I want to say thank you to everyone who reviewed, and please keep reviewing. I am glad to hear that everyone thought my last chapter was spectacular! That made my day! I know that the last two chapters sucked, because there wasn't much detail in it, but I promise to put in more detail. I apologize for that. I have been updating as fast as I can. Because I am on break, I have more free time, however I am going down state (which is a four hour ride) and I will not have my computer with me. My original laptop got destroyed, but my insurance got me a new one! But I have yet to down load any software on it.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and please review. I want to give a special thanks to PatchesFallenAngel and Straweberry22. Thanks for reviewing and your commets; it means a lot. Thank you.

I wanted to stay like that forever, to have him in my arms safe and alive and…somewhat mine. "I will always be here for you," I whispered, "always." Because I love you.

His arms tighten around me, and with that my heart gave a gentle squeeze of its own-and it didn't hurt. It felt right and sweet.

At the same time we pulled away, but we didn't move. We just looked at each other. Dimitri's eyes were red, like he was crying, or wanted to cry. I never seen this man cry before, and if I do, I know for certain that I will cry with him. This man is made of steel, regardless if he wants to admit it or not. But all steel will become soft when it reaches a certain temperature; he reached his temperature with me just now, I think and I could feel tears fill my eyes because of it. His hand came up and touched the side of my face, like I did his earlier. He leaned his head down, and for a few seconds I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn't. He leaned his forehead on mine and we just stood there. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and sighed.

After a few moments I spoke. "We have issues." I said.

Dimitri sighed. "Yes, and we need to work them out. Your problem is my top priority." He pulled back to look at me, but kept close. I liked that.

"No, it is my issue to deal with. It's a both a blessing and a curse."

"What's it like- the bond?"

"It's like…having a double life. Your life is never your own. You either get sucked in her head by her emotions, or your apart of it, because you can feel what she feels, regardless if you want to or not. The only way I don't is if she puts up a mental barrier. She has done it a couple times, but I am the one that does it the most, and it takes a lot of energy. It is exhausting, but after a while, it becomes habit. Sometimes I forget I have it up and I don't feel her unless if I concentrate. Which, if you ask me, is how it should be without me even trying to put up a barrier."

"I can see where you are coming from."

"But you have an even bigger and harder problem to deal with though than I do."

He looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Forgive yourself."

The moment those words left my mouth, I saw Dimitri pull away both mentally and physically. My hold on him turned adamant. "I mean it Comrade. You have to forgive yourself, and know that it is not your fault. Fate has a sick twisted sense of both humor and ways to do things. Can you forgive yourself?"

He looked at me, rueful. "Can you forgive me?"

I looked at him, feeling my expression going from steel, to startled, to warm and soft. I lifted my hands up from his waste and put them on his sides of his face again. "I can't, because there is nothing to forgive."

"But what I did-"

"Was not you." I looked at him seriously with a little bit of steel. "The Dimitri I fell in love with, this Dimitri," my hold on his face tightened a little bit, then relaxed, "would never even think of doing such things to innocent people. You are a cowboy, remember? You wanted to put lawless bank robbers in line." I smiled. "That is the kind of man you are. A good man, with a beautiful and ambitious heart." I dropped my hand from his face.

Dimitri looked touch, but a little doubtful.

"We better go." I said before he could say anything. "We have a long drive ahead of us. You still want to drive?"

"Yeah." He admitted.

We got in the Hummer and left. We had to stop for gas before we went any farther. I bought two Snapple's, one for him and one for me. Since Dimitri seems to like tea, maybe he would like Snapple. I got the peach kind for me and the lemon kind for him. He doesn't seem like a peach-liking kind of guy.

We were off after that. I leaned my head against the window. I was suddenly tired, and before I knew it, I was drifting off and into a deep sleep.

Well not just any dream. I felt the familiar and warm presents of Adrian Ivashkov. We were in Adrian's grandmother's garden. It was just as I remembered it, bushes of flowers of all kinds. Some were night flowers and some were day flowers. There was a big weeping willow tree, with a stone bench under it, so that the bench is underneath the shade. Some of the weeping willow vines brushing against the bench, giving it a feel of 'the secret garden.'

"This place is always beautiful to me." I said, feeling Adrian behind me. He didn't wrap his arms around my waste; he didn't even make any contact with me. That was a bad sign.

"She is a cool lady."

"Maybe I might get to meet her one day." I said. Not that I really cared, I was trying to see if he thinks there might be a future with me.

"Maybe." That wasn't the answer I was looking for. Something is defiantly going on with Sydney.

"How is Sydney?" I asked. His face would defiantly give something away.

A big smile came to his face when I said her name. She defiantly has him wrapped around her finger. "She is great. She is pretty funny when she gets use to you."

"Does she still think we are evil?" I asked, with a small laugh, trying to ease my cracking heart. Yes, something is defiantly going on with those two.

"Actually, I think she is reconsidering her views. The more we are together, the more she sees things from a different view."

The more we are together, I turned away from him with those words circling around in my thoughts. Should I say that I know something is going on? If I let him go right now, then there would be no reason for him to cheat on me, and for him to break up with me. Hell, points for Rose Hathaway, breaking up with Adrian Ivashkov before he breaks your heart.

"What are you thinking about?" Adrian asked, putting his chin on my shoulder.

I could feel my strong walls coming down. "I was just thinking about you is all."

"You look sad." That is an understatement.

"Do I?" I asked. "I just miss you." Which is true, God I missed him so much. A part of me wanted to hurry up and get this over with so I can get back to him. I turned around and faced him. "When I get back, we should take off, just you and me. Remember that road trip you suggested when I came back from Russia?"

He smiled. "As fun as that sounds, Little dhampire, I don't think that is going to happen." That was all needed to know. That statement right there told me he was with Sydney, or that he wanted Sydney. I could practically feel the walls tumbling down, rocks clashing with rocks-like an avalanche. My heart cracked again, and my body felt like it was grieving again. I wanted to cry right then and there, and knew that if I didn't leave soon, I would; right in front of Dimitri.

"I knew it." I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. I pushed myself out of the dream and woke up, crying for the first time like I did when I lost Dimitri.

I brought my legs up to my chest and silently cried, and cried and cried. I wanted to go in a whole and die with my misery. I wanted nothing to do with men again.

Only a few hours ago, I wasn't going to give Adrian up without a fight. But the thing was, do I stand a chance? Do I really, stand any chance at all against Sydney Sage? She is beautiful, and does have a good heart. A part of my brain said that those two are like to different types of magnates- they attract. But…Adrian waited for me. Does that still mean anything? But that doesn't mean I am not going to stop fighting for him. Maybe it's because I am not there. Once Adrian sees me, he is mine…hopefully. But like hell I am giving him up without a fight.

"It's falling apart." I said my voice never sounded so defeated, and so detached. I let out another sob.

"Rose, what's wrong." I looked up and saw Dimitri above me. His body was stretched to the side, indicating that he had indeed pulled over.

I dropped my gaze. "Nothing of importance. Lissa is fine, so no need to worry."

A little bit of tension left is body, but not much. "The darkness?" He guessed, but he sounded like he was second guessing himself. My body wasn't wound up like he would have expected, which is why he probably was guessing.

Lie, a voice inside me said. And I did just that. There is no need to tell Dimitri that things between me and Adrian are being destroyed. "Yeah. Weird, huh?"

"Yes." He agreed. He turned and face front. He started the car and went back on the road. "Is it gone? Do you feel angry?"

"I'm fine. Where are we?"

"An hour away from Ann Arbor."

"Guess I was out for a while. Sorry." I suddenly felt embarrassed. I shouldn't have been asleep for that long. I guess I was more exhausted than I thought.

"Don't be. You need your rest."

"Are you tired? Do you want to sleep for a while?"

"No. I can wait until we get to the hotel."

I nodded and looked at the roof of the car. Things will most defiantly get ugly when we get back home. At least, for me it will get ugly. Break ups are never beautiful, unless if you are messed up in the head. At some time, I turned my head and looked out the window. We were in the suburbs of some city, but I wasn't looking at the vicinity, I was looking at the people. Lots of teenagers were out tonight. There were couples walking down the sidewalk holding hands. They have no idea how lucky they are, it thought.

"Three guys in one year. Way to go Hathaway." I whispered to myself. I suddenly found myself thinking of Mason, and what we went through. Though we were never technically together, we still hand some feelings for each other. I thought my feelings were attraction, but I then realized that our commitment was only for friendship. Mason was a wonderful guy, but I wanted only one man, and Mason wasn't him.

"What kind of hotels are around here?" I asked the GPS.

"Hilton, Holiday Inn, Ramada, South Beach."

"Go to Hilton." I said. If I was going to be in misery, then I wanted a freaking message.

We arrived there within the next half hour. It was a long drive for me, mainly because I wanted nothing to do with anyone. Twice, Dimitri tried to talk to me, and I wanted to just mope. I ignored some of his questions, and he just went with it; he didn't push. He must have thought it was the darkness, which I was grateful for, but I think he is starting to realize that it has nothing to do with spirit and everything to do with my personal life.

Maybe this is why Dimitri is so antisocial with everyone-because he is afraid to feel anything for anyone. Life sucks, I realized, more than anyone really lead on.

When we walked into the lobby, everything smelled expensive. The furniture and the glass tables looked expensive. The food (which I am sure is worth every penny) must have cost a fortune. When we walked up to the front desk, the desk looked like it was made of a dark cherry oak tree. There was a dark burnet dhampire, mid thirties, with chocolate brown eyes and a warm smile. She was shorter than me, but I could tell that she was a part time guardian. "Welcome to the Hilton Hotel, how can I help you?" Why do they always say something so damn similar to fast food restaurants? Maybe that is her second job?

"We would like to check out a room for the night."

"Name?"

"Kimberly Ann."

She looked on her computer. "I'm sorry, but do you have a reservation?"

I looked at her sheepishly. "Afraid not, we didn't expect to pull over for sleep, but looks like we have to."

"Well, life happens, Ms. Ann." She said warmly, with a smile and understanding. If only she knew me. "We have a top a room next to an exit if it is needed. Do you wish for that?" she asked, knowing we are guardians.

"Yes, please. Is there a bedroom with two beds in it?" I said.

She nodded her head. "Your room number is five hundred four. Your total is three hundred fifty six dollars." At times like these, I am so glad that I am not paying for rooms. I handed her the credit card that my father gave me.

"Can I get a message please?" I asked.

"Yes ma'am, I will make an appointment for you." She looked at her computer, pressed the mouse button a few times. "How does nine fifteen sound to you?"

"Sounds like paradise." I said.

She laughed. "Would the gentleman like a message too?"

"No thanks." He said. He took the card from the counter and walked off to the elevator. I gave the burnet a smile good bye, and followed behind Dimitri. A few yards away from the front desk was an elevator, and Dimitri took it. I stood beside him and looked at the doors, waiting for them to open. I could feel his gaze on me. I could tell he knew something was wrong, and I saw him open his mouth to speak, but the doors opened up, and I was thankful that I had something small to do, to ease the tension between us.

That didn't stop him from asking when we were alone together in the elevator. "Did I do something wrong?"

I looked at him in surprise. "No. Why would you think that?"

"Because you haven't looked at me since your break down in the car."

Oh. I looked down. "I'm just embarrassed about it. I thought I had it under control. Just glad it wasn't anger."

"I have the feeling you're lying to me."

I looked up at him, gazes locked. "I'm not lying." I held his gaze a moment longer, then looked down to the floor. He moved towards me and put his arm around my waste. "I'm here for you."

That made me smile a little bit, but Sydney and Adrian was still fresh in my mind, and it still stung. "Just make sure I don't kill anyone." I said, and I wasn't joking, meant it. I could have beat Jesse to death if it wasn't for Eddie stopping me.

"I will." He said just before the doors opened. And as soon as they opened, I walked out of the elevator, but he never released his hold. We were walking side by side, with his arm around my waste, like he and I were a couple. I fantasized with that for a second; yes, that seemed right. Wish it were real.

"What are you smiling about?"

Just like that, I whipped my smile off my face. He wouldn't want to know. It would most likely scare him. "Nothing of importance."

"I want to know." I think he secretly liked my smile. Or maybe he thought I was a lunatic now.

"Has anyone told you about Avery?"

"Who is that?"

"Just some spirit user who tried to kill Lissa."

I felt his body go from stiff to edgy. "Where is she?"

"Relax comrade," I laughed. "We took care of her."

"Who are 'we'?"

"Lissa, Adrian, Oskana and me."

"You met Oskana?"He was surprised at that. He looked down at me.

I smiled. "She is a wonderful woman. Her husband Mark is just like me."

"I know. That is how I know about shadow kiss people." He said, looking down at me with one of those rare smiles.

"Well, when I was in Russia, I kept checking in on Lissa. At first, I didn't realize that Avery was a spirit user until I found out who kept pushing me out of Lissa's head. And her two shadow kiss companions, well- Avery couldn't have just texted them from her phone in super speed to tell them she needed them now. So, as usual, I came to the rescue, and with Oksana's help, I managed to communicate with Lissa." Dimitri was about to ask how, but I kept going on before he said a word. "Don't ask; Oksana was more like the taxi driver, or the telephone receptor so that the messages go through to one another. Anyway, Avery tried to kill Lissa so that she could be more powerful," We were just walking in our room. The room took my breath away. It was five times better then the Best Western we stayed at last. The beds had gold outline of a diamond and white as the background on the sheets, with white pillows. The curtains were white, and the color of the walls was a faded yellow. The room had three expensive comfortable chairs and a cherry oak table to sit down and eat. The desk, which was huge, was the same type of wood, but it had a black leather seat for the guest could sit down and do work. I am guessing the black seat spins around. I dragged my gaze away from the room and back to Dimitri.

Dimitri was looking at me funny, like I amusing him and something else. I couldn't quiet put my finger on it, and my stomach said not to investigate further. With that concluded, I picked up where I left off. "I came and I had to coach Lissa on how to throw a punch. It was awesome by the way, if not for the dangerous circumstances. She socked him, like really socked him! It was fabulous!" I said approvingly with admiration and excitement.

Dimitri laughed. "I can't see Lissa throwing a punch."

"You- I mean, we should have been there to see it! Anyway, spirit fried one of her companion's brain, but Avery went crazy. She is locked up, thank God."

"That's good." He relaxed, and when I mean relaxed, his shoulders went down like three inches. I think whenever I am around, he lets his guard down because he knows I am a capable fighter. Maybe with my long story, I can dodge his question, like I did at Chili's. "So what is the point?"

I played dumb. "Point?"

"There was a point to what you were saying."

"You wanted to know who Avery was."

"Rose." Dimitri said with that 'don't mess around with me' voice of his.

I was suddenly afraid of what his reaction would be. "You wouldn't be interested in knowing. You would think it's stupid."

"Not likely, tell me." He shut the door and put his hand on the small of my back, leading me farther into the room. I sat down on the bed, and he sat beside me, which was going to become awkward to him soon.

"Well," I swallowed hard, "as I said, I came to the rescue. Avery didn't like that, so she tried to push me out, but somehow, I pushed her. Anyway, she tried a different approach, and this one…well it worked for a while."

Dimitri looked at me expectantly, he moved closer, so our knees were just touching. I went on, needing a distraction from the contact we had. "The bitch dug into my memories, and things that I wanted. She made an illusion that I you came back from strigoi, and we were together. I was Lissa's guardian, and we had our own place…" I drifted off, and stopped. He wouldn't be interested in it.

"Proceed." He said, and it sounded like he was genuinely curious, but there was a quality to his tone that made me go on. It sounded almost hopeful.

"It was like walking into a real place, our place. I could feel your presents in it, the love and the familiar presents of home and sanctuary. It felt so real. And the thing was, I wanted it to be real so, so much. The bitch found that out. She found you in my mind and memories, and used that against me. She made up a picture of us. The picture…" my mind was on the memory of that picture. I found myself looking at the wall, but only seeing the picture. "The picture is what captivated me the most. We were in a park, and it was fall. We were close together, trying to fit in so that the camera got us. You were smiling that rare smile of yours, and I was smiling radiantly. It's the kind of picture that people shows how happy and in love you truly are." I felt my heart start to bleed over the memory, both wanting it badly and knowing it will never happen.

It was silent and I wished he would say something. Finally after what seemed like an hour, which, when I looked at the clock on the table beside us, was only three minutes. "You really…wanted that."

With a strength I knew I didn't posses, I looked him in the eyes, and said "I still want it." I stood up and walked to the door, knowing he is going to tell me how he doesn't love me, and how can't love and all that crap.

Before my hand even touched the handle, I was pinned to the wall, back against the wall, with my arms above my head. "Roza, why are you doing this to me?" He sounded pained. His head was down my shoulder, which sent a thrill through my body.

I was surprised. "What do you mean?" I honestly have no idea what he is talking about. What am I doing to him? Giving him a hard time? He wanted to know what I was thinking, and I told him. Hell, I even warned him that he wouldn't want to know.

"Only you could be this hard." His hands slid down my arm, over my breasts, slid across my stomach and my waste, past my butt and stopped and my thigh, then he lifted it up, and picked it up holding it on him. My heart stopped.

The bed is only a few feet away…

Adrian, a voice whispered. You are still with Adrian. But he is cheating on me with Sydney, so how is this any different? Because you are better than that.

Back to reality, Dimitri's lips touched my neck and I almost moaned with pleasure. God, how long has it been? I needed to speak, but my throat was tight.

"What do you mean?" I asked as he leaned in closer, so that our bodies were crushing together.

His teeth nibbled my earlobe as he spoke. "Only you can be this irresistible."

It was like a splash of cold water on my face. I pulled back. "That's all you feel, attraction?"

He looked up, puzzled. "Well, there is lots of that."

I could feel my heart race. "But you don't love me."

He looked startled that I asked that. "I…" He said.

"You what? Don't know?" I could feel devastation light every feature of my face.

He didn't say anything, so I pushed forward. "Do you still love me?" I asked seriously, looking him in the eyes. I felt like a pleading girl, trying to keep the one she loved..well, which is what I am.

He didn't move, so we stood there just like that.

It was bugging me that he wasn't speaking. "Well, there is one way to find out." I said. He looked at me questionably. I stretched my neck out far enough so that our lips were only a centimeter apart. "Kiss me."

Well, when I said the word 'me', it was muffled, because as soon as I said 'kiss' his lips were on mine. My tongue traced the bottom of his lips. I heard him moan and I smiled, but does that mean he still loves me? It proves, most defiantly proves he still has attraction in him, but what about love? Our tongues danced together. His left hand tangled in my hair, and I raised my left hand to the top of his back, and slowly traveled down his spine, with one finger sliding down on his skin. My hand paused at the small of his back. Any farther…well things could get out of hand both good and bad…if you know what I mean. His tongue traced my bottom lip, and my skin went hot all over. Soon though, we broke apart. I looked him in the eyes, and I saw that he wanted me, but I also saw something else, but I didn't stay close enough to see it. I spoke, and whatever he was thinking and was showing in his eyes was gone. A part of me was relieved by that.

"Just think about it." I stepped away and walked out the door.

I needed a massage more than ever now. I looked at my cellphone's clock. It was only eight thirty. What can a girl do around here to for forty five minutes?

I went to the main lobby and walked around, looking at a few shops and. At a long corridor, I spotted a sign saying 'bar.' That is what I need. And I needed a drink right now. I walked in and sat down in the middle on a stool by the bar. I wasn't sitting there long until a ripped dhampire came over to me and asked me my name. He looked about twenty three, and had brown hair, and blue eyes. He wasn't that bad looking. In fact, he was hot. He had nice lips, and perfectly white straight teeth. He had stubbs on his face, like Dimitri did, and it was hot. In fact, it made him look even sexier, like it did Dimitri.

"Rose." I said with a smile. "Care to buy a girl a drink? I had a hard day."

He laughed and motioned for the bar tender to come to him. "Don't we all. What do you want? I am Damien by the way."

I sighed. "Something hard."

"Russian vodka?"

I thought about that. I wasn't sure.

He laughed again. "With that face, I bet you had it before and it wasn't a very good experience."

"I was at a friend's funeral. Got piss assed drunk. Why not? Give me a few shots."

"Where you from?"

I put the glass up to my lips and quickly leaned my head back, drinking shot. It went down just as hard as the last time I drank it. "Montana. You?"

"Chicago, but it's been years since I have been there."

"Well, its not as dumpy as it use to be. The state put the tax payer's money to good use."

He laughed. "That's nice to hear. When were you there?"

"About two and a half years ago. They were just finishing construction work when my charge and I left. Too bad we couldn't stay and see it when it was finished. Some of the rocks they were putting up was rather pretty."

The bar tender refilled my shot and I drank it immediately, and sighed in satisfaction. "This one is on the house. You look like you need it."

I smiled at him wistfully. "How many people like me do you see?"

"Lots, you are going to need more of this stuff."

I sighed. Damn. He refilled my drink, but this time I waited a few minutes. The first one went down hard, but the second one went down easier. Third ones the charm. I drank it, and I was right. "One more please." The bar tender refilled it.

"So, where is your charge?" I asked.

"I'm off duty. I am here for a vacation."

I sighed. "I don't know if I can ever do that. If I lost her, I would go crazy." And I meant that more literally than he could imagine. Anna went crazy when Vladimir passed away.

"I was like that too, but I realized that you have your own life. Yes, they matter, but you do too. Moroi life's are precious, but so is your own. Keep that in mind, Rose. Have fun while you can."

I smiled. "I live my life in the now, most of the time. My nickname is reckless." I snorted. "Aren't I just lucky."

He scooted over to me. "Want to come to my room?"

I sighed, suddenly exhausted. "I'm going to pass." I wasn't quiet that drunk yet, and I was still waiting for Sydney to call me.

"Okay, maybe next time." He smiled.

I smiled back. "Rose?" A familiar accented voice said beside me. The bar tender refilled my shot. I took the shot, lifted it to my lips, leaned my head back and drank it. I set it down and looked over to Dimitri. He had a frown on his face.

"You shouldn't be drinking."

I sighed again, for what seemed like the millionth time. "I don't really care. Life sucks and I am dealing with it." I lowered my head down to the table, my forehead making a smake on it and I groaned. Not in pain, but in frustration. Why is my life so fucked up? Spirit, Adrian, Syndey, Dimitri, this lost Dragomir… what else is going to be piled up on my list.

"There are strigoi here."

I let out a scowled. I didn't want an answer. I was being sarcastic. "Well, if they come, then they have someone to be scared of." That sounded really pensive, but I didn't really care. All I wanted to do was have my life back to normal. I felt like a complete moron for telling Dimitri what I was thinking. I should have kept that to myself.

"Roza, we need to talk."

My shoulders sank. Another pep talk. Great, just great.

I got up, I went to take money out of my pocket by Damien took my hand and brought it to his lips. "I will take care of it. It is the least I can do for a troubled beautiful lady."

I smiled, it's been a while since someone said I was beautiful. Adrian said I was hot, but Dimitri was the only one who ever said I was beautiful. And for some reason, being called beautiful felt a lot more special than saying hot. When someone says I'm hot, I guess I feel more like a playboy model than anything. And playboy models don't get much respect.

We walked out of the bar. "I don't want to talk."

Dimitri put his hand on the small of my back again, urging me forward. "Yes, we need to talk."

Just as we entered the room, my phone went off.

"About damn time!" I yelled at Sydney.

Now review please!

Sincerely,

Rose.