Happily Married?
Disclaimer: I do not own Strike Witches.
Chapter 2: The Guest List
Dawn broke over the Romangan skyline.
Or rather, dawn had broken several hours ago, and Mio drowsily noted that dawn was not the only thing that is broken in her bunk. A bitter taste lingered in her mouth and a number of unfamiliar and certainly unwelcome odours lingered. Some she could identify immediately. The scent of her partner in a deep sleep next to her mixed with sweat. The lingering aroma of high grade Fuso sake reserved for officers that she never got around to opening and the strong, woody scent of Romangan red wine, the last being something she was all too familiar with after a giant urn's worth of the liquor crashed onto her.
As Mio tried to gather her thoughts, the smell of the Romangan vintage reminded her that she was never told what happened after she went blind drunk during the encounter that made her so familiar with Romangan wine. Attempts to get information out of Minna and Barkhorn were met with embarrassed stammering from the latter and blushing silence accompanied by simmering frustration from the former. Shirley, the last witness would only respond with barely concealed snickering at best and peals of howling laughter at worst. Making a mental note to make full use of Minna's more relaxed attitude around her to obtain some answers, Mio turned her attention to more important matters.
Trying to remember what the hell happened last night and why her body was sore in parts she didn't know was possible to feel anything.
It was an unusual experience for the Fuso Witch to be awaking to the sound and bustle of the castle's routine going into full swing or having the sun's light shining directly onto her face. Faintly, she heard Capt Barkhorn giving orders apparently directing a cleanup of the premises. A familiar enough refrain that both Mio and Minna had grown very used to and learnt to ignore as so much white noise. Typically, it'd involve a certain Lieutenant Erica Hartmann's rubbish heap of a room, loud protestations from Capt Barkhorn amid futile attempts to hold the Siegfried Line and finally a sleepy and ultimately insincere promise to make her side of the bunk look less like a crime scene of a break in. This time however, the replies came swiftly and sharply, words that no one had ever used to describe Lt Hartmann in the morning when dragged out of bed by her old partner.
The voices that responded were also very distinctively male. This quickly caught the major's attention. While the Witches were expected to keep their own quarters clean, something Lt Hartmann fails miserably at, general maintenance of the vast castle serving as their base was the domain of the male staff that was assigned to the 501st and their performance had generally been satisfactory. No further contact was necessary and though Miyafuji had attempted over a few times to break the sometimes uneasy barrier between them, generally, the status quo held. Yet Mio could tell from the flurry of instructions that Capt Barkhorn was directing what appeared to be a hectic effort to clear a significant amount of...something. The Fuso witch overheard instructions regarding the sweeping of glass, the rumble of moving furniture and her mind began to register that the unpleasant odour was actually dried up vomit. At least the source of THAT was coming from outside the room as far as she can notice. Still her brain refused to give up any more information regarding last night except a few blurry images that flashed across her eyes as she attempted to recollect the events of the previous night.
Her last clear memories were about the "private discussion" she had with her newly declared fiancée the afternoon before. Mio chuckled a bit at the use of the feminine pronoun on her partner. Even as the two got hot and heavy, eager to work out approximately eighteen month's worth of sexual frustration, Minna had sought out Mio's opinion as to who was to fill in the role of husband on the marriage certificate. Neither Karsland nor the Fuso Empire had gender neutral slots for the document and Minna decided it was best to decide the roles their new relationship was to have now. Mio, for the second time that day was again caught unawares by her lover's question and stopped undressing Minna to pause for a few minutes before asking for her opinion. " Who do you think should be the husband?""
"Why, you of course my dear."Minna beamed triumphantly. Before Mio could ask for a clarification, Minna began to launch into a lecture of something called pen kiss envy, by someone called Dr Fraud. Since Mio and many of her compatriots from the Fuso Empire's military were carrying swords, Minna figured that the male role would fit them perfectly. Mio decided it was not worth the hassle to find out how blade bearing has any relation to locking lips with writing implements or playing the traditionally masculine role in the partnership are related. She also wisely kept silent on how accurate a doctor's hypothesis with a surname that seems to be an intentional pun on how unreliable his opinions are.
Besides, while Mio had great respect for the scholars, she felt that anyone who feels the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never tried to block a sword with one. For those who ARE talented and strong enough to block a blade with a pen, they are better off using a sword instead to cut other, even bigger swords. Other sticks or even guns. As long as there was something out there that is black, hard and massive like the Neuroi for instance, Mio felt the bigger and sharper the sword, the better for cutting anything out there that requires cutting, slicing or stabbing. The major isn't too particular how her katana goes into the target as long as it does the job of turning the Neuroi into a shower of white glowing pieces floating in the air.
Dismissing the connection between the holding of long swords and her suitability for playing the role of husband as a product of incomprehensible Karsland thinking, Mio cut short Minna's lecture by pulling her up close and whispered to her ear, "If I'm the husband, does that mean you will perform your wifely duties?" prompting a furious blush from the Karsland Witch.
They then continued onto the more physical aspects of their meeting. Meaning that they made love like a pair of wild animals for several hours until the time for the scheduled evening briefing. Mio's memory started becoming blurry from that point on. The Fuso Witch smiled to herself as she recalled their session last afternoon. Mio had causally remarked that she would make Minna's ancestors cry for mercy but Minna replied being adopted, she doesn't know who her ancestors are. The Fuso Witch took it as a challenge and performed so vigorously to the exhausted satisfaction of her partner, she was confident that both her biological AND adopted family line had cried out. Unfortunately, this meant that Minna was physically too spent to perform her last parade and briefing, and Mio was not feeling up to it herself. A sharp rapping on the door and Ensign Francesca Luchini calling out for her led Mio to stagger to open it, and the last thing she remembered after opening it was a sudden sharp smell of alcohol and an opened bottle of scotch being poured down her throat.
Determined to have a clearer picture of the situation, Mio got dressed in her usual swimsuit and navy jacket ensemble. Captain Barkhorn still sounded in control and has always been a reliable source of information, barring that incident in the underground ruins. Perhaps she would be able to bring her up to date on the situation.
Gertrude Barkhorn has always been described as a paragon of Karsland soldierly virtues. Disciplined, attentive, unhesitant in following orders yet discreet enough to suggest improvements to superiors where necessary, she had disobeyed orders only once in her four years of service, in stark contrast to her ill disciplined compatriot, who had the dubious dual distinction of being the only ace to have been court marshalled and served detention six times while also racking up the battle honours.
This is why Gertrude felt her cheeks burn with shame and her heart sink as she heard in the distance the opening and closing of a heavy wooden door. The CO's quarters were right down the corridor from the mess hall and the sound came from the same direction, meaning either one of her superiors had gathered enough energy to survey the situation. Frankly, the situation was a complete mess and Gertrude was trying her level best to salvage whatever was left. The Karsland captain's face was currently sporting several bruises and numerous cuts, with her right eye barely open due to swelling. It was not a mark of honour that a proud soldier such as herself could bear proudly as a testament of service to her country on the battlefield but a damming indictment of disorderly behaviour. Injuries such as hers were common on more ill tempered and less disciplined individuals in uniform who after a rowdy night at the local bar which will result in a visit by the MPs, several servings of the night stick before a spot of cooling their heels in the brig.
In her case, the injuries she had received were due to the events last night. There was no establishments serving alcohol in the castle base of the Strike Witches, but the celebration of their co commanders engagement meant everyone in the unit was cutting lose and those with the devil's brew among the Witches- namely Erica Hartmann and Charlotte (Shirley) Yeager- thought it was a good time to show just how much moonshine and other more high quality beverages they had stashed in the cavernous compound. After the seventh case of different wines and spirits were hauled into the mess hall out from every nook and cranny of the base by Shirley while Hartmann dug out a few strangely well preserved bottles of fine vintage from somewhere in the titanic trash heap in her room was accompanied by excited chatter from the Wing. Gertrude decided it might be fine to not resist the inevitable once in awhile.
In hindsight, it was a bad idea that has awfully executed as Gertrude had not anticipated a certain Erica Hartmann getting ahead of herself by telegraphing and radioing everyone of importance in the Allied High Command of the event before it began or Luchini's penchant for not so harmless mischief. Specifically, Hartmann had telegraphed a wedding invitation to every Allied formation, foreign embassy, police station and newspaper in Europe the night before the confession. Gertrude had to "accidentally" knock down the telegraph poles to prevent the RSVP from being sent back and tipping off her commander to the huge controversy her charge had ignited, which will be made worse should the engagement effort go sour. While the proposal had succeeded, things could have gotten very ugly if Minna had failed and the whole of Europe learnt of it. The 501st Joint Fighter Wing has been the focus of the world's major media with every major power being represented in it. A failed marriage proposal would play as a very juicy and scandalous story with almost unlimited potential for every high brow broadsheet to muck raking tabloid in the Allied capitals. What really horrified Gertrude however was how Minna would react had things gone sour. Gertrude liked her partner in one piece. Fortunately, the confession was successful and they only had the minor issue of dealing with still conservative public opinion regarding two women, even if they were war heroes, becoming a lawfully wedded couple, persuading the governments of both Karsland and the Fuso Empire that allowing two of their most famous aces to be together openly was worth the pressure the inevitable firestorm of yellow journalism and third string hacks looking for salacious stories.
Gertrude decided that her commander really liked riling up her higher ups as well rankling society at large. While Hartmann was the one who threw the dice and informed the world, Minna could not have been so blind as to not foresee the backlash about an open same sex relationship. It could not have been out of some sense of social justice or vision for liberal progressiveness. Wing Commander Minna was not a dyed in the wool social conservative who frowned at the slightest hint of deviance but her rank and position had made her develop a sense of pragmatism and an acute sense of picking her fights with the brass. Witches living together as a couple was all but tacitly acknowledged by every Allied military who bent over backwards to accommodate what they believed to be the personal quirks of highly valuable assets. Retired and active Witches even got benefits that extended to any partner of their choice, with the gender and marital status being overlooked as a matter of policy.
Either that or the old cliché that love can make people do stupid things holds true. Minna was adamant that Mio should get the dignity of the official status as her husband. The redhead was also adamant that Mio should be the one wearing the pants so to speak. Gertrude held her silence and managed to avoid pointing out that Fuso Witches preferred to wear swimsuits beneath their uniforms.
After leaving the CO's quarters, the responsibility of command in theory had fallen onto the shoulders of the next two senior officers currently not incapacitated. In reality, Gertrude decided, it was up to her to maintain some semblance of military discipline and cohesion over an already typically undisciplined unit currently lacking the steady hand of their co commanders while that noisy Liberion will hopefully not add too much to the surely chaotic celebrations due to happen.
"If that happens, we will be liberating Berlin by tomorrow." thought the auburn haired captain wryly on her little spell of wishful thinking. Shirley for her part did not add too much trouble to the proceedings and limited her delinquency and disrespect for her rank by fraternizing shamelessly with the lower ranks while getting hammered with the watery horse urine the Liberions refer to as beer. So unlike quality Karsland brew, Gertrude sniffed her disdain for the Liberion product was such that she would never allow herself to even wash her feet with it. It was bad enough she had equated been cajoled into admitting enjoying Liberion fries as much as the frites of Gallia and Belgium, but she drew the line at comparing the craft of the Munich breweries with the handiwork of some bootlegger from Chicago.
Instead, she settled for watching the celebrations unfold from the head of the mess table nursing while the rest of the 501st began to make merry in their own distinct ways. Yoshika pouted and fumed like someone had taken away her favourite toy while Lynette Bishop, her close partner, held Perrine close to her chest protectively; reminding her trusted comrade that Perrine had just been dumped and needed some comforting. Gertrude had blinked and swore to herself that the blonde was grinning ear to ear while wailing rather dramatically. Yoshika for her part settled for glaring daggers at them while downing cup after cup of green tea. Seated on the other end, Shirley started toasting mug after mug to no one in particular while her rather impressive cleavage jiggled as she went round after round. The older Liberion's actions soon attracted Yoshika's attention away and Gertrude thought to herself if there was an unwritten rule in the universe that Yoshika Miyafuji was magnetically drawn to movement emitted by cleavage that was at least a C cup in size as the young Fuso Witch seemed to glide over to Shirley's side. Gertrude then started frowning as she noticed Yoshika's face was redder than usual and she was also having a hiccup. Someone had obviously spiked the teapot. The two likely culprits, Luchini and Hartmann were nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, the silver haired duo of Eila IImatar Juutilainen and Alexandra "Sanya" Vladamirnova Litvyak reacted to the brewing pandemonium in their usual manner. The Suommus witch read her tarot cards quietly while only having eyes for her partner while Sanya looked sleepy while playing with her tail. Gertrude sighed in resignation as she felt a migraine creep up to her. "At least it cannot get any worse." she mumbled to herself as she got up from her seat and prepared to restore order.
At that very moment, one of the windows of the mess hall was smashed open and the roar of a Striker Unit's propellers filled the room, followed closely by a blonde figure clad in khaki brown which flew into the room and began to slowly descend and the other end of the long dining table. Reddish brown white tipped feather filled the room as a large magic circle manifested covering the whole room in an azure glow before it slowly receded as the source of the commotion began to land.
Gertrude snarled as she addressed the new visitor to their gathering. "Breaking into a military installation without permission, damaging of property, operating of machinery in a forbidden area and failing to keep regulation length hair and grooming. Is there no beginning to your sense of common decency and pride as a Karsland soldier, Star of Africa?" The Karsland captain spat out the nickname as if it was a curse.
Captain Hanna Justina Marseille, the aforementioned Star of Africa, maintained her trademark cocksure expression and smirk was sporting a brown bomber jacket with a khaki green Luftwaffe shirt beneath it began striding up to her counterpart and pulled out a piece of paper from her pants before slamming it down on the table, her face inches from Gertrude as she said, "I am responding the invitation sent out from your sad little outfit about a wedding. I figured that no union will be complete without a real star so I have decided to grace the occasion with my occasion. "Placing her hands on her hips, the blonde straightened her back while her smirk changed into a grin, Marseille continued, "You can now proceed to genuflect in gratefulness for my generosity in responding."
Gertrude held and calmly read the telegraphed invitation, before brushing off several grains of sand from it by waving it forcefully. "I will have to mention failure to maintain an acceptable standard of personal hygiene." calmly remarked the auburn haired captain. "Haven't you learnt to clean yourself properly from environmental hazards in boot camp?"
Marseille's expression broke for a moment before resuming into her usual smug look. "As usual, Barkhorn you are unable to comprehend that someone as great as I would be beyond such trivial matters like rules or regulations. Truly, jealousy over my obvious superiority is such an ugly sight to behold. "Gertrude arose from her seat and grabbed the blonde by her flight jacket collar, pulling Marseille closer, intending to a comeback stating that a lack of personal hygiene suggests anything but greatness was interrupted by Luchini diving into Shirley's lap while wailing."Shirley! The major is being really, really scary!" Mio's trademark booming laughter then echoed through the room while the pint sized Romangan Witch let out a yelp and dived beneath Shirley's chair. The Liberion Witch for her part actually stopped drinking and seemed to sober up, turning her head to the direction of the laughter. Both Shirley and Gertrude gulped as they realised that Francesca Luchini had just unleashed a monster.
Time seemed to slow down as the sound of a flurry of steps accompanied by a continuous maniacal laugh captured the attention of everyone in the mess hall. Marseille for her part wondered if she had somehow failed to hear a report of an alleged haunting in the base. Sure enough, Sakamoto Mio strode into the room, her cheeks a ruby red while a wide smile was plastered on her face. "Hey, I didn't know yoush all had twins." slurred the Fuso Witch. "Well, itsh my party! And I'm sayin that everyone and their siblings who are somehow separated at birth are ordered to drop and give me a smashing good time!" Mio scanned the room and saw Gertrude with Marseille, their faces just inches from each other. Letting out a burst of laughter, the major ran over to the duo and slurred, "Yoush two gettin' hot and heavy? I didn't know you two were that close but since it's started, don't mind little o'l me and begin the tongue wrestling." before folding her arms and letting out another burst of maniacal laughter.
"I wasn't going to kiss her!"echoed both Witches at once before blinking and turning to each other. "Stop copying me!"
Mio frowned as she heard their joint declaration, "Well, since yoush two aren't going to kiss. Why not do what they always do in Minna's comic books and beat one another before the kissing part?"
"With all respect due your rank, Major, I'm not going to urgghh!" Gertrude's protest was cut short by Marseille's fist. "With pleasure, major regarding the first half of your order. I will, however, have this little stick in the mud kiss my arrghhh!" The blonde Witch's gloating was interrupted by a swift kick in her belly from Gertrude which sent her flying into an empty chair and was quickly followed by a tackle. As the two rivals began to exchange blows while entangled with each other, Mio yelled out in between hoots of laughter, "A hundred pounds that Captain Barkhorn will leave our visitor eating with a straw fer weeks! Place yer bets!"
In the end, the fight ended in a draw as the furniture to trash in the room ran out and Marseille's personal aide Matilda, a towering African Witch sporting a spear, sling and spear arrived to pull apart and separate the two combatants. Eila and Sanya for their part chipped in and carried the now snoring Mio back to her shared bunk with Minna.
Gertrude Barkhorn knew very well that unauthorised use of force is a sign of ill discipline, but damn did it feel good to lamp her rival with a few good shots in the face and kidneys. "If not for her magic, she'd be pissing blood for weeks."As it stands, the Karslander will have to settle for just a few hours of said blooding urinating she had inflicted on Marseille and knowledge that the blonde Witch won't be chewing anything with that jaw of hers until the medics are done with her.
"Acceptable losses, the chipped wisdom teeth and swelling on my right eye. I should be able to see out of in a few days. "thought Gertrude to herself as she did a check on her own injuries.
Requiring the manpower for the aftermath the next morning, Gertrude decided to exercise her prerogative as the current ranking officer and requisitioned the aid of the male staff the next morning to do the clean up.
Luchini finally revealed after intense interrogation and threats to awaken the still intoxicated Mio should she fail to cooperate that after she had fed their sub commander with a bottle of aged scotch, the situation had spiralled out of control and Mio had chased her around the room, intending to squeeze the stuffing out of her while squealing how the Romangan girl was cute as a button. Shirley quipped that Luchini ought to feel flattered their sub commander finds her good enough as a soft toy replacement while Gertrude made sure to never let her own baby sister Chris anywhere near a tipsy Mio.
The Luftwaffe captain then spotted a decidedly sober but haggard looking Sakamoto Mio approaching her and began to rehearse her words in her mind.
This was going to be the most awkward report in her career.
Mio had hesitated to approach Captain Barkhorn as she spied the same awkward expression that reminded her of the times when she was a green trainee back in the Fuso Empire which yelled bad news. Specifically, it betrayed the type of ill tidings that would quickly make the rounds of every gossip session in every beer hall and cafe in Europe, no matter how hard the censors try to ensure that word does not spread. Still, she had a job to do.
"Captain Barkhorn," Mio remarked casually, trying her best to maintain a semblance of serenity even as the full measure of the mess and needed clean up sunk into her. "Seems like everyone enjoyed themselves." The Fuso Witch then attempted to laugh away but choked on her forced mirth as she noticed her subordinate's stiff expression.
"With your permission, Major," Gertrude emphasised on the rank to stress the official nature of their conversation. She cleared her throat before sticking out her chest, "I would like to give the status report."
"Granted, "Mio sighed. No point delaying the inevitable. As the briefing commenced in a droning, flat tone, the major felt thankful for little favours. The clinical and precise nature of the report made the events of the previous night feel almost like a non consequential run of the mill event rather than the massive Charlie Foxtrot scenario it had degenerated into. Had someone else been involved, Mio would have incorporated into a case study on what NOT to do when attempting to provide R&R to the troops. As it is, Mio seriously considered purging any mention of the events that transpired last night from the records and locking it in a folder entitled Old Shame while forcing every last soul who witnessed it to a vow of silence on pain of death.
"I can't believe I trashed Minna's favourite radio," muttered Mio. , "She's going to kill me when she finds out."
"Find what out, my dear?"
Mio froze while she felt a chill run down her spine at the sound of the honeyed voice from her back. Minna had a versatile repertoire of vocal hints to match her naturally pleasant sounding voice and the Fuso Witch instinctively recognised THAT tone. It is usually preceded by her doing something mind numbing dumb and would be followed by something very unpleasant. Mio- and everyone else who had the unfortunate fate to hear it directed at them- usually blocks out mentally what happened after that.
Mio couldn't help but notice that everyone had suddenly vacated the mess hall instantly. If only they were this fast during training.
"What a pleasant surprise, Minna. Why don't you sleep in a bit more?" Mio hoped that her partner had not noticed her fancy Karsland radio was lying in pieces.
"I've slept enough, dear." remarked the redhead breezily while a static smile remained on her face. "I can't help but notice that my radio seems to be in two pieces. Sliced right in middle with a bamboo shinai lying next to them. "Minna's expression suddenly snapped into a glowering scowl. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about it?"
Mio caught herself whimpering as her partner started lurching closer to her.
Author's notes:
Plenty of exposition and not too much of the main couple's lovey dovey behaviour. Next up, the guests begin to stream in.
As always, read and review.