Authors Note: Well there's a lot I have to say about this chapter but I'll try to keep it brief. It took quite a while to finally get around to uploading it and actually I suppose it's not entirely finished really as I decided to cut it, as I have done consistently, when I saw a good point to do so, so that I could get it up quicker. This may mean that I continue on in a short chapter on 'the act' or I combine it with the beginning of the next chapter I had planned out. Who knows what crazy ol' me will do in the end.
Firstly a little note on the last chapter's main Revelation: L's name. I referred to him in the last chapter simply as 'Lawliet' and left it at that. I know that the name revealed in the 'how to read' volume for the manga reads 'L Lawliet' but I have quite a few issues with that. Most people take that to mean that L's first name actually isjust 'L' and Lawliet is his surname. I had, when I saw the image, made the assumption that the card was meant to be taken as L: Lawliet as in L is Lawliet. However I suppose it's not clear. I can't believe that L's real name actually is L, there's no reason that he should actually have a name consisting of an initial. In any case I decided that his name is just Lawliet and this is his first name and he has no surname.
Thinking about this actually made me speculate on L's past, to the point where (curse my over-active brain) I actually decided to write out what L's past was so that if and when I mentioned it in this fanfic I would have all my facts ready. I put it up here as a fic entitled 'Origins' so feel free to check it out.
Anywho this is the chapter for which my summary gains it's meaning 'writing the last of his secrets upon L's skin' although as I was writing it I realised that this wasn't actually what happened...but the actual secrets on skin events wouldn't make any sense in a summary...
I tried very hard on this chapter and I'm still unsure whether I've achieved the atmosphere I was going for all the way through. It's a little long, considering, and I hope it holds your attention...one of the main things I wanted to consider when writing L and Light together was little things that made up the intensity of the contact so there is quite a lot of just...little touches, I suppose, through this chapter.
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far and taken the time to read this fanfic! It makes me very happy and I expect I will be writing lots more fanfics in the future as I have forgotten how to stop myself.
Please do review, reviews are like apples to me...
Secrets on skin
L stayed in that position for a long time, pressed against his antithesis and equal counterpart, tight against the man whose brain had cried for his blood for the entirety of their acquaintance. The devastating meaning that this fragile moment held was clear to him and he plunged himself into it, bracing himself against the consequences.
The man whose scent he was breathing was the first human being that had made him engage with all his mind and being, made his eyes snap wide and all his attention concentrated, reaching into his black soul and taking him into an obsession. He had drawn them both into a place where they viewed each other with a cold fascination, transfixed as they mirrored each other across the ravine.
He still didn't know how the blood trickled in Light's brain, what instincts still coiled in his heart, what chains still held him. He couldn't be sure, not now, even with his lips pressed against his hot pulse, of what terrible choice Light might make. This was it right now, in this silent room, in this heavy isolation; this was the point of no return. This moment was the last quivering frozen manifestation of uncertainty. It would be over, it would be definite soon, in a few seconds. He didn't dare to move. For the first time he was truly frightened, terrified. For the first time he had something to truly fear, more than his life, more even than the loss of something deep and potent at his core; it was the one true point in his life and existence which all of him felt drawn to. It was the one thing that felt more real than any of the cold dead universe, blazing through furiously.
Neither of them moved; they both sat completely and utterly still. L leant against Light, the other man supporting him, his hands holding his chest up. L felt like he was keeping him breathing, his hands pressing against his lungs and keeping him alive. His breath was so quiet though. His own breath and Light's was the only sound in the room, tiny little breaths that were little more than slight distubances in the air. L was focussed on the silent soft pumping of Light's heart against his hand, the feel of Light's hot skin against his cheek and the feeling of his hands against his chest. The time drew on and still neither of them moved. They both remained paralysed by the terryfying depth of the situation, the gravity of what had just transpired.
Then slowly, very slowly, Light began to move his right hand upwards, barely a millimtre's worth in a minute but L could feel it, even through the fabric of his shirt. His whole body was concentrated on Light, sensitive to even the slightest vibration in his skin; he felt even this tiny movement. Gradually Light's fingers moved up until they reached L's collar and he slid his finger underneath it pulling down while he pushed his thumb into L's collarbone, painfully pressing down the skin and muscle in the hollow underneath it. Slowly L moved his own right hand to Light's shoulder and pushed away from him, drawing out slowly to look into Light's face. He kept his eyes away until the last moment, trailing his journey and keeping his eyes to the side, to the smooth line of Light's throat and neck before finally flicking them up to his face.
He felt heat rush through his body when he met Light's eyes, felt it roar through him and tingle in the tips of his fingers as he fell into those fixed, intense brown eyes. Light's lips trembled as he breathed shakily. Light moved his eyes down, his eyelashes hiding them, his eyes looked dark and determined. His hands pushed L's chest forcefully and L moved, back a little on the bed. Then Light slid his hands down to grasp at the end of the fabric, he coiled his fingers around it and pulled upwards with his left while pressing his right hard against the skin that was slowly being exposed, travelling upward. The action itself could have seemed curious but it was more intent than that, more concentrated, as if Light was trying to unlock him, like he was a riddle that needed to be unravelled, undone and torn open. Cautiously, guided by Light's fingers, he followed their instructions and reached down to clutch at his shirt and then pull it up over his head. He dropped it down onto the floor, where it fell, lightly grey in the dull light and crumpled, and he waited.
His skin looked very white against Lights soft creamy hands, it looked papery, only the resistant way it moulded around the pressure of Light's fingers indicated it's true texture. Light ran his right hand up over L's thin chest, over his slightly protruding ribs, tracing the hard bone with his sharp nails, when his fingers moved on thin red lines remained for a few moments. Lights eyes looked glassy from underneath his lashes but when he raised them his black pupils were sharp and wide.
He drew his hand back and then reached forward extending his index finger toward the left side of L's chest. Slowly he drew it down and then across.
In the shape of an 'L.' Then he moved his hand across to the right a little and began to trace a new formation of little strokes.
The shape of an 'A.'
L felt a small shiver run down his naked, slightly coiled spine as he felt Light writing his name, the action whispering dangerous bloody thoughts in the back of his brain, sending adrenaline and despair through him.
'W' ran its way across his chest, cut in slightly by the scraping of Light's perfectly curved nails against his tender, under-nourished skin.
'L' was painted in heat, the heat of Light's finger against his cold, cold skin. L's chest shook a little against Light's work, as he felt his breathing become harder, rattling in his ribs.
'I.' Light's eyes, those eyes that L had looked into like mirrors so often were too dark, too glassy to see clearly. They shimmered and a slight, pained, twisted smile curled his lips.
'E' actually hurt as Light pressed his nail deep into L's skin.
'T.' Finally drawing a close to the simple word that his flesh had been given. L breathed his shuddering breaths and drew his large questioning eyes back up to meet Light's but Light's eyes were still cast down. He reached out his hand again to grasp L's own hand tightly by the wrist, pressing those fingers into the ridges and hard bumps of L's bones and veins. He pulled L's hand forwards until L's fingers were at Light's chest. Without consciously understanding Light's actions he extended his index instinctively, his mind still running on the actions of a moment ago.
Carefully Light guided L's finger to the left of his chest and drew it down sharply, then up in a hard diagonal line, then back along that stem before being forced to travel in another sharp diagonal angle downwards. L felt his lips part and his heart begin to thud, his mind roar as he felt his fingers spell it out. Finally, conclusively, on skin and sweat and the roaring blood of two young men. That black little constanant that ran forward in L's thoughts to join it's hidden family; that damning 'K.'
He couldn't even think clearly enough to fully view and feel the rest of the letters that Light created through him, viewing them through a haze as the blood pumped in his ears, a raging silence as the sweet confession was drawn out across Light's toned torso. His hand hung limply as Light ran his hot finger over the lines of the I, the R, and the final murderous letter, A, soft and damp with sweat. Then slowly, softly, Light brought L's hand back to his heart, pressing his hot, moist palm against the pumping, trembling flesh.
He put his own hand to L's chest, over L's heart, tenderly curving the soft tips of his fingers around the shivering white skin.
Then they both raised their eyes to meet. For the first time staring straight at each other, straight into each other, with no secrets, no fear or anger or hatred, no boundaries between them, their souls laid bare.
The world seamed to turn around them, all of reality spinning as they came into each other's sharp focus, as their eyes ran back and forth, deep inside and they both found themselves caught in that feeling, both of them holding onto that bond for the first time. Both of them feeling that ecstatic and agonising tug deep within them, that iron grasp.
The sharp, untouchable silence filled the room. They sat motionless, their hands over each other's thudding hearts, bloody, real and true, while their eyes looked right into the quivering pits of each other's souls to draw back again, refracted as if caught by a mirror, back into their own flesh, the stillness of this room, this silence.
Only once before in the entirety of his life, so recently full of strange and intense moments, notions and incidences, had Light known an experience which was comparable to this one. That had been on that night in the helicopter as his hands had taken that notebook form L's delicate and precarious hold. That thin black notebook, so full of trembling potential, bursting with terrifying truth, he had reached for it so eagerly, desperately even. The shadows however that possessed his surface curiosity were only fully defined when the contact was made, shuddering forth into the blazing forefront of his brain. In that moment the knowledge had run into his mind, seeped in through the tips of his fingers from the thin black paper. In that moment he had felt the knowledge consume him, tear his world apart in a violent transformation while his eyes focused, while he saw the truth, while he was completed, while everything changed.
Light and L's eyes stayed transfixed, as the time continued to pass by, their breathing soft and quiet. They didn't even blink.
The night trickled on and they stayed still. Their only motion, only barely discernible movement was to very slightly grow closer, to keep from lengthening the distance between the two of them by even a millimetre. Gradually they lent closer, although they didn't even perceive the movement until the distance was completely closed and their hair was touching each other's faces, their foreheads pressed against each other. Even then they were still only vaguely aware of this.
Neither could have said which of them moved first. Their eyelashes flickered in sync, fluttering against each other and crossing gradually as the distance was completely and utterly claimed and their lips touched.
The contact only lasted a few seconds, a slight touching of their warm lips, before they drew apart again. They opened their eyes again and regarded each other cautiously, their actions and expression a perfect mirror. They both had tensed, their eyes serious, composed, but there was no doubt there, and any uncertainty there might have been was wiped away again with the fresh emotional wave that came as they looked at each other. The first contact was soon confirmed with another kiss and then a few dozen more.
Each kiss was short and warm, with them drawing back in between each one, but as the time passed by in that frozen silence they became more lingering. Light's lips were very smooth and wet while L's, although still warm and pleasant, seamed naturally dry. Light took L's bottom lip between his, massaging it before leaning closer to press his mouth over L's entirely. He turned his head more to lean closer into the kiss, his nose brushing against the side of L's. Light could feel the older man's heart, so hot and furious, beneath his hand, beating in time with his own as L experimented, biting at Light's bottom lip. The motion was carried out very gently so that the smooth ridges of L's white teeth made no mark upon Light's lip other than the sensation itself. Light mimicked this action himself but biting a little bit harder, finding that L's lips very were very resilient, before releasing him to press several quick wet kisses to his lips in quick succession. L lent into the kisses hungrily and his untidy hair brushed against Light's cheek.
Light was aware that the person he was kissing was another man, the knowledge of that and who it was exactly was there in his mind, as a murmur that a had a negative tone, but it was like a memory from the past that was now irrelevant. If anything uncertain stirred within him, a soft male roar of discomfort within his stomach, it was completely eradicated when he drew back and looked into L's eyes again and felt the feeling overwhelm him once more. There was nothing about this situation which seemed wrong to him, with his hand pressed against L's chest, his thumb stroking at the slight definition formed by the thin layer of male muscle under L's skin. Every single tiny particle that made up Light's flesh, every tiny fibre and every single element that made up the entirety of his being was telling him that this was right. That this was completely and utterly right. At this moment his soul and brain ached and sung that L was the only thing that was right, that was absolutely and entirely right to him. That he and L together was the only thing that was right.
It was unexpected, for both of them, but it seamed natural to be touching, to be close, to be sharing warmth and affection. Neither of them had ever been inclined towards this kind of behavour before, neither of them had truly been drawn to any kind of act of physical affection. But their actions followed smoothly now, with no hesitation.
L's right hand ran up Light's chest to stroke at his neck and shoulder, rubbing at the lines of taut tendons along his neck before sliding his fingers round to the back of his head to run his fingers through his soft, short hair. Light moved his hand from L's heart slowly, a little uncertain as he lost the warm vibrations, to move around to L's back and pull the man closer to him. L shifted his weight as he lent into the embrace, twisting his legs underneath himself awkwardly.
Aware of L's small anxious movements Light drew back from the warm heavy kiss reluctantly, placing several quick kisses on L's lips as he pulled back from him. He moved his hands down to slide underneath L's legs and unwind him from his current position. L brought his knees up, leaning back and Light lent forward, between L's legs fitting his body against him comfortably. L wrapped his hands around Light's hips while the young man settled himself and gently ran his delicate white fingers up underneath the thin material of Light's shirt that still hung loose on him.
Light brought his fingers up to stroke at L's bony hips as he took the man's mouth with his own once more drawing long warm kisses out of him. The kisses became more lethargic wet and long as Light leant against L, fitting into the countours of his body perfectly.
L cautiously began to part his lips slightly, moving them coaxingly against Light's who responded gradually, his fingers reaching up to stroke at L's jawline. L tentatively began to slip his tongue upwards as Light kissed him, to stroke at Light's lips and the warm, wet inside of his mouth. At first the contact was brief but it developed, each kiss growing longer. L's long tongue slowly wrapped around Light's as he responded, each of them turning their heads and shifting so that they could lean into this new contact comfortably. The Kisses were now long and deep as they stroked and massaged each other's tongues, L the more dexterous of the two, twisting his tongue around Light's and running the tip along the length of it.
Light's fingers ran down L's spine, over the protruding bones to travel down to stroke at L's hips then up again to his shoulders and then to the back of his neck. He drew back, parting from the kiss, both of them breathing in heavy breaths. His hair hung down messily over his amber eyes which were soft and full of emotion as he stared at L. He ran his fingers over the other man's face, stroking at his cheeks before reaching up to push his L's hair away, it was damp with sweat against his fingers. He lent in again to press soft kisses to L's cheek, moving down to his jawline and then tracing the hot rivers that ran underneath the tight skin of L's neck. He breathed in L's scent as he pressed his face into L's neck. L's long fingers trailed down Light's sides, very lightly so that Light shivered slightly at the contact. He moved his mouth down to L's throat and felt L twist around slightly underneath his wet lips. L turned his head to nuzzle against Light's as the young man carefully navigated the sensitive areas of L's neck.
The way in which L burrowed his face into Light's neck was a natural, strangely playful action. They had provoked and competed with each other before and this seamed to stem from the same source, but this was gentle and inquisitive as they curiously explored each other and took one move after another, nudging the proceedings forward. They imitated each other also, and responded to every action with an equal one. L's teeth finding Light's ear and the tender skin beneath it as Light's tongue started to be employed in the firm kisses against the tingling nerves in L's neck. Light could feel the ripple of muscle contracting underneath the skin of L's neck as he found the most sensitive parts and L's trembling breath echoing hotly in the hollow of his ear.
Light lent closer into L so that his chest was pressed against L's and he could delve further into L's neck. L lent back under Light's weight but the flexible, disjointed nature of his body accommodated Light's position. His body twisted around Light with his back arching so that the two of them were completely caught and constricted by the embrace. L's thighs were wrapped around Light's and holding him tight. L's hands held Light's hips tightly in place moving up only to stroke and press and the small of Light's back, the hard pressure as L pushed his fingers into the soft curve making Light pull in tighter and his muscles lock.
It seemed important to be close, even constrictingly close as they were, with their bodies forced against one another, their muscles trapped. It was very tight but it wasn't painful, the two of them moved and adjusted to one another instinctively and fluidly and Light fitted against L comfortably. The tightness of the coarse denim of L's jeans and the pressure against his abdomen was something that still seamed comfortable to Light as he ran kisses over the soft round of L's shoulder. He let his lips run the length of L's collarbones before returning upwards to press gentle quick kisses over the line of L's throat, then his cheek and face. He paused to stare into L's deep black eyes again, running his fingers delicately over the man's face before leaning in to kiss him again.
The warm, deep kissing continued for a long time, the periods punctuating it becoming more intense and more breathless. These moments were becoming steadily more charged and uncertain as they both became more aware of each other's surely progressing arousal. They didn't fully acknowledge it, it was a warm undercurrent of emotion and a single physical element to the contact that they were exploring. They were both warm and comfortable and enjoying the sensations of the moment, neither of them felt inclined to recognise the growing heat and tension rooted in between their thighs. However as time progressed it became a feeling that was difficult to ignore; the atmosphere was slowly changing completely, chameleon-like, scale by scale, and the heat was washing over them. The heat ran down through every point where they were skin to skin, down to their tight, entangled limbs where they were caught, pelvis to pelvis but separated by thick constricting material.
They caught each other's breath in between the kisses when they paused to let each wave of fresh changing emotion wash over them and examine each other for their response. L's fingers caressed the back of Light's neck in the soft, barely noticeable way that the man seamed to have perfected over the course of this night. It was similar to the way in which L manipulated his fingers to every purpose, with as little output as possible to great effect; in this case his fingers grazed Light's skin only lightly but this only made Light's nerves strain harder, even more sensitive against this slight touch. L's fingers stroked at the fair hairs at the nape of Light's neck and travelled down the man's back sending minute shivers through him.
Light pressed a couple of soft kisses to L's lips then stayed still, watching him, searching his eyes uncertainly. A certain look of questioning was present in the eyes of both men. Light ran his hands down over L's hips, gently slipping his fingers underneath the waistband of L's jeans. L looked up at him with a smooth, innocent and contemplative expression. He looked very young at that moment, although Light knew that L was not that old and the gap between them never seamed that great. L's eyes were wide, calm but disconcerted as if he wasn't sure where the centre of his earth was, the compass-point that guided him. He looked almost doll-like with his smooth white skin, his lips slightly parted, a single tone with the porcelain of his face, his eyes shining black glass. He seamed very uncertain but he ran his fingers over Light's face in a deep, curious manor and then lent upward to take the man's lips in a trembling kiss.
They broke apart and Light slowly untangled himself from L who let him withdraw from his embrace reluctantly, not letting him go until the last possible moment. Light stood up and after glancing at the clock briefly began to remove his remaining clothes, first casting off his already loose shirt. L surveyed him from the bed with his unblinking eyes, bringing up his knees to rest his arms upon them and watch Light as he undressed. He kept his knees tight and put his fingers to his face, to his lips as he watched Light remove first his belt, then his trousers then his underwear, and in the absence of any furniture within the small isolated chamber and under the keenness of L's gaze let them lie upon the floor. L ran his fingers over his lips and lent back against the wall.
Aren't I a tease? In any case I hope you did enjoy this chapter and it wasn't too long and that it flows well when reading (I'm never sure although I try to read through a lot.) Look forward to the next chapter and feel free to check out Origins if you want something to fill your time.