Ok..at last I am able to update! Please read and leave a review. There are some NatsuMikan scenes here. I just can't help it since it's really a part of the story. Kindly read until the end. Thank you!
Misaki, very very tired these past few days because of "their predicament", still managed to welcome another day filled with the new sets of unknown shapes of her destiny.
However, attending their classes and their S.A class was out of this welcoming event. She decided not to since she thought nothing in this class thing would be of help to her situation right now, especially if Tsubasa would still be around after their conversation, and hell..that dangerous mission he was entering.
Instead of going back to bed, she just put on her uniform and went somewhere only she could find her own self.
During S.A class, Mikan was pondering of what happened in the Ball and the thing was, her senpais' situation was really tugging at the back of her mind and she was really persistent to know what happened..if even the slightest change had become a part of their history. She sought for Misaki to confirm her trances. Disappointment filled that empty space of her when she saw no sign of who she was looking for. She fidgeted and fidgeted that she could no longer listen and concentrate to what Noda-chi was saying whether it be sensible or not, related to the present or not..she didn't care.
Moreover, there was something she also needed to ask her. It was an emergency.
To seal her worries, after class, she ran and ran looking for Misaki. Luckily, Misaki, after taking a short nap beside the bushes at her 'place', decided to wander aimlessly..exploring the area…until they met.
Mikan was really panting for air while Misaki was on the state of shock. To think that she was assuming only she could be there and then Mikan appeared?
Geez, what was she thinking of anyway? It was not like she owned that certain area.
" Mikan-chan, any problem?" she inquired her though she knew a bit of what Mikan was thinking. She needed to conceive of something reasonable. She just couldn't spill the bad news. Mikan didn't need to be involved.
" I should also be asking you the same question," she stated clearly waiting for Misaki to get the hint.
And then everything seemed to be muffled. Mikan had to break it.
" Have you talked to Tsubasa-senpai already?" she should be asking more questions, bombarding Misaki because of her excitement but with the first impression of Misaki's face, she better not. Misaki would be happy telling her what happened if it was really good than wandering around in a strange place perhaps carrying a bad news.
" Oh.. weren't able to talk," Misaki replied shortly. She could have stuttered if she were to make it longer.
And Mikan could just believe this. Maybe it was better to let them have some privacy for a while.
" Is that so? Don't worry, a lot of chances is still on your way," and then she beamed just like what she always does.
Misaki could simply say thank you to her. She knew she understood.
Suddenly, she noticed Mikan's emanating aura was kind of twisted, stained with something she couldn't describe though it was really evident on her face. Mikan beamed and in a minute, her mood was grim.
Really, emotions could be explained clearly by your face.
And in another minute, her inference was supported by Mikan's words.
Like emotions, words could also describe your feelings.
Tch. When everything seems to be falling apart, you can only realize you're becoming metaphorical each day.
" Ne, Senpai..you know what.. I'm feeling something is wrong," she murmured head bowed. It was audible enough for Misaki, the movement of her lips was the only thing she needed to see to hear those.."something is wrong."
And then she felt uneasy..could it be….
"What feeling?" facing her anxiety.
" Like Tsubasa-senpai is going away, a lot of times, he missed our S.A class like he's no longer a part of it. I rarely see him..only last night when I had a clear vision of his face again. We rarely talk and I miss him," she felt like she just wanted to outburst her feelings and tears to Misaki but the timing wasn't right. She knew how hard Misaki and Tsubasa's situation was and that she shouldn't be adding to Misaki's priorities right now.
Still, she just couldn't help it. Tsubasa is like a real brother to her. Like Misaki, she also cares for him and she also demands him to tell her everything she needs to know. But Tsubasa was really unaware of everything. He seemed to be close.
Misaki was trembling. She didn't know if she had the rights to tell Mikan everything she had just learned to know from the last night. Or it was better if Tsubasa would be the one to tell it frankly. But she could see Mikan's lonely face and she just wanted to end it immediately.
But she couldn't.
Oh..Tsubasa is really a heartbreaker. Making everyone else worried of him..especially the two girls he loves the most. Worse, he did nothing but to run away.
" Don't worry…maybe he's just busy or lazy..or you 're on a war right now so maybe he prefers not to see my face..ne?" and then she complemented that dull reason with her fake giggle.
Nothing was even funny about it.
" I hope so..senpai..," she sighed.
" I'll go now senpai..i still have to be tutored by Hotaru in Math," she added then she scurried back to the direction she traversed lately. It was two o'clock in the afternoon already and as usual with students- overloaded with assignments like Mikan.
Misaki could just fixed her eyes on her retreating back. She couldn't even say goodbye.
She then continued walking..walking..walking until the shadows of her destiny for that day casted the figure of Tsubasa, the person she needed to see that time.
Without any hesitation, she tried to catch up with him. She knew how much he hated her but he should also know how much Mikan would hate him if he wouldn't let himself know the result of his strained independence.
Tsubasa could hear footsteps approaching him from his back…running footsteps. He turned around and saw Misaki causing her to halt from her running.
Misaki was about to forget her real intentions of approaching Tsubasa for the third time, because as much as possible she wanted to settle everything first between them but external reasons couldn't be simply left behind especially this one..an intricate reason and problem. And so she had to sacrifice.
" What do you want this time?" Tsubasa snapped, almost shouting to extreme contempt.
Misaki couldn't form the words he needed to hear because of his tone of voice. Why is he always dour whenever he sees her? Does her face contribute to their critical situation?
Gezz..Why does she have to torture herself by getting near Tsubasa when she knows how much he hates her like hell?
But it was a must for them to talk.
She stared deeply into his eyes..sharp. And then she sighed.
" Mikan.." she muttered.
" What happened to her?" Tsubasa panicked.
And as what she expected, Tsubasa's hardhearted mood changed to a concerned one. As much as Misaki wanted not to feel it, she felt pain. Mentioning the name Mikan freed Tsubasa out of his firm cage. This was the Tsubasa from before. And Mikan was the one who made it back.
And for a while, she wished she were Mikan because she knew the name Misaki is already detested by the one she loves..and it really kills her.
She needed to be strong in facing him..for Mikan's sake but her feelings couldn't help taking over her whole thinking and feeling.
She ended up being frail in the eyes of Tsubasa.
" She's already noticing something..your secret..she feels like you're moving away from everybody..from her..," she put everything in plain words. As much as possible no implied feelings other than her concern of Mikan.
Tsubasa thought for awhile and glanced back at Misaki.
" And you want me to tell her?" he asked for her advice in a casual voice. Hmm..at last.
" It is a must. She needs to know you're already in the same class with Natsume, that you're no longer a S.A student..as soon as possible," and then she gave him a nod.
All of a sudden, Mikan appeared.
She never meant to eavesdrop but maybe it was imperative for her to know. Actually, she was just on her way of going back when suddenly she seemed to have a memory gap and became unfamiliar of the place so she decided to go back to Misaki to ask for help and then she found this.
" Tsubasa-senpai..you're… How dare you? I thought I am your kouhai yet you never told me a thing..you said you wouldn't leave me..and you just lied to me?" she was furious. no words could describe exactly what she was feeling.
" Sorry Mikan-chan..but I need to protect you, I can't let you know, you'll be hurt and you'll think I'm already leaving you..but that's not true..i just need to do this..please understand," begging for forgiveness.
Misaki wanted to interfere but she was afraid everything would be spoiled if she were to meddle. She knew her position.
" I hate you!" Mikan screamed as she cried..not really wanting to believe her senpai's words.
She dashed away..very very fast. She didn't want to be followed by Tsubasa nor Misaki.
She needed space and time to accept everything she had just come to learn.
Instead of going to her room, she proceeded to Natsume's. She knocked hard.
Natsume was inside and got irritated by that knockings. He painted a hard face when he opened the door..but then he saw Mikan crying.
Before he was able to ask her what happened, Mikan had her way.
" You..are..a..liar..," she took few steps forward challenging Natsume for a "bloody fight" figuratively.
"What?" Natsume asked calmly.
" Why didn't you tell me, Tsubasa-senpai is already in your class? that he's already one of you?" she raised her voice in so much pain and hatred . She was really enveloped by hatred.
"I'm sorry…I know he doesn't want you to be hurt and I also don't want to see you in pain.. I'm, really sorry," he wanted to hug her tight to let her know how true his words are..but Mikan wouldn't want that.
" You fooled me! All this time, I'm being deceived! I hate you, Natsume!" she told him like what she told Tsubasa. Yeah..she really couldn't take hold of her emotion.
And Natsume could just be submissive. He was willing to set aside his pride for the woman he loves.
" Hate me as much as you want, but I'm really sorry..really…," Natsume told her. He was also hurt by her words. It was not easy to simply accept every harsh word she said especially the word hate because that is very contrary to what he feels for her. And he wa€ getting afraid that..that hate might be permanent; that it may replace the love Mikan feels for him though he really doesn't have any evidence of Mikan's love for him. Still..it didn't matter to him that time. He needed forgiveness from Mikan.
He wanted to leave her first to have some time. He knew he couldn't be of help.
He was to leave when Mikan hugged him. Mikan is very much familiar with Natsume's emotions and she sensed that Natsume was in pain because of her.
Natsume was supposed to be out of this. She knew Natsume only wants nothing but to protect her. And she also knew, deep in her heart..that Tsubasa has the same reason, but she couldn't help hating everyone.
" Gomen…it's not your fault..i know..i just don't know how to handle this..i'm..," she enlightened Natsume as she sniffled.
Natsume hugged her back. It is love their feeling..not hatred. He smiled.
" No..Mikan..it's okay..just cry as much as you want..and you don't have to apologize..everything will be fine," he reassured her.
After the minor chaos that had just happened, Misaki could only stare at Tsubasa while he was staring at the ground. Misaki knew how depressed Tsubasa was. She wanted to comfort him but Tsubasa wouldn't allow that. She took the chance of getting near him since he seemed to be unaware of her presence anymore. She was about to lay her hand on his shoulder to give him a pat of concern but Tsubasa suddenly shoved her hand away making a shrill sound of refusal of any help coming from Misaki.
Misaki had to stop any intention she had.
" Sorry..," all she could say.
Again..sorry. Tsubasa grew to hate that word. He really hates hearing that word coming from Misaki. Know why? Because it is very lucid to him that Misaki never did something to be apologized of. He was the one at fault yet he couldn't admit it.
" I actually..don't care," he said in a meaningless way.
Don't care of what? Of whom?- he didn't know.
Misaki took another chance. Like Mikan said, she has plenty of chances..she has to grab them one by one.
" Tsubasa, I forgive you for not telling me your secret in one condition, you would never leave..we will talk" she reprimanded him like a mother…hands on her waist.
Tsubasa faced her with a riled glare.
" What do you think are we doing? And I never apologized, watch your words," he responded in a callous voice.
He was back to being a heartless man again.
Misaki could only repeat her lines from her yesterdays and she wouldn't stop until all of this be inculcated to Tsubasa's mind and be understood by his heart.
" But, Tsubasa! You keep on running away! And so what, if you have those special feelings! Would that be a good reason for ignoring me? Tsubasa please..i need you to listen!" she demanded him..hoping it would finally pinch and break Tsubasa's coldness to her.
" 'I can't love you more that that, I've treated you as a twin brother, eversince' you shouldn't be forgetting your lines," he sneered.
He then started to walk.
" And so?" Misaki retorted. Yeah.. So what? That is a part of their past already.
"Does the past need to be the basis of the present?
Tsubasa replied while walking, " Don't you think it would be awkward, if I'll keep on staying near? You really don't know how I feel," wishing Misaki would suppress. He was tired of every conversation he had with Misaki.
"Why can't you just accept the fact that we can no longer bring back what we had and we can't also start a new one? Everything now is impossible for us. You just have to accept it," he added..really assaulting Misaki with these apparently harmless words.
Tsubasa was getting too far from Misaki and so she ran to catch up with him.
" Why..tell me..Tsubasa..Have you even accepted it already?" almost hitting his point of weakness.
She immediately continued for she was afraid of Tsubasa's answer. It might be a yes; it would make it harder for her to accept everything.
" Tsubasa..I..really..," oh my..she was cut off again.
Tsubasa decided to face her again and glowered at her.
" I said stop! I've been telling you to stop talking to me! Why the hell do you insist, when you don't even understand a thing, huh? What's your intention? To play fool of me?"
With that, because he knew she would rejoin and tail him again, he stepped on Misaki's shadow and wrote there: Stand for two hours.
Heck, he was becoming a ruthless beast. Misaki could have escaped by doubling herself and let her doppelganger stop Tsubasa, since she has good reflexes, but she decided not to.
Now she could feel the wholeness of Tsubasa's loathe to her.
" You really don't want me to follow you, huh?" she questioned him in a very very distressing tone.
Tsubasa avoided hearing Misaki's words because he knew very well that her emotions could control him anytime. It was better to play safe..though it was already a torment to her.
" I'm no longer the Tsubasa you knew, I've changed and this is a proof," he said as he stood having finished writing the command.
" Okay, if this would ease your anger," she managed to steal a look from Tsubasa and she smiled at him. Yes, because she had just realized that any action of Tsubasa counts: good or bad, heartwarming or heartbreaking, is important to her. Looking at the positive side, everything indicates a progress.
In her heart she knows, Tsubasa still cares for her. Because if not, then he wouldn't waste his time talking and arguing with her.
That was what she had to believe.
Tsubasa was taken aback and decided to run again. He didn't want to have an additional word form Misaki.
Misaki could just speak to herself.
" Well, I just insist because I've also changed Tsubasa..and I just want you back..even only for a friend,"
The smile faded out as the tears faded in and flowed.
Tsubasa went to his room and lied down on his bed, facing the ceiling with a broken bulb that symbolizes his life right now as well as his heart. He was really guilty for doing that to Misaki. He could never hurt her but he just did and has been doing. He could go back now and erase the command but he didn't have the strength to have another talk with Misaki.
Anyway, Misaki could manage, she's strong. That is one factor that made him fall in love with Misaki.
Little did he know, day by day, Misaki's strength had been diminishing because of him.
After a little musing, he looked at the clock, it was already three o'clock. Hell, they had a one-hour fight?
He unexpectedly took a nap.
Suddenly, it rained very hard. Obviously, Misaki was dripping wet and there..she felt s€o cold. She coughed and sneezed because no one had seen her yet. All she could do was to cuddle and snuggle to herself, rubbing her palms for friction that never even sparked warmth for her. She was there standing for one hour and forty-five minutes.
Because of the loud flashing of the raindrops, Tsubasa woke up twenty minutes before five o' clock and saw that the clouds were thick and dark, and the rain was really like cats and dogs..just like Misaki's tears. Misaki! He remembered what he had done.
He then ran at full speed without getting any umbrella or wearing any coat. He tried to find a shortcut to where he left her because he really couldn't identify the particular place. Bushes were the same anywhere he went.
Finally, he saw her there..still standing, welcoming the rain. He approached her knowing and seeing that she seemed to be fine. He didn't know that Misaki loves rain.
The rain had just stopped and they were both drenched.
Misaki sensed someone and face to face, Tsubasa appeared infront of her, the spell casted was broken already since it was already five o'clock.
Misaki sighed in delightness seeing Tsubasa came back for her.
" Tsubasa..you came back..," she let him know that she was really in a bliss, though she was becoming pallid.
" The command was broken already..you should go back to your room now," he was really worried of her. She might get sick. He wanted to walk her to her room but considering their situation..better not. After all, she could manage.
" Uhm..yeah…thank you..," she told him weakly.
Then Tsubasa turned around, his back facing Misaki and took one step when he felt like something had just fallen or someone had leaned on his back. No other person was there except Misaki.
" Quit it, I said don't follow me," he scolded her..not facing her. Her warmth, as much as he longed for it, was highly irregular.
No reply came.
" I said..," he repeated, then he attempted to turn around and let himself be freed from Misaki's leaning but he was shocked to see her limp body already on its way of hitting the ground.
He was able to catch her and then cradled her into his arms while kneeling on the ground. He scrutinized her. She was very pale. He touched her face and she was very warm.
A doctor could say she had a fever that time and her temperature was already rising to 39°C.
" Hey! Hey! Misaki!" he nudged her gently. He was now panicking much than when he panicked for Mikan.
If only Misaki knew this, then she wouldn't have to suffer anymore and wouldn't wish to be Mikan.
She heard her name mentioned by Tsubasa and again she smiled.
" Sorry…don't worry about me," her voice was quivering. She gradually opened her eyes and looked at Tsubasa cordially.
She then lifted her left hand and without any faltering, she touched Tsubasa's cheek and it didn't feel cold. He didn't refuse. It felt good.
She knew it wasn't because of her hand's warmth but it's Tsubasa's warmth for her. Few more steps, everything would be back to the way it was before.
But for now, she just had to give up. Her hand flaccidly fell to her side as she closed her eyes again.
There..i actually should have submitted this chapter last week..but I didn't finish typing this..and something's wrong with our keyboard that I had to edit every word with the S. Tell me, don't you think it's getting boring? Anyway..i still love this..because it's my story..my effort.