Woah! Hello, readers! Still there? I'm so sorry if I had given you the idea of abandoning this story..i've not updated for three months..i think. Well, I really ran out of ideas for this story but surely, I would finish this no matter what.
" I can no longer treat you as my best friend as well"
Tsubasa didn't know what to say or how to act. Was he getting the point of Misaki right? Or was he just assuming that the meaning of her statement was what he was yearning for?
If he had decided much earlier, he would have hugged Misaki. He would have apologized for being a masochist, for giving up their friendship and for letting her down. Misaki would have then cried because of overflowing happiness. They would have started living a life together.
But unreality mingles with reality. And often, reality prevails. Unreality is always left out.
And so it did in their story.
One more thing, the problem in a twisted love story is that aside from it following a current of warped channel is the extra characters who never failed to give dissatisfactions and frustrations and problems to the leading ones. Why do antagonists have their roles in this play by the way?
Persona suddenly appeared from a tree. He might have been watching the scene and might have been enjoying not because of what he was seeing but because of what has yet to be seen.
" It would be a dramatic ending" he thought.
" Oh..how sweet..wish you a happy ending," he said. Malevolence was evident in his voice. He was like suggesting something..giving them a hint that what he said was the truth, only he would interfere and turn the world upside down..and ruin them.
Tsubasa was quick. He suddenly shoved Misaki away by her shoulders. And then he caught glimpse of Misaki's eyes. It was full of agony. She gave him a look he would never forget. The look was so sober..the feeling of rejection and being pushed away.
Of course for girls, it really brings us down to the dirt when the man we love cast us off in that way. It's like you're someone to be avoided for you are a wretched creature.
But Tsubasa, never meant that. His heart told him not to push her away. But, if Persona gets the hang of them being together, he might do something on her and he was afraid of not being able to protect her.
This is the only way to protect her..to keep her safe. He has to shun her.
He can't speak right now because of Misaki's expression. Inside, he was blaming himself so hard that if possible, would punch his own face..but that would be..hell…insane.
Yet he needed to speak to bear out this "I don't like her" thing for Persona's eyes. It was for Persona not to touch Misaki if he were to know that Tsubasa really never cared about her.
"It's not what you think, we don't feel the same way anymore," he tried not to show any hint of sadness bubbling inside of him. He needed to disguise as someone who's cold-blooded and cruel that would have the nerve to reject and break a girl's heart.
" Really, but isn't it you love her?" Persona continued asking with the purpose of making them admit the truth so he can do his move. Yeah, he was like tantalizing Tsubasa infront of Misaki.
" That was before. Everything changes. And why do you care? Tch. Envious, aren't you? Because nobody has confessed to you yet," Tsubasa then glared at him. But for the nth time, he was really sorry for that..he never changed. He's still the Tsubasa, Misaki considered as best friend and has grown to love. His love for Misaki never changed as well. It's still the love that driven him to insanity, driving himself away from her and now, making her far from him.
And the least he could know at that time was Misaki looking at him with an unreadable face..tear-stained.
" Don't fool around! How dare you say that?" Persona was successfully insulted by this that made him forget all about Tsubasa and Misaki…deeming their relationship as well..extinct.
" You better do your mission now! Before you got into my nerve!" with that he sharply disappeared into thin air.
Now, they are alone.
Tsubasa would want to say "sorry" but what if Persona was still there? All the pretense he put up would surely crumble down and Misaki's life would be in grave danger and he would be there without being able to protect her.
He'd rather shove her away knowing she'll be safe than letting her stay with the chance of dying in his arms.
Tsubasa started walking away..not expecting Misaki to stop him because of what he had just said.
" Guess I was too late," Misaki let out a small voice. She was already enervating due to the recent condition.
She completely lost her way back to him. She couldn't even have him as a best fiend now. He no longer needs her.
She got it now. She, too, has to stop from clinging around with him when he never wants her to be there. She, too, has to make a distance between them.
She, too, has to suppress whatever feeling she has for him.
Tsubasa didn't reply. He wouldn't want her to suffer more by his words. He hated this. Right that moment, he was thinking of just dying than seeing Misaki's cheerful disposition die because of him.
And as always, in times like this, what could he do? Walk away. Simple.
Misaki really was tired out of all this stuffs! For how many times has she been doing this? Talking to Tsubasa, watching him walk away, and then stopping him, having a confrontation..seeing herself hurt.
For how many chapters has she been like this? Numb of all kinds of pain..trying to withstand all of them by herself even knowing that there wouldn't be someone to catch her when she falls.
How long has she been deadened by her foolish will to regain their lost friendship?
How long has she been stupid? How long?
How long is she going to take this? Can she still make it far with this condition? And is she even allowed to pick up again and continue what has been started? Would she even reach a happy ending for that?
Never will she know.
Yeah..she might just as well do what Tsubasa does. He seems to be apathetic of the current situation anyway. And how does he do that? Simply by walking away.
"If this is what you want, Tsubasa," Misaki thought having her final glimpse on Tsubasa who was not even facing her.
Tsubasa got no more time to brood over things, even over this kind of thing. He knew he needed to accomplish the hell mission given by Persona. He needed to go outside the academy and kill the targets, even if that whole thing was still messing up with his mind. How could he kill when his hands were not designed to be tainted by blood?
But if he wouldn't do it, then the lives of the people around him would be at the edge of a death cliff. And if that happens, how can he be so sure that he'll be at the bottom to catch them all?
He can't even save himself from drowning.
So, he prepared himself and did what was to be done.
By the time the clock signaled 12 Midnight, he was already all set to engage in the battlefield.
He's ready to face death..without even accomplishing much.
Misaki, for the first time, didn't shed any of that tiny droplets she has let flow out of her eyes for some time. She has dried them up before they even got closer to the verge of falling.
She was on her bed staring up the ceiling, reflecting on their past. Again, back to the times when everything was plain and simple..no twists..no pain and loneliness..no tears, just smiles.
And she was thinking if who is to be blamed? Tsubasa or she?
If Tsubasa didn't confess, then she wouldn't have been confused. She wouldn't have undergone that process of uncertainty and hardship just to be able to save their friendship. She wouldn'thave been hurt.
She would have been spared from grief.
But then, if Misaki didn't reject him, he wouldn't have drifted away. He wouldn't have ruined his life, wouldn't have hidden anything from her. He wouldn't have hurt her.
He would have been saved.
But as they say, regrets are always at the end of what you thought a rainbow, but in truth..gray clouds of melancholy.
And since regrets are always at the end, there's no way you can alter the fate destined to be a part of your life. You won't even know what decisions would lead to regrets, because as long as you know you're in the right path, you'll never be able to see the drawbacks. You won't even know where your point of weakness is.
Still, if Regret is there, Change is also here.
Regrets transform us into someone we don't know we could ever be. They make us see our mistakes and imperfections. They help us overlay what has been written wrong with right things.
Though nobody's perfect, regrets can encourage us to dream of perfection so not to commit mistakes anymore. Thus, they make us more determined to face the new tomorrows and leave all the yesterdays, to start a better life and kill the old life full of lies and faults.
Regrets result to Change. And if there is Change, for sure there would be Hope.
By the word Hope, you can dream of anything involving Hope. Hope for an easier life, Hope for getting higher grades, Hope for mending the broken relationships, and Hope for finding someone you can be with for the rest of your life.
However, there is an exception.
There is never a hope for turning against the time and rewind what has been played already.
Misaki had all these reflections. The result? Tears.
Just the thought of never being able to turn back the time and redoing everything buries her heart several feet under the ground.
Hope was never there for her. She thought it had been, even for once but reminiscing the times when Tsubasa just did nothing but to ditch her, even taking into account that he was the one who brought her to the clinic (maybe just driven by pure conscience without any concern), she surmised that she never found Hope at her side.
So at times like this, she thought., Just how reliable Hope is?
There has been regrets, she has tried to make a change, still..Hope hasn't appeared.
With all that, she discovered that to sleep and to wish that by tomorrow everything would be okay is the best thing to do. So, she did.
Tsubasa was already in the process of getting out of the academy by crossing that barrier with the instrument Persona handed him to avoid detections from the academy, when someone startled him.
" Ne, Tsubasa- senpai," Mikan started. When she was on her way back to their building, she saw Tsubasa wandering and so decided to follow him. Anyway, she's waiting for the right time to have a small talk with him, and maybe this is it.
Mikan was also expecting Tsubasa to be on his way to their building but was surprised when she saw where was he headed. So, before Tsubasa was able to use the instrument and successfully escape - not a permanent escape – she decided to speak.
" Oh…Mikan – chan! It's quite dark already and you're still up?" Tsubasa was becoming nervous. If Mikan gets to know what is he planning to do, he's dead. For sure, he'll patch things up first before doing the mission. And if that will be the case, Persona would be dead angry. He could then do something bad to the most important people in Tsubasa's life.
" Why are you, Senpai? Mission, I guess. And what if something happens to you? Will you be able to return your life? Why do you have to risk your life just to protect us? Isn't there any other way?" Mikan asked him glumly. She was hell tired of understanding why the Dangerous Class should do such things. Knowing Natsume doing missions is way too much for her to take already and then now her Tsubasa- senpai who has been also a precious part of her life does the same thing?
" Well, let's just say that it's the Academy's way or even if it's not..it's someone's way and we have no choice but to follow for the sake of other people's lives. Anyway, it's not my habit to fret about silly things like this," he let out an easy laugh. This could be his last laugh, if he won't be able to survive outside.
How long has it been since the last time he laughed "whole-heartedly"? Now, he felt like he should be laughing more often, that is…if he would still have the chances to laugh and have the time of his life.
" You're not forgiven, yet, Senpai," Mikan suddenly said in a morose mood.
" Oh…hai. Mikan-chan, I'm really sorry for hiding this to you, and for making you worry. You know my reason, right?Hope you can treat me again as your Senpai," hell…he sweat-dropped there as he was waiting for Mikan's answer.
" Do I really need to accept your apology? Do you still want me to treat you as my Senpai?" she said with a plan inside her head. Her voice becoming childish.
" Of course, I do," Tsubasa replied with perplexity enveloping him. What does she want?
" If that is so, then I would grant it! Provided that you promise to fix everything with Misaki-senpai and that you'll no longer avoid nor hurt her. In simple words, promise me..you'll stay with her and protect her," Mikan acted like a mother telling her son off because of committing a dire mistake.
Tsubasa didn't know what to say. He never thought that Mikan would have this as the condition. Of all possible conditions, why should she pick the hardest thing for him? But..a part of him does want it, somehow.
" Oh..so you don't want? Okay then..apology denied!" she continued seeing that Tsubasa seemed to ignore the topic. He didn't reply, did he?
For the second time, Tsubasa wasn't moving..just staring blankly at nowhere.
Mikan heaved out a sigh, presuming that Tsubasa really didn't want to talk about the matter, and then she started to turn around and walk away. But she halted when she heard Tsubasa talk.
" I promise. From now on, I'll fix everything I ruined," and then he smiled genuinely, reassuring Mikan that it really came from his heart and that he meant it.
Just hope, it's not yet too late.
Sorry if it's short and doesn't satisfy you. I just have to take a break from "their" scenes. I'll try to insert moments in the following chapters. Please leave reviews! I need them badly.