Thank you for the continued support and for the reviews and favorites and story alerts. I appreciate them very much .Thank you guys!
" I'll never have it as long as you're here,"
Why does it still sting him that much? It has been a month and a half already and he has not been given the chance to let go..to obliterate those words that marked him a scar.
On the other side, as if he cared that much. Those words my have stung him that much but in line with his narcissism, and so what? He just had to admit that there are two kinds of words here on Earth. The sweet ones and the bitter or the harsh or the cruel. It was just that he received the latter.
Well, anyone undergoes the same situation. He was aware of the truth that nobody can please everybody. And he assured himself that he's not living to please anyone especially to please this "annoying girl" who didn't even think of a nicer way or more specifically didn't even choose more play safe words to speak.
But as an addition to that "sting" thing, it seemed like actions really speak more than words. Hell, if that's the case then actions hurt more than words in a way – contrary to the belief of some that words are more like murderers when it comes to the battlefield which deals and involves our feelings.
Yet if we allow this thought to permeate our mind for some time, wouldn't this prove that sometimes actions hurt more than the words do? Look, if for example, your crush, the heartthrob of your school, says he loves you. What will you feel? Perhaps ecstatic. But his actions don't speak his words. Like you know, he can't even talk to you in front of a throng because he thinks it will be a shame on his part for having a crush on someone "like you" and you don't even know how to define that phrase, "someone like you". Does he mean it in a good way or in a bad way? Most of the time, we take it wrongly..no..not wrongly..because later on, it will still show that it truly is – in a bad way.
So, doesn't it hurt? Okay, that is for the positive-negative side. How about for the negative-negative side?
Like in Natsume and Mikan's case, Mikan told him harsh words that would be too long to mention. In short she hates him. And those words were actually being proven by Mikan herself.
That is a double disaster for Natsume.
Ever since that day, he tried to stay in touch with Mikan but not in an obvious way that Mikan would surely shove him away. It was more like, always attempting to bump onto her, tease her..the simple tease on her undies. And well, burning her locks. But never had Mikan glared at him the way it was before.
Natsume received the complete treatment of being shunned and it vexed him to hell. He was actually drowning in pain…scratch that. As for now, that might be not the best phrase to describe his feeling, it was more like, he couldn't contain it anymore.
Yes, he could no longer contain this pain. Especially, when he sees Mikan having fun time. It was not he didn't like her to be happy or to have fun. It was the very thing that she seemed to be unaffected of this ruckus. Maybe she really meant all the words she lashed out. Maybe she did hate him all this time.
And maybe there was no more chance of settling everything, Natsume thought.
Kaoru and Yuka had their ways be out of Mikan's and Natsume's ways for a while, they must have learned a lesson.
But take note: it doesn't end there.
One time, when Natsume lost control of his sanity, while Mikan was walking on the hallway, he caught Mikan's wrist and tried to bring her somewhere to have a talk with her. But Mikan screamed saying that she was being harassed by this pervert Natsume Hyuuga.
Of course nobody would believe that, almost all the girls wanted to be touched by Natsume and then Mikan would just scream saying she was being harassed. Man, she must be grateful.
Yet, as a teacher, Narumi immediately went out of their homeroom and chased after them until he was able to grab Natsume's shoulders that halted him. Mikan freed herself and slapped Natsume hard.
" How dare you?" Mikan snapped. At this expression, one would think that she was really harassed, as these words are mostly spoken by those who are victimized. Yet she never meant it to be that way. This was her way of saying " how dare you touch me after all those times you hurt me? how dare you enter my life again then ruin it? How dare you?"
Natsume understood by just looking into her eyes, he knew he disappointed her. The vast space between them has just been expanded. And the span of chance that they would be somehow be together again had just shortened.
" I'm sorry," he said feeling crestfallen and ran away.
Narumi looked at the two with concern written all over his face. He was sure, they had a conflict. And he could feel the presence of hatred looming over Mikan. He feared this. He had been watching these two for some time now from the very beginning including their cat-dog fights. And he sensed that fate brought them together to save each other from their own weaknesses and miseries. But with this situation taking place, he could be wrong.
" Are you all right, Mikan? You can lean on me," he gently caressed Mikan's head. Mikan then did as what she was told to. She leaned on Narumi's chest. Again, in the process of stopping those tears that should be dead .
Hell, Natsume made her shed the tears that were once dead.
" Narumi-sensei, thank you," she sniffled quietly as much as possible. Not wanting to unlock her weak part again.
It should be over.
With that condition going, Natsume didn't show up for a week. And everybody was freaking worried if not for Ruka who informed them that Natsume had just locked himself in his room but it wasn't that grave. He said that Natsume just needed a "rest".
In reality, these were not the words of Natsume.
" Ruka, I just need some rest and space for a while,"
But Ruka knew better. If he were to mention the word "space" then everybody would have the notion that Mikan was involved especially with the commotion that they caused a week ago. Ruka wouldn't want that and he knew Natsume wouldn't, too. They had to keep the problem personal.
Oh yes, Mikan was sort of bothered also by Natusme's sudden absence. She suddenly thought of Natsume being on missions and having serious injuries that may end his life for good. Oh..crap…what was she thinking? Natsume couldn't end up being like that. She could feel that Natsume was fine..yeah..he actually was..physically.
Few days later, he finally appeared. Mikan really felt relieved to see him in a good condition as in with no bruises or cuts or any telltale sign of suffering or ache.
That Natsume was already there andthat he was physically fine brightened Mikan's day. She didn't even want to know and doubt why she was feeling that weird thing. But it really got the hell out of her… literally.
After class, she stayed longer. It was not that she really wanted to, she was a cleaner that day and if she wouldn't be responsible enough, she'd be dead. When her group mates already left, she sat down her desk contemplating the recent events between her and Natsume. Between her heart and her brain.
Being sentimental or dramatic again, she guessed. It shouldn't have turned that way, she thought. It was better before they became partners. They were just fighting and fighting and fighting like they would bring the whole terra to an end. That time was less prone to a critical condition. Because those were just childish fights, weren't they? They never gave meanings to those.
They just simply hate each other. The hate that doesn't hurt both sides and either side. It is the hate that sometimes just roots out of misunderstanding or superficial acts or conflicts with very minor negative effects.
Moreover, before, she was not familiar of her feelings yet. Now she does.
Whether she likes it nor not, believes it or not..she concluded that she has special feelings towards Natsume. This special feeling that currently deprives her of the happiness she deserves, well, if it wasn't for this lingering feeling, she could just go out and pick a fight with Natsume and that would make her day..her happiness at the ground state.
Now, she couldn't even look at him. At a distance, yes, when she finishes ascertaining that she won't be seen by anyone especially by Natsume.
She also thought of arranging things with him. Why not forgive, right? It has been almost two months. If time would be considered, 2 months or let's say one and a half months is quite a long time already.
That would be the case if it were a simple problem. The problem was it wasn't. Two months may be longer but not enough to mend the wounds left by what they call affection or love. May it be love towards your parents, towards your friends, or even towards someone you don't even know.
And one more thing, why does she have to let her pride down? Why can't he? After all, this was his entire fault. But she had her shares of mistakes, too. It would be unfair for Natsume if she would just blame it on him.
Hell, they're not even on a relationship and she's acting and thinking like a woman or a wife saving that nonexistent thing; doing everything to save the relationship that was not even there at all.
After thinking all of these heartrending thoughts, she decided to take a rest. So she stood and locked their homeroom's door.
She was walking with her head down, when she bumped onto someone. Yep, onto someone not onto something for if she had, she could be in the hospital for weeks for having lost much blood for bumping onto a wall or statues or anything hard.
Fate is really there always in attendance to help the two mend the broken fences.
" You better watch your steps, idiot," Natsume remarked with his famous smirk. He missed this, really. He just hoped Mikan would also retort. That would be an indication of getting grip of the past..of returning the way things were before, wouldn't it?
But Mikan just glared at him. A part of her wanted to retort of course, it was her innate characteristic yet if she were to give in to that part then, this whole thing would be over. Over..yes… and then what? They never know what would happen next so it was better to stay still, to let it go this way.
Now Mikan used her thinking on how to get out of that place. If she would persist in traveling the way she was taking, it couldn't give her certainty that she would be able to pass without confronting Natsume. But that's the shortcut to her room. In about 5 minutes, she could get there. The other option was, turning around and then running towards the back door and then heading towards the main door, upstairs, till she gets to her room. But that would take about 10 minutes. And if she wouldn't be lucky, Natsume could catch up with her.
Okay, so better deem this as a dangerous situation. And it required a lot of thinking…and of course the will to survive.
Did she have it..that will to survive and run away again?
Mikan pushed him away and was on her track of turning around but as she partly expected, Natsume blocked her way again.
" Look, I really don't see what's your point of ignoring me.. I know you can't," he taunted her. He knew the reason and actually he was fed up with her reason- she hates him. Still, every little thing can be stepping stones to his aim.
" To be happy of course," she returned the same intensity of tone.
" I've given you almost two months and never have I seen you happy," still cold and serious as ever.
" How can you say I'm not happy?" she queried like a detective.
" Because you no longer paint those smiles,"
" My smiles? And so what if they do not show ? Smile is not the best indication of happiness. One can just smile even if happiness was never there..you know,"
" That's it..like you. You smile most of the time, but I could tell they're fake. Not the real ones like when – "
"So what's your point?" he's getting into her nerves. She barely knew what he was aiming at.
" That I'm your happiness," he sneered. Natsume was kind of taking advantage of Mikan. He really knows how to manipulate her with her… oh well…admirable features, as he sees it.
" Isn't that right, polka-dots?"
" Hell..no!" now she has had enough. Know why? Because maybe he hit it..that point. Mikan couldn't just really accept it herself that whatever happens, Natsume forsooth is her happiness. He really is a genius. Hell..
She shoved him away which he allowed. Natsume had won this battle. At least he was able to make a little crack on the wall between them that Mikan continuously makes .
And with his punch line..
" Don't worry, you're not alone..i'm not happy, too," Natsume's voice and tone were filled with solitude and despair. Mikan could feel it.
That's why she opted to look back to prove her assumption..to meet those eyes..but he already walked away.
Mikan was still thinking of the confrontation when she suddenly noticed that her room was locked. Locking her room is not her habit unless it's needed. Yet she didn't recall anything in emergency for her to lock her room. Someone must have locked it on purpose. She searched for her keys on her bag but they weren't there. Yeah, she left them inside her room.
She called her Mom.
" Mom, have you by any chance, taken my keys? My room was locked, did you do it?" he questioned her mother with a hint of suspicion.
" Oh..Mikan dear, I'm busy here. Just come here, at your no-star room..do you remember? Your first room here in the academy," Yuka sounded so excited.
" Eh? Why? Why are you there and what am I going to do there?"
" If you want the keys, then better come," Yuka's last line and then she hung her phone.
What other options did she have? None. So Mikan went there.
As she was nearing the door, something appeared to her in a strange way. She just had some hunch that something was to happen.
She opened the door and took few steps inside. It was dark so she fumbled for the switch and then she clicked it open. When the lights came in, Yuka wasn't even there.
Then next thing she saw shocked her and scared her. Natsume was there lying unconscious on the bed. She couldn't even tell whether Natsume really was sleeping soundly or he was knocked down.
Then the door suddenly closed behind her.
Ok..another lackluster chapter. You may find some phrases which were inappropriately used. Again, I apologized; I just love playing with words. And still the consistency of verb tense and grammar . What more..the chapter itself. But the next one would be interesting as I can foresee it but the problem is I don't know when will be my next update. I've been busy for weeks and I have 2 other stories to update.
Leave a review. Please! Thank you!