Morage Thenue slumped back in his plush office chair and sighed. "Well, we did it. We got a couple of laughs, a few devoted fans, and one heck of a story behind us." He stretched his arms behind his neck. "Now it's time to just sit back and…"
Chancellor burst into the office. "Sir? You might want to take a look at this." He handed Morage a sheet of paper.
Morage looked over the paper curiously, and his face turned beet red. "What do you mean our contract's been forcibly renewed?"
"Alright people!" Skyler yelled. "New disclaimer coming up in 5! 4! 3! 2!"
Disclaimer:
I could never hope to!
I could never hope to own yooooooooooooou!
Could never hope to own you!
Never own Ace Attorney or Capcom
Throw all your hands up, NO!
Could never own you!
Amaxing Fan Fiction Inc. proudly presents…
Chancellor MooreTurnabout of the Ancient Mariner
It had been two months since the Ne' Chrome case, and Chancellor Moore's life couldn't be going better. His office was packed with clients, Morage was so pleased with the financial revenue that he had stopped constantly railing on Chancellor, his local sweet shop was giving him free chocolate covered strawberries after helping out their owner, and, above all, he was dating Tanya Krasivaya.
That being said, no relationship was without its problems.
District Courthouse. 7/3.
NOT GUILTYIt was yet another win for Chancellor, and yet another loss for the not so long ago widely feared Krasivaya. For some reason, the prosecutor's office had decided to assign her to practically every case Chancellor handled, and things were shaping up to be… not so good.
"It's not because of the win/loss record" Tanya reassured him after he had shown concern, "you know I could care less about that. It's just… whenever I'm in there… I don't know…" she paused. "I just get this growing, all-encompassing… hatred towards you…" Tears sprung up in her eyes (that had been happening a lot lately). "I just can't stand it! I loathe myself for hating you so easily!"
"Tanya, Tanya, please" Chancellor said softly, trying to calm her down. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times… I don't really care if you honestly want to kill me while we're in that courtroom. It only means you're doing your job right." He picked her chin up and kissed her softly. "And what's wrong with that? I only really care about the you outside the court anyway."
Tanya smiled, but Chancellor knew deep down that nothing he said helped.
"Perhaps we should consider couples' counseling?" he queried.
"I don't know, she-male" Jaden Friday replied from behind the glass screen at the detention center. "I think our relationship is just peachy-keen right about now… wait, why are you even asking me? Why on earth do you think I'd help you? Ask someone else!" As always, his face showed no sign that he was angry.
"I have" Chancellor admitted. "But I wanted a professional opinion and… let's just say going to see my old psychiatrist would probably mean having to go back to therapy again. He's pretty big into that kind of thing."
Friday sighed. "Whom have you asked other than me?" he said in a resigned tone of voice.
"Well, I asked Ricky, my best friend…"
"And?"
"And he told me that suggesting to Tanya that we need counseling would only throw gas on the fire."
"He could be right, you know" Friday nodded. "Sometimes, suggesting there's a problem to someone who needs to feel secure in a relationship makes a mild hitch an unsalvageable… wait a minute!" He slammed the glass pane with his fist. "Why am I even giving you advice? I hate you!"
"Because I'm pretty?" Chancellor smiled hopefully. "Oh so pretty?"
Friday shivered from head to toe and left the room.
Romantic issues aside, however, Chancellor Moore was on the fast track to a prosperous life, and today would be no different.
"Hey, Moore" Morage Thenue barked in a gruff voice.
"Yes, oh dear old boss o' mine?" Chancellor cooed back.
"Don't coo" Morage said, squinting hard. "You know I hate cooing."
"The better to annoy you with, oh dear old boss o' mine" Chance cooed.
Morage gave a deep sigh, and decided, just this once, to get over it. "Cooing aside, Moore, there's something we need to talk about."
"All ears" Chance smiled.
"You know Mr. Crypt, right?" Morage asked.
"Crypt… Crypt…" a light bulb went off. "Old Casaubon Crypt! Sure I remember him, he was my mentor when I interned here! How's he doing?"
"He retired last night" Morage replied.
Chancellor whistled. "Nice. Old enough to live the easy life now…" he stopped. "Hey wait a minute… he was 29 when I last interned… he'd only be like 30, 31 now! How the heck did he retire this early?"
"He was driving drunk and got t-boned by an eighteen wheeler," Morage said curtly.
"Ah" Chancellor uttered. "That… that would do it, yeah." He hung his head forward. "Poor guy… all that time ahead of him…"
"Yes, it is quite tragic… and not just because of his loss of life" Morage nodded solemnly. "You see, Mr. Crypt was a junior partner here at the firm, and because of his death… that slot is now open, and… unfortunately… you're a candidate for the position."
Chancellor's head snapped up. "I am?" he exclaimed. "How…wow, that's great! Even though I've only been here for a couple of months?"
"I was one-hundred percent against it, of course" Morage commented. "But Mr. Noble and Ms. Aegis were adamant that you be included." He shook his head. "Sad fools, the lot of them. Either way, you'll be required to attend the firm's annual fancy-schmansy 'gala' thing tonight on Mr. Noble's ocean liner." He shook his head again. "It's nothing important really; you'll have to talk to some people, shake a few hands, impress a few critics… that kind of thing." He looked Chancellor straight in the eye. "It's at 6:00, so don't be late ok?" He leaned in even closer. "SIX! O' CLOCK!"
"Mr. Thenue, please, calm down" Chance assured, backing away warily. I'll be there at six, don't worry!"
S. S. Noble. 7/10. 6:45 pm.
"Mr. Thenue!" Chancellor yelled as he approached the older man waiting for him at the ship's boarding platform. "I'm so sorry I'm late, my car wouldn't start, there was traffic, the store ran out of chocolate covered strawberries so I had to drive to the grocery store and buy chocolate and strawberries separately, and…"
"You're not late" Morage said with a small grin. "You're a quarter of an hour early."
"B-B-But…" Chancellor stuttered, mouth agape. "You said… 6:00…"
"Oho!" came a deep voice from behind them. A middle aged, white haired, mustached, and stubble-faced man of above average height and slightly rotund stature stood before them, laughing heartily. "He set your clocks early, boy, 'cause he knows you're always late!" He laughed again, clutching the sides of his silver vest, which lay over a black dress shirt.
"Eh?" Chancellor reacted. I've… heard that somewhere before…
The man looked up at the sky, took a deep breath, and let it out. "Dark, sacred night. And I think to myself" he sighed. "What a wonderful world."
Chancellor's eyes bugged out. "Ok, that's it!" he began to yell, "What the heck is…"
"I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Jacopo Noble!" Thenue quickly interrupted.
"That's nice" Chancellor replied, "but that still doesn't mean…"
"Noble."
"Mr. Noble!" Chancellor cried, a giant smile lighting up his face. "How are you sir? Oh, it's an honor to meet you, it really is. Thank you so much for considering me for the position, and I have to say, that's quite an out of this world speech pattern you've got there!" Chancellor's smile never faded during any of this, meaning that he was, quite literally, lying through his teeth.
Noble gave a slight chuckle. "You're the one who's out of this world, sweet baby" he flirted, taking Chancellor's hand and bending down to kiss it.
"Jack, I'd like you to meet that attorney I was telling you about, Chancellor Moore." As he said this, he couldn't help but smile thinking of the reaction Noble would have.
Jack did not disappoint. He stopped mid-kiss, lurched his body upwards and stumbled back a few steps. "That… that… dude looks like a lady!" he exclaimed.
"Yes, he does, Jack" Morage said as if talking to a toddler. "I told you earlier, remember? Forgetting things again now, are we?" He laughed, patting Mr. Noble on the back. "You're turning senile, you old coot. Maybe it's time to retire, huh?"
"I
confess, I messed up, drop it, I'm sorry!" Noble laughed,
punching Thenue playfully in the gut. He backed up, addressing both
lawyers. "I'd love to stay longer, but I've got to help Kenny
with the preparations; you understand."
Chance leaned over and
whispered in Morage's ear. Which song was that from? Morage batted him away.
"Well!" Noble exclaimed, making a gesture towards the ship. "Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!" He laughed heartily, and then climbed the walkway onto the deck.
Morage gave a large sigh. "I'm the only normal person on this boat, you know that Chance?" he asked, voice full of self-pity.
"Wouldn't that make you the weird one?" Chance shot back.
A vein in Morage's head appeared, and he pointed at Chancellor strongly. "I should dock your pay for that…" he grumbled as the two of them boarded the ship.
A string ensemble played in the background, and all the guests were dressed in their best attire. Attorneys, police officers, prosecutors, and other law figures from across the region had all been invited, and chatted amongst each other like old acquaintances (as many of them actually were). Chancellor strained his head, looking for Tanya, but Morage nudged him with his elbow.
"Don't bother," he explained. "She has a case right now. Didn't you know?"
I probably did, Chance thought, but I haven't seen my reflection yet, so I can't be sure. As tempting as it was, he resisted looking down into his chain. (Yes, regardless of how formal an event this was, Chancellor's outfit remained exactly the same.)
It didn't take long before the greeting, hand shaking, and idle chitchat began. Chancellor was led from employee to employee until he found himself in a circle with the three senior partners of the firm, Mr. Thenue, Mr. Noble, and Ms. Aegis. So the competition begins, huh? Chancellor thought.
-Flashback-
"While we're there," Morage explained to Chance, "something's going to happen that I can't really explain any better than calling it a… protégé showcase."
"Oro?" asked the man with a woman's face.
"The three senior partners will gather around and introduce the employee that they think is best suited for the position. Though it's a bit unfair this year because, despite how I really feel, I'm still presenting you."
"Oh, come on" Chancellor joked. "You know deep down I'm the best you've got right?" Morage just stared at him.
"We are not amused," the gray haired man stated.
-End Flashback-
"Well, I suppose I might as well go first…" Morage grumbled. He tilted his head slightly in Chancellor's direction. "Chancellor Moore. He's irresponsible, scatter-brained, generally clueless about his surroundings…"
Chancellor laughed nervously. Way to point out my better qualities Mr. Thenue…
"He's ridiculously unprofessional, stubborn, disrespectful…"
True, true, VERY true, when referring to you anyway…
"… and yet somehow, through some miraculous form of divine intervention, he has never lost a case, and is currently considered among the best attorneys in Boston." Morage shrugged. "Go figure, right?"
Noble laughed heartily, and Aegis extended a hand, half in greeting, half in comfort. "Don't mind him, Chance" she assured him warmly. "He's never exactly been the most caring or pleasant individual in the tri-state area."
Ms. Aegis, on the other hand, was exactly the opposite. Despite being in her early forties, her skin lacked wrinkles, her brown hair still shone brightly, and her considerably easy-to-look-at figure hadn't faded since her twenties. She wore a light blue, shimmering dress that gave a certain aura of comfort and wisdom. "Athena Aphrodite Aegis" she smiled, shaking Chancellor's hand. "But you can call me Triple A."
"Seriously?" Chancellor chuckled.
"Seriously," nodded Aegis. "I've always felt that nicknames are a little Moore personal than full, proper names… wouldn't you agree, Chance?"
"Well…" Chance laughed. "Honestly, I've never given much thought to the subject."
Noble interrupted with a laugh. "You've been turning on me all night long, now it's my turn!" he said. "Triple A, dear, I think you'll find this one particularly interesting." He cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention puhleeeeeease! Introducing Ms. Alexis Lexington!" He moved slightly to the right, bringing Alexis into view.
There stood before the circle an amazingly beautiful girl (then again it's a story, so what did you expect?). She was on the shorter side, with brilliant brown hair, a radiantly tan complexion, and… was extremely well endowed in all departments.
Aegis did a double take. It was like looking at herself twenty years ago.
Chancellor did a double take. For a second there, he had actually thought her more beautiful then Tanya. Thankfully, the Russian people have not yet mastered the principle of reading minds, particularly when the subject is a good five miles away.
"Hi there, everyone!" she said cheerily. "Alexis Lexicon Lexington, but you can call me…" she placed a finger on her lips, "Triplex."
Oh, good gravy… God, why must you tempt me like this? Noble beamed at his chosen attorney, and began to brag.
"Triplex here graduated top of the class at Harvard law school, and is also working towards a degree in foreign justice systems!" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "She's won multiple cases in Massachusetts Supreme Court, and her district court record is nothing to sneeze at either!"
"What can I say?" Alexis shrugged, beaming back up at Noble. "I'm quite terrific, excellent, superb, and fantastic."
… Don't those all mean the same thing? And bravo on being humble, by the way.
"Ah!" Aegis said, snapping out of her reminiscence. "There he is now! Ben! Come over here and introduce yourself, Ben!"
A young man very close to Chancellor's age walked into the circle, taking extra care not to bump into anyone. He was clothed entirely in yellow, and his black hair was ruffled up in such a way that it resembled a crown. "Hello everyone" he said politely. "The name is Benvolio Paraclete." He bent down and kissed Alexis on the hand. "It is a pleasure to meet all of you." He took Chancellor's hand.
Ack! Not again! "It's nice to meet you, too" Chancellor said, in as masculine a voice as possible (yeah, still not very deep). "My name's Chancellor Moore."
Ben's eyes widened a little, but he maintained his composure. "I am assuming…" he began, looking at Aegis for confirmation "that Chancellor is a man's name in this country as well?" Aegis nodded, and Ben gave a small smile. "What a shame. Such beauty is wasted on you, monsieur."
"Chance is fine" Chancellor said with a small wave of the hand. "And, um, thank you… for the compliment, I suppose, Benjamin."
"It is Benvolio" Ben corrected patiently. "But do not worry about that. We are sure to become good friends, no?" He held out his hand to Chancellor, who gladly took it and shook.
"I was traveling in France about two years back," Aegis explained. "I crossed over to Andorra to visit one of their summer resorts, when I ran into Ben here!" She smiled warmly at him. "Lived in Andorra his entire life, yet spoke perfect English and had a complete understanding of our justice system! He passed the bar exam on his first try, without ever looking at a law textbook. A true prodigy, this one."
"You are too kind, mademoiselle Aegis" Ben said gratefully.
"Oh, Ben!" Aegis said. "You're too modest! Why if another attorney in this town had half your talent, they'd be…"
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" came a gruff bark from behind them. The group turned around suddenly, just in time to see Tracy Spade rush up to them, a young man wearing a hard hat in tow. "I'm not… I didn't… miss the protégé-off, did I?"
"We'd just gotten to the last one, actually" Chance explained.
"Thanks, lady" Spade thanked through heavy breathing.
"Detective Spade!"
Spade let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry Chancellor, I really am, but…" He straightened up. "Well, you've heard my excuse at least a dozen times, I'm sure I don't have to repeat myself." Chancellor nodded, and Spade smiled broadly. "Anyway, I wanted to make sure I got here in time to present…" He threw his voice, making it sound like 'da-dadada-da-da-daaaaaaaaaa!' was coming from above them. "Zak Newton! The force's brightest new detective!"
"Damn straight!" Zak agreed. He was a tall, muscular man, with dark black, bristly hair and skin the exact color of cocoa. "And before you ask, for all you Scrubs fanatics out there" he eyed up the crowd quickly. "You" he pointed at Alexis, "are the only one allowed to call me 'Chocolate Bear'."
Chancellor raised his hand. "Can I call you Cocoa Bear?"
"No." Zak shook his head, causing his hard hat to shift back and forth slightly.
"Um… excuse me, monsieur?" Ben asked uneasily. "If it is not too much to ask… why is it that you're wearing that… hat?"
"I never explain why" Zak replied. "But only because you'll all realize it…" Before he could say 'soon enough', there was a sound of shattering glass, and the occupants of the circle were cascaded with small glass shards and drops of wine. Thankfully, no one was hurt.
"I'm sorry!" called a woman from the upper deck; who was, in fact, the environmental activist from chapter six. "It was sitting on the balcony and…"
"It's alright" Zak waved, dabbing wine off of his uniform, "happens all the time." He brushed pieces of glass off his hat, and flashed a wide smile. "Incidentally? I'm deathly afraid of pianos."
"You're not afraid of pianists, are you?" Ben asked, worried. "Because if you are, then I'm afraid…"
Zak laughed. "As long as they aren't above me, they're alright" he said, clapping Ben on the back. Ben grunted softly. Zak was a pretty strong guy.
"Well!" Morage grumbled. "Now that we've gotten all the introductions aside, can we pick someone already?"
Noble laughed. "Take your time… and take mine too!"
"Yeah, Grumbles" Aegis teased, "let's just enjoy the party first!" She smiled. "That's what Barry would do, right?"
Morage winced. "Well…" he growled. "I suppose if he were here… than yes… he would…" He slumped over further. "Didn't have to mention him though," he grumbled.
Noble shook his head, as if remembering something. "Shot through the heart…" he looked up at Morage. "And you're to blame…"
Morage winced again. "Don't remind me…" he muttered, staring at Noble.
"Guys…" Aegis said warily. "Perhaps this isn't the best place to…"
"Oh, I'm sorry… don't want to argue in front of the children, do we?" Morage said caustically. "Fine." He pointed towards a door on the upper deck. "Noble's room. Now." The three of them left, voices escalating until they finally slammed the door behind them.
The other five just stared after them. Spade sighed. "Even after all this time…" he shook his head, and headed off towards the wine bar, Zak in tow.
"Strange, odd, out of the ordinary, bizarre…" Alexis mused to herself. "I've never seen Mr. Noble start a fight like that…"
"Perhaps he's not as noble as we thought?" Chance offered.
Ben chuckled to himself. Alexis shot him a look, and he coughed to cover it up and said. "Well… that… that just wasn't funny, monsieur" he stammered.
"Yeah, he does that sometimes" came an angry voice from behind them. "The whole not being funny thing."
Chancellor snapped to attention at the sound of the voice. Good gravy, why?
-
Author's note corner (Those of you just reading for the story, stop here):
For starters, I never at any time said I was ending the story. So no, I'm not a liar. I'm just very good at misdirection, right? Right?
Yes, of course, you want your precious features. Fine.
Name Origins:
Jaden Friday: I said earlier that his name comes from 'Schadenfreude', but I never actually explained what that meant. Basically, when we see certain people suffer or have pain (it varies from person to person), our brain releases a chemical that makes us feel good. That psychological process is known as Schadenfreude, which translates from German as 'damage joy'.
Jacopo Noble: Um… how can I say this… his name doesn't actually come from anything. I suppose he could be considered noble for a lawyer… but I never really thought about it. He's always been Jack Noble, and that's it.
Zak Newton: From famous physicist Isaac Newton, who supposedly discovered gravity by having an apple fall on his head.
Athena Aphrodite Aegis: Athena is the Greek god of wisdom, Aphrodite is the Greek god of beauty, and Aegis is Latin for 'shield'. So, basically, she's a wise, beautiful defense attorney.
Benvolio Paraclete: 'Benvolio' comes from 'benevolent' because he's such a nice guy, and 'Paraclete' means 'guardian', so it's another defense attorney pun.
Alexis Lexicon Lexington: Named for the sole purpose of having a character called 'Triplex'. Further character development to come.
Character In-depth: Jaden Friday
Well, he's getting his own 'in-depth' section, so I suppose he'll be a regular character from now on…
I really don't even know what he's doing back. I was writing the beginning, I write the line 'Do you think we should consider couples' counseling?' and then I'm like… he can't say that to Tanya… I know! Let's switch over to Friday! Yeah…
Don't you think it was a bit unfair springing him on us at the last chapter like that? : No, I don't. There was plenty of evidence pointing to him; there was no need for you to actually meet the guy. Complain if you will, but I stand by it.
Do you have something against short people? : Not in the slightest. A lot of my friends are short; in fact, one of them serves as a visual inspiration for Friday.
What's his height? Is he exactly three feet tall? : Exactly.
What's his middle name? : … Do you seriously think I have enough free time to come up with middle names for every character? Honestly!
What is it? : Sigmund…
Favorite song? : 'Living la Vida Loca' by Ricky Martin. Even killers can listen to good music, you know.
Learn Russian! :
You know you love it.
СЕГОДНЯ ДЕНЬ НЕДЕЛИ? (sev-awd-nuh dyen nee-dyel-ee): What day of the week is it? СЕГОДНЯ is 'today', ДЕНЬ is 'day' and НЕДЕЛЯ is 'week'. It's written НЕДЕЛИ in the phrase because it's in the 'genitive case', and it means 'of the week'.
ПОНЕДЕЛЬНИК (pon-ee-dyel-neek): Monday
ВТОРНИК (btor-neek): Tuesday
СРЕДА (sray-da): Wednesday
ЧЕТВЕРГ (chet-verg): Thursday
ПЯТНИЦА (pyat-neet-sa): Friday
ПЯТЬ: (Pyats) Five. Friday is ПЯТНИЦА because it's the fifth day of the week. Also, ВТОРОЙ (vtah-roy) is the adjective for second, so ВТОРНИК is Tuesday, the second day of the week.
- Bonus points to anyone who can name all the songs Noble quoted. If I'm not mistaken, there are nine songs in total (one song is quoted twice). Good luck!