Sorry for the late update..again. Well, I just can't type that much because my parents are keeping their eyes on me, I mean..they don't want me to be exposed that much with radiation. My sisters are also stopping me because we have our computer usage policy..but now..i'm trying my best.
Dedicated to: Misaki-harada. Thank you for your reviews. Your reviews keep me and this story going. Thank you!
" I can't"
These two words..only two words.. successfully deprived the remaining hope in Misaki's heart. See, words are really powerful that they can provide you or in the opposite, deprive you all the emotions you need to have, in worse scenarios..words can also take your life..yet on the other side, words often give surreal bliss to everyone. But for Tsubasa's case..his words can only cause Misaki nothing but anguish..and that's painful to know. As for now, no words can come out from his mouth, apposite for their toned-down situation, that can fulfill Misaki's longing.
After uttering those words, his mind told him to go away as quickly as he could, how could he face Misaki now? Like he had just said, he can't, so what's the essence of staying near her? Nothing.
His feet started to move..slowly he took one step and for the succeeding ones, he changed to a fast pace..but Misaki can't let him leave like that..not when they're both in despair.
Misaki then caged Tsubasa's wrist without wavering.
" What's your problem? I thought we're best friends! And if you don't know, best friends are supposed to care for each other not to ignore each other! Now, why are you ignoring me like I am a plague in your life? " She let the words flow that were really rushing inside her mind. Mixed emotions were lucid in her voice: hurt, betrayed, insecure, angered and blast! All the possible feelings a best friend could undergo when she's being shunned by her best friend.
She continued speaking and asking intensely, after giving a break in her line and after waiting for Tsubasa's answer that never came.
" Why are you---," and now she was cut. Her most anticipated moment had just arrived..bad timing though.
" Shut it! You know my problem but you're making yourself blind! Can't you see I can no longer be with you.. I can no longer treat you as my best friend! I've harbored feelings for you, Misaki..unrequited feelings! Now, tell me, do I still have the right to stay?" Tsubasa almost shouted. At first, his mood was full of pain and disdain of himself..of Misaki being so oblivious of the fact or maybe she really doesn't want to notice it. In the end..the last line brought Misaki the notion of Tsubasa conceding defeat. Hell, this situation really makes them both deranged. And this fact..the fact that they both take differently is ineffaceable.
Misaki as always didn't know what to say. She knew really the problem..benumbing her. She wanted to tell him something though bemused but she was just being deterred by fear and ..confusion everytime she tried. She was pushed to a corner where it was hard for her to reach out to Tsubasa. They were both smirched..done.
Tsubasa after discerning that Misaki had nothing to say or was still on the process of formulating the words he needed to hear, decided to runaway again. He really wanted to know her answer that was if she would give him the chance to stay despite that quandary they were in but he was too coward to know, though he was still assuming that there would be an eventuality for them to be the persons they were before he brought this issue up. He then retreated his wrist from Misaki's hand and walk quickly..shutting his eyes.. swathing his ears..and sending down his heart. But somewhere deep inside..something dictated him to look back..but he was afraid to.. afraid to see Misaki..walking away. So he did the same as what he was expecting Misaki to do, he winced from Misaki..from the thread of affliction prickling him inexorably.
Misaki sensed that the wrist she was tightly holding was no longer there in her hand's cage. She wanted to run after Tsubasa but her legs were trembling, she felt so weak. It was a lame thing to do especially when you didn't even know why did you want to run. Would that make any difference? She never knew, she hasn't tried it yet.
Tsubasa's words were reverberating in the ears of her heart, she could not really take it anymore.
Natsume and Mikan witnessed the scene and they were shocked, even Natsume had his eyes dilated,,his mouth gaping a bit.
" That is why Senpai has been like this," Mikan pondered..glumly.
" That is why Andou has been like that," Natsume thought.
Unable to take the vestige of the tension that had just disappeared and perhaps lurking, Mikan then ran to Misaki..she wanted to comfort her. She knew the feeling of that yet Misaki seemed to be strong, she was not crying that much but Mikan knew the time she hugged her that she was carrying a grave burden. Of course, it's not good to be weak at the eyes of other people, you need to show you're strong and unscathed of any situation…though fragile.
" I'm sorry Senpai, I didn't know..I'm sorry, I was not able to be of help," Mikan cried..she wanted to share Misaki's pain.
" Mikan-chan? You saw..everything?" Misaki was a bit shocked and also embarrassed. It was inopportune for that kind of situation to be seen by ..children..if that's how she consider Natsume and Mikan.
" Yes,tch. Can you not fix it?" Natsume interrupted, recognizing his own presence. After all, he had grown close to Misaki especially to Tsubasa. It is one of his duties to somehow meddle with their business..their miserable business.
Misaki then broke the hug, wiped the remnants of tears and stared straight to Natsume, ready to fight against his questions.
" I wish it were that easy but he just can't forgive me," and she patted Mikan's head.
" Thank you Mikan-chan and Natsume-kun, I'm feeling better," she added. It was true she was feeling better but for no particular or definite reason. Who wouldn't feel better facing your friends who understand you than arguing with somebody who loathes you?
After having her emotions be settled, Mikan asked Misaki.
" Senpai, do you not love Tsubasa-senpai the way he loves you?"
Before she was able to comprehend every word of her sentence, Natsume had continued.
" Or you're just too afraid to show it?" acting like he was also an expert in this thing.
Misaki was like thrown into the empty, murky, cold space. Guilt and loneliness was written all over her face. And once again the thread of affliction that has been beleaguering Tsubasa shifted its direction..and now its target was none other than Misaki. However this time, it seems it doesn't serve as a plague anymore but a solution..a realization. It is now stitching the shattered pieces of Misaki's mind and of course her heart.
Now, she knew it. It is both. She loves him but she's too afraid to show it. Realizing the fact, the truth..Misaki smiled.
" Now I know..thank you..," she imparted them radiantly.
" You better do what should be done..now…senpai," Natsume advised her..like, you know being touched by their story…but he didn't expect himself uttering that word.."senpai"..Good thing, he managed to mention it in a low voice. Crap, he still needed to protect his reputation.
Mikan looked gently at Natsume, happy to know, he's also concern. She also heard that word. Now she could tease Natsume…until he becomes vexed..to hell.
" Yes, senpai..it's never too late," she then added.
Replete with so much confidence and strength, Misaki said," Well, then..I better get going..Ja'ne..see you later!" and off she ran.
Natsume then faced Mikan and smirked.
" Now, Polka… shall we proceed?" offering his hand and slightly bowing. Since when did he learn to be a gentleman infront of girls? No..infront of Mikan.
Mikan could just giggle.
" Yeah, sure," she again grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor.
Misaki, finally getting out of the hell confusion, ran and ran and ran like there was no tomorrow. She needed to fix everything. She needed to kill the cowardice that has been enveloping her because it was never too late, she only needed to face her fate.
Somehow, she was scared, time might not wait.
After short hours, she still couldn't find him. Few more minutes and the clock would finally toll at 12 midnight. Few more realizations and actions, and Misaki would now be able to call it a day if she would be able to accomplish one last task..to talk to Tsubasa.
It was evident, she was really in a struggle to race against the clock and she would do everything to win. Hell, she didn't even bother to stop for a while and care to thing if she has eaten already and at least grab a muffin if not yet. But she didn't. Her feet didn't seem to ache since they were really willing to run at a full speed undyingly.
Not only that, after she had sought for Tsubasa around and inside the High School building, after opening the unlocked doors without even knocking just to get a glimpse of this blue-haired guy, the condition was just there betraying her.
Unable to contain its burden, its moroseness of what is currently happening, the clouds decided to slump and let its tears be dropped…a deadweight. And there, Misaki slowed down her pace or else she would be bathing in pools of mud.
Luckily, tiredness managed to sting Misaki and damaged her insane brain that time. She finally stopped and for once panted for air and gave herself ample time to replenish her lungs with oxygen.
The next thing she knew, that day can no longer be called like that..again. She failed to do the last task. She maintained her tranquility not wanting to give in at the brink of crying. She had enough of crying. She started to walk unsure where to go..just walking shambling off the ground. And then a destiny call echoed through her ears. She quickly searched for the source of the voice, because it was familiar..yes, that would be the accomplishment of the last thing she needed to do that time, the thing she longed to fulfill. With her right hand touching the surface of their building, since she was having her way around it, she was stopped within her track when she heard a conversation.
" You'll have a mission outside any time of the week. You need to kill the leader of this R group and if possible destroy all of them. They are a threat to the academy," Persona commanded Tsubasa with his deleterious voice..very officious.
" I don't kill," Tsubasa snapped.
" Now you will," Persona simply stated. Tsubasa can do nothing about it.
" And if I won't do this mission?" he enquired..hoping there was a way out of this new problem.
" Then, they will be involved. Don't forget you're already in my class, the dangerous ability class so it means everyone around you will also be put to danger," Persona rebuked. He didn't want any objection coming from his students. They must learn their lesson. They need to live with the fact that life is not always easy..especially for students like them whose freedom can no longer be retrieved..as long as they are being incarcerated and manipulated.
With that last warn, he left Tsubasa. And Tsubasa could only clench his fist imagining Persona was there inside his palms..being crushed to tidbits.
Misaki forgot her real intention for searching Tsubasa for so long. She needed to confront him again because of another external reason. Guess, it can't be helped.
She approached him quickly. She stood behind Tsubasa.
" You're already in the Dangerous Abilty class?" with her tone fumed and tainted.
Tsubasa was alarmed. How many times does he have to deal with Misaki, getting angry at him, like she cares?
He decided not to reply. This conversation would end pointlessly.
She continued," And you didn't even tell me?" begging for an answer..actually for two answers.
Tsubasa still ignored her like she was just a spirit wandering around and asking for someone sensible to talk to. Well, he could never be that someone.
He started to walk away though not oblivious of the fact that Misaki would pursue him.
This time, Misaki didn't use her feet nor her hands to catch up and stop Tsubasa. She used words…words.
" Say, Tsubasa, did you even consider me as your best friend?" trying to aim that point..his point of weakness.
Successfully, these words stopped Tsubasa.
Of course, he did. And does?
" What do you think?" he couldn't simply reply and so he replied with a question.
" Tsubasa! Can't you be straight to the point! I've spent my whole time searching for you not to have this kind of conversation! And now, this! You're hiding all the things I should know!" Now she was acting like that not for the sake of her feelings but for the sake of their friendship if it is still existing. She needed to save it no matter what happens. Their friendship serves as the foundation of a new beginning if only Tsubasa cares. Misaki couldn't just throw it away.
" If I told you this thing, then what? All of you will be worried, and I hate that! And does it even matter, huh?" he rejoined..hoping this would shut Misaki out.
But Misaki could never be defeated that easily. They both have their pride and dignity. One couldn't just let it down.
" Still, it's our right to know, especially me! Everything about you matters to me! You hear that? Everything!" she countered. She had to make him believe that she really is worried and concerned of him because that is the truth.
Tsubasa didn't want to succumb to those kind and touching words of Misaki. He can never be sure that Misaki was not lying, that she might only be doing that to regain the lost friendship, because how much he wanted it back, things would never really be the same again.
" I know you were my best friend but you needed not to know all of my businesses! I was transferred the month after "that day" and do you think I had the guts to even inform you?"
By mentioning "that day" Misaki knew what he meant..that confession day..the heartbreaking day.
" I needed to know all, Tsubasa! I care for you! Can't you see?" she was still on the process of changing Tsubasa's distorted mind.
Before being completely enthralled by Misaki's enticing words, he needed to go away quickly. And he bid her goodbye by this:
"Don't cover your lies by your words, it's no use,"
He dashed away and for the umpteenth time, she was unable to chase him. She was again losing the strength and confidence she was able to regain lately.
She was completely all-in.
There..sorry…I was not able to edit this..i was really rushing…I think my grammar really sucks..sorry for that..i'm still learning.! Kindly point out them..thank you!