Looking back on my life, the first mistake I made was slamming that door shut. Although many followed, that mistake changed my life, and made me who I am now... even though I was only eighteen.
Tomorrow, I'll be forty-one. It's hard to believe that I could ever be so old. My life never turned out the way I had thought it would. Without my father's support and money, I had nothing, which is what I never thought I'd have.
Now, of course, I have more than nothing. However, I'm in the middle of getting a divorce. My second. Happy birthday to me.
And as I'm sitting in my living room, on the couch, looking back on my life, I feel tortured and blessed at the same time. I'm happy I've gone through all of the things I had. I'm stronger.
My eyes wander over to the bookshelf, as I spot my old yearbook, from 1978. I was a junior. I get up and grab it, leafing through it until I reach the senior page.
The first person I see is Fez. He was one of the first people in the yearbook, because his last name starts with an 'A'. I'm not sure how to pronounce it though.
I remember him. He was always happy, even though nobody could understand him. I dated him for a while, too. Right before I left.
The next person I see is Eric Forman. I remember exactly how he was. Nerdy, tall, skinny... but he was always a nice guy, too.
Next I see Steven Hyde. He was messy, crude, and gross, but he was a good boyfriend, until he turned into a jerk.
Then, I see Michael Kelso. He was always super handsome, but totally dumb. I can't believe that at one point, I claimed that I would marry him. I mean, really... who's dumb enough to marry their first love?
Finally, I see Donna Pinciotti. Although she didn't go to Point Place High School that year, they still had her graduation picture in the yearbook. Her hair was still red. I remember when I dyed it. I remember when I used to call her a giant. I remember a lot of things about Donna.
I flip to the junior section to find my picture when the front door opens. I look to see who it is. It's my twenty-two year old daughter.
"Molly!" I jump up from the couch and hug her. "Sweetie, where've you been? I haven't seen you in weeks!"
"I've just been down lately. I haven't felt like leaving my apartment much," she replies, shrugging.
"Are you okay?" I ask suspiciously.
"Yeah. I think it's just the weather." She eyes the yearbook. "What's that?"
"One of my high school yearbooks," I say.
"Really?" Molly raises her eyebrows. "Well, I wanna see. I don't think I ever saw you when you were in high school."
"You don't have to. I look exactly the same," I say, smiling to let her know I'm joking. I know I look older.
"Come on, Mom. I wanna see." She grabs the yearbook from me. "What was your last name before you got married?"
"Burkhart," I reply, and Molly flips to the page.
She stares intently at the yearbook. "You were really pretty." She closes the book and smiles, looking back at me. "Yup. Exactly the same."
I smile at her. We hadn't gotten along much in the past few years, but somehow, things were changing. Probably because she found out I was divorcing Paul.
"If people from around here knew me from high school, I'm sure they'd say that you look exactly like me," I say.
She shrugs again, sitting down on the couch, her eyes fixed on the ground. "I saw Aunt Maureen yesterday."
My eyes widen as I hear this. "Did you run into her somewhere, or something?"
"No. I went there." Her eyes don't leave the floor.
"Well... how... how is she?" I ask.
"She's good. Everything's so different, though," Molly comments.
Maureen was my old best friend. We were really close, and Molly and I lived with her for a while, too. In fact, I lived with her before I had Molly. I start thinking about how I met Maureen.
**FLASHBACK TO 1980**
It's January first, and I'm still driving. I'm so mad that Donna could say those things to me. She is so wrong... and I am so mad.
Eventually, I stop at a gas station. As I walk in, I notice a somewhat familiar face at the register.
"Leo?" I ask in disbelief.
"Hey, loud girl!" He waves me over. "What're you doing here?"
"My car was almost out of gas. What about you?" I ask him.
"Wait... is this a gas station?" Leo asks.
"Uh... yeah?" I reply.
"Man, I thought this was a gift shop! No wonder people are always coming in here asking how much diesel is!" Leo claps his hands together as a young guy in a dirty, plain white t-shirt walks out from the back.
"Leo, I just got the..." The guy stops and looks at me. "Well, hello there."
I smile quickly and look back at Leo. "Who's that guy?"
"Him? Oh, that's Hyde, man." He points at the guy in the white t-shirt.
"No, no, that's not Steven, Leo," I say.
"You're right," the guy replies. "It's Riley. Remember, Leo?"
"Oh... yeah!" Leo nods as if he's trying to comprehend something.
Riley shakes his head and then looks back at me. "So, what do you need?"
"$15 on pump two," I say, and then, realizing that I haven't eaten in hours, grab a bag of chips. "These, too."
"That it, babygirl?" Riley asks me, and I nod. "Alright, you're all set. But, hey... Leo and I just got the stash out. You wanna join?"
I nod slowly, thinking back to the circles we had at Eric's. "Sure."
He grins. "Promise not to call the fuzz on us, okay?"
"I won't." I smile as I walk behind the counter, following them into the back room.
0000
I'm really not sure what happened a few hours ago. I just woke up next to Riley on a dirty old mattress in the back of the Citgo. He rolls over to face me. "Babygirl, you've gotta move your car. It's been at pump two all night."
"Oh, um, I will." I stumble out of bed. Circles never used to make me do /that/.
I move my car, and pull in a parking space. Then, I reenter the gas station.
"Um, Riley? Do you know where Leo went?" I ask.
"Nah, I don't think he knows where he is half the time," he says.
"More like all the time," I say, smiling a little bit. Riley is not my type. He looks dirty and gross, worse than Steven. But his face is good-looking, somewhat. And he's not fat. So, I guess I have to lower my standards. And I guess I did, by doing it with him in the back of a gas station.
0000
One month later,
I'm living with Riley. He has a tiny apartment, down the road from the Citgo. Nobody from the Forman household has even attempted to get a hold of me, so I'm trying stop thinking that anybody cares from there.
Today, Riley's going to his best friend Tom's house to fix something up, and he's making me go with him. I honestly don't want to go, but he got really mad when I said I would rather stay home. I would rather go than make him mad, I guess.
Riley and I are on our way to Tom's, in the car.
"So, I'm thinking of finding my own place soon. Or maybe a job. Or both," I say as we're about to pull into Tom's driveway.
"What?" Riley says abruptly. "Why would you do that?"
"Because I need to be on my own for a while, I guess." I shrug.
"So, basically, you're saying you're too big of a slut to be with me?" He shoots me a dirty look.
I get out of the car and he does the same. "No, I'm saying I need to be less dependent on other people."
"By selling yourself on the street? That seems like a good job for you. You know your way around the bed pretty well." He spits on the ground.
"Okay, why are you being a-" I stop talking. Donna's words echo throughout my head. 'You're too selfish... heartless... you think everybody's unworthy... blah, blah, blah.'
"Being a what?" Riley stares at me, shooting daggers. "Why am I being a what, bitch?"
I start shaking, because he never acted this aggressive before. "Riley, please, we're outside."
"Oh, I know you've done worse things outside." He spits again, before staring at me. "What... were... you... going to say?" he asks slowly.
"Nothing," I say, "just that you were kind of being... a dick."
"A dick?" He slaps me. "Stupid whore, you like dicks, so why do you care?" He hits me again, and now he's holding onto me by my neck.
I'm shaking, and I don't know what to do. Before I know it, I hear somebody running out. She's holding a knife.
She comes up to Riley and holds it up to him. "You'd better let go if you know what's good for you, Riley."
He hesistates, before letting go. "Fine, Maureen."
"Why do you gotta be starting trouble around here, Riley? I knew you were a bad kid all along, but beating your girlfriend? We don't live in Hicktown, you know?" She stares at him angrily.
I take a quick look at her. She has messy blonde hair, no makeup on, and a plain white wifebeater is thrown on her body with a pair of sweatpants. And she says we don't live in Hicktown?
Riley opens his mouth to speak, but she stops him. "Go, now! I don't want a kid like you around my house!" Riley runs off to his car, and starts it. I start to follow him, unsure of what to do.
"Honey, what are you doing?" Maureen's voice stops me.
"I-I'm really not sure." I shrug, my voice shaky still.
"Do you have a place to stay?" she asks me.
"Well... no. I was living with him," I say, gesturing towards where Riley's car just took off.
She rolls her eyes. "Of course you were." Then she smiles at me. "I'm Maureen Mancini. Tom's stepmom. Stay with us, if you'd like."
"I'm Jackie," I simply say, somewhat awkwardly.
"You can share a room with Robin for now. She's my daughter. Almost thirteen." She nods towards the house. "Come on, honey, let's go in."
"Thank you," I say graciously.
"Oh, it'll hardly be a difference. In this house we've got... my husband and I, Tom, Robin, Joe, Nick, Tony, and Pete. And now you." Maureen smiles back at me.
"Wait... so that's nine people? In this house?" I ask in disbelief.
"You're smart," she says. "That's good. How old are you?"
"I'm eighteen," I say. "How old are you?"
"Thirty." Maureen walks toward the house.
I look at her in shock. Thirty?
"You're surprised, right?" Maureen asks without even turning around.
"Um, well... a little."
"My husband is eight years older than me, you see. Tom, Joe, Nick, and Tony are from his first marriage, when he was really young. Robin's from when I was younger. Pete's the only one we've got together. He's almost three." She smiles. "What about you? You have any kids? Siblings?"
"No, neither," I say.
"Alright, well, let's get inside, and you can tell me about yourself, Jackie. Sound good?" Maureen asks.
"Yeah. It definitely does," I reply.
**END FLASHBACK**
That was the day I met my best friend, and found a real home. It was when many things ended, like life in Point Place, but new things began. Maureen's family became my family, and it was the best thing ever.
"Mom, are you okay?" Molly asks me.
"Yeah, I'm just... thinking," I say.
"Okay, well, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were, and how everything was. I have a date tonight." Molly stands up.
"A date?" I ask. "Good!" I open my mouth to start to ask her more questions, but she interrupts me.
"Before you bombard me with questions, I really have to go. I'll explain later." She hugs me. "Bye!" Molly shuts the door, and I'm left alone with my thoughts once again.