I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update. I kind of hit a road block and then I couldn't stop writing this chapter. LOL. Please let me know what you think Thank you for your continued support. On to the chapter.

Chapter 5

Jason walked into the penthouse feeling a little bit clearer than he had in months. The walk to his bike had given him the chance to think and to not be interrupted by Sam, Spinelli, Sonny, Carly or Brenda and all their drama.

Spinelli was working on his computer when Jason walked in.

"Spinelli, hey. I didn't expect to see you here."

"Stone Cold, I am sorry to intrude on your humble abode. I did not think you would be home so soon. The Grasshopper just needed a quiet place to work."

"Don't you have an office for that?"

"Yes, yes but I cannot work on this assignment around the Fair Samantha."

"Why not? I thought that was the reason for your partnership."

"It was a request of the Ma…of my client. I am the only one to know of the Grasshopper's most important assignment."

"Oh. Has there been any movement with the Balkan?

"No, all is quiet." Spinelli spoke still hard at work on his computer.

"Where's Brenda?" Jason asked.

"The Divine One was leaving when the Grasshopper arrived. She said she had errands to run and then would be spending the evening with a friend. She took her protectors of the night with her."

"Great. Thanks! Since you are here, can you take a break for a minute?"

"Yes, Stone Cold. Do you need the Grasshopper's cyber skills?"

"Sort of. Can you bring it up?"

"What do…Oh. Yes, I can." Spinelli hit a few keys on his computer and brought up surveillance camera footage from outside Elizabeth's home.

"Thank you."

"Yes, Stone Cold." Spinelli picked up his glass and headed towards the kitchen. "The Grasshopper needs a refill."

Jason sat at Spinelli's laptop watching Elizabeth move by the window in the living room as the boys sat on the floor playing with their motorcycles. Seeing his boys playing with motorcycles always made him smile. Jason had the surveillance camera installed right after their final breakup. Even though he agreed never to see his family again, he needed that reassurance that they were ok. Elizabeth would hate him if she knew but he didn't care he needed that reassurance. Spinelli was the only one that knew and a part of him felt that was one person too many. As unpredictable as Spinelli's feelings were, he was surprised that Spinelli had been trustworthy in this matter and for that he was grateful. Jason watched the footage until he saw Elizabeth and the boys walk up the stairs for the boys to take their nap.

Spinelli had been standing at the kitchen waiting for the signal that Stone Cold was finished before he walked out. When he saw Stone Cold shut the laptop he knew he was done and preceded into the living room.

"How are they doing?" Spinelli asked never quite sure how to talk to Stone Cold about the Maternal One. Spinelli knew that he would only be able to talk to Stone Cold for a few minutes before he would retreat back into himself.

"Good." Jason got up from the couch and headed towards the door. "I'm heading out. You have not seen me."

"I understand, Stone Cold." Spinelli said as his master disappeared out the door.

Spinelli often wondered what was going through Stone Cold's mind. The last few years he seemed different; lost and unpredictable. Spinelli knew that Stone Cold had taken the separation from Elizabeth and the boys hard. That is why he had assumed Stone had the Grasshopper install the camera. Then when Stone Cold reunited with the Fair Samantha, the Grasshopper was confused but really thought that Stone Cold had found his real match for the mob life. Not long after they reunited Stone Cold seemed to be a different person, one that the Grasshopper did not recognize. Stone Cold seemed to forget about the Maternal One and their Prodigy. Today, was the first day since Stone Cold and the Fair Samantha reunited that Stone Cold had asked to see the surveillance footage. And that had the Grasshopper worried, not for the Fair Samantha but for the Maternal One.

Elizabeth left the dock after meeting with Spinelli and her minor confrontation with Jason. She had planned on speaking with her Grandmother about Jason but she was worn out and just picked up the boys and headed home against her Grandmother's wishes. She had promised to come back in a few days and talk to her. As soon as they arrived home, the boys shrugged off their jackets and pulled out the motorcycles and started racing them across the floor. It always made Elizabeth smile to think that Jason was impacting her boys' lives even when he wasn't around. While her boys were playing she busied herself around the house trying to keep her mind off of Jason, Aiden, her Grandmother, Nikolas, Lucky and pretty much the entire town of Port Charles. After about an hour of playing, Elizabeth took her two boys upstairs for their naps. Jake was having difficulties napping, as he had been since Elizabeth had found out about Aiden, so Elizabeth lay with Jake and they both fell asleep.

A few hours later Elizabeth was awoke by her two little boys jumping up and down on the bed. As Elizabeth headed down the stairs with the boys in tow there was a knock at the door. The boys ran to the living room to continue playing where they left off. Elizabeth opened the door to see Brenda standing there again.

"Brenda, I didn't expect to see you back so soon."

"Why not? I am your new best friend." Brenda said with a laugh.

"I know you helped me last night but I don't know if I am up for it today. I am tired, new best friend." Elizabeth spoke with a little chuckle.

"Well that is good because I am not up to it either. Now are you going to make me stand on your porch all night?"

"No, of course not. Come in." Elizabeth waved her and Brenda headed straight for the boys.

"Hey, boys. I have something for you." Brenda pulled two boxes out of her bag and handed to the boys.

"Motorcycles!" Cam shouted.

"Motocyles!" Jake shouted just like his big brother.

"Even better. They are remote control motorcycles. You can control them with the remotes and race them." Brenda explained.

"Awesome!" both boys yelled.

"Can we play with them now, mommy?"

"Yes, but give me one second with Brenda. Ok?"

"Ok"

Elizabeth pulled Brenda to the side to talk to her.

"Brenda I appreciate the thought but you didn't need to buy the boys anything."

"I know. They are for me too. I bought a pink one for me to race with them while their mommy is relaxing."

"What?"

Brenda pulled a tablet of paper and pen out of her bag and handed to Elizabeth.

"You are going to take this paper and pen and go upstairs, draw a bath, relax a little bit and then you are going to write a list."

"A list?"

"A list of regrets, a list of accomplishments, a list of things you want to do, and a list of things you need to say to people."

"Why?"

"I have found when you write down your regrets, you let the pain that goes with them out and then you think of the things you need to say to people. You always regret what you never did or said. After you have listed your regrets and the things you need to say, you will need the accomplishments and little rewards of things you want to do to cheer you up. And when you are writing those rewards remember all the bad things you have been through in your life and say to yourself…you deserve this."

"Brenda, I don't…"

"It will. Remember, I know. Now get upstairs; the boys and I have a race to begin." Brenda took off towards the boys before Elizabeth could even object, so she headed upstairs. Elizabeth grabbed a towel, headed towards the tub and started the water. While the water was warming up, she decided to start writing her list.

Regrets

Lying to myself all those years ago about my feelings for Jason

Believing Lucky was the Lucky she fell in love with at 15

Being a model

Not going to Italy when I had the chance

Always putting Lucky first

Leaving Jason at the Penthouse

Marrying Ric the second time.

Lying about Jake and keeping it hidden from the Quartermaines

Listening to Sam and Lucky over Jason

Letting Jason walk away, again

Giving up art over and over again

Agreeing to marry Lucky, again

Sleeping with Nikolas. (I'm so sorry, Emily)

Not being there for Robin when she needs me

Not being Aiden's mom

Not being Jason's wife

Not moving on

Elizabeth put down her paper and pen and turned off the water. She undressed and got in the tub. She read the list over and over again. And cried. This was her life and she regretted a lot and needed to make peace with that. Elizabeth started her next list.

People to Talk to

Helena

Lucky

Nikolas

Emily

Grams

The Quartermaines

Ric

Laura

Sonny

Robin

Sam

Jason

Elizabeth thought about the people she needed to speak to about her regrets and wondered if some of the people would even talk to her. She needed to at least try. According to Brenda, it will be worth it in the end.

My Accomplishments

My Boys

My Rewards

Watching her boys play and live life

Return to Painting

Go to Italy, regardless

Being loved, regardless

Elizabeth tried to think of more accomplishments and more rewards but she couldn't. Her boys were the thing that made her smile. And Elizabeth never wanted for anything, she was not materialistic. She found joy in little things, there was only one thing that she wanted that required money and that was Italy. Elizabeth sat in the tub thinking for a few more minutes before there was a knock at the door.

"Elizabeth, did you drown?"

"No. I am just getting out."

"Ok. We were going to make some popcorn at watch a movie. You up for that?"

"Yea, I will be down in a minute"

"Ok. Don't forget your lists."

"Why?"

"You will need someone to keep you on task."

"Uh…"

"Don't worry your secrets will be safe with me."

"Thank you again, Brenda."

"No problem. Now hurry up before the popcorn is gone."

"Be down in a minute."

Brenda headed back downstairs and Elizabeth got out of the tub, dried off and got dressed. Grabbing her list before she headed downstairs, Elizabeth hoped that Brenda would understand her decision to find Helena. As Elizabeth came down the stairs, she saw her boys laying on the floor eating popcorn out of a big bowl and watching a movie and Brenda was sitting on the couch with a bowl of her own flipping through a magazine.

"There she is. How was the bath?"

"Enlightening."

"Well that is good. How did the lists come?"

"Good. Would you like to see them?" Elizabeth asked nervously.

"Of course. They were my idea."

Elizabeth laughed and handed over the lists. Brenda grabbed them like a school girl grabbing a love note from her crush.

"I am glad you are so excited about my despair."

"Not excited. Anxious to help."

"Why?"

"Because I know you. I have been where you are in some ways. I have seen you, Elizabeth. You are a good person, a wonderful mother with a caring heart and an even bigger forgiving heart."

"How do you know that? You've only known me for two days."

"I know Robin and I know she will tell me the truth and those are the exact words she speaks of you."

"Robin is one of my regrets."

"What? Why?"

"I haven't been the best friend to her. Maybe you should read the lists."

Brenda looked down at the list and started reading. A few minutes later she looked up.

"Are you ready to face some of these?"

"All of them."

"Ok, let's get started my friend."

Please read and review. And if you think something needs added lists let me know. Thanks for the read. :)