WARNING: Mentions of interfacing but nothing too explicit.
Also, if you didn't catch it earlier, this is the last 'past' chapter with the exception of an epilogue. Yes, this is a long chapter. I mentally flipped a coin to see if which was better: two smaller chapters or one longer one. I decided less chapters was the way to go.
Again, if the society concepts escape you, its based on USA society in the '40s and '50s.
Prowl – "15," Smokescreen – "8," Bluestreak – "5"
Late into that same orn Prowl was lounging on the berth after having some fun. His lover was a bit rough and more demanding than he liked but he didn't complain – for all he knew that was normal. It's not like Conex ever hurt him but sometimes his doorwing joints were sore for a joor or two.
"Isn't there a disc tournament down in one of the neighboring districts tomorrow?" Prowl asked casually, moving partially into a sitting position so he could see into the washracks.
"Hmm? Yeah – in the late part of the orn. Tickets are hard to get though so I'm just watching it on the screen." Conex called out from inside the washracks. He finished a little bit ago but he was meticulous about being clean and dry.
"Oh." Prowl really wanted to take Conex so he would find a way. "Want to go get some energon down at the corner? I hear they have some new flavors."
"Sure, I guess." Conex emerged and headed out with Prowl following behind. They discussed some of the finer points of being an Enforcer all the way there. Every now and then Prowl would mention something else but Conex pointed the conversation back towards Enforcer ideas. Once they reached the little corner shop they grabbed some energon before taking it back to Conex's place. After they both finished their energon Prowl took a moment to check the time. Immediately he scowled.
"What is it?" Conex asked as he dumped their empty energon containers.
"It's late. I should go home."
"So? Are you always going to do what other 'formers dictate what you should do? Seriously Prowl, you need to take more responsibility in your life and not depend on others so much."
Internally, Prowl recoiled in hurt from the reprimand. Outwardly he tried to stay relaxed. "I don't depend on others."
"Oh please. You are one of the most dependant mechs I know." Conex came back and playfully brushed the back of Prowl's helm. "But I'm sure you'll get better at being your own mech soon," he said fondly.
Feeling his sense of self-worth deflate, Prowl's shoulders slumped just slightly, almost unnoticeably, but it caused his doorwings to droop forward a bit. Catching the change in Prowl's doorwings Conex smacked him lightly on the helm. "Hey now! None of that. I don't like seeing you upset." Pulling Prowl's head up, Conex caught him with a mischievous kiss. "How about we go fix that sad look?"
The expression on Conex's face left no uncertainty for Prowl what he meant by "fix." Although his doorwings were still sore that wouldn't stop him. With a half-smile Prowl asked, "What if I stay sad?"
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Several joors later Prowl finally went home. He knew he was getting in significantly later than he was supposed to. He didn't have a curfew but it was well past the 'acceptable' time frame for coming back.
"Welcome home, Prowl."
Startled, Prowl turned to see Flashfire sitting in one of the chairs. "Flashfire," he greeted back.
"You worried your carrier being out this late. I convinced her to go recharge earlier so she has no idea how late you actually were out, but she plans to talk to you tomorrow."
"Fine."
"The later you get home the more upset she gets, you know. Also would help if you had your communications device on."
"Oh." Prowl's face remained neutral.
"She was even more upset this time since she overheard enough of our conversation earlier to know you were agitated when you left. You can probably imaging how she – we – felt when you weren't back even close to a decent joor."
"Well that's carriers – always worried when they think you may not be safe. I'd say 'that's sparkers' as well, but that doesn't really apply here."
"I'm not here to get you in more trouble, Prowl," Flashfire ignored the jab. "I have no intention of telling her how late you finally did get in. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Flashfire got up and left the room. Prowl stared at him in puzzlement, part of him grateful for Flashfire although he'd never admit it. If anything, the grateful feeling was disconcerting. Part of him still disliked Flashfire but the caring nature of the conversations made it difficult. He knew logically it shouldn't be hard for him to be grateful for someone who obviously cared but his emotions made it hard to clearly assess their relationship.
He didn't pursue that line of thought – whenever he thought about how illogical something was his CPU started to hurt. Things that were illogical or emotional were hard for him to understand and he preferred to stay away from both. But his emotions tended to catch him off guard and he struggled with control when that happened. He detested emotions for the insecurity they brought him. At least he had Conex to rely on as a calming beacon during his struggles. He didn't try to make many friends outside of Conex because mechs added variables – variables in both logic and emotions and he didn't like that kind of vulnerability.
It was difficult for him to be more involved with his family because it brought forth the same sense of insecurity. He didn't know anymore what he was in the family. A brother and an older sparkling, sure, but what were those when you didn't follow the normal path? He saw no changes in his role as a brother despite his logic center telling him so. Half-brother or full brother, the responsibilities were the same. But the older sparkling part? He used to know but things changed and he had no assistance figuring out the role anymore. Time had not helped. His world became grey and his black-and-white logic center struggled comprehending the shades.
However, just because his carrier's choices muddled his understanding of what was around him didn't mean she deserved being scared over him. He hated to think he made her upset, but sometimes emotions would surprise him and he'd say or do things to indicate else wise. He'd apologize tomorrow. Perhaps they could do something together.
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Early the next orn he talked to his carrier and agreed to be more considerate. Charger for her part felt rather disconnected with Prowl and found a small racing event for them to go to. Prowl felt a little chagrined about it considering how much time it'd eat up but he didn't want to make Charger anymore further upset than he already had. So they went out leaving his brothers with his fake-sparker.
After they arrived they made their way through the crowd and into some semi-decent seats. A few moments passed with an awkward silence before Charger tried nonchalantly asking, "How've things been going, Prowl?"
"Fine. Just been reading and studying."
"Ah. What about with your friends?"
"What do you mean?" Prowl asked lightly, not quite sure where she was going with this. He didn't talk much with his creators about his life outside of the family.
"Well, you always take off and disappear for joors so I figured you were going to see friends at least some of the time. I can't imagine you spending all the time alone."
Prowl didn't really know how to respond to that. Truth be told, he didn't actually have friends. Sure, he and Conex spent time with other mechs but they were really Conex's friends. He always had Conex to spend time with and confide at least. "Sometimes I do. I guess… they're… fine."
"Oh."
The awkward silence grew despite the roaring crowd as the racers came out. During the race the two chatted lightly about the race event until they were swept up by it towards the end. By the time the race ended in the middle of the orn the two of them felt more comfortable around each other. In fact, as they waited for the stands to clear Prowl responded more openly to her questions. He had no issues with it since they weren't meant to be intrusive, merely inquisitive.
"So are you seeing anyone, Prowl?"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh don't be so uptight about it." Charger laughed when she saw Prowl's doorwings hitch up just the slightest. I'm merely curious because sometimes you have a very happy look on your face when you come back and if you aren't hanging out with friends all the time… Well, that doesn't leave many possibilities in a creator's CPU."
Prowl was caught between being defensive and shocked. Shocked because 1) he didn't realize how far he'd drifted from his family, and 2) his carrier could still read him a fair amount despite the gap. Being easily readable wasn't something he was comfortable with. "Sort of. It's very casual at the moment." He felt guilty being so apart from the family his own carrier didn't know that he found what could be his potential non-bonded life partner. Prowl refused to think of bonding at this point but he had a rather negative outlook on it anyways. Nothing like having your family broken apart because of a lack of bond 'to tie them down,' being treated differently after others discover you were created by an un-bonded couple, and then having your entire life changed for a second time because of a bond. Seeing how others changed or died from a bond didn't help the case either. Anyways, he didn't want to mention it yet so his carrier wouldn't feel left out.
"Have I met him?"
"No." Seeing the look in her optics, Prowl added after a moment of hesitation, "but maybe one of these orns." Charger's face immediately lit up and she enthusiastically told him how she'd love that when he was ready. She continued on about it as they finally left the stands.
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When they arrived home Prowl began making some discrete calls on his communications device about the tickets. He had to move fast since there weren't that many joors left. He broke away from Charger as soon as they entered and went into his room. It took him some effort but he managed to get someone interested. It was going to cost him, however.
"Hi Prowl!" The cheery voice of his youngest brother broke the silence of the room. Prowl looked up and saw little Bluestreak teeter into the room. "Let's play!"
"Not now, Bluestreak."
Bluestreak must have had his spark set on playing with Prowl because the next moment all the joy in his face and body language evaporated. Before he could say anything Prowl got a message asking where they would meet. Prowl realized quite quickly he could kill two turbofoxes with one disc.
"Actually I've been meaning to go to the park. Want to come with?"
Bluestreak beamed and started yelling "hurray!" as he raced down the hall to tell one of his creators. Prowl sent the location and time information before gathering an exuberant Bluestreak. Luckily he only had one brother to watch at the moment. Things should go smoothly for him and this orn would go off without a hitch.
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After reaching the park Prowl's biggest initial focus was finding a way to occupy Bluestreak's time while he hunted down this mech. As luck would have it, the twins and their guardian showed up roughly the same time they did. The twins looked a little confused and upset so Bluestreak immediately begged to play with them. The astrosecond Prowl okayed it Blustreak was gone. Shaking his head, Prowl began his search. It didn't take long for his contact to show up and they made the exchange. Prowl was giving up one of his once-prized sparklinghood coordination toys he'd pestered his creators for so he could play with his little brother. It turned out the toy was made from a rare material. At the time it wasn't rare but the war had damaged one of the main mines so now all types of transformers and factions alike were looking for anything made from it to melt and reshape. While he was going to miss the toy greatly, he really couldn't see the logic in choosing something of the past representing death and loss over something important in the present.
The entire exchange took a few breems longer than he anticipated and by the time everything was finished he could no longer find Bluestreak. 'Great.'
He looked near all the places the twins usually dragged Bluestreak but he didn't see so much as a fleck of paint of the three. Panic started settling in and Prowl began calling for Bluestreak louder.
"Prowl!"
Prowl twisted just in time to see Bluestreak as he plowed into him full force. Bluestreak's small arms wrapped around him tightly, trembling. "Bluestreak! What's wrong?"
"It – they – not fair! Stupid – " Whatever it was, Bluestreak was so distraught he couldn't even speak coherently.
Prowl coaxed his younger brother to calm down until he could speak a little better. "What happened?"
"Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are going back to Kaon. It's not fair! Everyone knows Praxus is better than Kaon! Why can't they stay here?"
"I don't know, Bluestreak. We don't always get to influence what others do. Best you can do is be there when you can."
"But they aren't here anymore!" Bluestreak cried.
"Where are they now?"
"Gone. Stupid guardian only took them to the park to wait for the transport and it came early. I'm never going to see them again!" he stomped his ped in exclamation.
Patting his brother on his shoulder, Prowl spoke softly. "Yes you will. Life's funny like that. You may not see them for a while but one day you'll meet up again without plan."
"You really think so?"
"I know so," Prowl lied. "Just do what you're interested in and I'm sure one day you'll find your paths intersecting."
The little blue sparkling pondered that idea. "They like action."
"And so do you."
"But not as much," Bluestreak looked troubled. "What if isn't enough – doing what I like? They might end up in entire different fields!" His lip components twitched for an astrosecond before he took a moment to calm down. "I mean, I kinda like adventure so it wouldn't be that difficult to try and do stuff they'd like."
"You don't have to be in the same fields to see each other. And you shouldn't ever pretend to be someone you're not. If you stick to being yourself then things will work out for what's best."
"Really?" his little brother still looked doubtful.
"Well, think of it this way: if you pretend to be someone else by doing things you don't want to, then you'll only find yourself going down the wrong path. The decisions you make won't be your own and therefore may not be what's right for you. All decisions have a consequence and the consequence for pretending is onlining one orn and realizing you don't know who you are anymore. Would you ever be happy if that's how you found them again? What if you changed too much?"
Bluestreak looked thoughtful. Prowl knew what he said was a little over his brother's head but he'd grasp enough of it anyways. After a half breem Bluestreak declared Prowl was right and he would "keep being him" so one orn he would see his friends again. Prowl agreed, refraining from telling him that it was illogical thinking that all it took to make everything right was being one's self. Instead he suggested getting an energon goodie before going home.
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Finally, after dropping off Bluestreak, Prowl was able to leave for Conex's. He arrived a few joors early with the tickets hidden. After stepping inside he found Conex sitting on the couch with an air of agitation around him. "Something wrong?"
"Yeah but it's nothing," his tone betraying his words.
Prowl sat down next to him and placed a comforting hand on Conex's leg. "Come one, you can tell me."
"I said it's nothing." Prowl immediately jerked his hand back at Conex's snarl. Conex turned away from him and neither said anything for the next breem. For once the silence was hard for Prowl with the unexpected rejection still burning. "What's up?" Conex sounded as if he was trying to behave normally but his voice was strained from whatever was bothering him.
"Uh," Prowl was thrown off. He wanted to help but clearly his help wasn't wanted. "Nothing in particular. Just wanted to see the tournament with you."
"You haven't done anything this entire orn except wait to see the tournament with me?" Conex asked incredulously, glancing back momentarily.
"Well, no," Prowl responded back a bit defensively. What was with his midnight-blue colored lover? "I went with Charger to a race and then later took Bluestreak to the park."
"Why?"
'Why does it matter?' Prowl was getting worried. Their conversations usually didn't go this way let alone start like this. "Charger wanted to spend time together and so did Bluestreak. Although I took Bluestreak to the park to keep him occupied while I finished something," he added that last part as an afterthought. He figured this was as good of a way to bring up the tickets as any. Maybe it'd get Conex out of his funk.
"You always do things for others, don't you? They say 'jump' and you say 'how high.' Primus Prowl, grow up already and be a mech. Seriously, I've seen sparklings be more mature than you."
Prowl stopped midway in reach for the tickets, shocked from the unexpected blow. It was as if Conex punched him in the stomach and knocked him into a deep, cold hole. Only to pour a burning acid down onto him. "What?" Prowl's entire CPU was frozen as if he was struck dumb.
"You seriously can't grasp that? Primus, can't even think for yourself now?" He snapped as he leaped up while still keeping his back to Prowl. His hand pressed up against his helm as if he was hurting. "Pathetic. Really pathetic." With a short laugh he started pacing in place.
Prowl was completely flabbergasted – no one had ever spoken to him like this, let alone someone he cared for. What was happening? "Conex, what is going on? Why are you talking like this?" He was trying to sort through the confusion to find an explanation but anger was seeping in fast.
"Does it matter? It's still true regardless why I'm saying it." He laughed harshly again. "You aren't even all that upset. Really out doing yourself on how pitiful you are."
"Stop that!" Prowl jumped up and reached out to grab his upset lover. "You can't talk like that to me. I'm not pitiful and you have no right to say such things." His doorwings quivered as he fought to hold back his anger. "Talk to me – I don't understand why you're saying such hurtful things," Prowl tried coaxing him again as he grabbed Conex's arm.
Conex immediately yanked his arm out of Prowl's grasp. "You need me to explain to you 'such hurtful things?' See, now that's just it: you're too soft. I'm calling you some fragged up slag and all you can say back is 'that's hurtful.' You wait until someone says or does something you don't like and then after it happens you just sit there and whine about it!" He sneered at Prowl. "You're so difficult Prowl. You can't even handle your emotions like a fully-upgraded mech. Honestly, I'm surprised I lasted this long being with you."
Indignant, Prowl tried demanding an explanation but Conex cut him off. "I mean really. How many times do you come over here just to talk about your feelings? How many times have I talked about mine? If you think about it – and actually think as opposed to feel – you might notice a distinct difference. Especially when you compare it to your friends – oh, I'm sorry, my friends. Nobody can stand being your friend because you're so difficult. Ever heard my friends complain like you do? No you don't. Fact is I've never heard anyone whine like you."
The accusations pierced right through Prowl. His anger left him as Conex's words sunk in. Half of what Conex said he didn't believe but the other half he couldn't deny it. It was true he had no other friends and neither Conex or his friends talked about their problems. Was he so blind he couldn't see this as potentially problematic? Being unable to deny those cold facts made it hard to ignore the rest. If those few were right then what about the others? Had he been more blind than he realized? He knew he should've been angry – no matter how true some of that was Conex's behavior was uncalled for. But Prowl could only stand there feeling numb. Hearing someone he loved throw his faults back in his face was too shocking and painful. Especially since it was out of the blue during what he thought was going to be a great day.
"Just go." Prowl looked up to see Conex's back again. He wanted to tell Conex he was full of slag and go to the Pit, but that would only prove Conex's point.
Still, part of him wanted to say it if only to make himself feel better. "I don't know what brought on this slag and I wish you would tell me. However, I can't make you tell me but I can tell you this: you have the comprehension skills and CPU power of a glitched sparkling. How I put up with that is the real question. Perhaps one day you'll find the right drone for you." Without anymore to say Prowl calmly left the apartment but as soon as the door shut he fled down the stairs, feeling the turmoil inside rapidly grow.
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After a joor of racing Prowl finally came to a stop by a place he once knew. He felt mentally taxed and confused. After the first three-quarters of the joor his anger drained away and all that was left was his logic circuits trying to comprehend the events. Eventually he stopped when his energy left him and he wanted some place safe to hide. Now he was here and there was nothing for him to focus on except trying to understand where it'd had changed. The prospects his logic circuits were coming back with weren't at all encouraging. Prowl sat still with his shoulders and doorwings slumped over. He didn't care how feeble he probably looked – this particular section of the crystal gardens in the park blocked him from view with the large crystal trees and bushes. A wall sat in front of him with an old street on the other side. No one was glitched enough to climb that wall so he was alone.
Layout aside, he chose to come back to the park because he use to visit it as a sparkling. He loved the crystal park and whenever the other sparklings were mean to him or he needed to get away from the fully-upgraded transformers he came here. Being here now bought him some measure of comfort. Those times may not have always been happy but he considered this his home. He'd been gone so long no one would recognize him anymore. Although he was alright with that right now since he didn't want to be noticed. He didn't want anyone to see and recognize him for the stupid mech he was.
How did he get himself here? He thought he'd done everything right, but apparently somewhere he fell short. If he voiced his thoughts or opinions he was chastised; if he played the part they wanted him to he wasn't good enough. Either way he wasn't happy and they weren't happy. He thought he found his happiness with someone but allegedly he ruined that by verbalizing his feelings too much. He'd been told from an early age to keep his feelings inside – from Blacksmoke's expectations, to his new family's, and to society's demanded pretenses. He was angry with them all – Blacksmoke was a selfish slagger, his creator and fake-creator put their happiness above the well being of their family, and society demanded that everyone followed the rules to keep things 'right.'
Blacksmoke tried hard to mold their family his way and when he failed to get what he wanted, he bailed. Just like that. Part of Prowl wanted nothing more than to become an Enforcer and find Blacksmoke to finally give him what he deserved. In a strange way, becoming an Enforcer would bring him peace because he could finally deal with some of his internal demons. Unlike Blacksmoke, Charger and Flashfire chose to uproot everything instead and forcing everyone to live a lie to get what they want. He lost just about everything so they could live in a virtually stress-free environment. They did it because society was against the idea where a mech or femme could have more than one life mate. No, it didn't matter a war was going on and steadily growing every day. Mechs and femmes were forced to pick sides or risk being cut off from resources and family. Here in Praxus they were determined to stick to their old ways in midst of a changing world to shield themselves from reality. They seemed particularly stuck on singling out those created by a bondless couple. That right there kept Prowl from being able to speak about half his troubles.
His world was filled with so much conflict it almost consumed him and brought forth emotions he struggled to deal with. His logic center tried to sort through them but it failed to grasp the more abstract concepts.
Prowl suddenly exhaled. The thought of being unable to understand the things around him despite the effects they had on him made him more tired. For a few extra moments he sat there with a blank CPU. As absurd as it was, Conex was right; He really was letting his emotions control his life. He couldn't think clearly, couldn't act clearly. When he was by himself he was usually calm and level-headed but when he was with others they tended to cause a more emotional reaction from him, particularly when he tried to do what they asked of him.
'If you pretend to be someone else by doing things you don't want to, then you'll only find yourself going down the wrong path.' The memory interrupted his thoughts and he laughed brokenly once he realized how blind he'd been. Here he was, today no less, lecturing his youngest brother about not doing what others say for the sake of what they want and yet he was doing exactly that. 'So did you online and realize you aren't someone you know anymore?' A little voice asked inside his head. Prowl considered this; did he know who he was anymore? He was soon to be an academy pupil, training for the Autobots as an Enforcer.
'That's what you are, not who,' the disembodied voice spoke. Logically weren't they the same? As he thought about it he came to the conclusion no, they really weren't the same. Who he was wasn't a pupil-to-be but rather a friendless mech who drove others away with his attitude when something bothered him. Had he really become that? His CPU replayed memories of several instances and Prowl realized that he had indeed. The weight of the realization that he'd fallen so far from what he once was busy being a fool was almost crushing. He'd never have anything he wanted if he kept this up. Ironic it was after he lost so much did he finally realize the message he'd been told all his life finally became true – to not express himself and not rely on others for support. He felt like such an idiot. There wasn't a single thing or transformer he knew to make him feel better.
"Ha! Told you I could do it!"
Startled, Prowl looked up to see Jazz standing on the top of the wall, gloating down to whomever was on the other side. Before anything else could be said a loud piercing noise rang through the street and Prowl heard mechs on the other side yell and take off. The noise surprised Jazz and he nearly toppled backwards. Grasping the wall from behind, he turned to untwist himself. That's when Jazz noticed Prowl. 'Great,' Prowl groaned.
"What are you doin' down there?" Jazz asked inquisitively.
"Nothing. Now leave me be." Prowl adverted his optics not really wanting to look at anyone at the moment. Hopefully the lack of optic-contact would discourage the mech.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine," Prowl gritted. He stopped himself and breathed in. His feelings were getting in the way again. "Just please let me be," he said softly.
Jazz stared at the slumped mech. He hesitated.
"Just go."
He could hear something was off in the mech's voice. He didn't like Prowl – he was such a prick who not only didn't do anything fun but actually had a problem with others having fun. But as he looked at Prowl he realized the mech didn't have his usual stiff posture. In fact, he looked rather dejected. He wondered if Prowl had any friends – he looked like he needed one right now. With that he made up his CPU. "Nope," he declared as he bent down to jump off.
Prowl's optics snapped up. "What are you doing? You'll get hurt."
"No I won't," Jazz brushed the concern off. With more skill than Prowl had seen at mechs their age Jazz flipped off and used his surroundings to control his descent until he landed on his peds. "Now, what's really up?"
"I stated I was fine earlier."
"You also wanted to be left alone. Since you aren't being your usual uptight self I can infer you aren't your usual 'fine' self."
He had no response for the impetuous mech who wasn't leaving him be. Instead Prowl looked back at the ground. Jazz was a little concerned by Prowl's lack of a reply. So he didn't know the mech very well but Prowl had always given a response when prompted. There was also a distinct lack of variation in his voice. While that wasn't entirely new, it was almost completely absent for the first time and that was unsettling.
Differences be damned, Jazz hated to see someone suffer, especially alone. He walked over and flopped himself down next to Prowl. When he still didn't get a response he started to nudge him. "Hey! Talk." He repeated until Prowl abruptly straightened his back and turned.
"You really don't care about doing what others ask, do you?"
'There we go,' Jazz grinned when he heard the exasperation in the other's voice. "Nope. Now talk or I'll just go back to poking you."
Prowl stared. "Why do you care? We aren't even friends." Prowl couldn't fathom why someone who didn't like him would suddenly care. It was illogical.
Jazz shrugged. "Just do."
"You have to have a reason."
"No I don't."
"Yes, you do. Every action has a reason, even if it's not immediately evident."
"Nope, not me. I don't have a reason and I don't want one."
Pausing, Prowl couldn't come up with an answer that might actually make sense to this crazy mech."You're infuriating."
Jazz grinned but his resolve had been renewed hearing how flat that statement was. "So…?"
"There is nothing to tell." Prowl didn't want to risk letting his emotions get a hold of him.
"Do I have to…?" Jazz jabbed him one time before Prowl pulled away.
"Alright! If you truly want to know, someone I thought was going to be my mate told me I was too difficult."
A snarky comment immediately popped into Jazz's CPU but he pushed it aside. Telling Prowl pricks were always difficult certainly wouldn't make him feel better. "Like how?"
"Apparently I have no self-discipline, or at least too little." 'Because I don't hold back enough.' A piece of him curled up inside of him at the thought.
"Huh? Well that's slag."
Surprised, Prowl looked back. "Excuse me?"
"A pr – mech like you has more self-discipline than most our age. Whoever said that expected too much."
"His standards were hardly any different than anyone else's."
"Oh yeah? How do you figure?"
"His standards were the same everyone else has held me to. I need to be a leader, an example of stability. Except I wasn't being very stable and careful with my emotions like they needed me to be, at least on their terms."
"So?" Jazz was curious what "terms" he was talking about. "Why do you care about other transformer standards? It's easy for them to put standards on others than actually do it themselves. I mean seriously, would you want to have a life mate if they held you to their own standards more so than yours?"
"When does anyone hold others to standards not of their own?"
"I don't. Since I don't know what others can and can't do I don't expect stuff from 'em without talking to 'em first."
"Aren't you going to the academy?"
"Well obviously. I think we actually discussed that once in our many encounters." Jazz was a little annoyed at Prowl's tone.
"We did and its hardly fair then to assume they can't do anything unless specified."
"Okay, if I know they went to the academy then yeah, I expect certain things out of them without question. I mean – hey! Stop trying to distract me!"
"That's fairly difficult since I'm finding it rather effortless." A flicker of amusement passed through Prowl before remembering what the conversation originally been about. He instantly sobered up. "There isn't much to tell at any rate."
"Well start at the beginning," Jazz gently pushed as he laid back. His words made Prowl wonder – where was the beginning? It could be argued his early sparkhood, moving to the new district, or meeting Conex was the beginning. For the sake of the conversation he chose the later.
"Several decaorns ago – over half my life, actually – my family moved to this district. Its been difficult to start over. When things were proving quite difficult I met someone. He was the only one who didn't immediately write me off for my lack of interest in socializing." Prowl remembered that day. He had become rather bitter and ignored everyone. One day while he was studying inside the library Conex sat down next to him. Eventually he asked Prowl about the war material he was reading and they got into some interesting discussions.
"It started off more of a shared-interest friendship but eventually Conex and I saw something more in each other. At least I thought so," Prowl said quietly speaking more to himself. "I thought I saw a possibility to start something whereas he saw a possibility for something to develop worthwhile. I failed to meet his expectations or interest for developing something and he finally couldn't stand it anymore. Guess others consider me a heavy burden."
Jazz listened in silence. It never occurred to him Prowl might be uptight not because he expected more out of others but because he was being held to high by them. Perhaps he didn't snap at others because they failed to act a certain way but because he'd been pushed so far by others anything around him caused stress, including when others behaved in a way he couldn't. "I don't think you're too heavy to bear," he said softly.
Prowl gave him a sideways look. "I hardly think you know."
"Yes, I do," Jazz rebutted. "How many times have we ran into each other?"
"Including the non-literal ones?" He thought about that while Jazz complained how that was one time. "I suppose in the upper fifties."
"Exactly! And most of the time they were each at least three or four breems long! I think fifty-something times for three breems at a time is long enough to know if someone's a chore or not."
"Hmm." Prowl contemplated what Jazz said. "I suppose that's plausible."
"Damn straight its plausible! By the way while we're at it, how the Pit do we keep running into each other? I've only been in Praxus for like six decaorns and yet I've ran into you almost sixty times!"
"I suppose it's my charming nature that keeps pulling you," Prowl said wryly.
Jazz perked up. "Hark? Did I just hear a joke come from you, the mech whose yelled at me countless times to be serious?"
"Most certainly not. Its just a logical conclusion since you keep running blindly into me that you are caught up in my charm." Prowl was secretly enjoying this. It surprised him how much better he was feeling and who was doing it. It'd been a long time since he'd had this kind of banter with anyone.
"Please. I have an entirely better explanation."
"Oh? And what would that be?"
Jazz grinned. "Fate."
Perplexed, Prowl could help but ask for an explanation.
"Because that's too many times to be a coincidence. This right now? I wasn't suppose to be here. One of my friends bailed on me last astrosecond and I ended up running into someone else – no, not literally." Jazz shot Prowl a look when he saw Prowl opening his mouth. "He wanted to see the large crystal gardens in this district but we couldn't figure where the entrance was."
"To the west, where it says 'Garden Entrance.' In fairly large letters."
"Don't interrupt me. Plus that proves my point even further. Fate wanted me to be here."
Prowl pondered this. The idea was too far-fetched. "I don't believe in fate."
Jazz snickered. "Well too bad because I do."
"Then why would this so-called fate care?" Prowl was giving Jazz a rather skeptical look.
"Because fate wanted us to know each other." Jazz gave him a reassuring smile. "And I don't intend to ignore it." Reaching over Jazz squeezed Prowl's hand briefly before jumping up. "Now I'm starving. Since you seem to know so much about this area, where is some good energon?"
For a moment Prowl could only look at Jazz. Did fate really want Prowl to be friends with Jazz? Why would this unforeseen force care about them knowing each other? Prowl still felt a little empty inside, a part of him telling Prowl that no one – not even Jazz – could fix. But it hadn't escaped his notice that he felt better around Jazz. "It's been a while but I do believe I know a place." Prowl pulled himself up and Jazz turned to start moving towards the west. Prowl hung back for a moment, looking at the crystal tree they'd just been under. He realized this moment would be remembered for a long time because he finally saw who he needed to be. He was looking back at a bitter memory. He hoped one orn the memory wouldn't be so bitter.
"Hey, hurry up! I'm hungry!"
"Or what, Jazz? You'll leave me?" Prowl gave him a faint smile.
"Nah, Prowl. Once I'm friends with someone I don't let them go so easily," Jazz returned with a grin. "Which means you're stuck with me because I'll never leave you."
I know I told some of you this would be done last Wednesday. I figured it would be since I had a 6ish hour flight the day before. However, I didn't count on this chapter being so craptastic that I'm not sure if it outranked toilet paper. I figured I'd rather be a week "late" then upload something so awful. It wasn't even vaguely pre-beta ready until a day ago – which, BTW Evil Ratchet drew more some more. Link's on my profile. Totally dig the gory drawing. ^_^
So yeah, last 'past' chapter with the exception of the epilogue. And gee, what was the deal with Conex? I wonder if we'll get to find out ;) I know you all really don't care though – you want the next 'present' chapter :p