This Is How A Heart Breaks
By Jasmine Starlight
Full Summary: Yaoi/het. Neji/Sasu Sasuke's slightly mordant; Itachi just might be a sociopath. Maybe Gaara is from a broken home. Neji just may be in the closet. Maybe Naruto might be lonely. Maybe Kabuto needs someone to love. Maybe Kakashi might need someone to hold. Maybe Sakura might need real friends. Maybe Temari needs a reality check. Maybe Kankurou needs anger management. Maybe Jiraiya needs Tsunade. Maybe Orochimaru needs them both. Maybe Hinata needs freedom. Maybe Kiba might need acceptance. Maybe Ino needs confidence. Maybe Tenten needs medication. Perhaps Shikamaru needs love. Shino, quite possibly could need companionship. Maybe Tayuya is hiding behind her personality. Maybe Haku fears rejection. Maybe Kimimaro desires friendship. Maybe Lee is crying out for attention. Maybe Obito needs compassion.
Pairings: Neji/Sasu…Kimimaro/Haku…Obito/Kakashi eventual…then Itachi/Kabuto…Tenten/Kankurou…Naruto/Gaara Orochimaru/Jiraiya/Tsunade…Open to suggestions. Shikamaru/Temari…Kiba/Ukon! Zaku/Kin… Hinata/Shino…Tayuya/Lee. Dosu/Kidoumaru…Zabuza/Haku…then…Zabuza/Kisame! Shisui/Sakon! Ino/Sakura.
There's some serious smexing going on in this chapter you guys.
Hadn't done the IM conversations in awhile.
I missed it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
BANG BANG
"You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young"
---The Killers; When You Were Young
§§§§§§§§§§§
Sasuke gaped at his cousin.
"What?" he said incredulously.
"In the benefit of the doubt—I'm going to assume that you're shocked because I took the initiative to ask him not because it is unlikely he would have wanted to go out with me. Honestly."
Sasuke just stared at Shisui. "Since you still lack communicative functions I'll explain. After we had that huge fight, I got to thinking. What was I waiting for? I mean I'm not a coward—contrary to "popular" belief. Then I realized that if I asked him then I would have to come to terms with it. So I hadn't. In true Uchiha fashion I'd ignored it and hoped that it would go away."
Sasuke blinked thoughtfully.
"So basically what you're saying is that you've had your epiphany about this whole ordeal."
"Yes."
"Because I called you a woman and a coward?"
"Yes. You never called me a woman."
"And said things we didn't mean?" Maybe not to your face
"Yes."
"Weird."
§§§§§§§§§§§
Chat room #446542149
SelfLoathersUnite has entered room
XxjustSuixX has entered room
XxjustSuixX: hey
SelfLoathersUnite: hey
XxjustSuixX: how are you doing? I mean, have you done anything?
SelfLoathersUnite: It's one AM in the morning Shisui.
XxjustSuixX: So? We're so fucked up that it can't wait. Time's a wasting.
SelfLoathersUnite: Shut up. What have you done?
XxjustSuixX: I got me a boyfriend.
SelfLoathersUnite: …you're kidding right?
XxjustSuixX: Nope.
SelfLoathersUnite: Who's stupid enough to date a repressed being such as yourself?
XxjustSuixX: Sakon. Thank you very much.
SelfLoathersUnite: Nice choice—didn't know you were into sadomasochism.
XxjustSuixX: Very funny.
SelfLoathersUnite: Who's laughing? I'm serious.
XxjustSuixX: What?
SelfLoathersUnite: Yeah.
XxjustSuixX: Are you serious?
SelfLoathersUnite: That's what I hear from Ukon.
XxjustSuixX:O
SelfLoathersUnite: It's not that hard to guess. I mean look at his personality, he's vicious, vindictive, and has a nasty mean streak.
XxjustSuixX:…
SelfLoathersUnite: You picked a winner.
XxjustSuixX:…
SelfLoathersUnite: Are you ready to be topped HARDCORE?
XxjustSuixX: shut up.
SelfLoathersUnite: Are you blushing uke-chan?
§§§§§§§§§§§
Sasuke shifted the phone from where it was balanced between his ear and his shoulder as he opened the door to his room to his hand.
"Yeah—uhuh. Yes." He said not really paying attention to Neji, as the boy talked about some sport or other. He was biding his time until he could say what he needed to say.
Sasuke stood at his window and saw the tree in his yard sway in the wind. Neji was asking him something.
"Oh. Yeah. Totally." Sasuke said not even realizing what he was saying. Neji laughed and there was quiet on the line.
"Neji?"
"Mmm?"
"I need to tell you something." Sasuke said in his smallest voice.
"Go ahead." Neji said warily.
"At first when we had this 'thing' I was the one who overacted because maybe you weren't open enough for me. But maybe now I've undereacted."
"What do you mean?" Sasuke could practically see Neji's furrowed brows.
"I mean that I can't pretend that we're not together in school. I can't pretend that we're just acquaintances anymore. I can't ignore you anymore and I can't watch you pretend to flirt with girls. It's all a show and I can't stand it anymore. I want to introduce to my friends and be introduced to yours. I'd even sit through a family dinner with you."
Neji was silent on the other end.
"I guess what I'm saying is that I understand that you're afraid. But I can't understand why. You shouldn't care what other people think. And if you're family doesn't understand you that I could understand but I know you haven't told them. If you're worried your friends won't accept you then I guess they aren't really your friends are they?" Sasuke said quietly, pressing his fingers against his glass window.
Neji didn't say anything; Sasuke sighed and tried not to scream.
After another moment of not speaking Sasuke said goodbye before he exploded. "I guess I'll see you."
Neji said nothing and all Sasuke heard was a click as he was hung up on.
Sasuke looked at his reflection in his window and saw his face screwed up, about to cry. He took a breath and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He felt restless and couldn't stay still. He flopped down on his bed and took deep breaths with his arm still pressed to eyes to stop his tears.
§§§§§§§§§§§
My life is a mess right now. It really kind of sucks.
I went out on a limb and fell from the tree.
God what the hell?
It seems like whenever I take one step forward I take two steps back. This is ridiculous. I shouldn't care this much.
About someone who didn't even really love me that much.
He was too afraid to love me. I mean, that's fine. I'm not going to force him to stay with me.
But why does it hurt so much?
§§§§§§§§§§§
When Itachi came home that day he found Sasuke in their immaculate living room. Which in a normal family wouldn't have been odd but in his family no one lived in their living room.
Sasuke was glaring at the TV, he had it on to some strange cooking show where the host talked loudly and cut a pear and pretended it was cooking.
Itachi collapsed into their stiff couch.
Itachi looked at his brother and wondered how the time had got away from him. He wondered why they didn't speak anymore. Why didn't they spend time together like they used to? Why didn't he know Sasuke like he should?
He opened his mouth to say something to his brother but he took one look at Sasuke and lost his resolve.
"So, what did you do today?" Itachi asked, trying to get over the awkwardness.
Sasuke stopped glaring at the TV at least. But he didn't say anything; well at least Itachi had tried.
The elder brother was about to say something else when Sasuke replied. "Oh nothing much, just got dumped. How was your day?"
Itachi could play that game. "Oh nothing new, I just apologized to my teacher and his boyfriend, our cousin, for being a home wrecker and then I tracked down my "friend" to ask why he's been moonlighting as a male prostitute. Just the same old same old."
Sasuke snorted and turned off the TV.
The minutes passed in silence before both brothers burst into peals of laughter.
"You can't make this shit up." Sasuke observed, wiping tears from his eyes.
Itachi grinned in spite of the mess his life was, "Damn straight."
§§§§§§§§§§§
"So, yeah. That's what happened." Sasuke said tiredly as he recounted his experience to Naruto and Gaara the next day at lunch.
Gaara agreed in his silence and Naruto slurped appreciatively.
Sasuke sighed, "Hey Gaara where's your sidekick today?"
Gaara turned to the seat next to him that had come to be Hinata's wondered where she had gone. In these past few weeks she had been a constant presence in his life insistently prodding him in the right direction on the right path.
He shrugged and Naruto finished his ramen with a loud belch.
"Gaara, would you happen to have the math homework?" Naruto asked angelically.
Gaara stared at him stonily, "If you don't learn it yourself how're you going to learn?"
"I would have done it last night but someone was keeping me busy with--" Naruto was cut off by Gaara's hand muffling his response.
Naruto smiled as the work was given to him.
§§§§§§§§§§§
Technically my life still sucks. I mean my home life—well—let's not talk about that. But now I have someone who—forgive the pun—but he's the sunshine in my life.
I was so stupid to wait this long. I guess in a way I kind of owe Hinata, for constantly pushing me to do the right thing. She's so annoying that way. But without her I wouldn't have asked Naruto out.
Oh and his kisses.
Whew—I'm getting hot—thinking about them. Ew when did I become such a girl?
It's a good thing I'm incapable of blushing or I would be as red as my hair right now.
It's hard to believe that one person could do that but it's true. I mean I shouldn't have wasted all that time before because now that we're together the world could end tomorrow and I wouldn't have any regrets.
Well—maybe I should have eaten that last slice of coconut cream pie.
§§§§§§§§§§§
"Hey Neji-kun!" Lee said brightly as he caught up to his friend in the hall.
"Oh, hi Lee." Neji said a touch despondent. Lee was smiling brighter than usual, most likely because of Tayuya and her "positive" influence.
"Where is Tayuya by the way?" the red head had made a point of walking Lee to class to make sure that if he arrived early he didn't do something stupid like challenge him shelf to catch every particle of chalk dust that fell to the ground as he clapped the erasers.
"She's in class."
That's new. Maybe this relationship thing isn't so bad. If Lee can reform Tayuya.
Neji dimly wondered if he had made the right decision but was interrupted in his thought process when Lee asked him a question. Oh shit. Had Lee been talking this entire time?
"I'm sorry Lee could you repeat that?"
"It wasn't that important my bosom buddy! I was just wondering if something had been bothering you lately. You seem to have lost some of your vigor for life." Lee flipped him a thumbs up for reassurance.
"Huh. Oh, I've just been a little burnt out with exams." Neji said, lying uneasily and feeling guilty because Lee would not be able to tell the difference.
"Perhaps you should take a mental health day my friend! They can be quite refreshing."
Now Neji must have been hearing things because he had never known Lee to take a break from anything, not from school, not from work, not from clubs, and not even from boy scouts.
Lee was push, push, push, until he dropped. Who was he to tell Neji to take a break? He didn't need a break, he was just having a bad day—everyone had bad days. He'd be back on his feet in no time. Mental health day, what a crock.
§§§§§§§§§§§
I'm such a coward; this is the second time that I've messed up an important relationship because I was scared. I'm so selfish. I mean Sasuke probably is just as scared as I am but he's willing to go through with this.
How can he be so strong?
Then again, how come I'm not? I mean I don't care what other people think? What am I so afraid of?
I hate this. I'm never this cautious or hesitant. What happened to me? The old Neji wouldn't have cared—he wouldn't have minded if a few of his friends stopped talking to him or if he lost his sports scholarship.
Then again, the old Neji wasn't gay.
I'm so fucked.
§§§§§§§§§§§
Hinata was struggling with seeing behind her books when someone bumped into her and everything went flying. Cursing under her breath, she quickly collected everything and was about to pick up her last item when her hand collided with someone else's.
"Sorry." Shino said apologetically as he handed the last book to Hinata and rose from his crouched position on the floor.
Hinata dazedly mimicked him, Am I dreaming or is Shino talking to me?
She wasn't dreaming, he was talking to her. He was standing in front of her, waiting for her to say something, he was so close.
"Thanks." She said enchanted, she could practically smell Shino's deodorant. It was a scent she sorely missed; Kiba's Giorgio Armani just wasn't cutting it anymore.
Shino continued to stand there and Hinata was overwhelmed by the urge to hug him. But she quashed it.
"How have you been?" Hinata asked awkwardly, cringing inwardly.
"Good. Things are looking up though."
"Really? Why is that?"
"Because I've started talking to you again." Shino said shyly, lowering his customary glasses to look at Hinata, who felt like she would swoon any minute now. He's talking to me! ME! ME! This means he might not hate me anymore! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Shino looked at her longingly. I wasted too much time. I shouldn't have treated her this way. She deserves so much better than me. She looks so beautiful. I just want to hold her forever and never let her go.
"Hey, do you want to do something? Like after school?" Shino asked quietly.
Hinata's heart soared; YES! YES! I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING WITH YOU! YES!
"Like what?" she asked, twirling a strand of her hair around her index finger coyly.
"Kiba and Ukon are seeing a movie, I don't think they'd mind if we tag along." Shino said evenly.
§§§§§§§§§§§
As it turned out, the movie that Kiba and Ukon picked was a slasher flick with no plot to speak of. But it didn't bother them because as soon as the lights when down the pair starting making out like the world was ending.
Hinata watched the entire movie peeking between her fingers. Shino looked uneasy, looking at Hinata and then looking over at Ukon and Kiba who seemed to have evolved past needing air.
The movie got gorier and gorier as it progressed, so Hinata had taken to grabbing Shino's arm and squeezing. Shino felt warm in the pit of his stomach whenever that happened. When you finally got to see the villain in all his deformed glory, Hinata shrieked and covered her head.
Shino looked over at the cowering girl next to him, and then looked over at his best friend and his boyfriend, who were seated in each other's laps feeding each other chocolate covered raisins and steeled his resolve.
He raised his arms over his head, preparing to do the yawn wrap arm around girl move, when Hinata beat him to the punch and buried her head in his chest as the villain decapitated someone with a guillotine and an eighteen wheel truck.
Shino looked down at the trembling girl sprawled across him and smiled. The rip-off price he paid seemed more than worth it now.
"Is it over now?" Hinata asked quietly.
"Not yet."
§§§§§§§§§§§
Sometimes life is just—so good to you that you know eventually that its going to suck a whole lot soon. Like a whole damn lot.
But you can only play the cards you've been dealt, right?
§§§§§§§§§§§
Kabuto had been dozing on his couch when the doorbell rang. He ignored it in favor of sleeping, but it kept ringing insistently like a buzzing bee. So eventually, Kabuto lost the ability to doze and got up to answer it.
"Itachi-kun." He blinked before stepping aside to let Itachi come in. "What are you doing here?"
Itachi looked somber. "We need to talk; can you come with me for a little bit?"
§§§§§§§§§§§
They ended up walking along the beach, letting the tide tease their bare feet as it rolled in and back out.
"What did you want to talk about?" Kabuto asked quietly, shading his eyes from the sun.
Itachi was silent for moment, "Sasuke saw you." He began, turning to look at Kabuto.
"Saw me where?"
"He saw you in the bookstore with that guy a few days ago." Itachi said seriously.
All the color drained from Kabuto's face, "And then I saw you. Coming out of the love motel." Itachi continued.
Kabuto stopped in his tracks, "I-Itachi-kun—you can't--"
Itachi turned to look at him, "I didn't tell anyone—but I want to know what's really been going on. I don't want to hear about things from my brother and most of all I don't want you to avoid me. If you're having a problem I want to know. We're friends, after all, aren't we?"
Kabuto bit his lip and looked down at his toes, partially obscured by sand.
Itachi lifted up his chin to stare him in the eye, "Look at me. I'm not going to judge you. Just tell me what's been going on." Kabuto tried to look away but Itachi's grip held firm.
"I can't." Kabuto said, form trembling.
"You can. It's me."
Itachi wrapped his arms around Kabuto and pulled him close. "It's alright. Tell me."
Kabuto was still shaking when he pulled back, "I can't." he said looking into Itachi's face searchingly. Please don't make me.
Itachi kissed him, and they fell back onto the sand, clichéd as it was, Kabuto held onto Itachi for dear life, as if he was afraid that Itachi would leave him.
They kissed and kissed until the tide came in again and both of them broke apart soggily, and sat on the beach.
Itachi dried Kabuto's glasses on one of the only parts of his shirt that were dry and they sat back on the beach together.
"Why can't you tell me?" Itachi asked insistently, stroking Kabuto's silver hair absently.
"I can't tell anyone." Kabuto said in his smallest voice.
"Why?"
"I can't tell anyone why either."
Itachi stood up suddenly, offering his hand to Kabuto, "Let's go back to your place."
"Why?"
"Because Sasuke's busy moping at mine and I think we need a little privacy."
§§§§§§§§§§§
Itachi held Kabuto's hand the entire drive back to his place. This made Kabuto feel guilty, Itachi was being so understanding. No! He'll turn on you. He'll turn you in. He doesn't really love you. Stop fooling yourself.
Kabuto fumbled with his keys as he felt Itachi's presence behind him. Kabuto could smell Itachi's cologne and his aftershave. It was driving him crazy—shorting out his circuits.
They barely made it to the couch, Itachi was all over him—hands under his shirt and trying to unbuckle his pants. He couldn't breathe.
"Where's your room?" Itachi asked voice husky from stealing Kabuto's breath away.
"Second on the left." Kabuto said hoarsely, as Itachi picked him up and carried him. He was thrown down on the bed and Itachi moved on top of him, straddling his waist.
His eyes asked, Are you sure? Kabuto nodded fiercely and opened the end table drawer to get a bottle of lube. Itachi kissed him hard and dominating before moving lower, sucking and biting at one side of Kabuto's neck, making sure to leave a mark.
He ripped off Kabuto's top, buttons flying every which way; he teased both pink nipples before moving down to his navel to press his tongue into briefly.
Itachi made quick work of his pants and boxers. Is this okay?
Kabuto never felt so cared for, Itachi's obvious concern and his slow pace made all the difference. He twined his fingers in Itachi's dark inky hair as the other boy went down on him.
I don't deserve this. I don't deserve him.
§§§§§§§§§§§
Afterwards, Itachi asked him if he was alright and stayed with him. Pressing close to him beneath the covers, their hands tangled together.
Kabuto drew circles on Itachi's warm chest—this was new. He'd never had an encounter where someone had stayed with him after.
Itachi was saying something; Kabuto pressed his ear to Itachi's chest and heard his steady heart beat and the rumbling sound when he spoke.
He was stroking Kabuto's hair again, "Are you alright?"
Kabuto smiled, "Yes. I'm fine. I'm not made of glass, Itachi-kun." He said liltingly, eyes twinkling.
"That's a relief." Itachi said dryly.
They were silent, Itachi whispered, "Do you have any idea how you make me feel?"
They were both sitting up now, sheets bunched up at the waist, Itachi's arms firmly and possessively around Kabuto.
He pressed a kiss against the side of Kabuto's neck, and another, and another. Kabuto felt like he was flying or drowning—in any case he couldn't breathe.
Is this what love was supposed to feel like?
"I love you." Itachi murmured into his ear as he nibbled on an earlobe.
Kabuto froze.
§§§§§§§§§§§
Chat room #1244164646
SelfLoathersUnite has entered room
XxjustSuixX has entered room
XxjustSuixX: so?
SelfLoathersUnite: so what?
XxjustSuixX: You know what.
SelfLoathersUnite: Why can you only talk to me in the middle of the night?
XxjustSuixX: Did you do something?
SelfLoathersUnite: I just saw you like five hours ago.
XxjustSuixX: You did something, didn't you?
SelfLoathersUnite: …
XxjustSuixX: AHA! So I guess you found out Kabuto's big secret.
SelfLoathersUnite: No.
XxjustSuixX: No? Then what did you do?
SelfLoathersUnite: Nothing.
XxjustSuixX: Stop being retarded. Tell me.
FanManAvenger! has entered room
FanManAvenger!: What are you guys doing up?
SelfLoathersUnite: Like you should talk—isn't it past your bedtime?
FanManAvenger!: HEY! I suffer from insomnia.
XxjustSuixX: Yeah right, if insomnia is called Hyuuga Neji.
FanManAvenger!:…
SelfLoathersUnite: That was a low blow.
XxjustSuixX: Shut up and tell me what you've done.
FanManAvenger!:…:D
SelfLoathersUnite: Sasuke…
XxjustSuixX: What? You know something?
SelfLoathersUnite: He doesn't know anything.
FanManAvenger:D I know what Itachi did.
XxjustSuixX: No fair. You guys live together.
SelfLoathersUnite: Stop talking about me like I'm not here.
FanManAvenger!: It's really good. Shisui.
XxjustSuixX: Stop teasing me already.
FanManAvenger!: No. I don't think I will.
SelfLoathersUnite: HELLO!
XxjustSuixX: Tell me c'mon.
FanManAvenger!: No.
SelfLoathersUnite: Stop already! This is irritating.
XxjustSuixX: Pleaaase. I want to know.
FanManAvenger!: Nope.
SelfLoathersUnite: You guys are idiots.
UltimateKaton has entered room
UltimateKaton: Little kiddies should be in bed at this hour.
XxjustSuixX: Itachi's done something and won't share.
SelfLoathersUnite: It's none of your business.
FanManAvenger:D
UltimateKaton: that just means you don't want to share. Sasuke, it seems like you know something. Would you like to share?
FanManAvenger!: I can't.
SelfLoathersUnite: can we please talk about something else.
UltimateKaton/XxjustSuixX: no
FanManAvenger:D
END
HEY thirteen pages of stuff. How do you like me now? Get some. Get some.
Rachel- thanks.
Dragon77- Lol. They're trying aren't they?
Taiy-Chan- Thanks. I loves me some Uchihas.
YoungSasuke- Still haven't found out why Kabuto missed school but there's smex.
DancingDragonBlaze- No neji/sasu here either unfortunately.
Niver- Thanks. I give you permission for the hand in marriage of my fic.
Turtle Kid- …
e-rabbit- I have no idea how I'm going to write that pairing. Mad crack.
BlackPanther17- lol fanservice.