a/n So here is the real chapter 19.

Aaron was her anchor.

He kept her grounded to the world. When he was gone, she floated off. She drifted, aimless, not connected to the world, to her friends, to life.

It was unhealthy. She knew it. She'd seen it in too many victims to count. But here it was happening to her.

She didn't want to be a victim.

Being a victim sucks.

People pity you, which is incredibly annoying. And in those moments you do not need to be annoyed. It's just one more thing in a long list of problems.

There's no easy fix to being a victim.

No time line.

You just have to work through it.

In that moment, the knowledge that you're healing, that it takes time, is useless. It hangs out in the back of your mind and drops in at random moments. But it is spectacularly unhelpful.

It's why floating untethered is so fun. You don't have to feel anything.

She knows that to get through this she has to feel. She has to go through it to get past it. But now floating emotionless feeling nothing but freedom. She couldn't care less.

She thinks about buying something to help her in her quest to float free. She hasn't used weed since she was in college. But that's probably not a good idea. Aaron probably wouldn't approve. And Jack would be home soon. And while Aaron might, might be OK with her doing it, he definitely would not be OK with her doing it with Jack anywhere around.

Weed would be nice, though. That feeling where all your troubles fade away, and that peaceful feeling washes over you. It's like being near the ocean. That would definitely be nice. She might have to have a talk with Aaron, and get a feel for he would react.

In the meantime, a shot of whiskey can't hurt.

She pours the amber liquid into a rocks glass. She waits a moment to let the ice cubes cool the drink. It doesn't really help the burn – she just isn't a fan of room temperature drinks. She raises the glass and took a big gulp. The burn doesn't faze her.

Her movements are easier. Breathing is still a bitch. It's not like she has to do that all the time. Oh wait, that's right. But still, the pain is receding. It's been two weeks, and while her left arm is still out of commission, the rest of her bumps and bruises have faded away.

If only the emotional scars would fade away.

She missed Aaron. She missed being able to touch him. She missed the carefree way they had been here at home. Home. She had never thought about it, but this was her home. Not some cold and lonely apartment. Here with the two men she loved.

She finished the contents of the glass, and poured another.

There was another part of Aaron she missed. One she hadn't gotten to enjoy since before she was kidnapped. She took another drink before her imagination got her too hot and bothered.

She was buzzed when he came home. "Aaron you're home." she cried out and she ran, well tried to run, towards him.

He gently caught her in his arms, hoping he didn't hurt her. He could smell the whiskey on her breath.

"I've missed you, Aaron." she said softly, her hand running down the side of his face.

"I'm here now."

"Yes. Yes you are."

She pulled his face down towards her, but he stopped short of her lips. He looked into her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." Their lips met and both sighed in relief. They had missed this. They had missed being with each other. Had missed touching each other.

Aaron's lips left hers and started down her neck. Emily arched her neck.

A kiss left a little saliva on her skin.

Suddenly she was back in that room. And he was kissing her. He was licking her body. His hands were all over.

She screamed out and pushed away from him. "Get away. Get away." She collapsed to the ground crying

He didn't move. He didn't try and hold her. His touch was not welcome. He crouched down and spoke softly to her. "Emily, are you OK?"

She continued crying.

"Emily I'm going to call JJ, OK?" He pulled the cellphone out of his pocket and dialed the number from memory. The sound of Emily's tears mixed in with the ringing of the phone. "JJ. It's Hotch. Can you come over here please. It's urgent." He hung up the phone when he got her reply. "Emily JJ's on her way she'll be here soon." He could only hope it would be soon enough.

The knock on the door was a welcome sound. He had been sitting on the floor helplessly while the woman he loved cried a few feet away. He opened the door to let JJ in.

She immediately noticed Emily on the floor crying. "What happened?"

"I came home, and she was a little tipsy. She said she missed me. She tried to kiss me. I asked her if she was sure. She said she was. So I kissed her. And then, I started to kiss her neck. Next thing I know she screaming get away and she collapsed to the floor crying. That's when I called you."

"OK. I'll take it from here. Where's your bedroom?"

"Down the hall to the left."

JJ crouched down beside Emily. "Emily, it's me, JJ. Come on, it's going to be OK." She helped Emily up and they moved towards the bedroom.

They sat on the bed and JJ gently pulled Emily into her arms and let her cry. She softly stroked her back and whispered soothing words and sounds into her ear.

After a while Emily calmed down. She pulled back. JJ smiled at her, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She bit her lip. She didn't want to talk about it. It was personal. Private. Wasn't that what her mother had taught her. To keep things to herself. To not share with anyone. That it was weakness. And Prentisses weren't weak.

JJ could see she didn't want to talk about it. She put her arm around Emily, "It's OK. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want. Why don't we just stay here until you're ready to go back to the living room."

They sat there for a few moments in silence.

Emily looked away before she started speaking, "It was the saliva. Jared, that's the name of the guy that took me. He … he ..."

"I understand."

"The first time he was mad. I had tried to escape. When that didn't work. I tried to fight him. He hurt me. The next time he was gentle." She let out a mirthless chuckle, "He was trying to show me he loved me. … I remember every time he kissed my body. Every time his tongue touched my skin … His saliva, it stayed. Aaron, ... he's not him. I know he's not him. But his saliva … All of a sudden I was back there. … ... I didn't hurt Aaron, did I? He's not mad is he?"

"He's not mad. He's worried. He thought he did something wrong."

"It's not him. It's me. I'm not ready."

"That's all right. No one expects you to just bounce back. Especially not Hotch. He's not going anywhere. He's a good man."

Emil smiled, "He's the best. … Except for maybe a certain boy genius."

JJ smiled, "Except for him. You ready to go back to the living room?"

"Give me a minute."

"Take all the time you need."

A/N How do you like that. I write a funny almost upbeat chapter, and then because of a mistake I made. I can't use it. So you get this a chapter with more angst and heartache. Also if you haven't read "Wicked Witch of the Middle East" my almost chapter 19. You should check it out. Let me know what you think. Review.