Chapter 9

Never Worth the Risk

(Yuna)

Over the next few days I watched Baralai slowly fall apart. He was like a battery operated toy running dangerously low on juice. I knew it wouldn't be long until he broke and when he did there would be no way to fix him. The thing that really killed me was the knowledge that Paine was the only one that knew how to breathe life back into him and she was gone. It was a cruel twist of fate that she had been taken away right when I could finally see a glimmer of happiness in her life.

But, even though the police had traveled as far as the Calm Lands in search of her body, they couldn't find a single shred of evidence that she was alive. So they told us to assume her dead. Baralai refused to give up hope, he refused to believe that she was dead, yet every day that passed with no news was destroying him.

Rikku and I couldn't bear to start putting together her funeral arrangements. Every time we tried, we ended up breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably in each other's arms. We managed to put together a playlist of songs when we weren't crying. We also decided to stop performing. Our group just wasn't complete without her. She was the glue that held us together. It would be a while before either of us would be singing again.

After almost a week had passed, it felt as though I was moving in slow motion while everyone else around me was moving at normal speed. I had known her my whole life it seemed. Rikku and I even knew her real name, which was before she lost her parents. It had taken us weeks to get used to her new moniker. A weak smile pulled my lips up as I remembered she had to correct her teachers on the first day of every school year; something that seemed, to me, to be much more trouble than what it was worth. She didn't have the heart to ask the court to change her name. I wasn't exactly sure why. I knew she wouldn't have liked it, but I thought it only proper that we use her real name at her funeral.

So, going against our better judgment, both Rikku and I went to the studio with the list of songs we wanted to play at her service. We knew that we probably wouldn't get anything done and end up crying as soon as we walked through the door, but we both knew that we needed to do this. For us and for Paine, we needed to be strong.

When we pulled up to the storage facility's gate we looked at each other, building up the gumption to go inside. The studio had been Paine's sanctuary, she had spent almost all of her time there and walking through that door was going to be so hard. Without giving myself a chance to give it a second thought, I quickly typed in the gate code with shaking fingers and slowly drove past all the drab buildings, my heart racing faster and faster the closer we got to the studio. I parked in front of the door and looked over at Rikku.

"Well, are you ready for this?" I asked, turning my car off.

My blonde cousin took a deep breath and screwed a smile onto her face. "As ready as I'll ever be. Let's go, Yunie."

We reluctantly walked through the foyer and I held my breath as I sat down in front of the computer. I started it up as Rikku sat down next to me, looking very much like a porcelain doll. "Let's just get this over with," I said, pulling the piece of paper that contained the list of songs out of my pocket and unfolding it. I took a few seconds to look at the list while the computer booted up.

I heard Rikku suck in a sharp intake of breath and looked up at her with a frown on my face. "Yunie, look," she whispered, pointing at the computer screen.

My frown deepened as I looked from her to the computer and my brows jumped up into my hairline when I saw that Paine had left something running on the screen. It looked like a video file, but of what I couldn't tell. I'd have to watch it to know what it was about. I turned to my cousin and saw the flames of curiosity burning in her emerald eyes.

I leaned forward and pushed the play button without giving it a second thought.

When I saw Paine on the screen adjusting the video camera tears immediately sprang to my eyes, but I held them in. Once she had the camera adjusted the way she liked it, she zoomed it in only slightly then sat down on a stool with her acoustic guitar in her lap. She bit down on her bottom lip and chewed on it absently for a good twelve seconds before she spoke.

"I don't even know why I'm recording this. I'm probably never going to show it to you. I literally thought of this song today while I was sitting in class. I don't have it written down anywhere. It's all up here," she said, tapping her temple. "Nothing about what I'm about to do makes sense so I'm sorry. I don't ever think I'll understand it."

She started playing then and the melody was beautiful; something I had come to expect from her over the years. I couldn't quite determine who she was addressing, but as soon as she reached the end of the first verse and the chorus the realization hit me like a brick to the face.

"Oh no, Rikku," I murmured, looking over at her with wide eyes. "She wrote this song for Baralai. She's singing to him."

She nodded, trying to hide half of her face behind one hand and wipe some stray tears away with the other. I copied her and clamped my own hand over my mouth, preventing myself from saying anything else until the end of the video. As soon as the song was over, I fished my phone out of my pocket and fumbled as I tried to open it.

"Yunie, what are you doing?"

"I have to call Baralai," I said, scrolling through my phone book for his name. "He has to hear this."

Rikku didn't protest as I hit SEND and waited for him to answer.

"Hello?" My heart broke at the hollow, lifeless tone of his voice on the other end of the line. I knew watching this video would only shove the knife in deeper, but he needed to watch it. No, not needed, had to.

"Baralai, it's Yuna." My breath caught in my throat and I almost couldn't continue. I took a second to regain my composure, breathing in deeply through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. "Rikku and I are here at the studio. There's something really important that you need to see."

He was silent for an agonizingly long time. In fact, he was silent for so long that I thought we had been disconnected. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes." He hung up then before I even had a chance to reply.

While we waited for him to arrive, we worked on making the playlist for her service. We attempted to be a little more light hearted than normal by telling a few of the funny stories we remembered about the songs, but we didn't make it very far. Baralai walked into the studio exactly fifteen minutes after I had called him; we hadn't even finished populating the playlist for the CD yet. As soon as Rikku saw him, she jumped up and wheeled her chair in front of the computer screen, choosing to sit on my lap for the time being. I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested the side of my head against her back.

Baralai glanced sideways at me, anxiety written all over his face. "What is it?" He tried to cover the traitorous waver in his voice, but Rikku and I pretended that we didn't notice.

I swallowed the blitzball sized lump in my throat. "Just watch it. You'll find out."

His right leg began to bounce and he sucked his entire bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on it nervously. I could tell that a part of him was dreading to watch the video and the other part wanted nothing more than to watch it. It was hard to watch all those conflicting emotions fly across his face and I kind of wished that I could take back calling him. I should have thought it through better and my lapse in judgment could be detrimental to his emotional health. I opened my mouth to apologize to Baralai when he turned away from us and stared down at the computer. His hand hovered over the play button hesitantly before he pressed it down. He laced his fingers together and folded his joined hands in front of his face, watching the video with a face void of expression.

I carefully watched his face as the Paine on the screen began speaking. His eyes began to glisten as soon as he heard her voice. I would have paid one million gil to hear what he was thinking right then. His right leg was still bouncing. When she began singing the tears slowly began to leak from his eyes. My eyes decided to turn traitor then as my own tears fell down my face. I could feel soft tremors racking Rikku's small frame and I knew that she was crying again too.

Once he realized that Paine was singing exclusively to him, the change in his demeanor was instantaneous. One of his trembling hands reached up to rest over his quivering mouth and he pushed himself away from the screen like he was trying to escape it. He stayed frozen like that until the video's end and, even then, he didn't move a muscle for several long, excruciating minutes. He had me and Rikku sobbing like idiots.

He finally moved, but it was as though hundreds of pounds had suddenly been dropped on his shoulders. His movements were sluggish and labored like it took all of his effort to move a few inches. He rested his elbow on the counter and covered his blood shot eyes with his hand.

"Holy Shiva," he whispered. That was the only thing he said.

(Paine)

It was the day before Kimarhi would be leaving to deliver my message to my friends and I was ecstatic. My ribs were healing nicely, according to the Ronso Healer, and I was hoping I could go home soon. I could walk, but Kimarhi and the Healer didn't like it because of the strain it put on my still healing ribs.

After I went back home, I would miss the Ronsos. They were truly an amazing race even though they had odd speaking idiosyncrasies. They were very friendly and, in Kimarhi's case, very protective. He was constantly by my bedside, watching over me and keeping me company. He left only to sleep.

Since my very first day in their little village I had noticed that Kimarhi's horn was broken, but I was too scared to ask him about it. I wasn't exactly scared of him per se, but he was rather intimidating when he wanted to be. So today I had decided to ask him about it. The worst thing that could happen was his refusal to talk about it, right?

After I had eaten my small breakfast of dried dear meat and a soft chunk of freshly cooked bread, Kimarhi helped prop me up against my pillows, making sure I was warm. It got extremely cold up on the mountain and, because of my lack of fur, he was worried I would freeze to death. He really did mean well, but it got a little annoying when he acted like that.

"Um, Kimarhi?" I began. He looked at me with his bright yellow eyes and inclined his head. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your horn?"

He idly chewed on a strip of dried meat as he considered my question. "Horn lost when Kimarhi young pup. Biran Ronso jealous of Kimarhi. Biran disgrace Kimarhi by taking his horn. Kimarhi must work harder to prove himself."

For some reason, his explanation made me angry. I had no idea how Ronso thought, but why do something like that? Jealousy seemed like a rather childish excuse to leave someone marred for the rest of their life. "I'm sorry," I said, feeling immense sympathy for my Ronso friend.

Kimarhi shook his head, his long white hair swinging gently around his head. "Not Paine's fault. Do not worry. Kimarhi get revenge on Biran one day."

I nodded and smiled at him, satisfied with his answer. Out of all the Ronso I had met, I would miss him the most. We fell silent then as I stared down at my hands, trying to find something to talk to him about. We had talked about so many things during the course of the week that it was getting harder and harder to come up with conversation starters.

"You remember who you're supposed to give the message to, right?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Yes, girl named Yuna," he answered.

"Exactly. And you know where to find her?"

He nodded. "Kimarhi remembers address Paine told him. No need to worry. Paine's message will be delivered."

I felt immediate relief and relaxed into my pillows, confident that everything would turn out just fine. But of course nothing can ever go quite as smoothly as I would like.

A sudden commotion outside had Kimarhi jumping out of his seat, a low rumble erupting from his chest, and moving to stand in front of the thick blanket that covered the doorway. He cautiously peeked outside and looked around, the low rumble turning into a full blown carnal snarl a second later. I didn't know what was going on and I hoped I wouldn't get a chance to find out.

I heard yelling outside the hut in the strange language I heard the first day I was here. Kimarhi answered back then rushed over to me. "Fiends attacking village. Kimarhi take Paine somewhere safe. Kimarhi protect."

He carefully scooped me up into his arms, being mindful of my injuries. Even though he was being as gentle as he possibly could I still winced in discomfort as the pain in my chest flared. He moved swiftly to the door and cautiously stuck his head out into the cold to make sure it was safe before stepping out of the hut. As soon as the frigid air hit my exposed skin my teeth began to chatter and goose bumps popped up all over my body. I attempted to bury myself even farther into Kimarhi's chest, but there was only so far that I could go. The big Ronso noticed my discomfort and hastened his stride to his destination.

I dared to look over his shoulder and saw other Ronso fighting off large, hard scaled lizards that spat fire and looked like living volcanoes. Then, almost as if one of them could tell I was looking at it, one of the immense lizards broke away and began chasing after Kimarhi. It was impossibly fast for its size and I didn't even have enough time to warn Kimarhi before the creature rammed its large head into his back.

Kimarhi lost his grip on me and I sailed through the air for a few weightless seconds before crashing to the ground and skidding through the snow. I ground my teeth as my chest exploded with excruciating pain. I felt my head begin to spin, the threat of unconsciousness starting to creep up on me, but I stubbornly fought it off. I couldn't be passing out at a time like this.

I struggled to my feet, the pain coursing through my chest almost enough to force me back to my knees. I saw Kimarhi about fifty yards in front of me grappling with the monster. I could tell he was having trouble holding his ground so, pushing my injuries to the back of my mind, I tried to look for anything that I could use as a weapon. A barely visible pile of rocks was sitting only a few feet away and I made my way toward them as fast as I could, sucking in painful gasps of air the entire way.

I grabbed the biggest, sharpest rock that I could and snuck up behind the volcanic lizard, hoping I could get close enough to do some damage. Kimarhi roared as he wrapped his hands around the monster's throat and I chose that time to strike. I lifted the rock over my head and slammed it down on the creature's back, a satisfied smile playing on my lips at its cry of pain.

My smugness was short lived though. The creature swung its tail around faster than I could react and flung me away from it. I flew into an enormous snow bank and hit a boulder that was buried inside of it. A strangled, choking gasp was expelled from my lungs as I felt my spine fold against the stone. I fell forward into the frigid snow and heard Kimarhi call my name before everything went black.

(Yuna)

"Hey, Yunie."

I looked up from the book of poetry that I was sifting through and directed my attention to my cousin. She was sprawled out on my bed, going through another book of poetry. We were trying to find the perfect poem for Paine's service, but it wasn't going very well so far.

"What is it, Rikku?" I answered, resting my elbows on my desk and gingerly rubbing my sore eyes. We had been looking at poems for hours and the words on the pages were starting to dance in front of my eyes.

"I think we're going about this entirely the wrong way." I frowned and shot her a confused look, having absolutely no idea what she was talking about. "I mean, would Paine really want this? Would she really want a bunch of wishy washy poetry for us to remember her by?"

I smiled at my cousin, surprised by how intuitive she could be without really trying. "You're right," I replied, leaning back in my chair and lacing my fingers behind my head. "That's the hard thing though. How are we supposed to know what she would really want? The only thing we can do is try to get as close as we possibly can, right?"

She nodded and stared at the book in her hands before flipping to the very last page. I knew Paine would like that we were trying. After all, it's the thought that counts and we were trying our hardest.

"Yunie, I think I found one," Rikku said, getting up and meandering towards me, her eyes still glued to the page. I rolled my eyes inwardly and reminded myself not to hold my breath. She had said that about the last five poems. "No, seriously. I really think I hit the nail on the head with this one." I chuckled as she handed me the book, thinking it funny how she knew what I was thinking.

I decided to humor her and take a look at the poem, clearing my throat so I could read it aloud. "Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow. I am the sun on ripened grain. I am the soothing, gentle rain. When you awake in morning hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there. I did not die." My jaw dropped open in awe and I looked up at my cousin to find her standing there with a very smug, satisfied look on her face.

"See, I told you," she said, her smile growing even wider.

"That poem is beautiful. You're right, it's perfect." I dog eared the page just in case and handed the book back to Rikku. "Now what?"

She opened her mouth to answer when a loud banging on the front door stopped her in her tracks. We both frowned, matching wary looks decorating our faces. "The guys?" she asked, lowering her voice like the person at the door would be able to hear her.

"No, they would just walk in. Come on, let's see who it is."

When we came into the living room my father was peeking out of his study, looking at me expectantly. "You have the door, baby?"

I nodded and he smiled at me before disappearing back into his study. The person on the other side of the door banged loudly again. I didn't know why, but I had a bad feeling about who was on the other side. It was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, a foreboding twist in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't go away. I opened the door slowly and was met with the bright yellow eyes of a Ronso with a broken horn. I took an instinctive step backward, expecting to see anything else but a Ronso at my door.

"Um, can I help you?" I asked, finally finding my voice.

"You are Yuna?" he asked, folding his arms across his broad chest.

My knees began to shake and I considered lying to him. What does he want with me? I asked myself, feeling anxiety and nervousness at once.

"I am." I couldn't bring myself to lie to him; another strange feeling told me to trust him.

"Kimarhi brings news, both good and bad. Paine lives." Those two words almost brought me to my knees. I had been praying to hear something along those lines ever since we assumed her dead and now that I was getting my wish it was almost too good to be true. Suddenly, I remembered that he still had more to tell me and gave him my full attention. "Paine badly injured yesterday during attack on village. Paine still lives, but has not woken up."

I was shocked into silence. My mind refused to form a coherent answer. Paine was alive, but, according to Kimarhi, she may not stay that way. I jumped when Rikku rested her hand on my shoulder. I didn't look back at her, knowing exactly what I would see in her eyes. "What can we do?" I asked, keeping a surprising handle on my emotions even though I felt like breaking down.

Kimarhi cocked his head slightly and searched my face, exactly what he was searching for was a mystery to me. "If Yuna wishes, she can accompany Kimarhi to Mt. Gagazet. Maybe presence of friends help Paine to wake."

I looked at Rikku then, my mind already made up. "Call Gippal. Looks like we're taking an impromptu trip to Gagazet."

It didn't take much of an effort to tell my father a believable story. I told him about Paine, but left out the part where we had to go all the way to Gagazet to get her. If I told him we were going that far away, he would never let me leave. Since humans were forbidden on the sacred mountain Kimarhi said he would wait for us at the entrance to the Calm Lands. Then we would trek the five miles across the plains to Gagazet.

I grabbed two thick sweaters, one for me and one for Rikku, and after we had called our boyfriends we sped off to go pick them up. We got Gippal first then Tidus, saving Baralai for last. Tidus called Baralai when we were only a few minutes away from his house. All of us knew how he was going to react so we didn't want to make him wait any longer than was necessary.

Baralai came sprinting out of his house, sweater in hand, before I even pulled into his driveway. He was moving so fast that I thought he was going for a new world record. As soon as he was buckled in, I sped away from Luca towards the Calm Lands, going much faster than I should have, but I didn't give a damn.