This chapter took my a while to decide on.
I must have changed it around 7 times.
So, I hope you like the final version (:
Anorexic/Bulimic warning.
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Author: xFuckTheMemories
The most amazing Beta: Destroyed Illusions
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Do you know what it's like, when you're scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it's like, when you wish you were someone else.
- Never Surrender - Skillet.
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Chapter Four.
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She stepped out of the shower, pink hair matted to her porcelain face; the mirror showing her reflection.
Sakura squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block her reflection from her mind. Trying to imagine that it wasn't there. Imagine that it wasn't her disgusting, fat body in that mirror.
She lifted one hand, just to touch her ribs.
Through another's eyes, you would see skin. Bone. The outline of ribs.
She dragged her hand down to rest on her sharp hip bone. She pressed against the skin, feeling fat beneath it.
She cracked one green eye open, looking back into that mirror.
A fat girl stared back.
With an angry cry, she delivered a sharp punch to her stomach, leaned over the toilet, and vomited.
When she was finished, she weighed herself.
2 digits appeared.
89. She was 89 pounds.
And she hated herself for it.
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"I've never liked swings." Neji grumbled under his breath as he watched Sakura out the corner of his eye. He traced patterns in the dirt beneath his converse clad feet.
"Why not?" Sakura asked, extending her legs as she swung forward.
She had met up with Neji around noon. She felt she could run, hide away from her problems, by submerging herself in someone else's.
Plus, if they were too preoccupied with their own problems, they wouldn't be thinking of hers.
"It's like.. You swing forwards 'I'm getting somewhere!', then backwards 'Wait, no I'm not..' I don't see the point in one step forward and one step back. You won't get anywhere." He explained, glaring at the dirt.
Slowly coming to a halt, she stopped and looked at him. "You know, sometimes you put way too much thought into things. It's a swing, Neji." But she knew what he meant.
Sometimes, when things were going so well, or at least, you thought they were, they almost always take a sharp turn for the worst.
And you're thrown a step back.
Right back where you started.
His eyes continued to stay downcast.
It was times like these, where those little thoughts flooded his brain. Where he wanted to know why he was such an ultimate failure.
Sakura was always there for him, and in a way.. In a way, he felt helpless.
Not because he was high and mighty. But because he knew she suffered too. He knew what she was doing to herself.
When he lifted her up that day, she must have weighed only 90 - 95 pounds.
He wanted to try and talk to her about it, but she was a good actress.
'I'm fine, Neji.' A smile. A grin. A laugh. 'You're seriously worried about me? Well isn't that a change from I-am-Neji-Hyuuga-hear-me-roar!' A joke. Anything to change the subject.
Neji stood from his swing, "I should go. I'm 99 percent sure that the lazy ass is asleep in a dark alley somewhere." He dug into his pocket, pulling out his cell phone. It wasn't anything flash, a simple black slide. "I'll text you from his phone once I find him."
This always happened, she couldn't afford her own cell phone. So the guys would let her borrow one of theirs if they ever split up.
Neji leaned down, sliding the device in the front pocket of her hoodie, before leaving a kiss on her forehead, turned, and walked away.
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"Sasuke, dude. Sup?" Suigetsu asked, falling rather ungracefully into the hard plastic chair the school provided.
Sasuke said nothing, just continued to keep writing notes from the front of the class. He was always only one word behind Kurenai. He kept trying to guess what the next word would be. Sometimes he got it right.
But then again, he was smart. Wasn't he?
A nudge to his ribs, and one glare later, Suigetsu finally had Sasuke's attention.
"What?" He yelled. The class stopped. All heads turning to him. He blushed lightly under all the attention.
"Sasuke, is there something you wanted to share with the class?" Kurenai asked patiently.
He blushed harder, trying to push his emotions down. "No thank-you." A surge of pride went through him, he almost stuttered. But he didn't.
"So, Little Pink Riding Hood hasn't been in for a few days. Neither has the one with freaky eyes. And the other one."
"Little Pink Riding Hood?" Sasuke asked. Seriously, where had he gotten that anyway?
"Yep." Suigetsu smiled proudly. "She's so little. And has pink hair. And is always wearing a hoodie."
Sasuke had to admit, Suigetsu was pretty observant. Sakura was little. She did have flawless pink hair, and was always wearing a hoodie. She always wore sleeves, too. Hot day or not. Suigetsu acted like an idiot, pretending he had a brain the size of a peanut. When in all reality, he was actually quite smart.
"You're seriously not living up to your potential in school work."
"Pfft. That's because school is shit. Who needs it?" Suigetsu asked in a rhetorical manner.
"People that want a job."
"Oh.. Yeah."
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To: Neji.
From: Shikamaru.
Found him. Aslp n top of skwl roof. Loser.
Sakura smiled at the text message before sliding the cell phone up, and typing quickly back.
To: Shikamaru.
From: Neji.
Typical. Yu heading to hys?
She hit send and waited patiently.
To Neji.
From Shikamaru.
Yep. As soon as I throw some rocks and wake him up.
You meeting us there?
Well, there wasn't much to do at the park, was there?
To Shikamaru.
From Neji.
Yepp.x
Sakura stood from her swing, stretching in a cat like manner.
And started the short walk.
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The times when she was alone.. she hated.
She liked to be around her best friends, she liked to be happy.
She pulled the joint out of her pocket, put it to her lips and lit it before taking a long drag.
She had her reasons for turning to drugs. But this was only pot. It was okay.
Maybe she should stop by the liquor store on the way there.
Yeah.. That sounded like a good idea.
We all like to escape from time to time. Some people run, and imagine the world is far away in the distance. Some people dance, and get lost in the music. Everyone has their own escape.
This was hers.
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She hadn't arrived at Shikamaru's yet.
They were both worried. It had been two hours. From the park, it should only take 20 minutes.
"She's not usually this late." Neji stated, from his place in the lounge. He was currently boring holes in the floor with his pacing.
"Troublesome woman.." Shikamaru grumbled. He put up his bored expression, masking his worry.
"Fuck," Neji swore, his lavender eyes wide. Shikamaru's brain seemed to comprehend the same thought as Neji, slamming a hand to his forehead, bored expression totally gone, replaced by worry. What if she was hurt? What if she had drunk herself into oblivion? What if she got kidnapped?
He couldn't continue the 'what-if's' running through his mind.
Neji had already pulled the door open and slammed it shut behind him.
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Sasuke was trying to escape. He just wanted to be a different person. Why did he have to be so pathetic? Why couldn't he be good enough for his parent? He tried his hardest, he got above average grades in school. He was always doing his best. Why wasn't it good enough?
He jumped out of the window, intent on walking to the park again.
Why did he even bother sneaking out? It's not like his parents cared enough about him - or at all, for that matter - to really notice.
The only time his parents discussed him was when they were talking about how much of a disappointment he was.
The first thing he could smell was pot.
He'd never tried it before, only knew the smell from when he caught Itachi doing it. Itachi, being the man he is, blamed it on Sasuke as soon as their parents smelt it.
Then he saw it.
Sakura was on the ground. Her legs lay flat on the ground, crossed at the ankles. One of her arms stretched behind her, supporting her upper body. The other hand held a bottle containing clear liquid.
"Hi." The word just slipped out of his mouth. She didn't jump like he expected her to. She just calmly looked at him.
"Hi." She answered. Her voice was soft, he noted. Just above a whisper.
He internally debated for a minute. Did she want to be left alone? Would she mind if he sat with her?
"You look like a man who could use a drink." She told him, extending her arm, holding the bottle titled Absolut Vodka.
He took short, careful steps. As if she was going to disappear. Or worse, run away.
But she didn't. She stayed still, offering him the bottle.
So he sat next to her, took the bottle and poured some down his throat, loving the warm feeling that came with it.
Or maybe that was just sitting so close to Sakura.
"Trouble in paradise?" She asked him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he held the bottle. He smiled at the action, looking down into his lap.
"Yeah." He nodded, before looking down at her. "What about you?" He asked.
She shrugged against him. "Tell me about you."
"That's a bit unfair. I talked last time." He wanted to hear more about her.
She sighed. "Okay." She lifted her head from his shoulder, and he instantly missed the warmth. She took the bottle from his hand, with a look that said 'I'm going to need this more than you'.
"The other day, I told you I didn't have a father." She looked at him, he nodded in response. "He left. As soon as I was born. Didn't want to be the father of the Demon-child. Because what child is born with pink hair?" She smiled as she tugged on a lock of pink. "My mom didn't mind. She loved me enough for both of them."
He sympathised with her. He knew how it felt to have a parents disgust aimed at you. But his at least stuck around.
"When I was five, some people broke into our home. They'd stabbed her. Cut her. She protected me. Took every single hit they had, defending me." She closed her eyes, her grip on the bottle tightening until the neck snapped, little glass shards embedding themselves into her hands. Sasuke immediately threw the bottle, inspecting her hand, picking out the glass, before ripping part of his shirt and wrapping her hand.
"The knives may have been what killed her. But I was the cause of death."
He froze.
She blamed herself.
"Is that why you do this to yourself?" He asked gesturing to the broken bottle, the smell of pot. The scars on her arms he knew were there.
She smiled. It was haunting. Eerie. Sad.
"I don't like myself sober."