred like that anymore these days… thought Chancellor.
"But other than that, I really have no complaints about the man" Streng finished. "He's a very good manager, owing to the fact that none of his employees dare cross him." He chuckled. "Always comes in on time at 8:00 and always leaves at 5:00 sharp so he can get home in time to watch 'Tales of the Crypt'."
You know… I can see Andre' adoring that show… If I'm not mistaken, that comes on every day at 5:30, so Andre' can't live too far away…
"So where exactly were youyesterday Mr. Streng?" asked Cassie, eyeing the manager suspiciously.
"Well, after I got out of the waste pit, I was immediately showered down and sent to be de-toxed." He beamed. "The team followed our strict safety codes, as per usual, and I wasn't released until six o'clock!"
So as far as we know, he has an alibi… mused Chance.
"Could we take a look around inside now?" he asked.
"Of course!" Streng smiled through clenched teeth. "Anytime! Come on in!"
-Safeguard Nuclear Plant. 5/20. 3:27 pm.
The inside of the plant was surprisingly simplistic. The large pit of nuclear waste occupied the center of the building. A small metal pathway had been constructed above this pit, and it ran the entire circumference of the building. On one side of this pathway was a small ledge about three feet of the ground, followed by a large steel wall that blocked the pit from view. On the other side were doors that led to various management offices.
"To your right, as you go down the hall" Streng motioned, "you'll see Andre's office, then Nook's, then Simpson's, and so on and so forth. My office is right near what has become the end of the hall for now, seeing as the pathway isn't completely repaired yet."
"Where can we find the witness?" Cassie asked hurriedly.
"Down at the very end of the hall, most likely" Streng offered. "That's where she found the…" he closed his mouth, began muttering to himself about strict orders, and began bouncing uncontrollably on the balls of his feet.
The broom closet! Chancellor remembered without aid from his chain. That's where Tanya said the murder weapon was found! "Thanks, Mr. Streng" he said, and began walking briskly down the hallway.
"Don't listen to him," said a deep, massive voice from the first office on the right. "He doesn't know what he's talking about."
"Why! Ms. Scrubbs!" Streng exclaimed, bouncing in surprise, "I didn't even see you there!"
Christine Scrubbs, a three hundred pound juggernaut of a janitor, laughed a full belly laugh. "You flatter me, Hammy," she said in a warm tone. "As if anyone could not see me! You should probably get your prescription checked, Hammy, you're eyes must be going something terrible!"
"Don't be like that!" cried Cassie, rearing up for another long rant. "Don't you dare be a stereotypical woman and let your figure define who you are! Beauty is like tapioca pudding! Sure, just a glance at it makes it seem as good as any other pudding, but once you dig deep into it and find out what it's really about, it's just overwhelmingly horrible, and it doesn't really matter in the slightest! Don't look at beauty as if it were tapioca pudding!"She panted heavily for several seconds. She had never actually finished a rant before.
Chance raised his hand shyly. "Um… Cassie? I… I like tapioca pudding, actually…"
"Well, you're not a woman now, are you Chancellor?" Cassie tutted.
"What does that have to… you know, never mind." Chancellor shook his head, feeling another migraine coming on. Why? Why on earth did I agree to let this girl be my assistant, even for a day?
"You're a man?" asked Scrubbs, looking over Chancellor carefully. "I have to say son, you've really gotten the whole transvestite thing down to a science, I never would have known!" She smiled, absolutely certain she had just paid Chance a compliment.
Chancellor began to twitch uncontrollably. "I'm… not… a transvestite…" he managed. "And I like women too, because I know that's the next question on your mind."
"Naw" said Scrubbs. "I personally follow the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. As far as I know, it doesn't offend anybody, so it's all good!"
Huh Chancellor thought. Something tells me this woman would be the ultimate grandmother.
"Go on, Hammy" he heard Scrubbs say. "I'll make sure these kids don't cause too much trouble."
Streng muttered to himself and walked down the hall to his office.
"SO!" Scrubbs yelled when Streng was out of earshot. "Christine Scrubbs, at your service! What can I do you for, kids?"
"We're here representing Mr. Ne' Chrome, and we want a basic outline of what happened!" Cassie blurted out.
"Well…" Chancellor clarified. "I'm representing Mr. Ne' Chrome… she's kind of just tagging along for today." Cassie gave an over exaggerated frown, then began poking around. "Anyway" Chance continued, "if I understand correctly, you're the one who found the supposed murder weapon, correct?"
"That's right" Scrubbs nodded, smiling.
"Could you tell us what it was?" Chance asked hopefully.
Scrubbs shook her head. "I don't really know what its called" she admitted "but it was part of Ne' Chrome's 'collection', if you could call it that." She pointed at two hooks on Mr. Ne' Chrome's wall, about seven feet apart. "It usually hangs right there."
Chance whistled. "That must be one big weapon."
Scrubbs nodded sadly, growing an additional two chins every time her head tipped down. "The one thing that gives me comfort after all this is that Ms. Nook must have died quickly." She shuddered. "What a sick, twisted man."
"You suspect Mr. Ne' Chrome?" asked Chance. The cleaning woman nodded. "Any particular reason, or..?"
"Nook and he would fight all the time" Scrubbs asserted. "I heard them fighting on that day too, and then, all of a sudden…" she stared out into space for a minute. "They stopped." A tear came to her eye. "If I had gone in to check on them at that moment, I might have been able to…"
"Don't think that" Chance reassured her. "We don't know whether that's when Ms. Nook died or not."
"It couldn't have been any other time," Scrubbs asserted. "Ne' Chrome left a bit after that. I thought it was odd, since it was later than he usually left."
Chancellor looked up with a start. "So then, what time did Mr. Ne' Chrome leave?" And why do I get the feeling that catching my client in a lie this early isn't a good thing?
Scrubbs thought for a moment. "I'd say it was around… 5:30 when he left the plant that night."
"You're sure?" Chance asked.
Scrubbs nodded. "I'd bet my life on it."
Chancellor gave a long, exasperated sigh. "Thanks for your time, Ms. Scrubbs. We'll speak again tomorrow."
"You know it!" she smiled. "See you then, Chancy!"
-Chancellor's Corvette. 4:17 pm.
Chancellor pulled the car on the side of the road, in front of an enormous building. "This is your house?" He asked, impressed.
"Yup" said Cassie. "Dad makes quite a bit of money doing what he does, so we're never in need of anything."
"What does he do?" asked Chancellor, thinking of a career change.
Cassie held a finger to the side of her nose and winked. "I can't tell you, remember? It'll spoil…"
"Right, right" Chancellor nodded, "it'll spoil a future plot twist, of course."
Cassie smiled and nodded, reaching into her pocket. "By the way, Chance" she said "while I was looking around the plant, I noticed something on the ledge…" she took out her cell phone, and brought up a picture of a footprint.
"You wait to tell me now?" asked Chance, shaking his head in migraine again. "You know cell phone pictures aren't admissible as evidence in court?"
"Really?" she frowned. "Well, it's not exactly clear or distinct, so we probably couldn't use it to prove anything anyway."
"And it could have been made by anyone too… still, it's a good thing to keep in mind, I suppose…"
Footprint picture: A picture of a footprint on a ledge at Safeguard. Not actually admissible as evidence.
"Mhm!" Cassie nodded, getting out of the car. "Alright then, see you in court tomorrow, Chance!" she called as she ran towards the house.
"Yeah," he said absentmindedly, "see you in… Hey! Wait a minute! You're not…" But she was already inside. Chance shook his head, a migraine coming on yet again. What have I gotten myself into? He asked himself. Oh hush his reflection in the rearview mirror said, try being considerate for once in your life! Something horrible has happened to her, and she wants to feel like she helping! He sighed. Yeah, I suppose you're right he admitted. He pulled out his phone, and called the first number on speed dial.
"Writchard Detective Agency, Ricky Rich speaking" came a voice on the other end of the line.
"Ricky! Buddy!" Chance said as he pulled away from the curb. "I've got another job for you guys!"
"Hit me" Ricky called back.
"I need you to send an agent down to Safeguard Nuclear Plant. See if you can get into their files, I want everything that mentions the following people:" he paused, waiting for Ricky to grab a paper and pencil, "Andre' Ne' Chrome, Ashley Nook, and Abraham Streng" he concluded.
"You got it" Ricky nodded. "What you doing for dinner tonight, man?"
"Whatever you're doing, from the sound of it" Chance laughed. "How about we go to Fondue Stew's? My strawberry tank is way too empty right now."
Ricky sighed. "Fondue again? You're lucky I'm a cheese-aholic or I swear I'd disown you." The detective laughed. "Fondue Stew's at 7:00, don't you dare stand me up, missy." He hung up.
Chancellor laughed and closed his phone. Fondue Stew's is a wonderful place… he thought. All the chocolate-covered strawberries you can eat, as long as you dip them yourself… And with that thought to cling to, he got on the highway and drove back to the office.
Author's note corner:
Name Origins again!
Andre' Ne' Chrome: Chrome, for his love of shiny objects.
Ashley Nook: Nook, as a name, is pronounced like 'Nook and Cranny'; but by itself, it can be pronounced like 'Nuke'. Ashley from 'Ash', which is all that's left after a nuclear explosion.
Abraham Streng: Streng is the Dutch word for 'strict'. Abraham from Lincoln, who also wore a stovetop hat. Take the name together, and you can see 'abraHAM STRENG' like 'Hamstring' which is the muscle he uses when he bounces up and down on his toes.
Christine Scrubbs: Christine sounds like 'pristine', which means clean/sanitary. Scrubbs come from 'scrubbing'.
Cassandra: Chosen because it reminds me of a young, female warrior. References her feisty, go get 'em nature.
Posheton Estates: Comes from 'posh' meaning high-class or aristocratic.
Safeguard Nuclear Plant: Is this thing safe? Really? Can a nuclear plant ever be 100 safe? Are you sure? Safe?
Learn Russian!
Meh, why not? Might as well, seeing as we have a Russian prosecutor.
ДО СВИДАНИЯ (pronounced 'Da Sveedanya'): Roughly means 'Good bye', 'See you later', or 'Until we meet again'.
ЗДРАВСТВЫЙТЕ (prounounced 'Zdrav stvee tye'): 'Hi'.
ТРУСЫЙ (pronounced 'Trucy'): 'Panties'. I'm dead serious. Chock one up for the Russian guy.