The alternate lines; they ran underneath, completely parallel to the external actions and verbal exchanges
Authors Note: It is now Thursday morning and in the night Light and L have formulated a plan which they intend to execute to clear Light from suspicion.
However they aren't going to execute it in this chapter, no, this chapters is just more fluff and a dash of angst and a tiny bit of shmexy.
Also you may not know the plan because you must enjoy it as it happens. ;) In complete ignorance.
I kinda failed towards the end…
Please review yada yada yada
Secrets and Games and Power
It was a position that Light would never have predicted himself to be in, not even within all the tempesting possibilities of an infinite ever-expanding universe. But now two minds were coiled around one another and there was too much communication, too much knowledge binding them now for either of them to ever tear their own sublime intelligence away. They had let their thoughts run and now they were too intrinsically interwoven to separate. They were at a point so close now that their thoughts ran along simultaneous lines. They were at a point now where it was more than resemblance between them; they had bled into one another. They were almost one single unit.
Light had spent his whole life in emotional isolation, riding society exclusively upon the surface. He had never had any inclination to bring himself down into the lower levels, into the depths of contact. But now L lay beside him, the man given into a comfortable sleep, for the second time in two days, lulled by the warmth of Light's body.
Light liked to run his fingers softly over his sleeping lover, gliding his fingers over the white skin that no one else had ever touched. Under his touch L began to stir, his black eyelashes fluttering and the charcoal lines parting slowly to reveal the glittering whites and vast shimmering pupils. He watched the other man silently as Light continued to stroke his back and side, lingering over the hips. He stroked over a small black beauty spot that adorned the pure white skin, a solitary mark at the top of L's inner thigh.
"You're so beautiful," Light whispered gently. This statement provoked a sharp and rough noise; a sarcastic and startled cough and a smile twisting L's lips.
"I did not take Light as a man who could be so sentimental," he replied. Light smiled as he took his thumb to stroke at the curve on the inside of L's hip bone.
"I am being sincere," he said in a soft, careless voice, "I don't see an issue in voicing sentiments and opinions I believe in."
"Then Light truly believes that I am 'beautiful'?" L queried, the smile still upon his lips.
"Of course," Light said, with a wider smile, "why? Do you take issue with the effeminate connotations of the adjective?"
"No," L answered. He turned over so that he lay on his his front with his only his head turned to watch Light, propped up by his arm. Light moved to kiss the back of L's neck. L's tousled hair brushed against his face as his lips took the sensitive place at the nape of the man's neck. Stretching his arms from underneath himself L reached out to the bedside table where Light's silver watch lay and took it into his hands.
Light trailed kisses down L's back, over the man's shoulder blades, while the detective carefully twisted and pulled until with a mechanical sound of metal scraping over metal the back slid out. L delicately picked up the small piece of paper upon which was written the name: Kyosuke Higuchi in careful kanji, the lines a shade of dull brown like rust. L had a strange impulse to lick the thin sheet; he desired to taste his lover's blood. Instead he turned the subtle slip of immediate execution around between his fingers.
"Which death note did this come from?" He asked thoughtfully.
"My original notebook: the one you now have in your possession." Light answered as he sat up to lean over L and begin to massage the man's back.
"So if I encountered Ryuk now I wouldn't be able to see him," L said sadly. Light chuckled and he pushed his hands into L's tightly wound muscles.
"He'd be flattered to know you're so eager to meet him."
"This piece isn't from the tear in the book though," said L, "It- uhh," he moaned as Light's fingers pressed into the small of his back making his body tense and arch. Involuntarily L stretched out his toes and then curling them tightly. Light breathed something like the ghost of a laugh, a satisfied noise that fell hot on L's skin. His hands ran along the nerves up to rub at L's shoulders. L sank into the pillows once more and sighed as Light worked this new area. After a few moments he continued, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow, "it isn't the right shape."
"No, of course," Light replied, "I used to take out whole pages and I tore that piece from a separate page so that the book would be entirely intact."
"Then...I believe Rem must have torn out that piece, to contact Misa…after all how else did Misa know who was playing Kira and how to extract a confession?"
"Yes," Light murmured, "Yes you're probably right."
"It is a good sign," L said as he replaced the small piece of paper in the metal casing and pushed the watch back onto the table, "it indicates that we have assessed everything correctly and that our plan should succeed."
"Yes," Light replied softly. There was a short silence before L spoke again.
"I don't know what kind of agreement we can reach together exactly Light, once we are beyond this."
"No," answered Light, his voice low while his fingers stroked carefully.
"I'd hope that I could make you understand my point of view, just a little," L said slowly and quietly.
"We are both very selfish people L," Light said curving his fingertips over the man's pale skin, the nails just resting upon the surface, "we'd both have it our way if we could." Light ran his hands down to clasp the older man's waist and stroke softly where the flesh curved inward.
"But," he continued, "there are things that each of us know that the other does not, a different perspective, different experience. I swore I would make an agreement with you, that the two of us would reach a compromise. I listened to you and I will open myself to you if you do the same for me. We may both be arrogant bastards Lawliet but we can recognise the ability in each other. I respect you, I admire you, you are probably the only person upon this earth whose opinions and ideals I would consider."
"Yes," L replied, he turned his head again, burrowing into the pillow, "We are both so stubborn Light and the matter at hand is one of life and death, it is one of a monumental scale. We cannot pretend that it is not. I do not want to have my principles challenged and I know you do not. Everything fits so well in my mind now that it is unnerving to think how it must be pushed forward, how I must consider other, terrible, radical and extreme options. But it is also…" L hesitated for a moment but then decided to proceed, "exciting.
It is a cold thrill to think of pushing myself further than I have ever considered. There is this small part of me, this small empty part you see, so I know that I cannot be complete, I am not entirely certain. I told Light I have doubts. It is painful to even think about pursuing them but I know I must. And if I do then I will be more complete, then I can be more certain. I can be better." Light's fingers had stopped their work and L felt the other man lean forward to rest his body against L's.
"Do you understand what I mean Light?" L asked him. There was a very long silence before Light replied.
"I know there are issues with the path I have chosen. I know there are huge problems, conflicts within the ideology, within my method. I would not call it flawed as I could not bear to imply something so fundamental but yes, yes I realise that I cannot describe it as absolute. It is not perfect. There are aching issues.
But, even so the core of what I am doing seems right and so real and true that I cannot deny it! It is my cause and I must pursue it! I don't want to fight you L," Light turned his head to press his face into L's neck, to crush his lips against the man's cheek, "it hurts me to think about how we must discuss this, to fight over this, so painfully. It will be so hard and so painful for us to pick at one another and each dismantle ourselves. I almost we didn't have to, that we could just be together but I know that can never be. We are not the type of men who can sit still and let the world be, to exist within it and not want to be a force affecting it. And I would not have it any other way.
It is the drive, the conviction, the intelegence and the power that I love in you L, even if we have approached the world from a different angle and found ourselves opposing. I know that we can do this because at times we can be so close and I am willing to do what must be done. I am willing to examine myself. I am willing to reconsider things. No matter how hard and painful that is." He pushed back L's hair and kissed at the man's neck.
"And," he whispered, "I have a new cause in which I feel absolutely certain in, one which I could never deny or renounce, one that I feel is right, down to the core. It is a double edged blade but with the pain and the wounds and the dissection there still comes the thrill.
L, you and I together, working together, is something that excites every tingling cell of my brain. Even through a discomforting mist that clouds my view of the future I feel the thrill at the concept of you and I together. There is so much we can achieve, there will be so much that we shall do. Together.
Secrets and games and power shared between us. There is nothing I feel that I could desire, nothing that I need and want more than that. It seems so right and real so I know that you and I will find a way. Because that future, that concept cannot be denied."
Light lifted himself off of L, shifting to the side to lie beside his lover and L tuned to his side also to face the beautiful young mass murderer. Light reached out to stroke the side of L's face and push back the dark black hairs. L's large wide eyes watched him with that unusual curious quality.
"It's strange," L murmured at length as Light's fingers caressed him, "that I crave physical contact with you so much. It is your mind that I am in love with, it shouldn't matter whether we touch or not."
"I can't imagine a scenario though in which, if we pursued a friendship, that we would not touch," Light replied, "even if we did not proceed this far so swiftly I imagine that we would still feel inclined to touch, even if only subtle brief contact that seems appropriate within a friendship. And inevitably that touch would have progressed, I can't imagine the two of us not drawing closer physically, not touching more."
"Why?" L asked, his voice high with genuine surprise. Light frowned.
"Doesn't our relationship now seam natural and right to you?" he asked in return to L's question.
"Of course," L replied, "but that does not mean I would say that it was necessarily inevitable."
"I wouldn't say that either, in the wide scope of things, but if we were, under any other circumstances pursuing a friendship then…I really would say that eventually it would develop into something much more physical."
"Why?" L said again.
"Why not?" Light threw back beginning to feel a little irritated and even upset by L's impression of these matters.
"Neither of us consider ourselves to be homosexual," L argued calmly.
"I would consider sexuality a difficult matter for either of us to define about ourselves," Light replied, "it is irrelevant in this case. We both find each other attractive; that is the simple fact of the matter."
"I will not lie and say that Light is not a very handsome young man," L replied softly, "but I cannot say that I felt attracted to him when I first met him, or during the investigation."
"I was referring to different circumstances," Light said, "but..I feel that what there is between us is something that has developed." L brought his hand up to play with the blankets.
"Would Light really say that on some level he has always considered me attractive?" Light gave a throaty sigh and shifted uncomfortably. He glared at the difficult man before him, fixing his gaze entirely.
"L you and I from the beginning have been obsessed with each other. It was a mental thing but we are human and it easily blurred into a physical matter."
"So easily?" L muttered, almost to himself before turning his large eyes back to Light, "what attracts me to Light is his mind, what draws us together is this bond between us, I would call it an intimacy between our souls but…" L reached out to stroke the side of Light's face then run his fingers down the man's throat and chest, "I find you so attractive, to touch seems so very important. This is not something I ever imagined I would feel, not under any circumstances."
Light smiled.
"I understand," he whispered moving across the bed to lean over and kiss L's throat lovingly, "but I don't see what is concerning you."
"What does Light consider 'beautiful' about me?" L asked, finally.
Light stared at the man lying beneath him, at the large thoughtful eyes, at the dark sprawling hair and the awkward limbs that wound about him. It was an impossible question. If Light refocused he could almost say when he found L to look most beautiful.
He loved how L looked when he was thinking, he loved the mocking, almost cruel way L would smile, but he thought he definitely had a favourite. He didn't think that anything could be more beautiful than the sight of L with sweat upon his skin, with his hair damp and tousled and his lips parted as he whimpered and moaned. He almost felt certainty when he had L in his arms, their bodies as close as they could be, as they pleasured one another. He thought that the sight of L trembling and arching, his body tightening and a gasping moan rattling his shivering chest as he climaxed had to be the most beautiful thing upon this earth. He would think so at the time but then he wouldn't be so sure once the tremors had subsided and then L would lie beside him, his breath gradually slowing, his body so limp and wet. Then he would open his eyes to look at his friend and Light thought that really L was most beautiful at this moment.
He smiled softly as he looked down at the detective and whispered,
"everything." L stared back at his friend with his cold, cynical eyes but reached up to push back Light's golden brown hair from his young handsome features.
Well that was a rubbish end to the chapter wasn't it? Forgive me for it, I kinda lost my way…It also seems as though L changes the subject rather swiftly but well L says whatever's on his mind no matter how cutting, deep or even superficial.
I think L is beautiful.
Just a quick note about names; Light calls L 'L' when they're along for the majority of the time because 'Lawliet' is still so secret that he doesn't feel it's appropriate to use all the time, especially as he might get used to it and then let it slip, no matter how unlikely that is. He calls him Lawliet now and again though for emphasis.
And while I'm on the subject I will always refer to Light as Light, never 'Raito' because I believe his name is 'Light.' I wouldn't write anything else differently just to indicate the japanese accent so why should his name be any different? In the same manner I don't refer to L as 'Eru' all the time. If other people want to refer to him as 'Raito' in fanfiction n stuff well fine but I'm personally not keen on it.
Anyway next chapter the plan will go into action and hopefully by the one after that the Kira case can get closed. That is, as I don't get too involved in more long conversations, which I probably will.
One more thing I should say before people get maybe too excited by what is to come. I think some people misinterpreted my last ending note…Misa will not die. However she will…well…you'll see. ;)