I like to keep my chapters around 8 pages. This is just barely 16. Whoops.

Also I'd like to thank Evil Ratchet, who offered her assistance to beta read after I bitched about this chapter. Since she gave me excellent advice, I went through and cleaned up/edited all the other chapters (and did they need it o.O ).It's amazing what stepping away for a few days does.

Prowl – "3" ish, Eve of the war

For the umpteenth time, Prowl groggily pulled himself online. He'd only spent a few joors in the hospital's pediatrics before being released to his sparker. Most of his time there was spent waiting – turns out there was an orn-care center by Charger's building but only for those employed in a different department. Physically he was the most injured, but the sparklings in the orn-day care center had been subjected to poison within the debris. The poison came from old building materials and, if not treated quickly enough, could cause severe energon line and air tank damage. To help with his wait and repairs they gave him a few mildly strong sedative and pain medications. Even though they were meant for sparklings, Prowl's system couldn't hand them too well leaving him still sluggish, numb, and sleepy. The doctors only repaired him as far he needed, leaving the rest to his self-repair systems and for later work due to the onslaught of injured mechs arrive. It didn't help him any on top of that waiting in a hallway with his sparker for news on Charger and his little brother. He tried hard to stay online, but only a breem later found himself drifting again.

Blacksmoke knew his son was struggling to stay online, but since it was drug related and not injury related he couldn't focus enough to give it much thought. All his attention was on the room down the hall. He wished he could be by the door but the rebels hit 2 fully-operation towers and a small building, causing the hospital to be overfilled with the injured, dying, dead, and worried family members. Outside were perhaps hundreds of family members waiting to hear about their loved ones. It wasn't good luck that got family members in the hospital, though; it was usually being needed to identify a body. His case was one of the few exceptions because of his injured sparkling. They were supposed to leave immediately but there was no way he was going to until he heard a status report on Charger and their other son. For now, they waited as close as possible while staying away from the whirlwind of workers and distraught relatives and loved ones.

He just… She couldn't… He didn't know what was going! Was she alive? Dying? What about the sparkling? A little bit ago he saw the doctor's bring in their other son's body from the facility where new shells are created and maintained until the spark is fit for transfer. Since the facility told them a couple orns ago their son's spark needed another decaorn, he knew his son was in serious trouble. Either he was dying and the doctors were trying to transfer him into his body as a last resort, or Charger was dying and they were trying to move him to a functioning body before Charger's deactivated. Either way, moving a sparkling early into their body had serious repercussions. His fists balled up and he stalked around in a tight circle again, momentarily distracting Prowl enough to shake him from his foggy haze.

Prowl opened his mouth but quickly shut it again, refraining from asking his tense sparker about his carrier. He didn't know why all these transformers were here and why he couldn't see his carrier. Why were random mechs or femmes suddenly crying out in pain, keening wildly before the doctors came out? Whatever unforeseen ailments hurting them forced the medical staff to pull them away.

Prowl had asked Blacksmoke about it earlier, but Blacksmoke silenced him. Now was not the time to explain bonds. Virtually everyone who had a sparkling or trying for one had a bond, and he recognized a few faces of Prowl's playmates' creators since they left pediatrics. They hadn't recognized him because they were suffering in the wake of a bondmate's death and he made sure to maneuver Prowl away before he recognized them as well.

There! His optics snapped up to see the doctors and nurses leaving Charger's room. He practically flew at the last mech, catching him in his hands. The doctor was startled and immediately tried to struggle as Prowl ran up. Peaking around, Prowl noticed some of the nurses looked grim – one looked like he was about to keen.

"How are they?"

"Whose 'they'? Are you Charger's mate?" The doctor gasped.

"Yes!"

He dropped the doctor. "Can't you tell?" He knew what the doctor was implying but he didn't care. Pushing the doctor aside, he busted through the door to see Charger hooked up to more lines than he'd ever seen on any one mechanism. She wasn't moving. Off to the side on another berth was their sparkling's shell, also hooked up to machines. 'Oh please, Primus…'

Beep.

Blacksmoke dropped to his knees, taking Charger's hand in his when he heard her machine beep. He struggled for a moment reining back his emotions to keep from keening in relief. Prowl climbed onto Charger's abdomen, sitting up and staring inquisitively at her face. He wanted to get closer but there were a lot of tubes and lines in his way particularly in her chassis.

The doctor entered, standing in the doorway. Blacksmoke tilted his head to the side just enough to see him, "When will she be able to come home?"

"It's gonna be a while… Because of the sparkling…"

'There hasn't been a second set of beeps,' the realization dawned on him. But before he could ask him more, he heard the machines whirl up and Charger mumbling something incoherently.

"Carrier?" Prowl tried to reach up and give her a hug, but there was too many lines in his way. He sat back down upset he couldn't give her the hug he knew she needed.

Blacksmoke turned back to her after telling the doctor to get lost. He was of no value to Blacksmoke now that Charger was awake. Charger came around, focusing on him. He'd never seen such despair in her optics before. She couldn't stand looking into his optics anymore and she broke contact as she started keening. "The sparkling… they – they couldn't save him…"

For a moment Blacksmoke felt as though the ground swallowed him whole. He couldn't see anything and his spark had fallen down through his peds. 'No, I– he couldn't be. Nooo…' He looked across her, at the vacant body. Those optics are never going to light up.

Hearing the sadness in his carrier's voice, Prowl did the only thing he could do; he hugged her midsection. What did she mean his brother couldn't be saved and why did his sparker look like that?

They stayed like for a while, with Prowl hugging his keening carrier and Blacksmoke holding her hand as he stared vacantly towards the body, until Charger's taxed systems started initiating her recharge sequence. Unable to fight it much longer, Charger turned her dimmed optics towards Blacksmoke. "You should take Prowl and go home." Blacksmoke looked like he was about to protest, but she cut him off, urging him to take Prowl home and get some rest. "Please take Prowl home; he's been through a lot – more than any sparkling should ever go through. He needs you to take care of him."

Blacksmoke was vaguely aware of him nodding. He couldn't feel anything at the moment and everything surrounding him seemed surreal. He remembered watching Charger fall offline and he remembered pulling Prowl off of her despite his protests. Somewhere in the back of his CPU he was aware of the softly keening sparkling in his arms as he took them home although he could only see the one he'd never get to hold, unaware of his surrounds. He didn't even realize they were home until after they passed through the front door. A small voice in the back of his mind told him to put Prowl in his own berth with some energon. Walking to Prowl's room he placed him down and rubbed his helm for a few astroseconds.

"I'll be back in a moment with some energon for recharge," Blacksmoke murmured. Prowl nodded before curling up on his side. He was still lethargic from those drugs. Blacksmoke idly wondered when they'd wear off before turning away, taking the other hall leading towards the kitchen like he had hundreds of times before. Fate or Primus must have had a cruel, twisted sense of humor because he passed by the former office room, now converted into a second bedroom. The door was open and he could see the sparkling's crib inside.

It wasn't right! He had done everything to protect and care for his family! He stopped fighting with Charger, helped care for her when the sparkling's energy was acting up, and tried his best to be understanding and patient with Prowl! His sparkling didn't deserve to die because someone else was interested only in furthering themselves. His entire job was about protecting the innocent civilians but he could don't that for his own sparkling! He failed his family at something he was supposed to be good at! He wasn't there – he couldn't even arrive there in time once the alarm sounded. He should've taken Prowl, should've found someone to take her shift, or should've convinced Charger to stay home since the sparkling was acting up. He should've done all these things but instead he was more concerned about getting some recharge and going to work!

Suddenly filled with rage, Blacksmoke couldn't take it anymore and smashed the nearest sparkling item next to him. It wasn't enough. He smashed the next thing he saw, roaring about the injustice of it all.

Hearing a crash, Prowl flinched. What was that noise and where was his energon? His sparker was bellowing. Was his sparker hurt? Concerned, Prowl slowly climbed off his berth and unsteadily ran towards the sounds of furniture snapping. He stopped short of the door in his brother's room when he saw his sparker.

"Sparker?" He didn't seem to hear Prowl. Carefully, Prowl entered the room as he stepped past his brother's broken stuff to see if his sparker was hurt.

Blacksmoke could barely see anymore and the only thing he could hear besides him were the sounds of furniture and toys crumpling under his attack. There! There was that inferno-blasted crib! Screaming at the crib, Blacksmoke grabbed it and smashed it in half. Each half was tossed off to the side where they smashed into the wall breaking into pieces. He paused, looking for any furniture that dared to mock him. Against the back wall was the last fully-intact item – the dresser where blankets, washcloths, and aid kits were kept. He smashed his fist in several times, breaking the top. Why wouldn't it crumple beneath his force and anger? Feeling his fury grow, Blacksmoke grabbed it and, with a growl, flung it with all his might against the opposite wall. It smashed to pieces, raining down on the floor.

Nearly a breem later, Blacksmoke managed to calm down to the point he could think a little more clearly. Although he was still shaking a bit, he started moving towards the front door. There were a lot of broken pieces between him and the door, giving him a small sense of satisfaction as he stepped on them.

'What the slag…?' He paused in mid-stomp, his foot hanging in the air. There was a little blue-black hand curled up, sticking out from the pile he was about to stomp on. Horror seeped into his circuits. 'What have I done?' Blacksmoke fell to his knees and began frantically digging his unconscious sparkling out. It seemed like he couldn't pull his sparkling out fast enough from underneath all the heavy pieces, but he finally managed to drag Prowl free. Anxiously examining him, he saw many of Prowl's previously patched up wounds re-opened along with new ones. Energon was dripping out of his mouth and two of his little fingers were missing. The patched injury on his doorwing didn't just reopen – it tore through more of his wing, almost shredding a portion of the appendage.

Mortified, Blacksmoke clutched his offline son to his chest. 'Primus, what do I do?' The hospital and medical centers were still full with those affected by the attack. Medical clinics on the far side of Praxus were even assisting. What could he do? 'Juniper! He had medical training – surely he'd know!'

::Juniper!:: He frantically hailed his friend.

A brief moment passed before his friend finally responded, a tad groggy. ::'Ello? What's up at this joor? Is somethin' wrong with Charger?::

::I need you over here right now! Prowl's critically hurt and I don't know what to do!::

::Okay! I'll be there as fast as I can!:: Juniper's alarmed voice cut out.

It felt like vorns passed before he heard Juniper banging on his door although it probably was only a couple breems. Blacksmoke looked the couch where he moved his son before rushing to open the door. He didn't even let Juniper step in before grabbing him and yanking him over to the couch.

Juniper didn't like what he saw. Granted, no one liked to see a sparkling or even a fully-upgraded mech in this state. That aside, Prowl didn't look even remotely well. Juniper knew he didn't have the expertise to fix these. "I can slow down some of the surface energon leaks, but he needs medical help from a trained professional right away."

Juniper started right away as a million thoughts raced through Blacksmoke's head. Only one thought really stuck: 'If we take him to a medical clinic, they'll arrest me.' Crimes against sparklings carried heavy punishments.

'Not to mention you'll never be able to work again and no one will respect the sparkling-beater Enforcer,' a small, selfish voice told him. He took a deep breath, forcing air into his systems to cool them down before speaking. "Juniper, I can't take him to a med clinic. They'll ID him and arrest me after investigating his injuries."

Juniper paused; that was a problem. Mulling it over, an idea popped up. "I can take him to one of the med clinics across town. It's the one med students attend for field-experience training. Since they're one of the best equipped medical facilities for the flight towers destruction, a lot of the more critically-injured mechs were sent there. Last I heard it was still mayhem over there. I could probably sneak him in and no one would have time to properly ID him." 'Not to mention he looks like field damage,' he thought wryly.

"Do it! He doesn't have time for us to think about it!"

Not exactly needing a second reminder, Juniper grabbed him and took off. Somehow he managed to transform and place Prowl inside in one fluid motion without hurting him. As soon as his transformation was complete, he raced out of there at full speed.

By the time he reached the training med clinic he was busy figuring what to say. So busy, in fact, he nearly crashed into the emergency exit. He skidded to a halt near the entrance, almost knocking a few non-medical personel down.

"Please! Someone help my sparkling passenger!" A femme came around and pulled Prowl out, setting him down on a gurney and rushing him inside.

"What happened?" She snapped at him as she began prepping him.

"I found him in the streets by the destroyed towers! I couldn't get him over to the main medical facility, so I thought you were the next best thing."

She cursed, stopping the energon flow as fast as possible while simultaneously setting up an emergency supply directly into one of his lines. The energon mixture wasn't meant for sparklings but it'd have to do for now. She opened a comm to one of the directors, requesting a level 3 med student with some sparkling knowledge before speaking to the mech.

"Was he online when you found him?"

"No."

"So we don't know what his designation is?" She opened a comm to put a missing transformer report out on a blue mech sparkling when a green had came down, firmly grasping her arm.

He spoke, looking squarely into her optics. "He came online for a moment and I managed to get a designation out of him before he fell back offline. He said it was Clipper."

Looking at him for a moment, she muttered, "okay." He seemed awfully direct with that response, as if he didn't want her to question him. She had her doubts right from the beginning. For starters, there appeared to be reopened wounds. However, while she suspected that he was hiding something, it didn't matter right now. Moments later she got a response from the director informing her that a student had been sent to her location.

It didn't take long for the student to show up. Knowing exactly how good this student was, she pushed the gurney at him. "Ratchet, this sparkling is in need of surgical repairs and some of his energon lines are cut. I've placed temporary patches on to keep them from leaking, but I can see energon pooling at some of the patches, so they could burst at any breem. There's also some internal damage and debris in his right doorwing, along with a lot of surface damaged and cracked dermal plates." She privately commed him about what Juniper told her, adding her suspicions before disappearing.

"Got it!" Ratchet yelled back at her, pulling the gurney into the nearest available operational room. Juniper closely followed him. There was no way a mech this young could know what he was doing on Prowl.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" he demanded as the student grabbed his first tool.

The student actually snarled at him. "Of course I know what I'm doing! 'Sides, why do you care about some sparkling you found on the street?" Mech, did that student know how to glare.

"Just making sure. Don't want some innocent sparkling suffering at the hands of an ill-equipped student." There was no way this slightly-scary student was going to intimidate Juniper. He was an Enforcer, for crying out. No pansy-aft healer was gonna get the best of a warrior like him.

"The only thing 'ill-equipped' in here is your CPU! Now, you said his designation was Clipper?"

"Yeah. Don't call me 'ill-equipped,' you – "

"Good. That's all I need from you. Now get your useless aft out of here!"

Oh pit no. He wasn't about to be bossed around like that. "Excuse me, but I will NOT be – "

"I SAID GET YOUR USELESS AFT OUT OF HERE, YOU GLITCHED MORON! OR I'LL THROW IT OUT! WITH OR WITHOUT THE REST OF YOU!" The med student actually stopped what he was doing to violently shake his tool at him.

Juniper jumped and quickly back tracked until he was safely outside the doors. So maybe the healer wasn't quite a pansy.

/-/

Half way through the repairs Ratchet realized he needed to wake the sparkling up. Whoever this sparkling really was, he had unusual circuitry and modifications in his cranial unit. Since he couldn't pull up any files on a blue mech sparkling named "Clipper" and the mysterious mech was nowhere to be seen, it meant he couldn't properly repair the damages. 'Spectacular,' Ratchet growled. He had two options: wing it, or try to wake the sparkling with the right medication mixture of painkillers and sedatives – also hard to do since he didn't know how the sparkling handled them. Too much and the sparkling would go right back to recharge. Too little and the sparkling would be in pain.

Setting up the machines for the standard dosage meant to keeping sparklings in a semi-coherent state, he slowly pulled the sparkling into consciousness with the machines. He didn't want to turn on everything; just a few systems would be enough. The sparkling came online slowly, mumbling about wanting to see his carrier. Ratchet fudged around a little with the drugs, trying to get the right mixture for the sparkling.

"Carrier?" The sparkling's voice was a little clearer now. Hopefully he was in that state where he should be lucid enough for a few simple questions but not enough for his systems to register any pain or errors.

However, Ratchet was forced to rethink that one as the youngling whimpered and tried to curl onto his side. The sparkling cried out as he managed to jerk a few wires, despite being held in place. Ratchet quickly readjusted the mixture as he rubbed the sparkling's helm, trying to comfort him. Bedside manner was never his forte, but he tried to manage with a distressed sparkling. Once the sparkling showed no signs of pain, Ratchet moved over so he could see the sparkling's face better. "Hi there, what's your name?"

"… Where's my carrier?" He sounded disorientated and confused. Was this sparkling that sensitive to pain killers and sedatives?

"I don't know, but I can find out if you tell me your name," Ratchet urged. 'Please tell me your name. All I need is your name and I can find your design in the system. Assuming neither of your creators did any unauthorized changes…'

"… Where's my carrier? We hav'ta go to the park today."

"What's your name, sparkling?" Ratchet gripped the sparkling's shoulder, trying to bring him to reality.

"We always go to the park on Mecredi orns…" the little voice trailed.

Ratchet paused; today was Jeudi. 'His memory circuits are scrambled…' Ratchet suffered. It could be the head trauma or it could be the drugs. Only testing when he was fully awake and repaired would tell. Yippe.

"CARRIER!" The little sparkling suddenly screamed, arching his back and trying to thrash. Ratchet moved quickly, trying to restrain the little mech without causing injury or getting tangled in the lines. The sparkling kept screaming "carrier" over and over, continuing to thrash about.

"You need to calm down!" Ratchet begged. He tried to soothe the sparkling but it wasn't working. In a moment of desperation he cried out, "Your carrier is here!"

The little sparkling cried one last time before pausing. He collapsed, moaning. 'Come on, just gimme a name!' Ratchet silently begged. He wasn't accustomed to begging but he didn't care. He didn't want the sparkling online any longer, but he needed his name!

"Carrier… she's 'urt…"

"She's right outside for you. Just gimme your name and I can bring her in."

Turning his head a little, the sparkling looked at Ratchet for a moment. Ratchet held his breath. 'Come on…' After holding his gaze for a moment, the sparkling put his head down and began to softly keen. Ratchet bent down and did the only thing he could come up with; he gave the sparkling a hug. The injured sparkling gasped and buried his head into Ratchet's shoulder, keening harder. Ratchet could hear him mumbling between his ragged breaths about being scared, never finding his carrier or brother again, and someone's optics "staying black" despite his attempts to wake him up. Ratchet murmured his own soft words, trying to calm down the sparkling. About a bream after coming online, the sparkling was finally calm if not subdued. Ratchet gave the youngling's hand a friendly squeeze before speaking.

"So what's your name?"

The sparkling looked up at him and then grimaced. "My head feels funny."

"I know it feels funny. I'm trying to make it better but I don't know what's different about it."

"M' carrier said it was a sim-u-waiter add-in," responded the sluggish voice, a sign the drugs were pushing him back into recharge. Ratchet paused; okay, that was getting somewhere. It was rare, but some sparklings were fitted with a simulator-support system when they're first created. No simulators were actually installed until the first full-body upgrade, but sparkling's with simulator-support systems had better chances of developing more advanced CPUs and they were already familiar with simulators when most struggled to understand them. Simulators usually served for Enforcers, engineers, tacticians, scientists, and business mechs. Whoever went through all that trouble really wanted him in one of those professions.

An idea struck Ratchet but before he had time to ask, the little mech was in recharge again. He sighed before returning all the medical systems back to their original settings. Whoever 'Clipper' really was clearly had a drug sensitivity and no use would come out of waking him again. Hopefully the little shred of information was enough.

/-/

Ratchet stopped, relaxing for a moment as the repairs on the sparkling were finally done. Sure, the sparkling looked like a goblin from the lack of paint, but otherwise he was good as new. Now all he had to do was switch the monitors and equipment so the sparkling could come out of recharge the right way. Placing his last few tools down, he turned around and leaned back against a counter. Who would harm a sparkling like this? What was all that about his carrier? He'd never seen a sparkling so terrified before. During his repairs, he came to the conclusion there was no way all this done in that attack. For one, the sparkling had definitely been beaten. While there were sparklings harmed in the attacked, none of them were reported to have any contact with the rebels. Speaking of those sparklings, his other injuries told him that this little one had been there, but not when the green mech said so. Was he one of them – the sparklings in the orn-care center? He thought they were still all in the pediatrics department for 12-joor observation for possible debris poisoning. He'd have to send a request in for that for verification.

The only plausible explanation for his injuries while still sticking to the mech's claims was that "Clipper" was one of the orn-care sparklings who somehow managed to get away on his own, where he stumbled around for a while until at some point someone patched him up. After that the sparkling was left alone for a while before some moral-less street thug jumped him. Yeah, right. And turbofoxes covered in a shinny golden metallic dust would come out of his aft, singing merry little songs.

'Stop digressing,' Ratchet scolded himself.

Ratchet grunted before returning his attention to the still offline sparkling. He wasn't a detective; his job was to finish the repairs by pulling this sparkling "Clipper" online for clearance testing. His report would go to whatever detective his superiors talk to.

For the next couple of breems, Ratchet worked on a monitor overseeing Clipper's systems, informing him which systems were on and which weren't. After initiating the program to fully online all the sparkling's system and remove the medications over the next two breems, Ratchet took a moment to assess his own status. A report came back informing him that refueling was highly recommended. Ratchet looked back for a moment at the sparkling double checking everything to verify it was going accordingly. When everything cleared, Ratchet stepped out for some energon. He could grab some energon and return with it well before the two breems were up. It's not like anything bad was going to happen to his patient in that 1, 1.5 breems because he wasn't there.

At least that's what he thought until he returned and found the room empty.

/-/

Juniper hid just outside the room for several joors, waiting for the med student to leave. He had to get Prowl out of there before he woke up. So he waited, praying to Primus that the student would just step out for a moment.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the student left. As soon as he was out of Juniper's view, Juniper snuck in and snatched Prowl up, carefully prying away all the wires.

Apparently most transformers don't sneak out of the facility because no one paid him any heed as they left. Juniper had to carry Prowl away until Prowl finally onlined because he couldn't manage to pull off the transformation trick twice.

When Prowl woke he couldn't remember anything. As his visual center finally managed to make sense from what his optics were relaying, he realized his sparker's friend was carrying him. Prowl immediately became confused as to why his sparker's friend would have him. And why did his body feel sore and stiff?

Wriggling in Juniper's arms, Prowl managed to twist himself enough that Juniper had to put him down or else risk dropping Prowl on his cranial unit. He figured the sparkling had enough damage for one orn.

As soon as Prowl adjusted himself more comfortably on his peds, he reached for his throbbing doorwing but stopped short. Why were two of his fingers unpainted? He clenched his hand, wondering why those two fingers moved slowly, as if they hadn't been worn in. Then he noticed his right leg – why did his leg look almost new?

Juniper quietly watched the sparkling, noticing the perplexed expression on his face as he tried out replaced or repaired parts. He did have to give the student credit; no one would know the sparkling had been damaged if not for the splashes of bare metal and a thoroughly thrashed paint job. Ah well – that was an easy fix.

Prowl looked up at him, his hands still out, his puzzled expression asking his silent question.

"Uhh…" Juniper knelt down, placing a hand on Prowl's shoulder. "What do you remember?"

"Getting ready to play at the park." Prowl's optics widened. Why did his vocal unit sound so static?

'The sparkling lost an entire day?' Juniper pulled Prowl's attention up to him, trying to keep the concern out of his face. "You were with your carrier earlier today, but there was an accident. You're both okay but she has to stay somewhere else tonight and you need a repaint." 'Please believe that.'

Prowl looked down at his hands again. He guessed that made sense but why did his fingers feel stiff? And why couldn't he access his memory files? He frowned, concentrating harder on his memory search.

Seeing Prowl's face knit together in concentration, Juniper immediately guessed what he was trying to do prompting him to shake Prowl the tiniest bit. "Uh, hey, Prowl. Let's get you back home to Blacksmoke, okay?" He transformed and Prowl climbed in. Juniper sent a private comm to Blacksmoke alerting him to their arrival, but Juniper still took his time getting back.

By the time they returned, Blacksmoke had calmed down. He was feeling numb again but not for the same reasons as before. He had some time to really think as his family was gone thanks to his screw ups. In the last few joors he came to decision. While he felt calm and resolved, he also felt hollow. There wasn't much left for him really anymore, was there? His family was broken and it had been his own doing.

So as his son and friend entered the dimly-light apartment (apparently he never re-engaged the lock), he kept his back to them and his arms crossed.

"Hey Blacksmoke, we're back."

"Thank you."

Juniper hesitated. Blacksmoke was dismissing him but he didn't feel right going.

::You okay?:: He sent him a private message so Blacksmoke could talk freely without risk scaring or reminding the sparkling of the day's transgressions.

::I'm fine. I need to talk to Prowl alone. Can you come back in a joor?::

::Uh, yeah.:: Juniper felt uneasy, but nonetheless left. Prowl looked up curiously at his sparker. Maybe his sparker knew why there was a huge gap in his memory files?

"Your brother died today. Do you understand what that means?" Blacksmoke spoke as soon as Juniper left, sounding distant.

Prowl was confused. What was "dead" and how did it happen to his brother? What…

The memories suddenly flooded in, taking over for a moment as Prowl relived everything up to when they left Charger in the hospital. His spark began to burn and a great pain welled up inside of him. Skycracker… Carrier… Brother?

He put his unmarred hand over his spark, trying to wish the pain away as he looked up at his sparker. Blacksmoke wasn't looking back but he didn't have to. He was looking out through the balcony door, into the darkened city. During these few joors the city grids powered down to the lowest required setting for its inhabitants to safely travel and work as most transformers were actually recharging. Nobody walked around and virtually no sounds could be heard. Blacksmoke secretly cherished this time because his CPU seemed clearer only when the world around him appeared still. He could examine his thoughts and problems exactly as they were with nothing around to mettle with them. Like now – he laid down his problems and saw them and himself for what they truly were and could no longer deny them.

Upon seeing his sparkling's face reflected in the door, he knew that Prowl did, in fact, not understand. His gaze shifted from his sparkling's reflection to the stars where his other son was now. "You see those little lights out there in the sky? That's where Primus lives. Sometimes a spark leaves a body but it can't return. When that happens, Primus opens up his home to those lost sparks. The lights guide them into his arms so he can comfort them. That's where your brother is. He's living with Primus now."

When a spark leaves a body but can't return? Was that what his carrier meant when she told him that his brother was in her chassis? Did that mean his brother was gone and couldn't come see him?

"He lives there because I couldn't save him," Blacksmoke continued heedless of his sparkling's confusion, "because I was selfish. Like with you." Blacksmoke glanced down at his feet before returning his gaze back to the stars. "I was selfish with how I treated you. I wanted you to be a certain way and it didn't matter what you wanted because I knew I was right. I was laying out the right path for you and it would protect you. At least that's what I kept telling myself. Truth was I wanted another me. I didn't like who you were becoming because it wasn't what I wanted to become. I hindered your growth and happiness for my own selfish greed.

"I tried changing with your brother's existence, but it wasn't all for the family. You kept trying to go down your own path instead of mine, although I could see you struggling between being happy and making me happy. When I found out about your brother, I didn't feel the need to pressure you as much anymore because I no longer had only you to be the 'other' me – I could try again with your brother and maybe get it right this time." Blacksmoke's air vents vibrated harshly as he laughed at his own absurdity. "'Get it right.' I've been such a fool. Listen to me Prowl when I say there's nothing wrong with you. If you became an Enforcer I would be beyond ecstatic, but I want you to be happy.

"Your pain and struggling has been from my own doing – same with your carrier's struggles. I demanded much from her and I didn't care all that a great deal about it. If she was safe and the sparkling she carried was safe, then that's all I needed to know. This morning when she asked me to take you so she could work; I told her I couldn't because I couldn't get out of my shift. Truth of the matter is that I could have easily gotten out of it so I could stay home with you, but I didn't want to give up what's been my passion. I figured she wasn't really going to struggle if you were there so I could still have what I wanted. Not that I asked.

"I also knew a colleague whose mate works with your carrier – she doesn't know that tho'. I never bothered telling her because I knew if she knew then she'd ask me to contact him about whether or not he could go in for her. And if that mech went in for her, then his mate – my colleague – would probably have to stay home with their sparklings. Which meant our team would be down one member and we wouldn't be allowed to go on patrol. Since I love being an Enforcer, I couldn't let that happen.

"So…" sighed Blacksmoke, "because I love my job too much, I put my family's health and happiness at risk. And you all paid for that today," his voice trailed off. Blacksmoke stood there for a moment, feeling a flicker of emotion at what he had to say next. "Your brother died and your carrier was forced to feel his death after watching her friends die. You had to witness and experience things that no sparkling should even know. Because… because I can't think straight when it comes to anything between me and my job. I know one day I'll die, but I don't really care so long as I get to keep working as long as possible and

"After we came home today, I couldn't stop thinking about two things: my failure to protect him and my goal. It… the feelings I could sense were eating at me until I snapped, seeing your brother's room. I was so busy drowning in my own selfish pain that I didn't care about what was around me until I was done."

Prowl's memory came back to him with a jolt. He could remember his terror as the furniture was thrown around him as he tried to reach his sparker to comfort him. Then his sparker threw something big and it broke on top of him.

"As if you didn't suffer enough from me, I nearly killed you." Blacksmoke laughed brokenly, "Again. Twice in one day." Shaking his head ruefully, he continued on.

"I'd like to think that these realizations will help me become a better mech, but I know they won't. My coding, my passion … they all drive me to that point over and over again. It's so easy to trick my own self while I do it. I can't even promise my family's safety from me. So… so I've decided to do what Enforcers do: eliminate the threat." Blacksmoke finally turned around, kneeling down in front of Prowl and put one hand on his shoulder while the other hand lightly grasped his chin. "I can't stand the thought of hurting you both because I can't get over myself. I hope in time you and Charger forgive me, but I'd rather you never forgive me than one of you die thanks my greed."

For the first time in Prowl's memory, Blacksmoke pulled him into a tight embrace. He could hear his sparker nearly keen as he hugged his son one last time. "I love you," he gasped into Prowl's audio.

Prowl wrapped his little arms as tightly as he could around his sparker. "Love you too." He tried hard to hold back his keening like his sparker, but he was struggling despite using all his might. He couldn't fully grasp what was going on but that didn't stop the bad feeling in his chest.

Blacksmoke, meanwhile, couldn't believe what he was about to do. He never thought he'd be this kind of creator, but he also didn't think he'd be the kind he was now. He should been cherishing his gift instead of harming him over and over again until he was nearly gone. His other gift was gone because of him – he wouldn't make it two for two.

His system started revving and he breathed in deeply to calm them down, telling himself he couldn't drag it on any longer. Giving Prowl one final squeeze, he pulled away until Prowl was nearly an arm's distance away.

"So remember that no matter what you decide to do with your life, I'll always be happy for you," Blacksmoke said quietly as he stood up to leave. Prowl watched him go, trying to make sense of it. As Blacksmoke clicked the door open, it finally sunk in.

"No!" He screamed, running towards his sparker. He launched himself at his sparker's leg, grabbing it and clamping down. "No!"

"Prowl…" Blacksmoke could feel a pang in his spark.

"Don't go," Prowl begged, "I'll be good! I promise! I'll do whatever you say!"

"No, that's not… that's not right, Prowl. That's not what I want anymore. " He pried Prowl off gently, placing him by the entrance table and kneeled down one more time. "It wasn't right that you did whatever I wanted. It's not right and I don't think I can stop hurting you like this. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've ever hurt someone important in my life for my job." Blacksmoke sighed and gave Prowl's shoulder a quick squeeze before standing back up. Prowl tightly hugged the table leg next to him while he quivered. Blacksmoke subspaced a datapad and placed it on the table before leaving.

He didn't look back.

Prowl watched Blacksmoke leave and the door clicked shut, leaving him completely alone in the silent apartment. Prowl did the only thing he could think of now that no one was around for him to be brave for. He started keening as hard as he could.

/-/

'What the pit?' Juniper came back a little after a joor later and found the door unlocked. Leaning against the door, he listened for any sounds. When he heard some mech's ragged keening, he immediately opened the door and stepped in. There to his right was Prowl curled up on his knees and keening. 'What the slaggin' pit?'

"Prowl, Prowl, shhh… shhh…" Juniper dropped to his knees and gathered the distraught sparkling into his arms, rocking back onto his heels as he tried to soothe him. But Prowl just cried harder. What was going on?

Prowl couldn't stop. This wasn't the mech who should be holding him! Prowl tried to push Juniper away, but Juniper just clamped down, continuing to rock him. Prowl continued to fight Juniper while keening until exhaustion finally took over and he collapsed. He quieted down and curled into Juniper's shoulder, feeling like everyone had left him.

Juniper rubbed his helm and back, quietly speaking comforting words like he would for his own creation. After feeling Prowl relaxed a little, he asked him what happened.

"Sparker – sparker – ," Prowl shudder, "left."

"What?"

Prowl pointed to the table and Juniper stood up. Lying there on the tray was a lonely looking datapad. Juniper had a rather ominous feeling about it. Shifting Prowl in his arms a bit, he brought it closer so he could read.

'Juniper:

Thank you for all your help today, but I need you to do me one more favor. I need you to take Prowl with you until Charger heals. I can't take care of him or my family anymore. While you were with Prowl at the hospital I realized the depths of my own depravity and sent in a request for reassignment. I think Primus himself doesn't want me here anymore either because they sent back approval only a joor later. I can't tell you where I'm staying until my departure for assisting a special ops team since they didn't even tell me. But I do know it's what I want.

I'm sure you think ill of me because, quite frankly, I would too. But I know what I'm doing. There are plenty of things I've never told you or Charger – things that would make you understand why I came to this decision, but would also disgust both of you. But those reasons don't really matter anymore because I'm finally doing something about it.

Please don't disturb Charger; she needs her rest. I've arranged it so she'll know when she's feeling stronger.

Thank you.
- Blacksmoke'

Juniper just stared at for a solid breem, struggling to digest what he just read. 'Pit spawned, carrier interfacing, slag sucking, no good – ' Juniper called him every foul name he could come up, including a few that didn't make sense. He wanted to smash the slag out of the datapad but he managed to reframe for Prowl's sake.

"Prowl?" The sparkling turned his head slightly to look at him. "What did he say to you?"

Prowl's air vents hitched for a moment. "He said he nearly killed me today and that he needed to be away from me so bad things don't happen."

'What kind of slag is that? And why would you telling a sparkling that? Especially after – oh, frag it, I forgot to tell him about Prowl's memory loss! Well, it sounds like he's got it all back now! Yay….' Juniper thought sarcastically, mentally slapping himself for not giving a warning to Blacksmoke so the blow could've been cushioned a little.

But there was nothing he could do about it now except comfort the sparkling in his arms.

/-/

Prowl laid on his make-shift berth inside Juniper's home, looking up at the ceiling and its glowing stick-on stars. Snapclip was next to him, completely zonked out. The door was closed, but he could still hear the hushed conversation Juniper and his mate were having. Other than picking out his name a few times, Prowl couldn't understand a word. Didn't really matter if he could or couldn't; it all amounted to the same – he was sort of a foster sparkling until his carrier was strong enough to leave the hospital. According to part of the conversation he heard earlier, that would be a while. They were also wondering how in the pit Blacksmoke could leave his sparkmate. Prowl didn't know what a sparkmate was. His creators called each other mates – was that the same thing? He'd have to ask his carrier when she came back.

But until that orn came the few things Prowl was able to bring were piled on the floor in the corner, next to his mat. It pretty much consisted of paint (Juniper's mate promised he'd clean Prowl up tomorrow), a handful of toys, and a hologram. Prowl turned over and snatched the picture before returning to his original position. This hologram was taken only a few decaorns ago, right after he learned about his little brother. Charger was holding him and Blacksmoke stood slightly apart. Both Charger and Prowl were in a good mood that day at the park's festival, but Blacksmoke had been annoyed with Prowl because he'd gotten upset at the other sparklings who'd pushed him over. Blacksmoke chided him that day for not standing up for himself, but Prowl was scared of the big sparkling.

Thinking back on it, Prowl absently brushed his thumb over it. What if he had been brave enough to stand up for himself? His sparker said he couldn't take care of the family or stop their pain. What if Prowl had been a better sparkling and helped him? Could Prowl have stopped it if he stood up for himself better?

He didn't know but it wouldn't hurt to try. Maybe if he did all those things his sparker would see that his family was happy again and then he could come back.

Feeling determined, Prowl put the picture down and curled up before going into recharge with a small, hopeful smile.

Thanks to Prowl's 'theft' Ratchet will never again leave medbay without at least one medical person left behind when there's a patient. Oh, how it all ties together .And they don't even know it.

This is sort of the end of "Part 1", if you will, of the 'past' chapters (actually it's kinda the same thing for the 'present' chapters as well). I think I've scarred Prowl for life only a 1/3 of the way through. Yay! :p

Anyways, I thank you all for the reviews and alerts. Any more reviews would be welcome, especially since it's my birthday in a couple days:)