Disclaimer: Ace Attorney is the property of Nintendo. Chancellor Moore is a fan fiction and nothing Moore. So please support the official release. Got it? Damn straight you got it.
The Giant Radioactive Turnabout
(Trial, part 1)
-District Courthouse, Defendant's lobby 3. 5/21. 9:45 am.
"How to begin… how to begin…"
These were the words Chancellor muttered to himself as he sweated over his opening statement. (By a strange coincidence, they're also the words the author muttered to himself when sweating over how to start this chapter.)
Ladies and gentleman, when you look upon the face of the defendant, I want you to consider an age-old adage: 'Never judge a book by its cover'. … I'm sure Andre' would love my saying that; it would do so much for his self-esteem. He frowned and racked his brain harder. Friends, fellows, countrymen, lend me to your ears! I come to raise Ne' Chrome, not to bury him. He shook his head. No… that sounds good, but I have the sneaking suspicion that it's been used somewhere before…
"Pre-case jitters, eh Moore?" came a voice from the hallway.
Morage Thenue strode into the defendant's lobby, taking a seat next to Chance. "Whatever happened to that overconfident, cocksure attitude I've come to hate so much?"
"It all evaporated the moment I looked at my client's face" Chancellor admitted. "Granted, I'm not exactly an authority when it comes to looks, but…" he shook his head. "One look at him and the entire courtroom will assume he's guilty. It's that bad."
"Did youassume he was guilty as soon as you saw him?" Queried Morage.
"Well, no…" Chance answered. "But…"
"Then what makes you think anyone else will?" Chancellor sat for a moment, pondering what Morage had just said. Morage continued, "As you go through life, Moore, you'll find that people are, for the most part, superficial, and act that way in their day to day lives. But in a courtroom…" he paused. "Even the lowest sort of man finds the courage to see people for who they really are." He stood up. "Except for you, of course," he added. "As soon as they see you, they'll assume you're a woman. That you can't change."
"Gee... thanks." Chance said. Morage rolled his eyes and began to walk away. "No, really!" Chance called after him, causing the older man to turn. "Thank you. That helped a lot, actually… well, except for the last part."
Morage let out a low grunt. "Just don't put us to shame in there, alright?"
"ALRIGHT!" came Cassandra's voice as she kicked the doors open. "Cassie and Chrome here, ready to kick some prosecutor butt!"
Morage looked from the young girl to Chance, then back to Cassie. He shook his head in disbelief, muttering something along the lines of 'What is the world coming to these days', and left.
Cassie was silent for a moment, then pointed out the door and asked, "Who's the stiff?"
"My father" Chancellor said, acting offended.
"Really?" Cassie said worriedly. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…"
Chance laughed, and Cassie knew right then and there he was kidding. "Ooooh!" she screamed. "Why I ought to…"
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeee" Ne' Chrome said, in a warble that was halfway between a whine and a coo. Chancellor cringed, but caught himself in time to make it unnoticeable. Ne' Chrome noticed. "You… you're scared of me, aren't you?" he said sadly and angrily. "You think I'm a horrible person, don't you?"
"No!" Chancellor reassured. "No, of course I… well, a tiny bit, yeah." He held up two fingers closely together to illustrate how small the feeling was. "But only the scared of you part; I don't think you're a horrible person, Andre'." Chancellor expected Ne' Chrome to be offended, but instead, the gaunt man chuckled.
"Well… I suppose I can't fault you for that." He leaned closer to Chance and dropped his voice down to a raspy whisper. "After all… I am a very scary person." He gave an eerie chuckle, and Chance, relieved that he no longer had to hide his reactions from his client, backed away.
Cassandra shook her head, as if disappointed. "Chancellor, Chancellor, what are you going to do when you meet the real freaks of the world?"
"Run" Chance answered, ignoring the fact that the question was rhetorical.
"Funny" Cassie lashed back, not laughing. "You know, you're kind of high on the freak scale yourself, Chance."
"Which is why I don't look in mirrors" Chance shot back.
Cassie paused for a minute, nodding slightly. "Fine. Be that way." She brightened up. "So what's the plan for the trial, Chance?"
"Well, seeing as we really don't have all that much evidence to work with…" Chance began, fiddling with the autopsy report in his briefcase, "We wait until Krasivaya presents the evidence she thinks will close the case for good, and then we use it all against her!"
"What… what if that doesn't work?" Ne' Chrome asked nervously.
"Oh, it'll work" Chance reassured him. "It always works. It's the mark of a good attorney to be able to make a case out of absolutely nothing." He stopped abruptly, thinking over what he had just said. That… probably didn't boost his confidence much…
But surprisingly, Ne' Chrome became more relaxed. "Well then… I suppose I've nothing to worry about then, seeing as we have absolutely nothing. We'll win for sure!" He smiled broadly, and then strode into the courtroom, not caring that the trial hadn't started yet.
Chance and Cassie stared after him. "Is he always…"
"Yup" Cassie nodded. "He's never been the best at logic, yeah."
Chancellor sighed. "Well that's a relief. Ignorance is bliss, after all."
The bailiff motioned for them to enter the courtroom, and the trial began.
-District Courthouse, Courtroom 5. 10:00 am.
"All rise!" yelled the bailiff. "The honorable Judge Domino presiding!"
Domino? Chance thought. But isn't the judge in this court…He stopped as he saw Judge Scotty enter the courtroom. "Your last name is Domino, Scotty?" Chance asked. "Why have I not heard this before?"
"I tell all of our bailiffs to introduce me as Judge Scotty" Scotty explained as he sat down. "This one is brand new though, so he has an excuse to be… ignorant." The bailiff gave an embarrassed wave and stood in a corner.
"Come to think of it" Krasivaya said from the other side of the courtroom, "Scotty is just a nickname, isn't it? We don't know your real first name either!"
"Well, um, yes, you see…" Scotty stuttered. "I don't really… like, my first name, so… too bad."
"It's Scotland, isn't it?" asked Cassie.
Judge Scotty reeled back. "What? Of course it isn't! It's…" He gave an embarrassed smile. "Ok, yeah, it is." He looked at the young girl curiously. "And you are?"
"Cassandra" she said with a wave. "I suppose I'm this guy's assistant for now" she explained, pointing at Chance.
"Oh, well it's about time you got one of those, Chance" Scotty congratulated. "Honestly, I've been worried what would happen to you should there come a time where your own character flaws blind you from the truth!"
Chance shot Cassie a 'don't say anything' look. Cassie smiled, locked her mouth, and threw away the key.
"Ahem." Scotty cleared his throat. "As enlightening as this chat has been, perhaps it would be best if we moved onto the trial?"
"Whatever you say, your honor" said Krasivaya. "I'd like to make my opening statement now, if you don't mind."
Scotty nodded. "Very well, Ms. Krasivaya. You may proceed."
Tanya flicked her hair back, and began to pace around the courtroom. "Ladies and gentleman of the court, Mr. Andre' Ne' Chrome has been accused of the most heinous crime a man can commit, taking the life of another individual. Ms. Ashley Nook was a frail, defenseless woman with great ambition and an incredible will to succeed, and now she is no longer with us. Mr. Ne' Chrome is charged with taking a blade, overpowering this woman, and savagely ripping out her throat, then taking the body back to his own house to 'dispose of'." Tanya stopped moving for a moment. "Now, I ask this court" she pointed accusingly at Ne' Chrome. "Is this the face of a cold, heartless killer?" She paused for a moment. There was silence.
"Um… well" someone in the audience ventured. "Yeah… yeah, it kind of is." Chancellor hung his head. It was going to be a long day.
Tanya smiled. "Exactly my point, good sir. But not only does Mr. Ne' Chrome have the face of a killer, he has the mentality of a killer and the brutality of a killer, and the reality is that this man is a murderer! And after all the evidence is presented, this will be an undeniable truth."
Scotty nodded. "Thank you, Ms. Krasivaya. Compelling and overly-dramatic as usual." He turned to Chance. "Well, Chancellor? What do you have to say to that?"
Chancellor laughed a nervous laugh, a hand behind his neck. Good gravy, what do I say to that?He sighed, and looked down at his reflection in his chain.
"Ladies and gentleman of the court!" Chancellor yelled suddenly, causing the entire room to snap to attention. "Society today has become overly obsessed with image. Frivolous questions about appearance threaten the self-esteem and self-worth of every man, woman, and child alive." He gazed around the courtroom, his eyes stopping momentarily on individuals in the court. "Is my face clear? Will I fit into my bikini from last year? Do I look good enough to succeed?" He smashed his fist down onto the table. "These are questions that nobody should ever ask themselves! I say to you, as an example in my own right, that appearances are not an indicator of anything!" He motioned towards Andre'. "Mr. Ne' Chrome looks like a murderous madman? Fine. But that doesn't make him one. The evidence looks like it all points to him? Fine. But that doesn't mean it does." He took a deep breath, as if to calm himself down. "Not guilty" he stated. A little boy in the audience broke into applause, and was quickly hushed by his father. What kind of father takes his son to see a murder trial? Chance thought, but he nodded appreciatively all the same.
"A rant worthy of being called my own" Cassie complimented.
"Thank you, Chance. Improvised and slightly off-topic as usual… but we really didn't need to know that you wear bikinis… I'll have nightmares for weeks now" Scotty muttered. Chancellor thought about objecting, but resigned himself to simply sighing heavily and hanging his head in migraine. Scotty turned back to Tanya. "Ms. Krasivaya? Your first witness, if you please."
"Of course, your honor" she said. "The prosecution calls a familiar face, Detective Tracy Spade, to the stand."
As Spade took the stand, he looked at Chancellor curiously. "Wow" he said, looking Chance over. "You're really pretty! Can I have your number when this is over, lady?"
"DETECTIVE SPADE!" yelled Chance incredulously. "IT'S ME!"
Spade jumped. "Ack! Sorry about that, Mr. Moore." He looked away, embarrassed. "You have to understand, I come from a generation when men were men, and women were women, and nickels were actually made of nickel, not this zinc stuff they have now, so you being a guy is still kind of hard for me to grasp."
Chance looked at Spade curiously. Wait… just how old is this guy?
"Anyway" continued Spade, getting back to the subject at hand, "if you'll still hear me out, I'd like to give the basic outline of the case for you all."
"That's what you're here for, Mr. Spade" said Krasivaya. "You may testify."
Spade cleared his throat. "Here's our interpretation of what happened that day. Mr. Ne' Chrome got into an argument with Ms Nook in his office, and in a rage, he grabbed a weapon from his collection and slashed her throat open. He put her into a HAZMAT suit from his office to prevent any more blood from leaking out, cleaned up whatever blood was spilled, hid the weapon away in a broom closet, and stuck the body in the trunk of his car. He then drove it home. He was most likely going to dispose of it later, but we, being the ultra-super police force that we are, caught up with him before he could!"
"The weapon in question, your honor, for inspection" Krasivaya presented, pulling out a seven-foot long scythe from behind the bench.
Chancellor's jaw dropped. That thing is huge! And deadly! And so freaking awesome!
Cassie whistled. "I want one of those," she said.
"With all the money your dad makes, you could probably afford one" Chance noted.
The blonde grinned. "Yeah, you're probably right."
Child's HAZMAT suit: Suit for handling toxic chemicals, the inside contains massive traces of Ms. Nook's blood, and the outside bears a tiny bit of splatter.
Scythe: Seven feet long, weighs roughly fifty pounds. Has a single blade, almost completely covered in the victim's blood. Andre's fingerprints located in the middle of the handle.
"As you can see," Krasivaya pointed out. "There is no question that Mr. Ne' Chrome handled this weapon."
"But there is a question as to when he handled this weapon, and for what purpose" Chancellor interjected. "Keep in mind that Mr. Ne' Chrome does own that scythe, and he would have to handle it in order to mount it on his wall!"
"Duly noted" Scotty nodded. "Though, I have to admit, I would have considered that whether you had pointed it out or not. You may cross-examine now, if you like, Chance."
Chancellor nodded. "Mr. Spade, you made the claim that the victim's body was in the trunk of my client's car, yes?"
"That's right" Spade barked.
"Do you have any proof of that?" Chancellor stressed.
"As a matter of fact, we do" Spade countered. "As you probably noticed, Mr. Ne' Chrome didn't exactly pick a big enough suit to cover Ms. Nook's body, so we found traces of her blood in the trunk of his car!" He held up an envelope. "A report from the forensics department, your honor."
"Accepted into evidence" Scotty nodded.
Forensics Report, Mr. Ne' Chrome's trunk: Small patch of blood found that matches Ashley Nook's blood type, as well as tiny sample of same blood on the trunk's latch.
"And TAKE THAT!" Spade barked. "Er… I mean, take this! Here's the footage you wanted to see yesterday. Have a look! The only thing it shows is that Mr. Ne' Chrome drove home alone that day, and that he was the only person to enter his house! Besides us, of course." He added.
Footage (main gate): Timestamp: 6:35 pm. Mr. Ne' Chrome drives his red Ferrari through the gate, and the camera catches a brief glimpse of the cab. Inside can be seen Mr. Ne' Chrome, an oddly-shaped package, and an oversized bag labeled 'Boston Delicatessen'.
Footage (Ne' Chrome's house): Timestamp: 6:41 pm. Mr. Ne' Chrome pulls into his garage and the garage door closes. Mr. Ne' Chrome can be seen briefly as he gets out of the car and takes both the large package and the bag out the cab. No one else is seen on the tape until the police arrive.
Chancellor hung his head. He's right. No one else came to the house, so the only way the body could have been moved there… was by Mr. Ne' Chrome's own car. "The defense concedes that the body was transported by Mr. Ne' Chrome's car" he said. "But we hold that Mr. Ne' Chrome had no knowledge that there was a body inside!"
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"Oh, come off it, Mr. Moore!" Tanya yelled. "I suppose you're going to tell me that the cadaver moved itself out of the car and into the house?"
Chancellor swallowed hard. If he lost his cool now, the situation would only get worse. "The defense has nothing to say to that effect. I will, however, continue my cross-examination, if you don't mind, Ms. Krasivaya."
"Ooh!" Tanya cooed, batting her eyelids seductively. "Are we going to act like a big boy now, Mr. Moore?" She stretched for several seconds, giving a soft yawn. "I'm not sure if I like that" she flirted.
Must… remain… focused… "Mr. Spade?" he got out. "Um… er… right! Uh… Why do you… um… what is the police's… view… of" Damn it Krasivaya, stop stretching! "of… why… Mr. Ne' Chrome…tookthebodytohishouse?"
"Well, that's an interesting question" Spade commented. "I would think it's obvious!"
"Please just answer the question," Chance begged, forcing his eyes shut.
"Well, it was the only way he had to dispose of the body!" Spade affirmed. "Well, maybe not the only way, but certainly the easiest way, and the way that would ensure he wasn't caught!"
Chancellor felt a familiar tug at the back of his mind, and his eyes flew open. I live for these moments.
'OBJECTION!' sung in a very relieved F major.
"Actually" Chance began, "if I were a killer… which I'm not, by the way," he added, responding to Scotty's sudden look of shock. "But if I were a killer, I would want to get rid of the evidence of my deed as quickly as possible!"
"I would dump the body into the nuclear waste pit below my very feet!"
Cut to a murmur-murmur scene.
"Think about it!" said Chance. "Doesn't it seem odd that Mr. Ne' Chrome would not take advantage of the pathway being broken to quickly remove himself from suspicion? After all, work on the pathway didn't begin until yesterday! He wouldn't have been seen by anyone!"
"By taking the body home with him, Mr. Ne' Chrome proves himself unaware of it's presence!"
He looked over at Tanya, waiting to see how she would respond. His face fell. She was smiling. "Mr. Moore, I have to admit, that does make a lot of sense."
He perked up. "It does, doesn't it? Not guilty, right?"
She shook her head. "Wrong. For you see, Mr. Ne' Chrome had a motive for bringing the body home with him, regardless of whether it was the smart thing to do." She took a paper from her briefcase, flourishing it for the entire courtroom. "You see, Mr. Moore, it turns out that Andre' Ne' Chrome… is a Necromancer!"
"WHOA!" yelled Cassie, turning to Andre'. "You're a servant of the Lich King? What the heck man, you're supposed to tell me these things!" She slapped him on the arm, causing him to cringe slightly. "I've always wanted to be a banshee, you know! I've always wanted to be able to yell and cause people to cower in fear, to wail and cause people to cringe in pain, to simply speak and cause any man to freeze up in terror!"
"Sounds pretty accurate to me," Chance muttered.
"Hey! It is not! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYY!" she wailed, causing the courtroom's inhabitants to cringe in pain. "Tell him not to say stuff like that!"
"Yes, you're quite right, miss," said Scotty, tapping his gavel lightly on the desk. "The defense will refrain from personal, if not accurate, attacks on… erm… itself." He turned to Tanya. "And I think, Ms. Krasivaya, if you had said necrophiliac, then this confusion could have been avoided."
"Oh, is that the word?" Tanya asked, blushing out of embarrassment. "I'm sorry…"
"Not at all" pardoned Scotty. "The report is accepted into evidence."
Andre's Psychiatry Report:
Safeguard Nuclear
Date: 4/18.
Time: 4:00 pm.
Patient: Ne' Chrome, Andre'
Examining Doctor: Friday, Jaden.
Patient is prone to violent outbursts under pressure, and has also been diagnosed with necrophilia. Sedatives prescribed, and further psychiatric counseling is strongly suggested.
"We put the 'clear' in nuclear"
Damn it! thought Chance. I've pressed Spade on nearly everything, and it's all backed up with non-contradictory evidence! Don't tell me the police department… actually did a thorough job?
"As you can see" Krasivaya showed. "This report even accounts for Ne' Chrome's… 'Less than professional' response to criticism." She held both hands up in a classic Edgeworth pose. "What more is required, your honor? I think the proof is sufficient."
'Hold it!'yelled Chance. "What about the next witness? Isn't Christine Scrubbs going to testify?"
"I told you yesterday, Mr. Moore" Krasivaya grinned. "She says she saw something, but it's nothing different than what we already know. As far as I'm concerned, calling Ms. Scrubbs as a witness would be a monumental waste of time."
"Then I'll call her as a witness, if you won't!" Chance shot back. "I'm not going to let this slide so easily!"
"Your witness then, Mr. Moore" she said seductively. "Detective Spade!" she ordered, "you're done here."
Spade gave a salute. "Yes Ma'am! I'll have the next witness come right up!"
"Not so fast, Detective" said Scotty. "My RLS is acting up, so I'm going to have to call a twenty minute break to stretch my legs." He banged his gavel. "Court is now in recess!"
-District Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby 3. 11:02 am.
"Oh wonderful, simply wonderful!" Andre' cheered as the three waited in the defense's lobby.
"Andre'… you nearly got a guilty verdict in there" Cassie pointed out. "How can you be so happy?"
"It's like Mr. Moore said, isn't it?" the creepy man answered ignorantly. "We've got absolutely nothing, nothing, so I'm guaranteed to be found innocent! Oh wonderful, wonderful!"
Cassie whispered to Chance. "Well, at least you've got his hopes up… that's half the battle right there."
"Tell me about it" said Chance. "Though it's not just him, for some reason most of my clients have this unwarranted faith that they'll be found innocent. Perhaps I'm a very reassuring person?"
"Perhaps…" Cassie muttered. "But then… wouldn't I feel better about the trial too?"
Chance looked at her for a moment hesitantly, and then gently wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Hey… cheer up." She sniffed, and Chance noticed tears falling down her face. "Oh, come on… don't do this to me…" He wiped away a tear. "Have a little faith, ok? I'm sure that Ms. Scrubbs will say something that turns this whole thing around!"
Cassie looked up at him. "You… you really think so?"
Chance nodded. "This is nothing new" he assured her. "In cases where someone is innocent, all it takes is the smallest loose string to unravel a tapestry of lies. Besides, there must be a reason Krasivaya doesn't want it on the record. If there's even one inconsistency in the whole thing, I'll find it. You have my word."
"And if he can't save the day, then I will!" came a heroic voice from outside. The doors flew open, and in bounced a private detective of Hispanic descent. "Ricardo Writchard reporting Ma'am!" He sprung to a mock salute.
"Ricky!" Chance said, grasping the detective's hand and shaking it furiously. "It's about time you showed up! Did you find anything?"
"Hard luck on the assignment, I'm afraid" the man responded, absentmindedly playing with a curl of his red hair, "the police department has locked off all company records for the time being; a direct violation of the Freedom of Information Act, by the way… unfortunately, when I told them that, they told me that my assignment only entitled me to information from the day of the crime, and they gave me these." He held up a file marked 'Safeguard: 5/20'. "I've already sorted through and highlighted the papers that concern the people you mentioned… and I'm sorry to say, it ain't much."
Safeguard: 5/20, page 1:
From the desk of Ashley Nook.
Memo: To whom it may concern,
Date for Friday meeting TBA.
Safeguard: 5/20, page 2:
Report from Detoxification Department.
Mr. Streng taken in to DETOX after falling into waste pit. Quickly washed down and detoxified, no adverse side effects seen except slight hair discoloration. Released at 6:00 pm.
Safeguard: 5/20, page 3:
From the desk of Abraham Streng
Memo: Staff,
Do not forget! Friday, after work, attend this year's company picnic! Keep in mind that you still represent our company, so our strict yet fair guidelines about professional behavior still apply. Other than that, have a blast!
"Like I said" Ricky iterated. "Not exactly much to work with, is it?"
"We'll figure something out, rest assured buddy." Chance clapped the P.I. on the back. "Thanks man".
"Yeah!" Cassandra cheered. "Thanks Mr… erm…"
"Please, just call me Ricky" Writchard insisted. "I'm barely an adult as it is, and I hang out with this guy so…"
Cassie laughed. "I can only imagine." She smiled.
"Well!" Ricky said abruptly. "I need to be getting back to the office; the employees will mutiny if they find out I'm giving away services for free again." He winked. "Later!" He bounded out of the room in an effort to look heroic. It was actually quite good.
Cassandra looked after him for a minute. "So… he's your age, or?"
"Three years younger, actually" Chance corrected. "He and I go way back; heck, I'm pretty sure he was waiting at my hospital bed when I woke up…"
-Flashback-
An eleven-year-old boy with curly, red hair walks into Chancellor's hospital room.
'Hi, I'm Ricky, and you don't know me yet, but I'm going to be your friend from now on!"
-End Flashback-
Chancellor laughed. "He's a great guy; kind of like the little brother I never had."
Cassie shook her head. "Well isn't that something?" she said in a soft voice.
Chancellor nodded. "Yes ma'am, I believe it…"
"You've actually proven that no one related to you can be normal," Cassie laughed.
District Courthouse, Courtroom 5. 11:19 am.
BANG, BANG, BANG! Rang Scotty's gavel.
"Thanks everyone." said Scotty. "You can't imagine the torment I go through not being able to move my legs." He cleared his throat. "The trial of Mr. Andre' Ne' Chrome will now come to order! Ms. Scrubbs, if you would approach the stand."
Christine Scrubbs struggled to climb the two steps leading up to the stand, and finally sat down with a sigh of relief.
"Um… Ms. Scrubbs?" said Scotty. "The stand is… up another step…"
"Oh don't you worry about me, dear" Scrubbs insisted. "I'll be just as able to testify here as I am…" she stopped, looking at Chancellor with sudden concern. "Chancy!" she called out. "You look positively famished, dear! Don't tell me you've been skipping breakfast now." Chance began to speak, but Scrubbs cut him off. "Ah! Don't say anything. I've got just what you need." She reached into her uniform's pocket and tossed a box to Chancellor. "There you are, honey, three absolutely delectable chocolate-covered strawberries. Don't eat them all at one time now, honey!"
Chance was struck silent for a minute. "Ms. Scrubbs, will you marry me?" He heard himself say.
"Oh, hush you sweet-talker you" the janitor laughed.
"AHEM." Tanya tapped her foot impatiently on the floor.
"OH! Goodness, I'm sorry, did you want some too? Here you are then" Scrubbs apologized, tossing another box to the prosecutor's bench. "Always carry an extra, just in case."
"Oh? OH! Well…" Tanya blushed. "Thank you… but that's not exactly what I had in…"
"Ah! Don't say anything." Scrubbs interrupted. "I've got just what you need." She straightened up, looking directly at Judge Scotty. "The name is Christine Scrubbs, honey, and I'm a janitor at Safeguard Nuclear Power."
Tanya was silent for a minute. "Thank you, Ms. Scrubbs. Perhaps you could…?"
"Ah!" Scrubbs interrupted. "Don't you worry about a thing, honey, I've got it covered." She cleared her throat and began to testify.
"The incident I'm here to testify about occurred at around 5:00 or so. I was cleaning out Mr. Simpson's office when I heard these terribly loud shouts coming from Mr. Ne' Chrome's office! Now, I'm no busybody, so I wasn't straining to hear what they were saying, but I did notice when, all of a sudden, the arguing just… stopped." She paused for a moment, wiping away a tear from her eye. "That was around… 5:10 or so, and Mr. Ne' Chrome left the building at 5:30."
"Uncanny" Scotty said. "How on earth do you do that? Does it work for everyone? Can you guess what I need right now?" The testimony had, quite obviously, flew right over Scotty's head.
"Honey, one look at you just screams 'RLS medication'."
"How did you…?" stuttered Tanya.
"When did you…?" stuttered Chance.
"WHAT?" yelled Scotty. "You mean to tell me they have medicine for Restless Legs Syndrome?"
"Boy, don't you watch any TV?" Scrubbs shook her head. "Here, I'll tell you what I'll do. Next time I go to the doctor's office, I'll talk with him and see if I can get you some samples, alright honey?"
"Thank youMs. Scrubbs!" Scotty beamed. "You may testify now."
Silence.
"Scottyyyy" Cassie whispered. "We're on the cross-examination stage now."
"Oh… really?" Scotty asked, flushing with embarrassment. "Thank you, Cassie. Chance! Go on then. You may cross-examine."
"Although seeing as it's the defense's witness, it's actually a direct examination" Tanya pointed out. Ladies and gentlemen, the educational requirement of this chapter has been fulfilled.
Chance gave a slight nod, and began. "Ms. Scrubbs, how sure are you about the times you mentioned in your testimony?"
"Sure as can be, honey" Scrubbs answered. "Mr. Simpson has this gigantic clock on his wall, so I couldn't miss the time."
"Thank you" said Chance. "You mentioned that you weren't trying to hear what they were saying… nevertheless, did you hear what they were saying?"
"Only bits and pieces here and there," Scrubbs recalled. "Mostly things like 'oh yeah?' and 'I can't believe you!'. You know, generic random argument phrases."
"Very well then. Ms. Scrubbs, when you saw Mr. Ne' Chrome leave, was he acting nervous or jumpy at all?"
"When I saw Mr. Ne' Chrome leave…?" Scrubbs muttered. "I don't think I ever said anything about seeing Mr. Ne' Chrome leave, Chancy!"
"But you stated with certainty at what time he left the building!"
"Oh that" Scrubbs dismissed. "Mr. Ne' Chrome's car makes a pretty distinct noise when it's fired up, and I saw the car leave the lot through a window by the front door."
"But!" Chance began to object. "A car and an individual are not the same thing!"
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"Mr. Moore, I believe it has been quitesufficiently proven that Mr. Ne' Chrome was the driver of the vehicle." Tanya batted her eyelids. "But nice try, though" she said seductively.
Chancellor shivered for a minute, but forced himself to remain under control. "So, allow me to clarify, Ms Scrubbs" he continued, "you never actually saw Mr. Ne' Chrome after the arguing stopped?"
"That's right, honey. In fact, up until I finally left the office at around 5:20, I didn't see or hear anyone!"
'OBJECTION!' sung in… oh, just sung.
"Ms. Scrubbs, I'm sorry to say this… but that directly contradicts this piece of evidence!" He held up the autopsy report.
"Um… Chance?" asked Scotty. "How is that piece of evidence and this testimony at all related?"
"Well you see, this was found in… oh, wait…" Chance quickly set the autopsy report back down. "Sorry, wrong evidence! The testimony actually contradicts this!" He held up the scythe.
"How… on earth…" Tanya wondered. "Can you mix up two things as different as a piece of paper and a giant metal scythe?"
"Oh c'mon, you know you love it" Chance winked.
"That may be true, Mr. Moore, but I still don't see…"
"You wouldn't understand, my dear. You're not smart enough."
"The contradiction, Chance?" Scotty pressed.
"Right! The contradiction! It's with what Ms. Scrubbs said just now, that she didn't see anybody!" He pulled out a floor plan of the plant. "Look at this diagram. Ms. Scrubbs claims she was here, in Mr. Simpson's office. The scythe was found here, in the broom closet, and the argument took place here, in Mr. Ne' Chrome's office!" He waited for everyone to catch up. "Now, the prosecution claims that Ms. Nook was killed in Mr. Ne' Chrome's office, spur of the moment, with said scythe. The contradiction lies in the fact that this question has NO ANSWER!"
"How did Mr. Ne' Chrome move the scythe from his office to the broom closet without Ms. Scrubbs seeing him?"
Chancellor heard a small grunt emanate from the prosecutor's bench. Perfect.
"Well, you see…" Krasivaya explained. "The plant's walkway is a circle! Mr. Ne' Chrome didn't haveto walk by Ms. Scrubbs in order to get to the broom closet!"
'OBJECTION!'
"How soon they forget" Chance smiled, shaking his head. "The walkway was out that day, remember? The broom closet was inaccessible if approached from the other side of the plant!"
"Yes… that's true…" Tanya admitted. "Ms. Scrubbs!" she ordered. "Do you have an explanation for this?"
"Well…" Scrubbs pondered. "I was cleaning Mr. Simpson's desk out when the arguing stopped and that faces the door… maybe Mr. Ne' Chrome crawled by with the scythe on his hands and feet?" she suggested. "His desk is pretty big after all."
"Then where would he hold the scythe?" Chancellor countered. "In his teeth? And what kind of man would crawl on his hands and knees to hide a scythe when there's a dead body in the middle of his office?"
"Well…" whispered Cassie. "Actually, that suits Andy to a tee."
"Why am I not surprised?" Chance whispered back.
"Well gosh, I don't know!" Scrubbs conceded. "I just know what I saw and heard that day. Forgive me if I didn't see everything!"
"The prosecution holds that Ms. Scrubbs simply missed Mr. Ne' Chrome as he went to hide the scythe."
'OBJECTION!'
"That scythe is seven feet long!" Chance countered. "Ms. Scrubbs' vision is not in question here, and I highly doubt that anyone, even someone heavily distracted, could miss seeing a man run though a hallway with a scythe!"
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"I highly doubt that anyone, even someone heavily ignorant, could miss noticing a dead body in his car and his house." Tanya shot back.
Chance stepped back, as if the blow had been physical, not verbal. "Duly noted" he admitted.
"That's my line" Scotty objected, tapping his gavel. "And yes, it is, Ms. Krasivaya. Does that end your examination, Mr. Moore?"
"The examination doesn't end until the doctor finds something wrong" Chance quoted his father. "Otherwise, the examiner doesn't get paid." He turned to the witness. "Ms. Scrubbs, you stated that you left the office at 5:20? Mr. Ne' Chrome didn't leave until 5:30, so perhaps you can testify in more detail about what happened during those ten minutes?"
"Gladly, Chancy!" Scrubbs smiled. "What do you want me to focus on?"
"Anything and everything" Chance instructed. "Spare no detail."
"Alright then honey, I'll try to remember…"
"Well, at 5:20, I finally finished wiping down Mr. Simpson's big ol' desk. I was moving on to the next room when I noticed I needed to change brooms, so I went to the broom closet. That's when I found the scythe, all covered and dripping with blood. Well, I was in a state of near-death shock. I ran out of there as fast as I could to tell someone. Unfortunately, I can't run very far… or very fast. I was lucky to run into Hammy almost as soon as I left."
"So that, without question, places the murder between 5:00 and 5:20." Tanya smiled. "Congratulations, Mr…" she began to taunt, but she stopped. Chance's eyes had flown open, and were now as wide as saucers.
"Ms. Scrubbs…" said Chance, processing what he had just heard. "When you say you ran into 'Hammy', you're referring to the manager of the plant, Mr. Abraham Streng?"
"Yes sir!" Scrubbs nodded. "Hammy handled everything! I was amazed to see how well he could work under pressure!"
'OBJECTION!'
"Ms. Scrubbs, if you are indeed telling the truth…"
"Then you've just cast an incredibleamount of suspicion on Mr. Streng!"
"Whaaaaaaaat?" Scrubbs cried out, shocked. "Hammy, a murderer? Never!"
"But look at this!" Chance demonstrated, holding up page two of the Safeguard file. This clearly states that Mr. Streng was not released from DETOX until 6:00 pm! Yet, from your testimony, Mr. Streng was out walking around the plant at least half an hour before that!" He slammed his desk for emphasis. "Why would the department lie about when they released him? Either someone in DETOX is trying to give themselves an alibi…"
"or Mr. Streng directed them to lie to give himself an alibi!"
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"You put too much faith in that document, Mr. Moore!" Tanya protested. "The number five is right next to the number six on a keyboard, it could easily be a typo!"
'OBJECTION!'
"But Mr. Streng himself has lied to this effect as well!"
-Flashback-
Well, after I got out of the waste pit, I was immediately showered down and sent to be de-toxed." He beamed. "The team followed our strict safety codes, as per usual, and I wasn't released until six o'clock!"
-End Flashback-
"Mr. Streng is clearly trying to cover his whereabouts for the time of the murder!" Chancellor asserted. "And as long as there is reason to suspect another person of this crime, Mr. Ne' Chrome can not be convicted!"
Scotty nodded in agreement. "You're absolutely right, Chance. As long as there is a possibility that Mr. Ne' Chrome is innocent, I can not pass a verdict." He checked his watch. "Court will adjourn for today, and tomorrow, the prosecution will call Mr. Abraham Streng has its first witness! Is that clear, Ms. Krasivaya?"
"Crystal, your honor" Tanya nodded.
"Is thatyour name?" Scotty asked curiously. "I have to say, it is kind of fitting…"
"No, your honor, I merely made a poor attempt to use an English idiom. I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding."
There wasn't so much a problem with the idiom as with the idiot the idiom was intended for Chancellor thought to himself.
"Ahem! Like I said!" Scotty iterated. "Court is adjourned!"
BANG!
-District Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby 3. 12:30 pm.
"Alright!" Cassie yelled, bursting through the doors. "A one day extension! And all because of the tiniest little flaw, the smallest little contradiction, the slightest possibility that someone else could commit the crime! And that Mr. Streng seemed like such a nice person, too, aside from being so 'strict' with everything! It just goes to show you, you really can't judge a book by its cover, can you? I mean look at Andy! Look at you, Chance! Look at me!"
"What is there about you that we couldn't tell just by looking at you?" Chance asked.
"That I'm a mature and emotionally secure adult!" Cassandra asserted.
Chance would have said something, but he saw Krasivaya pass by the door. He ran after her, leaving Cassie with Andre. "Hey! Tanya! Wait up!"
The prosecutor turned around. "Ah, Mr. Moore…"
"Chance" Chancellor insisted.
"Right… Chance. What do you want?"
"Well…" Probably best to start professionally… "It's about Safeguard's records… I need to get in and see them."
"Then why don't you?" Tanya asked. "After all, the Freedom of Information act…"
"We've tried that," explained Chance, "the police only allowed us to see the files from the day of the crime."
"Is that so?" Tanya queried. "I'll need to speak to the person in charge of that then…" She smiled. "I'll tell you what. Even though I really shouldn't, I'll have someone gather up their records and drop them by your office tonight. Would you like that?"
"Yes… well, no, actually." Chancellor corrected, a hand placed behind his head.
Tanya looked at him curiously. "No? But isn't that pretty much doing what you asked?"
"Well yes… but…" He sighed. "I don't know… I was kind of hoping you could… bring the files with you… to dinner, or something like that?"
Tanya smiled and turned rose. "Was that, by Chance, what I think it was?"
"It… it might've been" Chancellor nodded. "What do you say?"
"Well…" Tanya rolled her eyes up, striking an over-exaggerated thinking pose. "I don't know…"
Chancellor smiled. "I won't take no for an answer" he said with mock bravado. "Either bring the files with you to dinner or don't bring them at all!"
Tanya looked at Chance for a moment. "You realize… if I actually follow that… you're refusing to accept help unless you get what you want?"
Chance thought over his words for a moment. "Well… yes!" He asserted. "That's exactly what I'm saying! Pretty persuasive, huh?"
Tanya shook her head, smiling. "Only you Chancellor…" she looked up at him with a pure, innocent face. "All right. It could be fun."
"Ha! Great!" Chance ruffled his hair. "I know this great little place called 'Fondue Stew's… they serve the greatest chocolate strawberries you will ever have in your life!"
"Better than the ones in Russia?" Tanya asked,
Chance's face fell slightly. "Well… gosh, I didn't even know they made chocolate-covered strawberries in Russia!" he laughed.
"I'll have to bring you one sometime" she offered. "See you at… 7:00?"
"Seven sounds splendid" Chancellor quipped. "DAUSVAYDOWNYEH!" Chance called as he ran out to the parking lot.
Tanya cringed. Well… at least he's trying. Cassie walked over to Tanya, shaking her head. "What can I say Tanya? You're a very brave woman."
Tanya laughed. "Take in the moment, Cassie. This is the closest you'll ever see me get to dating a woman."
"To the utter disappointment of many fans" Cassie replied with a slight chuckle. "Da Sveedanya" she pronounced correctly as she ran after Chance.
Author's Note Corner:
Name Origins… again.
Andre' Ne' Chrome: Contains 'Necro' meaning dead, and "Ne' Chrome, Andre'" is close to "Necromancer".
Jaden Friday (yup, even him): A play on the word 'schadenfreude', a psychological condition.
Scotland Domino: 'Scotty Domino' because it sounds like 'Scotty doesn't know', Domino because he loves pizza; Scotland as a reference to Scotland Yard and because it's rumored (rumored, mind you) that he doesn't wear anything under his robes.
Questions you've never thought of asking… answered anyway.
Today's Character: Chancellor Moore
What is Chancellor's middle name? : Oslo, like the town where they give out Nobel Prizes.
Why Oslo? : Because I said so.
No seriously, why Oslo? : I really don't know. I suppose because he works to keep the peace, and because he's a prize-winning attorney? Seriously, no real reason, just because I said so.
Favorite song? : Despite liking mostly pop, punk, and classic rock, his favorite song is Beethoven's Choral Fantasy. Don't ask why, even he doesn't know.
Why? : (Stares at nonexistent question asker).
Favorite song that I may have heard of? : Probably 'Touchdown, Turnaround' by Hellogoodbye. It goes along with the general love of turnabouts.
Learn Russian!
ШОКОЛАД (pronounced 'shock-o-lahd'): chocolate (n.)
ШОКОЛАДНЫЙ (pronounced 'shock-o-lahd-nee'): chocolate (adj.)
КЛУБНИКА (pronounced 'kloob-nee-ka'): strawberry (n.)
ВАНИЛЬ (pronounced 'va-neel'): vanilla (n.)
General Pronunciation: In Russian, the letter 'B' is pronounced like our letter 'V'.
The symbol 'З' is pronounced like our letter 'Z'.