Hopefully I've worked it all out, but I swear this is NOT crack if the opening still reads like it. But it had to be something a little over the line…

Taking a moment to prepare himself, Prowl slowly entered his office, a dim light pouring in from the hallway. There, sitting alone in front of him as if to cheerfully say "hi honey, welcome home," was the datapad he'd been warned about only moments ago. Walking around his desk until he reached his chair, Prowl eyed the datapad suspiciously, before sitting down and begrudgingly begin reading.

By the time Prowl reached the end he was staring at the datapad, his CPU dangerously close to completely locking up. To prevent his CPU from locking Prowl forced his attention onto the possibilities of how what he was reading wasn't real. A fake report, Primus willing? Prowl double-checked the signature again but it still read "Ironhide," ruining his hopes. Perhaps his optic sensors were on the fritz and he needed to reboot his optics? Nope; the report still read the same. Maybe he really had let his habits of getting little recharge or energon go too far and now he was hallucinating? Once again, no – his levels were only a little low.

Prowl groaned, silently cursing his job. 'He didn't. Even he's not this depraved.'

'Yup, he is and yes he did!' Chirped a merry little voice in his head (sounding suspiciously like Jazz).

'No, he didn't.'

'Yes. He. Did.' Growled the Jazz-like voice, displeased with Prowl's refusal.

Prowl signed, wondering if maybe it was his sanity that was fritzing. Some days he wished he could pretend he didn't get the report or comm in time informing him that Ratchet was about to permanently deactivate at least one twin. Then he could claim he didn't have time to stop it and then this report would have never come into existence, preventing him from ever questioning his sanity. Stiffening another groan, Prowl mentally prepared himself. 'Time to deal with the situation.'

He really didn't want to. If there was going to be any single incident outside of a battle that'd cause him to have a complete mental breakdown, this just might be it.

/-/

Prowl entered the brig to find Sideswipe lounging against one wall while bouncing a small pink rubber ball off the other wall. Where he got that, Prowl couldn't care less right now. Upon hearing someone enter Sideswipe turned and saw Prowl, greeting him with the warmest smile he had. "Hiya, Prowl!" His voice could only be described as disgustingly cheery.

Momentarily struggled with the urge to hit him, Prowl chose to cut to the chase instead. "Sideswipe, do you want to explain your actions?"

"Nope."

Prowl narrowed his optics, pressing on despite his own personal reluctance. "According to the report, you dressed yourself up to appear like a… bare… human while darting around throwing products at other Autobots, covered with a chemical from Wheeljack's lab." The 'bare human' part was perhaps the most visually disturbing part because Sideswipe didn't fail at some of the details. Thank Primus most Autobots didn't know what the taupe-colored chemical had to do with anything.

Sideswipe shrugged. "Wasn't me."

Again resisting the urge to harm Sideswipe, Prowl stared. "Excuse me? It was clearly your voice gleefully shouting about 'streaking,' not your brother's. And Ironhide had the joy of stopping you." Ironhide's report had been very terse, to put it mildly. Onlookers had a few things to say about Ironhide wrestling a "naked" Sideswipe down from behind.

Sideswipe stared back, confusion clouding his face. "No, wasn't me. Think about it – a streaking mech? Clearly had to be Sunstreaker. I mean, didn't you ever wonder why he'd gotten that name?"

"Please, enlighten me."

" 'Cuz he loved bathing nude in the sunlight!" Sideswipe beamed almost proudly, as if he'd figured out the point of life.

Taking a slow deep breath, Prowl struggled for almost a whole breem to keep his logic circuits from locking up. Prowl was not going to explain how absurd that was since they had no sense of nudity like the humans did. He knew Sideswipe wasn't stupid or a terrible liar; he was just trying to crash Prowl's CPU. If the conversation continued on in this direction it was likely he'd get his wish.

Moving on, he addressed the other awful part of the situation. "You do realize the error in using a stolen chemical from Wheeljack's lab?"

Sideswipe at least had the decency to look down at that. "Do now."

Yes, they all knew now. After the chemical landed on a mech it instantly melted from the thermal energy and attached to them. When they yanked off whatever the chemical was attached to it caused a small explosion… covering them and any nearby walls in taupe goo and metal fragments. All the while mildly damaging the armor it was originally attached to so the substance really got in there. Better yet, they discovered it hardened in less than a breem making it impossible to wash off, therefore requiring Ratchet's happy assistance.

Prowl's patience had finally worn through. He wanted this day over and decided that Sideswipe was going to suffer just as much as everyone else. "You are sentenced to cleaning the chemical off all the surfaces, assisting with their repairs and painting, cleaning Ratchet's tools free of the chemical, and you're his for the next decaorn as part of your double shifts."

Sideswipe's mouth dropped, completely flabbergasted. "Prowl, that's beyond unfair! Especially since – hey, how did Ratchet's tools get covered in it?"

"… Prying it off of the others."

"Ohh…" Sideswipe looked a little worried about that. "How long did that take?"

"I'll let you know when he's finally done."

Now Sideswipe looked scared. Which was just dandy as far as Prowl was concerned. Sideswipe had been in the brig for almost a full day now so he could only imagine Ratchet's wrath of spending a day prying something meant to look like waste product from various Autobots and still not finish in a day.

Prowl really wanted to pretend he wouldn't get the inevitable 'Ratchet's going to murder Sideswipe!' comm, but he knew the sight would be just too good to pass.

/-/

Prowl rubbed his optics after returning to his desk. Completely pointless for a transformer, but he could have sworn his optics were hurting all the same from inspecting the damaged walls. He only now learned about Sideswipe's creative endeavors because he'd just finished his long and difficult outdoor patrol involving things like mud, ditch, hail, and winds. This had been "the icing on his cake," as the humans put it. These past several weeks had been strenuous enough – and not because of evil Decepticon plots, meetings, or bureaucracy issues. No, Prowl found himself wishing the Decepticons would finally carry out whatever crazed and ultimately inane plan they usually came up with. Instead, these past several weeks had proven difficult because of the horrible weather and complete dead silence on their enemy's side. Only outdoor patrols deemed absolutely necessary were carried out because of the weather and resultant terrain conditions made traveling virtually impossible. No one else went out – not even Hound or Trailbreaker. They had tried of course, and the end results had come rather swiftly. The abnormally long silence from the Decepticons only helped further wear down the Autobots' nerves with each passing day, leaving the base filled with tension and stir crazy bots – a dangerous combo.

As Prowl considered various ideas about how he could legally lock everyone not on duty in their quarters, Jazz walked in with a light chuckle. Looking up, Prowl gave him a deadpan look. "I suppose you found the Sideswipe situation hilarious."

Jazz grinned, snapping his fingers. "Well of course. It's just what we need!"

"Soldiers covered in hardened amorphous chemicals?"

"Well, no… but they needed to blow off some steam. Sideswipe's little stunt definitely provided that. And now Ratchet has one sole person to focus all his anger on instead of whoever crosses his path!" Jazz said cheerfully. He hadn't been one of the direct victims, but he'd been off to the side when one of the little explosions went off, delivering him a 'glancing blow'. Normally he'd be angry just like everyone else, but seeing so many bots either laughing hysterically or uniting together against one foe instead of each other had dissolved his anger leaving him more relieved than anything else.

"While I'd love to continue on about this, I do have some important business stuff to discuss." Jazz handed him a datapad.

Prowl brightened as soon as he saw the datapad but managed to keep a calm appearance. He'd been feeling a little off thanks to this last week really starting to drain him. It'd been already difficult keeping to his usual ways, but this Sideswipe incident pushed his limits. He was a little disturbed by his own behavior earlier regarding his first discovery of Sideswipe's prank but chose to focus on the datapad instead.

Jazz knew Prowl needed a break – slag that, a vacation. His usually stoic and composed friend was definitely struggling these last couple of orns with their own army's indoor activities. That's why he brought this particular datapad to his best friend – so Prowl could have some sense of normalcy, if not a break from the insanity surrounding them. Granted they were for Prowl anyways, but they were marked low on the priority list and the "mishaps" around the Ark of late superseded them (i.e. someone stabbing Cliffjumper in the servos).

"We got some Intel suggestin' the majority of Megatron's forces are on Cybertron. There's no clear evidence and some of its sketchy, but there's an area showin' unusual Decepticon activity on the scans. They also recovered injured Autobot but there was a battle not too far from the spot they found him so we don't know yet if his injuries were caused by the battle or the Decepticon activity. Report says the 'bot should be repaired 'nough for any questions in a couple of orns if ya have any."

Prowl studied the datapad, noting the nearly two decaorn-old date. "Why would the Decepticons be in that area? Those particular catacombs were nearly completely destroyed vorns ago."

Jazz shrugged, dismissing it with his hand. "Who knows what the Decepticons are thinking? For all we know, they're just Decepticon scavengers."

Prowl looked at him for a moment before glancing back at the pads. "I'll look into it." He set down the datapad and began working on it – only to have a black hand come down, blocking him from doing any work.

"Oh no, you're not. You need ta take a break and refuel." Prowl sighed; he knew he wouldn't win this battle when Jazz used that tone.

"Alright, but only for a few breems."

/-/

Jazz and Prowl spent the few breems drinking energon and talking in the rec room. Mirage came up and offered Prowl a gentle smile before asking Prowl if he was alright, startling Prowl.

"Yes, why?"

"Well," Mirage hesitated, "it's just some of us are concerned after the whole Sideswipe thing."

Prowl grimaced, unable to completely hide his reaction at being reminded about his behavior when he first heard about Sideswipe's prank. Coming in from patrol (or Pit, whichever), Mirage and several other Autobots ran up to him, livid about what Sideswipe's antics. When Prowl got as much detail as he could from them, he snarled and stormed off to his office with a few choice words. Okay, he hadn't been fine then, but he did calm down by the time he reached his office. In his defense he was exhausted with the string of bad luck he was having, but that didn't stop him from being embarrassed by his behavior. He never behaved or spoke like that. Now that Mirage had brought it up, Prowl noticed all the Autobots watching him, whispering amongst themselves. Great. Of all the things to make him snap, it had to be Sideswipe. He was never going to live this down.

Jazz had been one of the "lucky" few to see it, but only by accident. He'd been at the entrance trying to cheer up Hound, who was depressed about the lack of outdoor activities. It was understandable why Prowl "lost it" (although no one would think twice if it was anyone else) – there was so much crap going on no one was even really fazed by Cliffjumper's attack. Normally, an Autobot army would never behave like this, but Earth had definitely 'laxed a majority of the mechs' professionalism and it was coming out now in spades. Jazz found himself actually disappointed in them. Perhaps he should just lock them all up the recreational room and let Ironhide and Ratchet knock them back into order.

But right now Jazz was focused on trying to help his friend unwind. Mirage's concern, while well intentioned, was a step in the wrong direction. Gently, Jazz spoke up to Mirage, "Thanks fer the concern, but Prowl's fine." Jazz glanced off to the side, seeing a fretful Bluestreak bee-lining it straight towards them. Last thing Prowl needed right now was a handful of frantic questions about whether or not he was okay and did he need to talk. "Why don't you help calm down Bluestreak?"

Mirage nodded and intercepted Bluestreak, pulling him to the side. Whatever he said worked because Bluestreak actually left Prowl alone, choosing instead to intently watching him off from the side, unnerving even Jazz a little.

Prowl check his internal chronometer before looking at Jazz. "I need to deal with the datapad."

Holding Prowl's gaze for a moment, Jazz slowly nodded. "Okay, Prowl. Just remember to recharge soon, okay?"

His best friend promised to do so before getting up and leaving.

/-/

Prowl spent the last several of joors analyzing the datapad and writing up his proposals, along with other reports. There really wasn't much to go on regarding the datapad Jazz gave him and it wouldn't have taken this long if his processor wasn't also working on how to handle the situation he'd created for himself. He pushed aside his concerns for himself, focusing on regaining his stature. He needed to stay away from the others more so now. Normally that wasn't a problem since almost no one except Prime, Jazz, and his brothers came by for anything beyond discipline and tactical issues, but the Ark had become cramped with everyone stuck inside. Prowl couldn't behave like that – it was a failure as officer. Emotions weren't his thing for a reason. They got in his way with the nature of his job. And besides…

Prowl pushed the thought aside. He really did need a break and recharging was the best way to spend it. He left his office, taking the less traveled hallways to his quarters.

As he pasted on of the intersections, he could hear a couple Autobots talking, just outside of his view. Hearing his name mentioned he stopped.

"Primus, can you believe the way Prowl just lost it? Damn, I wish I'd seen that!" someone laughed. That sounded like Slingshot.

Another voice snickered. "Don't worry; I heard someone plans to download it from their optics and audio sensors for those who missed it. Said the image of Prowl looking murderous alone was good enough to go through the trouble, let alone the few curse words he let out." Air Raid.

"Good," Slingshot said, "makes you wonder though about Prowl. I mean, he doesn't even raise his voice and here he goes practically on a rampage!"

"No shit," laughed Air Raid, "guess that stone-cold mech's emotion circuits finally 'woke up.' Must mean we're that close to making him join the loony bin."

Slingshot snorted. "Yeah, probably 'cuz he doesn't know how to handle his emotion circuits. Probably hasn't used them since what, his early sparkling days?"

"Probably," Air Raid snickered again.

Prowl quietly walked away after that, idly wondering why a transformer would snort. He didn't want to think about their little conversation, choosing instead to retreat into himself and focus on those 'cold, emotionless things' and not about the mockery others were making out of him or the overall opinion of him from his own team.

He made it back to his quarters without further incidents, but he couldn't shake the small chill in his spark. Entering his quarters, he tidied everything up before updating his personal daily logs. Everything seemed to happen as if he was on autopilot, recording about the new information from Cybertron, other purely-tactical datapads, and his patrol. He reframed from recording anything else. When he finished, Prowl sat there staring at a blank screen, not really thinking. The empty feeling in his spark was drawing in what little attention he could muster.

Without giving it any real thought, Prowl opened one of his locked drawers and pulled out an old hologram. He hadn't looked at this particular one in a vorn, yet somehow there was only slight damage after all this time. This picture was almost as old as him. A mech could tell because it showed a very young him with his creators.

Prowl stared at the black and grey mech standing slight apart, absently touching the mech's face, recalling those "early sparkling days" and the opinion back then about his emotion circuits.

Prowl's kinda ruff on himself, don'cha think?
Hope the Sideswipe thing didn't disturb you too bad… .