A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reading!! Special thanks to kcaitlin, I was a little stuck so she helped me.

Chapter 9

"We need to tell her."

"Lindsay?"

"Are you expecting another phone call?" She asked curtly.

"What time is it?" My sleep muddled brain was trying to catch up.

"6:30. Were you asleep? Sorry." That made me smile. She didn't sound the least bit sorry.

"Where are you? Why are you whispering?"

"I'm in my closet, Sierra is in the kitchen eating breakfast I don't want her to hear me." A slight chuckle escaped, the image created in my mind of Lindsay hiding in her closet from a six year old was just too funny.

"Okay, but I thought you wanted to wait to tell her?"

"She woke up this morning and told me she had the best dream ever. She said that you and I were in it, we were at Coney Island and you were her Daddy. She also said something about sea monkeys and popsicles, but I don't know what that means. Anyway she hasn't stopped grinning since."

"Oh wow."

"I need to talk to you face to face. Can I meet you somewhere? I just have to drop her off at school first."

"Yeah of course. wanna get some breakfast at that diner near the motel? Is 9 okay?"

"ummm…okay sure. Bye Danny."

I was still holding my phone. A smile slowly spreading across my face. I was so thrilled that Sierra wanted me to be her father, and that I was.

It was fifteen minutes after nine, and I was beginning to get anxious. Lindsay used to be extremely punctual. It was still hard to reconcile the Lindsay I knew in New York with Single mother Lindsay in Las Vegas. I worried that she might have changed her mind about telling Sierra. I actually sighed in relief when I heard the chime on the door and saw Lindsay coming in. She looked slightly disheveled, and absolutely stunning. Her wild curls were shaping her flushed cheeks.

"Hi Dan, sorry I'm late. We had a tennis shoe emergency." She sat down and started looking over the menu. With a small smirk she added, "I'm never on time for anything anymore." The conversation was light. It was almost normal. We both seemed afraid to breech the ease which we found ourselves in. We ate our breakfast in relative silence. I commented on the pleasant weather, she told me about the changing neighborhood. Nothing went deeper than the surface until the plates were cleared and I was working on my third cup of coffee.

"I need to know that you're serious Danny." She started without any preamble.

"I am. You know I am." I begged, I yearned for her to believe me, to trust me again.

"No I don't know you are. You've been with her for one afternoon. You guys had fun, played in the park, watched a movie. I need to know if we're going to do this, if we're going to tell her, you aren't going to leave when it gets hard. I will not put her through that. If you are going to bail, tell me now. I'd rather you just leave now if you're going to." She was searching my face for any sign of indecision.

"I'm not going to bail." And I wasn't. I knew I would never be able to walk away again.

"Okay. Well we'll also have to work out the logistics. I have a lot of vacation time, so I can take her to visit you in New York when she is out of school. When you have time off you can come out here. You can talk on the phone. It's not ideal but it's better than nothing. We can make it work." I knew this was the right time to be completely honest. Tell her what I had been thinking about for the past week, maybe I had actually been thinking about this for years.

"I'm all in. I mean it, Lindsay. I want this, and not just for holidays and weekends and the good days in the park. I want everything. I want the tears, the tantrums, I want to be there when she gets sick, and I want to scare away punk boys when she is a teenager. Anything. Everything." I could see it in her eyes that she was still struggling with herself to believe me. She was afraid that I'd get on the plane back to New York, decide fatherhood wasn't for me and never see them again. This was very fast. Just a little over a week ago I caught a cab to JFK. I had been short with a suspect after a double shift, Mac told to get out of there and go home. When I got home I realized that it wasn't my home and hadn't been for almost 7 years. It wasn't the first time I had to go with my instincts, but now I realized that even with the future uncertainty, to be in my daughter's life was worth it.

"So I've decided I'm going to move out here. I've already called and they need a guest forensics lecturer at UNLV. I'll get an apartment as near or as far away as you want me to be. But I want to be in her life." And I mustered up the courage and softly added "In your life." I was afraid of her reaction. Did she even want me in the same state? I raised my eyes to hers and saw the unshed tears in her eyes.

We decided to tell Sierra that evening. Lindsay and I parted in the diner parking lot, with arrangements to meet later. I was itching to touch her. I had to restrain myself from launching myself at her. Her lips looks so soft, and I wondered if her hair would still felt as silky when I ran my fingers through it. Instead I gave her forearm a slight squeeze. The instant I touched her skin I could feel the spark, the surge of electricity, and then the slow burn. It was still there.

I knew what I had to do; I had to tell my mother. Tell her of the mistake I made and how I was going try and fix it. Tell her I did the worse possible thing a man could do to the woman you loved and your child. I was happy I was so far away. I didn't want to see the look on her face or be within cuffing distance.

"Hi Ma, It's me. I have something to tell you. You have to promise to listen to me and not freak out."

"Daniel, is something wrong?"

"No everything is great now. Or it will be great now."

"I'm not sure I understand." I decided just to get it out there. Quickly.

"I have a child, a daughter."

"You mean you are having a daughter. Oh, Daniel that's wonderful! I didn't know you were seeing anyone. When is the baby due? You'll have to get married of course, a bit out of order but that seems quite common these days. Oh I'm so happy."

"No Ma. I have a daughter. She is 6."

"I don't understand. You've had a child all this time? I've had a granddaughter all this time?"

"Yes. I couldn't tell you because I walked out on them, on Lindsay."

"Oh Daniel." In the silence the disappointment was mixed with astonishment.

"Well the reason why I'm telling you all this now, is because I've decided to move out to Las Vegas to be closer to them. To start to rebuild my life. Lindsay is letting me be a part of Sierra's life. That's her name, Sierra. She is so beautiful, so funny and so so smart. You'll love her. She is more than I deserve."

"Are you happy?"

"Yeah I really am. I'm the happiest I've been in years."

"It makes sense now. I knew something was wrong, that you were hiding a great pain. Suffering from something that hurt you very deeply. I'm glad that you are doing this now."

"Me too. I'll see to you soon Ma. I'll have to go back soon to get my stuff."

"I love you Daniel."

"I love you too Ma. Good bye."

That conversation actually went a lot better than I thought it would. She genuinely seemed proud of my recent changes. I understood that a mother could always suspect when something was not right with their children. I hadn't been right for years. I felt like someone working through the 12 steps and I had a long list of people to make amends with.