Disclaimer: I could see! You owned by me! But I am just another faaaaaaan, yeah! I know that's what I! Have to say! Or else I will not get awaaaaaaaaaaay! YEAH!
(Guitar chords).
I said could I own Ace Attorney? …No, I can't.
The Giant, Radioactive Turnabout
(Trial, part 2)
- District Courthouse, Defendant's lobby 3. 5/22. 12:42 am.
"Well, Andre" said Cassie, walking in the door with Ne' Chrome in tow. "Our case is thinning, Krasivaya's winning, our evidence is kind of lacking too… Streng is here raving; you're near beyond saving… the whole case looks real bad…" she looked towards Chancellor. "Chance, how are you?"
Chancellor turned around, an inhumanly large smile on his face.
"I'm super! Thanks for asking! All things considered, I couldn't be better I must say! I'm feeling super! And nothing bugs me! Everything is super when you're don't you think my hair looks really great?" He continued to sing, spinning around with his arms spread wide.
"… Well, I'm no expert…" Andre mused. "But... I'm thinking Mr. Moore had… quite a good… time… last night…"
"You don't know the half of it!" Chance exclaimed, wrapping Andre in a gigantic hug. "It was… glorious… amaxing…" he sighed. "The first time really is the best..."
"Whoa, whoa!" Cassie yelled. "Way too much information, buddy!"
Chancellor looked puzzled. "It's the first time I've ever kissed her… why is that too much information?"
"Oooooooh" Cassie laughed, turning red. "You were talking about… you're really happy because… you kissed her. That's it?"
"Well, yeah! What else is there?" Chance asked innocently.
"Well… Chance…" Cassie began, not believing she had to explain to a grown-up. "You see… when a man and woman love each other very much…"
"Tell me later" Chance interrupted, "right now, we need to focus on the case!" He pulled out a sheaf of papers. "I was so happy last night I couldn't sleep, so I went through all of Safeguard's records over the past six months!" He ran his hand along the tops of the sheets. "And these are the ones I believe will seal this case."
"So… wait…" Andre began hesitantly. "You're… saying that… we have a case… now?"
"Yeah! Isn't it great?" Chancellor asked rhetorically.
Tears came to Andres eyes. "But… if we have a case…" they began to fall "That means… we're going to lose!" He rocked back and forth. "I don't… I don't want to lose… you…" he pointed a finger at Chancellor. "You can't make me lose!" He said in a raspy whisper. He stared at Chance for a minute in anger, and then stormed off into the courtroom, again not caring the trial hadn't started yet.
Cassie and Chance stared after him. "Chance?"
"I'm feeling super, thanks for asking."
"Not that! You think you could show me these miracle files that will win the case?"
"Oh sure, no problem!"
Employment Records (names only):
February:
Abraham Streng
Jaden Friday
Andre Ne' Chrome
Houston Simpson
Marjorie Meriwether
Ashley Nook
Christine Scrubbs
Jan Itor
Max English
Michael Diablo
March:
Andre' Ne' Chrome
Houston Simpson
Ashley Nook
Jan Itor
Christine Scrubbs
Jaden Friday
Michael Diablo
William Laws
Abraham Streng
Scott Taype
April:
Jaden Friday
Andre' Ne' Chrome
Houston Simpson
Ashley Nook
Christine Scrubbs
Abraham Streng
Scott Taype
Thomas Hamilton
Jacqueline Prewitt
Paul Ratzinger
May:
Ashley Nook
Andre Ne Chrome
Abraham Streng
Houston Simpson
Liam Sirius
Christine Scrubbs
Ian Schlippe
Jacqueline Prewitt
Maxine English
Sean Connery
Streng's Psychiatry Report:
Safeguard Nuclear
Date: 4/20
Time: 4:00 pm.
Patient: Streng, Abraham
Examining Doctor: Friday, Jaden
-Patient is obsessed with authority, rules, and regulations. Shows strong dictatorial tendencies. Becomes angry and violent when authority or rules of any kind, particularly his, are usurped. Further counseling strongly recommended, and dismissal highly advised.
"We put the 'clear' in 'Nuclear'."
"Brilliant, Chancellor!" Cassie exclaimed after reading the report. "Now we can show that Andy's not the only one prone to violent outbursts in that plant. We might actually stand a Chance!"
"That was the idea" he grinned. He looked at her. "That's a nice outfit by the way." Cassie blushed slightly, and looked over the faded blue jeans, blue sneakers, and brown tank top with a nondescript, yet instantly recognizable logo on it. "Is that the same thing you were wearing yesterday?"
"Heck, I don't know" Cassie dismissed. "I've got so many clothes I hardly even notice what I wear anymore."
"That's nice," said Chancellor, looking down at his own clothes. One of these days, he would have to buy another outfit.
-District Courthouse, Courtroom 5. 1:00 pm.
"ORDEEEEEEEER UUUUUUP!" came a familiar voice from the judge's bench. "The trial of Mr. Andre Ne' Chrome will now come to order!"
"The defense is ready," claimed Chancellor.
"The prosecution is ready," declared Tanya.
"And beautiful" Chancellor added.
"Sustained" Scotty said, banging his gavel. "Now first off, before I begin, I have heard, if the whole world hasn't by now, of what has happened." He eyes both Chance and Tanya sternly. "Nevertheless, I don't want any punches pulled in this courtroom, understand? Fight as if you hate each other."
"I don't know what you've heard, your honor" Krasivaya said with disdain. "But I hold that pathetic excuse for a man in no higher regard than I ever have; in fact, with all the rumors flying around, it's enough to make my rose of hatred for him flower into a million budding blossoms."
"Duly… noted?" Scotty said, tapping his gavel lightly. "I don't know where that came from, but… ok…"
Chancellor had to keep himself from smiling. Good gravy, she's hot!
-Flashback-
"So" Tanya asked, dipping a strawberry into Stew's famous Ice Cream Sandwich Fondue, "I have to ask, I'm curious." She leaned towards him. "What is it exactly that first attracted you to me?"
Chancellor thought for a minute. "You know how, during the first case, you berated me using really big vocabulary and complex metaphors?"
"Yeah, I remember doing something like that" she nodded.
He pointed at her, swallowed a strawberry whole, and spoke. "That was one of the hottest things I've seen in my life."
She chuckled. "S and M much?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" he said tauntingly.
-End Flashback-
"At any rate" Scotty bellowed, snapping Chancellor back to reality. "Seeing as it's Lia's birthday today, I'd like to get through this trial without any pointless…"
"Lia?" asked Cassie. "Wait a minute, wait a minute, who the heck is Lia? You can't just spring random characters on us and expect us to know what's going on!"
"… digression." Scotty finished, sighing. "But I suppose it's only fair. Lia is my wife, making it particularly important that this case doesn't run too long… understood Chancellor?"
"Oh come on, Scotty, don't you know?" Chancellor chuckled. "It's almost never me that drags the trial on unnecessarily, it's usually…"
"Lia's a bit of an odd spelling, isn't it?" Tanya asked, curiosity getting the better of her. "Is that a nickname too?"
Scotty sighed. "For starters, I'm not sure how you knew it was spelled funnily, seeing as I only spoke the name… but in answer to your inquiry, it's short for 'Australia', and no, before you ask, I'm not explaining that." He slammed his gavel on the desk. "Could we please call the first witness? If we keep wasting time like this, I may have to start handing out penalties!" He shuddered. "And you know how much I hate that."
"We didn't, actually, but nevertheless, I'll comply, your honor" Tanya said. She cleared her throat. "The prosecution calls Mr. Abraham Streng to the stand!"
Streng took the stand, flipping his stovetop hat about in his hands and bouncing up and down at a speed that, while unconfirmed, bordered on 600 BPM (bounces per minute). Ten bounces per second, for those of you who are bad at math.
"Name and occupation, if you would Mr. Streng" said Scotty.
"My name is Abraham Streng, and I am the Human Resources manager at Safeguard Nuclear power." He straightened his tie, and placed his hat back on his head. "I suppose, in layman's terms, I'm the manager of all other managers."
"But, wait… wasn't Ms. Nook Andres manager?" asked Cassie. "He was a manager after all, so wouldn't he fall under you?"
"Well, you see" Streng explained. "Safeguard Nuclear has a strict policy regarding managerial positions, namely that every manager should have an assistant. Ms. Nook was the assistant Human Resources manager at Safeguard, which put everyone under her as well… except me, of course."
"Yes, yes, very well then" Scotty said, annoyed. "I believe we now fully understand your occupation… and it was important… and… yeah. Can we get to the testimony now?"
"Your honor!" Tanya said, appalled. "Don't you think you should be a bit more professional about this?"
"As a matter of fact, I don't!" Scotty shot back. "Ms. Krasivaya, with all due respect, this particular court is anything but professional. You're constantly spouting out these absolutely poetic professions of hatred, and Chance…" he chuckled to himself. "Well, he just isn't professional at all, is he?" He motioned to Chance's outfit.
"These are the nicest clothes I own" Chancellor mumbled, slightly ashamed.
"Duly noted" Scotty said, tapping his gavel lightly on the desk. "Now, really, as long as justice is being served here, perhaps we can drop the formalities? Normally I wouldn't mind, but in this court it feels kind of… stuffy." He grimaced. "And feeling stuffy makes my legs go crazy."
"Er… fine, your honor" Krasivaya complied half-heartedly. "I'll drop my complaint… Mr. Streng? Your testimony please? Tell us your whereabouts on the day of the crime."
"Very well then" Streng said, straightening up. "Every day, I make it a strict rule to walk around the offices; check up on how the other mangers are doing, you know. I was going about my business as usual when the walkway suddenly caved in on me! I was quickly rushed to DETOX, all of my strict protocol were followed, and I was promptly released at 6:00 pm."
OBJECTION!
Ok, did anyone not see that coming?
"Mr. Streng" Chancellor said sternly. "Before we go any further, I want you to know something."
"Oh? And what's that, Mr. Moore?" queried Streng, feigning professional interest.
"The buck stops here" Chancellor quoted somewhat successfully. "It will all be much easier if you cooperate, believe me."
"What will be easier?" asked Streng.
"Prying the truth out of you" Chancellor said, trying to sound threatening.
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"Your honor!" yelled Tanya. "Mr. Moore is badgering the witness, and he has yet to justify his objection!" She flipped her hair back. "Our gregarious little girl scout should g…"
"Sustained" said Chance, not bothering to wait for Scotty. "And I'll be validating my objection right now." He pulled out Sirius' affidavit. "I have here an affidavit from an old friend of ours, Mr. Liam Sirius. He has been working with the Safeguard DETOX department for the past month."
"Seriously?" asked Tanya.
"Seriously" nodded Chancellor. "In this affidavit, Mr. Sirius swears that Mr. Streng was actually released at 4:00 pm!" He pointed at Streng accusingly. "A full hour before the murder took place."
"We have a strict policy against deception at Safeguard…" muttered Streng, trembling slightly. "I will see to it that this boy is…"
"Fire yourself!" shot Chance. "I'd be willing to bet that the entire DETOX department will tell the truth when they realize you're not in a position to do anything about it!" He slammed a hand down on the desk. "Some of your rules and regulations don't have to be followed, Mr. Streng."
The two men stared at each other for a minute. Streng let out a long sigh, and caved in. "I suppose you're right, Mr. Moore." He cleared his throat. "Very well then, I'll admit it. I was released at 4:00 pm, not 6:00."
The courtroom murmured.
"Why… why on earth would you lie about something like that?" Scotty pondered.
"It gives an alibi for the time of the murder" Chance proposed.
"Exactly right" Streng nodded.
There was silence for a minute. Scotty's jaw hung slightly open, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't think of what it was. Tanya gripped her shoulder tighty, hoping that she'd misunderstood what had just happened. Chancellor blinked. "Wait… Mr. Streng?" he said, perplexed. "Was that a confession?"
"What? Oh no!" Streng jumped back; his stovetop hat flew up in the air and he began to bounce furiously up and down. "No, I'm not confessing to anything, understand?" He shot Chance a dirty look. "I have a strict policy against confessions…" he mumbled.
"But!" Chancellor accused. "Unless you were the murderer you wouldn't need an alibi, would you?"
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"Mr. Moore!" Tanya yelled. "Do you realize how idiotic that statement is? That's like saying that the person who bought ice cream from the store was the man who drives the ice cream truck! Just…"
"Just because he's got the best reason to, doesn't mean he's the one who did it" finished Cassie. "I've given a rant like that before, I'm sure of it. Why are you copying me?"
Tanya flinched. "It… was completely unintentional, I assure you." She cleared her throat softly. "Mr. Streng? Perhaps you can best solve this problem for us?"
"Me?" Streng reacted. "Heck no, I've got a strict policy against digging myself deeper than I already am."
"Mr. Streng!" snapped Tanya.
(Bouncing exceeds 700 BPM). "Alright, alright! Fine… I'll testify…" he said, clutching his stovetop for dear life.
"You see, when I first heard about the murder from Ms. Scrubbs, the only thing I could think was 'they'll suspect me.' I keep a very strict timetable at the plant, and if it were known that I was released at 4:00, people could come to the conclusion that I had continued my strict rounds and was in Ms. Nook's room at the time of the crime! I told the DETOX department to modify their normally strictly factual report to avoid any unnecessary accusation… though it seems that all my efforts haven't helped at all."
"That seems natural" Tanya agreed quickly. "I'm sure even our hasty, harebrained attorney friend over there could understand your actions."
"Harebrained? That's not really an insult," Cassie pointed out. "If his brains were made of hair, he'd be smarter than you!"
"I'm not already?" Chance asked incredulously.
"Don't be so naïve," Cassie snapped, "of course you're not; you're a guy."
"What does… oh forget it, I'm going to cross-examine now."
"And the defense's assistant will refrain from personal attacks on the male gender!" Scotty boomed, banging his gavel.
"Thanks Scotty." Chance turned to face Streng. All right, I'll admit, it seems like a decent enough reason, heck I could see myself doing something like that… but something just doesn't seem… right with it. "Mr. Streng… you met with Ms. Scrubbs during the period of time between 4:00 and 6:00, yes?"
"As I stated," Streng noted. "Be wary, Mr. Moore, I have a strict policy against repeating myself."
"And… she was the one who informed you of the murder?"
"As I stated," Streng noted. "And I must stress, I have a very strict policy against repeating myself."
OBJECTION!
"You just contradicted yourself!" Chancellor yelled; arm outstretched.
"Fair enough, Chance" Scotty nodded. "But what does that have to do with this case?"
"Absolutely nothing" Chance admitted. "I just felt like pointing that out…"
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"Mr. Moore!" yelled Krasivaya. "If you have nothing substantial to object to, then allow the witness to step down!"
"Hey, hey, not so fast, gorgeous" Chance waved down. "Don't jump all over me, I'm just getting warmed up!"
Tanya flinched slightly. Did he make that suggestive on purpose?
"Yeah," said Chance, apparently to no one. "Anyway, back to you Mr. Streng."
"It's about time" Streng commented, irritated. "You're lucky you don't work for me, Mr. Moore, I have a strict policy against…"
"Strict policy, rule, regulation, yeah, of course" Chance interrupted. Streng gritted his teeth and tensed, but said nothing. Chancellor cleared his throat. "Mr. Streng, you said earlier that Ms. Scrubbs informed you of the crime… what exactly did she tell you?"
"Well, she told you what she told me, did she not?" Steng queried.
"Just answer the question" Chancellor iterated. Krasivaya stretched.
"Well, she informed me that Mr. Ne' Chrome's scythe was in her broom closet, covered in blood, and that she had heard he and Ms. Nook arguing that day. Naturally, I put two and two together, and began to formulate an alibi in my mind, should worst come to worst."
"You didn't just… call Mr. Ne' Chrome and Ms. Nook to some sort of meeting?"
"Well… Mr. Ne' Chrome had already left, and Ms. Nook was already dead by then."
"But Mr. Ne' Chrome hadn't left by that time!" Chance objected.
"Well, I didn't know that, did I?" Streng defended.
"Well, yes, I suppose that's true…" he stopped. He thought over Streng's words for a minute, then his eyes widened. "Mr. Streng?"
"What is it now?" he asked, bouncing slowly.
"Why… why did you assume that Ms. Nook was dead?"
"I already told you, Ms. Scrubbs told me about the scythe and the argument!" Streng repeated, beginning to bounce a little faster. "And I also already told you, I have a strict policy against repeating myself!"
"But it seems odd to me," Chance mused, "That a manager could so easily accept that one of his employees was dead." He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "I mean, think about it. If you found blood on a kitchen knife in your house, and had heard two of your family members arguing… would you automatically assume that one of them had died without any further proof?" He pounded a hand on the table. "And even if you did assume that, would you automatically assume which of the two was the one who was killed?"
BOЗPAЖEHИE!
"Your honor, this is purely speculation!" Tanya objected. "This is Moore fantastical then one of my uncle Dostoyevski's fishing stories!"
"It doesn't seem that odd to me, actually" Scotty argued back. "Writing somebody off as dead, especially someone that you know… that's not exactly normal human behavior. I've read about cases where people see someone die right before their eyes and don't believe it for several minutes." He turned to Streng. "Do you have an explanation for this lack of disbelief, Mr. Streng?"
"Well…" Streng muttered, bouncing all the quicker. "I have to say, I really didn't think about it at the time… I just… well…"
"Knew already?" Chancellor accused.
Murmur murmur murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur murmur.
Streng flinched back visibly; his stovetop hat flew off his head, and he began a 600 BPM tirade. "Where… on earth… do you pull something like that from?"
"Well, think about it!" Chancellor explained. "The most likely explanation for a woman not being shocked that she's pregnant is her knowing that she already is! I figure it's kind of the same thing."
Hm… thought Krasivaya. You know, now that he mentions it… that kind of makes sense! BOЗPAЖEHИE!"Not related in the slightest," she said aloud. "I move that the defense's theory be stricken from the record, your honor; it really is baseless!"
"Overruled" Scotty dismissed. "The exact same thing happened with me and Lia a couple of years ago; I wasn't a bit surprised when she told me." He cleared his throat, signaling that he didn't want to be asked to delve further into that subject. "You may continue, Chance."
"I'll just ask you one question, Mr. Streng" Chancellor said. "Did you or did you not know that Ms. Nook was dead when Ms. Scrubbs told you?"
Streng faltered for a minute, then looked down at the stand. "Yes" he uttered.
And in the courtroom, all hell broke loose.
Author's Note Corner: (If you're only here for the story, you can stop reading now).
It's shorter this time, I know.
It's been taking me so long to write the trial chapter, I decided I had to break it up into multiple parts.
Oh well, that just means more chances for you all to write adoring reviews, right?
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Right?
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Fine… next segment.
Character In-depth: Morage Thenue
The man whose name causes Microsoft Word to cry late into the night. (They're not really words! They're not really words!) Yeah.
Despite many attempts to morph the desired pun into a real name… I just couldn't do it. Therefore, the world of Chancellor Moore was graced with a 100 made-up name. Graced… or sledgehammered, depending on your point of view.
Meaningless Tidbit: He was almost named 'Avalon Pressley', and he was going to have a crooning sort of voice instead of always being angry. But then I figured one singing attorney was Moore than enough. (Shoot me now, please. It will help the children in Georgia.)
Questions never asked… answered anyway:
Show me the middle name! : (Sigh). I can never get away from you, huh? Morage's middle name is 'Barnes' so that, when you take the two senior partner's names together, you get 'Barnes and Noble'! That's right, another full-groan pun, even if it is more of an allusion.
What's he have against Chancellor? : Well you see, Morage has disdain for anyone who is content, confident, or has a decent self-esteem. Since Chancellor has these to the nth power, Thenue's disdain for him borders on pure, unrestricted hatred.
Ooh! Ooh! What's his favorite song? : 'Welcome to the jungle' by Guns n' Roses. The legal world is a dog-eat-dog place, after all.