Chapter Four
Wednesday
A/N: Yay an update :D. I'm sorry this took a bit longer to come out than the last chapter. There were issues involving a temperamental laptop and the only way I could access internet was on my iPhone but that's all boring. The main thing is that I now have a fully functional computer and internet access. Yay!
I am so shocked at how much you guys are enjoying this. I know I said it in my last A/N but still I had to say thank you again for all the support you guys have dished out. Really it helps so much especially when you're staring at a blank page with a blank mind. I do have a specific thank you to doll out though.
This chapter is for sweetdreams1. Thank you so much for being a sound board for me, for letting me talk to you about my ideas and guiding me through an epic mind melt down in which I smoked half a packet of cigarettes and ate a whole bar of chocolate. Without you this story would be very different and I would be no where near as satisfied with it so thank you so much.
Oh and warnings ahoy. There are limes ahead. How naughty of me :D Enjoy them!
"What was that?" I yelped in panic. I gripped the arm rests of my too small seat and glanced around nervously.
"Jake calm down! If you break the seat they will make us pay for it," Bella giggled. I glared at her but did not release my death grip on the arm rests. A loud whirring noise started to my left and my heart began pounding ridiculously fast. I wasn't sure if I could have a heart attack, being a werewolf and all, but my heart was making a decent attempt.
"I can't believe your laughing at me. You're supposed to be my loving, supporting wife and you're laughing at me," I growled at her. Bella had the biggest shit eating grin on her face and I could see the laughter shaking her shoulders.
"I can't believe you're scared of flying. Seriously Jake, the plane is safer than the car trip to the airport," Bella scoffed, but she put one hand over my knuckles which were white with the amount of force I was using to hold on. The plane wasn't even moving yet. How the hell was I going to hang on for three hours?
"That's what they want you to think," I grumbled. A loud rattling noise just about did me in before I realized it was the drinks cart being pushed by a leggy brunette in an air hostess uniform.
"Hi, would you like a pre flight drink?" she asked me with a smile, all cheery and polite. Nothing had ever sounded better.
"Yes. Bourbon, now!" I ordered her. She looked a little startled but gave me the tiny bottle of amber liquid and a plastic cup before hurrying off. Bella watched me in disbelief as I stuffed the plastic cup into the little trash can next to my chair and guzzled the entire contents of the bottle in one go.
"Hey if the plane crashes-" Bella started.
"If? What do you mean if? The plane can't crash right? It won't crash! Why did I let you talk me into this? We should have taken The Rabbit," I moaned. One of the passengers in the seat across the aisle looked at me like I was crazy but I didn't care one little bit. I kept picturing all of those movies I had seen of planes crashing in a fiery ball of death. That was so not helping the situation but I couldn't stop my self. I fidgeted nervously in my seat. I just wanted off this death trap. Or another bottle of bourbon regardless of the fact that they were seven bucks each and had no affect what so ever.
"Jake look at me," Bella said her tone authoritative with no hint of the laughter from before. I glanced over at her and she reached up and ran her fingers through my hair over and over. Her nails scraped my scalp and it felt amazing. Plus it was distracting. I closed my eyes and I felt Bella's breath on my face.
"Its ok, calm down" she whispered and kissed my cheek "Nothing is going to happen were just going to sit here for a few hours and we will be fine. It's ok." Bella kept up a stream of reassurances and slowly, under her touch, I began to relax a little. I felt her pull the empty bottle from my fingers.
Charlie and Billy had surprised us by paying for a honeymoon to California as our wedding gift. Neither of us had seen it coming and we were more than a little shocked. I couldn't figure out how they had pulled the money together so fast, especially seeing as Bella and I had had no choice but to accept help from them to pay for Bella's medical expenses too. At first we had tried to refuse, but they said that if we didn't go they would, so we might as well use it. I was stupid enough to think we would be taking a road trip. I felt a sudden strong vibration beneath my legs and my eyes snapped open. Bella's fingers had left my hair and the fear came rushing back.
The air hostess' were going through the safety routine telling you what to do in an emergency. This was not helping me. I had always known I felt uneasy about flying but I had no idea I would be this terrified. I can take down a snarling, blood thirsty vampire without batting an eyelash but something as normal as getting on a plane had me shaking in my boots, literally. Bella's hands were at my waist buckling my seat belt.
"Its ok, you're ok," she whispered and held my hand. I concentrated on that, tracing her new wedding band with nervous fingers. The plane began to move but before I could really freak out, Bella's hand was in my hair again, soft and reassuring. As the plane began powering up she ignored the flight attendant's requests to stay seated up right and lent over, kissing my cheek, my jaw. I reached out for her with one hand but still held on to the seat for dear life with the other.
I ran my hand down her spine and closed my eyes again. I shut out the plane and my world became Bella. Her skin was so soft where her shirt rode up a little, exposing her lower back. Her clean addictive scent washed over me and I took deep breaths of it, trying to force myself to calm down. I could feel her hair brushing my face and her full lips whispering against the corner of my mouth.
"I'm here Jake. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."
"Are you gonna share?"
"Nope," Bella said happily, licking her ice cream. I swallowed hard as I watched her pink tongue run over her lips. She hummed a little moan of contentment. She watched my face while she sucked a finger that had melted ice cream on it into her mouth. Ice creams had officially become sexy.
"Come on it looks really good," I begged watching her lick the vanilla ice cream cone again.
"It is really good," Bella teased. She grinned at me and I knew she knew I wasn't talking about the ice cream any more. I lent over the small table to kiss her and her strawberry taste was all vanilla now. I could feel her smiling under my mouth and sneakily I reached over and stole her ice cream.
"Hey!" she protested as I leant back with my prize "No fair you distracted me!"
"We all have to play our strengths. It's not my fault you can't resist me," I laughed at her and quickly devoured the treat. Bella glared at me but I could tell she didn't really mind. She turned her face away from me so I could only see her profile and she closed her eyes, soaking up the warm sun that shone down on us. Even though it was only early spring the California sun was hot to me.
Kids were running around screaming, high on sugar and excitement. Parents scolded them loudly, people were laughing and singing. The ice cream stand's music was blaringly loud but I tuned all of that out. I listened to Bella's heart as she basked in the sun. It was strong and steady. She took a deep breath and exhaled long and loud. She ran a hand over her fore arm, her nails scratching her skin lightly. She was humming softly, matching the ice cream stand's jingle. Bella was my soundtrack. She opened her eyes and stretched out her slim arms.
"I can't believe were here. I always wanted to come here when I was little," Bella told me, watching as I crumpled up the ice cream's wrapper. She rested her elbows on the table and lent her chin on her hands. She had a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on and she looked absolutely adorable.
"I still can't believe you're wearing those," I teased her, reaching over and tugging on the ears. She swatted my hands away.
"Were at Disney Land everyone is wearing them," she said defensively. She pouted a little but it just added to the cuteness. I wish I had a camera with me. I would have to buy one of those disposable ones in the souvenir shop.
"Yeah all the children are wearing them," I pointed out with a laugh, gesturing to the kids running around the tables, all of them wearing the same ears as her.
"Shut up, I look fabulous," Bella informed me, sticking her tongue out.
"Yeah, you do," I replied honestly. I reached out and grabbed her hand, scooting my chair closer to hers. I kissed my way up her arm watching her face, loving the blush that was starting to stain her cheeks. It was so Bella.
"You," I kissed her shoulder.
"Look," my lips grazed her neck and she shivered in the sun.
"Absolutely," my tongue darted out, tasting her jaw line.
"Amazing," I finished and kissed her mouth again. She laughed when I pulled back and wrapped her arms round my neck. She lent forward, her chest crushed against mine, our legs tangled together under the table.
"Wanna go on a ride?" I joked, raising my eyebrows suggestively at her. Her mouth fell open in mock offense, catching my none to subtle innuendo. She poked a finger into my chest but kept the other arm around my neck. I wrapped long fingers round her waist and pulled her closer to me. Her chair scraped loudly on the concrete.
"Jacob Black, we are surrounded by children," she scolded me, her voice serious but her eyes were laughing.
"Well we have a very comfortable, very children free hotel room," I informed her, leaning down to kiss her neck again. I loved the way she always quivered when ever I kissed her there. Her fingers ran over my shoulders, pushing gently. I pulled back.
"But I wanna go on the tea cups," she said. Now it was my turn to pretend to be offended.
"You would rather go on the tea cups, again, than go back to the hotel with someone as handsome, sexy, talented and-"
"Modest?" Bella supplied cheekily, her fingers on my face now running over my cheek bones.
"You are so mean," I said, playing along. I leant into her touch and Bella kissed me again. I held back a groan when I felt her lightly nip my bottom lip with her teeth. I leant forward to deepen the kiss but suddenly I felt Bella pulling back, untangling her body from mine. She stood up and held out her hand. I took it, twining our fingers together and we walked away from the ice cream cart. She had a huge happy smile on her face.
"Were not going back to the hotel room are we?" I asked speculatively, letting her pull me along through the crowds in the opposite direction of the car park.
"Nope," she laughed shaking her head.
"Were going back to those damn tea cups aren't we?"
"You got it!" Bella was smiling at me over her shoulder, the sun making her seem golden and even more beautiful than ever. Her eyes were wide and excited but more importantly she looked healthy. She looked the healthiest I had seen her in a long time.
"But we have been on them five times already," I protested but my heart wasn't really in it. She chuckled at me and looked so full of life I couldn't help the small blossom of hope I felt in my chest. Maybe laugher really was the best medicine. Maybe, just maybe there was a small chance we would get through this even if it meant riding those bloody tea cups for the sixth time in one day.
I stood on the balcony of our hotel room staring up at the stars that pricked the sky. I couldn't sleep despite having spent all day at Disney Land and all evening wrapped up in Bella's arms. I glanced back through the glass sliding door to the bed and could see Bella's pale legs tangled up in cream sheets. Her breathing was soft and steady. I sat down at the small wooden table and fiddled with the plastic ashtray that was on it.
The wind was cool at night but I hadn't bothered with a shirt or shoes. The moon shone brightly down onto the balcony making even my russet skin seem washed out and my wedding band glinted brightly in the white light. I let go of the ashtray and grabbed my wallet that I had tossed onto the table earlier and opened it up shuffling through receipts and the odd note until I found what I was looking for.
Gently I pulled the small, dog eared photograph that I always kept in my wallet into the moon's pale light. I traced the face smiling up at me with my fingers. My mom grinned back at me. She was laughing at my dad when he took this photo of me and her. We had been painting my bed room and gotten paint all over ourselves. My mom was holding me, her chin resting on top of my head, both of our faces splattered with blue paint. I was nine. She had died two weeks later.
"I wish you could have known Bella now mom," I whispered to the photograph. My mom kept smiling at me.
"I think you would have liked her. She makes me so happy and she can cook really well so that's a plus," I told her with a small laugh. I closed my eyes and for a moment I could see her as clearly as if she was standing next to me right now. Her hair always smelt like flowers and she was laughing. Mom was always laughing and happy when I thought of her but never speaking. I think that was because I couldn't really remember the sound of her voice anymore. But I would always remember the way she laughed. I opened my eyes and the picture was blurry.
"I miss you mom," I told the photo and swallowed the lump in my throat. I bit my lip to try and distract myself from the sting in my eyes.
"Jacob?"
I gasped and turned toward the glass door. Bella was standing there, wearing my shirt which came almost to her knees. She padded toward me quietly on bare feet. I reached out an arm and she sat on my lap. She didn't say anything for a moment just glanced down at the photo in my hand.
"Is that your mom?" she asked in a hushed voice. I nodded and she gently pulled the photograph out of my grasp. She studied it for several long minutes, her brows coming together in her over thinking face.
"Do you remember her at all? She was always there when you stayed over night with the twins," I asked her softly, playing with the long locks of hair the spilled down her back. I could feel a lot of loose strands of her hair come away in my fingers but I kept that fact to myself.
"I can't remember her but I know I met her," Bella said in a low whisper "She's beautiful."
"Yeah she was," I agreed. I stared at the photo in Bella's hand. Mom had her arms wrapped across my shoulders and I was waving at the camera. There was paint in both our hair. Bella's little fingers ran over my nine year old face.
"Do you remember the car crash?" she breathed, looking away from the picture. The question took me by surprise and I sucked in a deep breath. I hadn't thought about the crash in several years. I supposed it was a good thing but it felt like sacrilege to forget anything about my mom, even the way she died.
"Bits and pieces. Mostly it comes back in nightmares but I don't have them as much anymore," I admitted slowly "I used to remember more but not so much now that I'm older I guess."
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I understand if it's too much," she murmured and kissed my temple. I shook my head slowly.
"It's ok. I just never really spoke about it before. Not even to dad," I took the photo out of Bella's hand and tried to smooth the curling edges down with a big thumb. It didn't work. Bella's hand was behind my neck and she kissed the juncture between my neck and shoulder softly. I pulled her closer and she rested her head on my chest, her ear over my heart.
"We were going somewhere. I think mom was dropping me off at Embry's place because it was raining really hard. She was singing to the radio, she always did that even though she wasn't very good. It was a Beatles song that day; Hello Goodbye. Every time I hear that song it reminds me of her. That's what I remember the clearest. She was still singing when the horn blared and next thing I know we were going side ways. I don't remember the truck hitting us just…a metal screeching. Then there is nothing but blackness. I woke up in the hospital with a broken arm," I told her my voice much more calm than I felt. I didn't know how to describe the rush of fear I had felt that made the whole world slow to a crawl or the agonizing pain of having my left arm trapped under heavy metal so I didn't try to tell her. It didn't matter anyway.
"I'm so sorry Jacob" Bella whispered into my chest. I placed the photograph on the wooden table, face down. It hurt too look at for too long.
"It's ok," I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes. I debated with myself whether or not to continue. Bella and I had no secrets, but we had never spoken about this before. I bit my lip hard before taking the plunge. I could taste blood in my mouth.
"For a long time I felt like it was my fault you know. If I hadn't had wanted to go to Embry's then she wouldn't of died," I admitted quietly, voicing the one thing about the accident that no one knew. For years I had been convinced if I hadn't wanted to go out my mom wouldn't have died. I still wasn't so sure that that wasn't true. Bella's head lifted off my chest and I turned my face away from hers.
"Jake it was an accident. It wasn't your fault; it could have happened to any one," Bella explained, her hands on my face, her eyes tight and worried.
"Sure, sure," I shrugged. I felt Bella's little hands pull on my jaw and I let her tilt my face downwards.
"No I mean it. It wasn't your fault," Bella insisted her face imploring.
"How do you know?" my voice cracked a little as I asked her. Bella kissed me gently her fingers caressed my neck with feather light strokes. The air between us was needy and desperate.
"You can't control everything in life. Sometimes it's just your time. But you didn't cause the accident. Jacob you didn't kill your mother," she explained against my mouth. I rested my forehead against hers. Her heart was thudding fast and so was mine.
"Is that how you feel?" I sighed as she kissed me again with more force. I wrapped both arms around her waist, pulling her into my body and she straddled me, her shirt riding up her bare thighs. She looked so beautiful in the moon light and so human with her flushed cheeks and heaving breath. I couldn't loose her, I just couldn't.
"What do you mean?" Bella asked her brows coming together in confusion. I didn't respond straight away. Instead I ran my hands down her back. I nipped her neck gently with my teeth and I felt her head fall back and she let loose a small throaty moan. I wanted to taste all of her. I needed to feel all of her. The absolute necessity to touch every part of her burned in my veins. Her hands ran down my chest and they left fire in their wake.
"When it's your time, then it's your time and you can't change that," I ground out as I explored her collarbone with my mouth. I kissed her pale skin and felt so unbelievably satisfied when she moaned again. I caused that, just me. I was the only one who could make her react like that, even now.
"Yes," she groaned softly as one of my hands roamed across her milky thigh. She gasped when my other hand snaked its way under her shirt and gently rolled her nipple between two fingers. I could smell her and she always smelt so sweet but now she smelt sweet and warm and ready.
"Are you scared?" I kissed her other breast through her shirt, grazing the nipple with my teeth. Her hips bucked involuntarily, grinding her pelvis into mine. We both let out a strangled moan at the pressure. My whole body throbbed with want for her.
"No," she breathed her hands in my hair. She arched into my touch as I kissed her harden nipple again.
"Why not?" I asked her and I tried not to whine as she pulled back from me. She licked her lips and took a few moments to answer me.
"Because I'm never scared when I'm with you. You make me feel safe. You always protect me. You would never leave me alone," she said openly and honestly. I shook my head at her because I knew that wasn't true. I couldn't protect her from everything and that fact killed me.
"But I can't protect you from death. At least not this kind of death," I said and my throat felt hot and tight for the second time this evening. Bella's hand wrapped around my neck and she kissed me again. Her mouth left mine and her lips kissed their way along my jaw and down my neck. I wrapped a large hand into her hair.
"Yes you can. Just by being there you're protecting me. By loving me and kissing me and holding me. You make me feel warm Jake. Warm and alive," her voice was tight now and her hands dropped to the top of my sweat pants. She lifted her head and when she looked at me I felt my breath catch. I felt like I could see right into her and she could see all of me. She was my soul mate and god I loved her so much.
"I'll always keep you warm," I promised her. I grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her hard with crushing force and she met me at every step, her thighs wrapping around my middle. We tumbled out of the wooden chair onto the balcony's chilly tiles.
"I love you Bells."
"I love you too Jacob."
We made love on the balcony floor and Bella never once mentioned the cold. I would always keep her warm.
I glared at the grey sky out of the window. It was our last day of our honeymoon and we were supposed to go to the beach but instead we had woken up to pouring rain. Bells had shrugged it off and we had lain in bed all day watching movies, making out and eating room service. But I was still annoyed we hadn't been able to go because I knew Bella had been looking forward to it. Plus I was missing out on perving on her in a bikini. Instead I was being forced to watch Batman and Robin.
"Batman is so hot," Bella giggled staring at the TV screen. I watched George Clooney sucker punch some bad guys and I frowned at her.
"I didn't know you were into latex Bells," I joked "Should I be worried?"
"I'm not into latex," Bella mumbled, flushing a bright red. I chuckled at her and grabbed another handful of popcorn shoving it into my mouth in one go.
"I dunno. I bet if he wasn't wearing that suit you wouldn't be all gaga over him," I teased her with my mouth full.
"Oh come on its George Clooney. He is always hot latex or not," Bella laughed, gesturing at the screen as Batman and Robin ran around on screen in their ridiculously tight superhero outfits.
"George Clooney is like fifty or something. How is that attractive?" I scoffed as Clooney jumped from rooftop to rooftop. I could so do that in real life, Clooney would just splatter all over the pavement.
"He's like a fine wine. He gets better with age," Bella sighed. I raised my eyebrows at her in disbelief and she grinned at me sheepishly.
"That's not something you're supposed to tell me Bells! Ugh I'm having mental images of you with a wrinkly old man," I moaned, reaching up and pretending to claw my eyes out. Bella sat up on the bed cross legged and managed to look suspicious and pleased all in one go.
"Oh what are you jealous?" she asked, running her fingers up my fore arm.
"No!" I protested much more loudly than I probably should of.
"Oh my god you are jealous!" Bella laughed clapping a hand across her mouth and dissolving into a fit of hysterics.
"Why would I be jealous of a movie star?" I grumbled, glaring at the screen again. This was all Clooney's fault. Those abs so weren't real, I could totally take that guy down. Bella composed herself and reached out grabbing my hand.
"You're so cute," she whispered grinning at me. I turned away from the screen as Bella kissed my hand. She was lying on her side now completely ignoring the TV. She was wearing one of my shirts again and a pair of sweat pants and even in that she looked amazing.
"So are you," I told her and she smiled awkwardly. She scooted closer to me and I kissed her forehead. She wrapped a slim arm over my waist; her finger's working their way under my shirt, tickling my side. I kissed her hair, taking in her wonderful scent. I was just about to suggest that we turn off the movie so I could show her just how much better I was than Clooney when she opened her mouth.
"Do we have anything left to drink?" she asked, looking up at me from the crook of my shoulder. I reached over to the bedside and only found empty glasses.
"I'll go get something," I sighed, untangling myself from her.
"Just order it," Bella said, reaching out to me as I slid off the bed. I grinned at her over my shoulder. Knowing my luck just as we were bout to muck about there would be a knock on the door.
"Nah it'll take too long. Besides I'll give you some alone time with your boyfriend," I teased, ducking as she threw a pillow at me. I had to duck another one on the way to the door.
I waited impatiently in the cramped elevator that was not built with seven foot tall people in mind. I stabbed the L key as if that would make it go faster. Finally with a ding I was down stairs. I crossed the empty foyer; my foot falls echoing and ducked my head to get through the door way of the little gift shop. Seriously what was with this hotel and it obvious hatred of tall people, I thought as I went straight for the fridge and dug out two cokes from the back.
As I made my way up to the register I felt that burning feeling on the back of my neck that you get when you know someone is watching you. I stopped in the middle of the aisle and looked behind me. I could see through the glass walls of the gift shop that the lobby was empty aside from the workers at the concierge desk. I rubbed the back of my neck; sure that someone had been there. The only person in the gift shop was the check out chick who had ear buds in and was reading some celebrity gossip magazine.
I started walking to the register again when something in the toy section caught my eye. With a grin I pulled a plastic batman mask off the hook it was hanging on. This was perfect; Bella would go nuts when she saw this. Fantasies of busting in wearing the mask and Bella falling into my arms came to mind and I bit my lip so as to not start giggling like a school girl. I reached the counter pulling out my wallet to pay for the cokes and the mask. As I was taking my stuff I felt that watching feeling again and it was really getting on my nerves. I spun on my heel expecting to find someone behind me but again the gift shop was empty.
I walked across the lobby again glancing around but saw no one. I shrugged it off; I was probably just imagining things. I rounded the corner to the elevators. I pushed the up button and as I waited I ripped the price tag off the mask. I heard the ding of the elevator as it arrived and was just about to step into it when it hit me. That scent that I would never forget. Sickly sweet and burning like sugar and bleach mixed together. It smelt like decaying flesh and so unnaturally wrong. The urge to phase flooded through my veins as I turned to my left. It took me a full ten seconds to process what I was seeing.
Edward Cullen stood not five feet away from me.
"Hello Jacob," Edward said politely. I was not polite in the least.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I spat my whole body shaking. The wolf in me kept zeroing in on the wrongness of everything about him. The fact that he hadn't changed in the tiniest bit in the five years since I had seen him last. The way his skin glowed preternaturally in the florescent lighting of the hallway. The sick, unnatural way he moved, pretending to blink and breathe and be alive. The wolf in me howled, begging me to phase to rip, to tear, to kill the predator. He took a step toward me and I skidded backwards.
"Back off," I growled at him. Edward stopped and gestured to the floor. The batman mask was on the floor and was completely crumpled. I must have crushed it in my hands and dropped it in shock.
"I only wanted to return your mask to you," Edward explained. His voice was like nails on a chalk board and it made my skin crawl. I didn't pick up the mask.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked again. Edward's expression changed from politeness to agony in less time than it took me to blink. He had stopped pretending to breathe, he wasn't even moving. The wolf in me was growling non stop; wrong, evil, unnatural, kill him, kill him, protect Bella, kill him…
"I'm not here to fight you Jacob. And I'm not here to hurt Bella. You don't need to protect her from me," Edward said quietly. Damn him, the mind reading blood sucker. I watched Cullen as he glanced upwards and closed his eyes. It took me a moment to realize what he was doing. He was listening to her, his face in the exact direction of mine and Bella's room seven floors above us.
"Don't you even think about it," I threatened. There was no way he was going up there, barging in on my wife on our honeymoon. I would kill him before he even took one step in her direction. Edward's eyes snapped open and he glanced down at my left hand, clutching the sodas.
"Honeymoon?" he asked incredulously "She married you?"
"Don't look so surprised leech," I spat but he didn't look surprised at all. Instead Edward looked betrayed, hurt. I still couldn't figure out why he was here and the wolf inside me was starting to make more and more sense. He shouldn't be here, destroy him, protect her, the wolf whispered. With extreme effort I pushed that voice away.
"So you've learnt some self control mutt," Edward sneered, the polite facade dropping away. I turned away from him. I wasn't dealing with this. I pushed the button for the elevator again.
"I was in Forks yesterday-" Edward started but I cut him off.
"What?" I asked in shock, turning back toward him. How had I not known about this? Why hadn't someone called me, picked up his scent on patrol? I would kill Embry when I got back; he was supposed to be filling in for me while I was gone.
"I stayed well away from the treaty line. Your pack never saw me," Edward explaining, picking my brain.
"Stay out of my head," I growled.
"I try, but you are loud Jacob. Its like you're screaming at me," Edward spoke to me like I was a five year old. I narrowed my eyes at him fantasized about reaching over and smashing his face into the concrete wall beside us. Edward didn't give me the satisfaction of responding to my unvoiced threat.
"Alice had a vision. It was hazy but I had to come back just to make sure. I overheard Charlie's thoughts but…Charlie has never been the easiest person to read. I did mange to pick out the address of this hotel though," Edward said quietly. I bristled at this.
"You had no right to be anywhere near Charlie," I snapped at him. Edward gave no sign that he had even heard me. I felt my shoulders tremble and a heat travel down my spine. The urge to phase was getting stronger and stronger with every passing second.
"Is it true?" Cullen asked, his eyes burning into mine.
"Is what true?" I asked totally bewildered. He wasn't making any sense. I reached out and stabbed the elevator button again.
"Is Bella sick? Charlie, he was thinking about funeral arrangements," Cullen muttered softly.
Oh.
I stopped stabbing the elevator button and glanced over at him. His eyes looked like they were on fire, his face twisted into a mask of grief. All it did was make him look even more inhuman, even more unnatural. I took a deep breath.
"She has leukemia," I sighed. I dint know why I was telling him. It was none of his business. Edward sucked in a deep breath that he didn't need and nodded but I didn't know if he was nodding in agreement with my thoughts or not. Probably not.
"Is there any hope for her or…" he trailed off but I knew what he was thinking even with out the ability to read minds. I sucked on my teeth for a moment before replying.
"The doctors reckon she's got maybe a year at the very most," I said quietly and winced. That was the first time I had ever said it out loud and hearing it in my voice made it seem disturbingly real. I turned my face away from Edward and studied the coke cans in my hand.
"I shouldn't have left her," Edward whispered. I jerked my head up.
"You didn't, she left you. There's a difference leech. Besides you couldn't have stopped this. Not even Doctor Fang could have stopped it," I barked at him. Edward shook his head slowly and muttered something under his breath so quietly that even I with my supernatural hearing couldn't pick out what he had said.
"What was that?" I snapped at him.
"I could have stopped it. I can stop it now," Edward said sounding hollow and lifeless. He was looking at me again and his eyes were still on fire his face all twisted and repulsed like he had just swallowed something bitter.
"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, suspiciously.
"She…if she had stayed with me she wouldn't be human just now. She wouldn't be able to get sick," Edward whispered. I don't recall dropping the coke cans but I heard them hissing when they dropped to the floor, soda spilling everywhere. I slammed into Cullen, grabbing him by the scruff of the neck, pinning him to the concrete wall. It cracked under the force.
"Don't you dare even say that. Don't even think it," I snarled, inches from his face. I expected to feel ice cold hands forcing me away but that didn't happen.
"I don't want that. I've never wanted that. But it could save her, you know that," Edward explained, his voice desperate.
"That's not saving her, that's killing her now instead of dying in a year. Either way she would still be dead," I hissed and I saw a glimmer of anger in Cullen's eyes.
"Only to you," he spat and with that I lost the last remnants of self control. I pushed him away from the wall onto the floor. It cracked as well. I knelt over him and wrapped a large hand round his throat and he let me do it. My skin seemed even darker than normal next to his whiteness. I squeezed hard but still Edward didn't stop me. I remember Bella telling me he went to Italy to die when he thought she had committed suicide. Well if he still wanted that I would be more than happy to oblige.
"You stay the fuck away from her. You come to Forks again and I will end you," I promised him and I meant every word. I would violate the treaty to end this self centered, blood sucking bastard. I heard the elevator ding and I let go of his throat and strode into it, not waiting for him to reply. I cracked the plastic button for my floor with the force I used to press it. Edward was still sprawled on the floor, soda staining his shirt, but I caught the last words he said to me before the doors slid shut.
"You know it would save her."
When I got back to the hotel room and Bella asked me why I didn't have any drinks and I lied and said they were sold out.
"Did you bring me back a present?" Claire asked jumping up and down. Quil had been looking after our place while we were away and I could see they had made their selves at home. Shoes and plastic jewelry were strewn all over the floor next to several pretend make up kits. Hannah Montana was singing on the television.
"Give them a second Claire-bear, they just got home," Quil scolded her, although the effect was ruined by the huge smile he gave her. I dumped Bella's suitcase next to the couch. Bella reached into her purse and gave Claire the Minnie Mouse ears she had bought for her. The six and a half year old squealed and jumped up and down before putting them on her head.
"Do I look pretty Quil?" the little girl asked, twirling on the spot.
"Of course! You always look pretty," Quil assured his imprint. Bella plopped down onto the couch with a sigh. I lent over the arm of the chair and kissed her.
"Can you keep Claire entertained for a few minutes? I gotta talk to the Pack real quick," I asked her.
"Sure, sure take your time," Bella replied holding out her hand. I slipped my wedding band off and gave it to her so it wouldn't be completely destroyed when I phased. I kicked off my shoes and Quil followed me out the back door. I stripped off my shirt and dropped it on the grass as we made our way to the tree line.
"Is everyone already phased?" I asked as we entered the forest. Quil nodded and we both undid our pants and left them on the ground rather than tying them to our ankles. I forced my mind to go blank, suppressing Jacob and letting the wolf in me rise to the surface and take over. I felt a familiar ripple of heat travel down my spine and in the blink of an eye I found myself on four legs. We sprinted into the forest.
Hey Jake welcome back man (I'm freaking hungry, how long is this stupid meeting gonna take).
How was the honeymoon?
How much furniture did you to break? And be honest!
(Kim looked mad this morning I wonder what I've done now) Did you go to Disney Land? Man I wished I couldn't have gone.
I was bombarded with the onslaught of questions and voices and desires that I had to shake my massive head for a moment to separate my thoughts from theirs. I didn't bother to answer any questions just now.
Let's meet at the clearing near the little river that runs near the treaty line, I ordered and felt my pack brothers all race to the chosen destination. Everyone else was much closer than me and Quil so when we arrived everyone was already lounging around next to the stream. Seth was half in the stream drinking big gulps of ice cold water. It was strange to see him drinking in front of me and be able to see through his eyes at the same time.
Ok, what's been happening since I've been gone, I asked glancing around at the seven wolves in front of me. I shook my head again to get out of Seth's.
Brady finally lost his virginity, Seth quipped lifting his head out of the water.
Shut up Seth, Brady yelled and tried desperately to distract his mind but not before everyone saw the flash of long dark hair and the touch of soft, skilled fingers followed swiftly by the strong feeling of embarrassment.
Welcome to the rank of man Brady, Embry thought, his laughter echoing in his mind. It was really the only way to laugh as a wolf, remembering your own laugher. We could feel the humor but could only really laugh by thinking about laughing as a human.
I meant have you picked up on any bloodsuckers you idiots, I grumbled. I had no idea how Sam had dealt with being Alpha for so long. It just about killed me. I heaved a sigh and sat back on my haunches. The flight back was playing on my mind and it had not been fun. Turbulence sucks.
Big fat nothing same as always, Paul sneered at me sounding bored. Seriously why are we all here? The vamps cleared out years ago and they aren't coming back.
Oh really? I snapped, Edward Cullen was in Forks two days ago and you guys missed him. He was sneaking around Charlie's place, that's how he knew where me and Bella were. How could you miss something like that?
Whoa, no way (Shit I was patrolling at night two days ago. I'm so dead).
Are you serious?
What do you mean he knew where you were?
That can't be true we would have caught him (rip them to shreds, tear them to pieces).
How do you know, Embry asked me. His thoughts were nervous. He had been in control while I was gone and he had missed the one leech that had passed through the area in four years. I didn't bother to answer his question I just replayed the scene in the hotel lobby for them to see. I couldn't hold back the anger than I had felt at the time and it bled into the pack mind. For the first time since becoming a werewolf I experienced total silence while everyone was phased. It was quickly followed by the loudest pandemonium I had ever hear while phased.
What the fuck?, Jared's voice rang through my head.
He wanted to change her? That's messed up. (Flashes of Bella with pale white skin and bright red eyes)
Wrong, it's so wrong.
(A shrieking sound as teeth pulled a white arm from its socket).
What an asshole.
How could he say that? (How did I miss him, reeking blood sucker).
Is he still here? (Kill them, filthy leeches, kill them all).
Who's supposed to be on patrol just now, I asked forced to use my Alpha's voice to cut through the din.
Me and Seth, Colin replied. I could feel his extreme disgust at the thought of Bella being changed. Colin and Brady had both phased for the first time two days after the Cullen's had left. They weren't around for the newborn battle but the thoughts they had picked out of their brother's heads, along with the instinctual bone deep hatred, had led to a heightened uneasiness regarding newborns. They had both only seen one vampire before and still weren't used to the thought of people being changed. The fact that Bella had been willing to change at one point disturbed them both to no end.
Ok I want heavy patrols for the next week at least. We have to make sure that Cullen isn't snooping around here. Seth, Colin you two finish your patrol but Paul and Jared go with them. I'll call Rachael and Kim to let them know where you are. Me, Brady, Quil and Embry will take over for you at night fall. And make sure you check out Forks as well.
But Forks isn't in our territory, Brady pointed out.
I don't care. If Cullen is here I want to know about it ok? I replied, and you're to keep this quiet. I mean it. Don't tell your imprints, don't tell your parents and especially don't tell Bella.
Are you sure you wanna keep this a secret from Bella? Jared asked gently. I knew I should tell Bella but I just couldn't. She was finally starting to seem better and I was terrified that if she knew Edward was around she would freak out.
I will tell her but just not now. She will understand, I explained. I could feel the others doubt but I ignored it.
I'll be back here at night fall. Get going. Four of the wolves slunk off into the forest. I turned and headed back toward home. I could feel my brothers fanning out, paws thumping along the mossy earth.
What will we do if we find him here? Quil asked, speaking for the first time since we had phased. I snorted aloud.
Destroy him, I answered. I felt Quil's mind recoil in shock.
But what about the treaty? Embry asked his voice barley above a whisper in my mind. I could feel his chagrin at his mistake. I didn't blame him; Cullen had been far outside of our territory. But that didn't change anything. In my eyes Cullen had threatened Bella. He didn't deserve to be protected by a promise that was almost a hundred years old.
Fuck the treaty I snarled before phasing. I walked back the rest of the way alone.
"Hey I'm home!" I called out as I walked through the front door. I dropped the mail and my car keys on the little table in the hallway. I stifled a huge yawn as I wandered into the kitchen. I had just finished a double shift at Dowling's and had to head out to patrol in an hour. We had been home for three weeks and hadn't seen Edward once. I wasn't loosing hope though.
"Bells, you here?" I yelled out as I stuck my head into the fridge. I grabbed the cheese slices and closed the door. I heard the padding of bare feet and looked up as Bella came round the corner from our bedroom, the cordless phone in her hand. I smiled at her and jumped up to sit on the kitchen counter. I stuffed a cheese slice into my mouth greedily. Bella sighed placing the phone back on the hook and came into the kitchen holding out her hand.
"Give me those," Bella scolded.
"Get your own cheese," I mumbled through another slice. Bella rolled her eyes and grabbed the bread out of the bread bin.
"If your hungry I'll make you a sandwich silly," she said, her hand still outstretched.
"With ham and mustard?" I asked hopefully.
"Sure if you want," Bella said with a shrug. I jumped down and gave her the cheese, kissing her shoulder.
"You're the best Bells," I told her. I leant on the pantry door and watched her work.
"I called the school," Bella said quietly as she spread mustard on the bread. I didn't say anything, knowing if I asked it would take longer for her to spit it out. Bella always clamped up when ever you asked her about serious things. It was better to let her get it out in her own time.
"I asked them to cut me down to three days a week," she said softly, not looking up from the sandwiches. I grabbed a plate and set it down next to her.
"Are you sure you can do three days? Dr Tikvah was saying it might be better if you took some time off," I said gently. I knew this was hard for Bella. She loved her job; she was always telling me stories about her students and the other teachers.
"I know but teaching is the one thing I do really well. It's the only way I can make a difference in people lives. I don't want to give it up just yet. Besides we need the money," Bella replied, piling the sandwiches onto my plate. She reached up and grabbed a glass from the over head cupboard.
"You make a difference in my life every day," I told her, opening the fridge and handing her the orange juice. Bella snorted as she filled the glass.
"You're prejudiced. You have to say stuff like that," Bella said as she ducked past me and returned the bottle to the fridge. She grabbed the plate and passed it to me.
"No it's true. If you were not here then I'd have to live like an animal, drinking out of the milk carton and living of cheese slices," I told her stuffing a whole sandwich into my mouth. I reached for another one and Bella turned to face the counter, scuffing her bare toes at a small tear in the linoleum.
"Dr Tikvah called today," she told me. In response I promptly started choking. I forced myself to swallow the bread and ham down. Dr Tikvah never called us at home except for one reason. And it was always bad.
"What's happened?" I coughed. I had been so sure she had been getting better. She slept better at night and could make it through the whole day without napping. She was eating better, gaining weight. Bella bit her lip which did not comfort me at all. I put the plate down and turned her around to face me wrapping my arms over her shoulders. Her skin was cold.
"She said my white blood cell count was up," Bella whispered, her hands clutching my upper arms. She was shaking and still sucking on her lip. That doesn't make sense, I thought, if her white blood cell count is up then it means she is getting better.
"But that's a good thing," I pointed out slowly "Right?"
"Yeah it is. She said that my life expectancy is a year and a half now not ten months," Bells admitted shyly.
"Then why are you so worried? This is great news!" I asked, pulling back, my hands still on her shoulders. The little prick of hope I had felt in my chest the past month became full blown. I knew I was right, I knew she could beat this. Bella shook her head at me.
"Every time they do a blood draw to test my white blood cells they do other tests as well. It's a standard procedure. And well this time something was different," Bella explained.
"Something different as in something bad?" I asked my momentary elation flooding out of my body.
"I don't think so. I mean I don't know," Bella said avoiding my eyes. No, this wasn't happening, not again. Why was it that every time something good happened it was swiftly followed by something horrendous?
"Ok Bells I'm going crazy here. Can you please just tell me what's going on?" I begged exasperatedly. Bella looked up at me and took a deep breath. This was going to be bad I just knew it. I could feel it in my bones. I didn't know how much more I could take.
"I'm pregnant" Bella said quietly. That was the last thing I expected.
"What?" I spluttered, my mouth falling open in shock.
"They always do a pregnancy test with every blood draw and it came back positive," Bella told me. I opened my mouth to reply and then shut it again. Pregnant? Bella couldn't be pregnant. We had been told the chemo would pretty much render her infertile. But not completely infertile, a small part of my brain whispered.
"Are you sure?" I asked eventually.
"Yeah the blood test confirmed it" Bella nodded. Her fingers were playing with the sleeve of my work shirt, pulling on a loose thread. My mind that had been going on overdrive just twenty seconds ago was now completely and totally blank. All I could think was one word; Pregnant.
"Shit," I muttered.
"That's what I said" Bella replied, raising her eyebrows at me.
"I bet Dr. Tikvah was shocked" I managed to get out. Hell I was shocked.
"Yeah she was," Bella agreed with a little smile. I ran a thumb across her cheekbone and she closed her eyes. She grabbed my hand and kissed my thumb gently.
"What are we gonna do?" I asked her. I couldn't imagine having a baby in our lives just now. Sure I had thought about it over the years but I had always assumed that it was a distant responsibility buried somewhere far into the future. When I had found out Bella was ill I had completely forgotten about the possibility of us having children.
"I don't know. It's going to be difficult," Bella sighed opening her deep brown eyes.
"That's an understatement," I scoffed. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth. If Bella kept the baby then she would have to stop treatment right? You couldn't have chemo while you were pregnant it would damage the baby. But if she stopped chemo then all the progress that Bella had made so far would be lost.
"If you keep it, won't you have to stop chemo?" I asked, studying her face closely.
"Yeah I will," Bella replied her voice small. She knew where I was going with this.
"And what did Dr Tikvah say about that?" I inquired. Bella fidgeted a little under my gaze but she didn't look away. Her voice was steady and calm when she answered me.
"She said if I do stay pregnant and stop the chemo then it decreases my chances of staying alive from a year and a half to eight months" she said confirming my fears. I felt a stab of torturous pain in my chest. Keep the baby and loose Bella quicker. Don't keep the baby and we both loose our first child.
"Maybe…maybe we shouldn't keep it then Bells," I said gently, ignoring the hurt at suggesting such a thing.
"I can't do that Jake," Bella's voice was still so sure and she shook her head at me again.
"Eight months isn't even enough time for you to be full term Bells. You will die if you keep it," I told her. I had to make sure she understood what she was doing. I wanted to protect her but it didn't seem to matter what I did she was always left in a vulnerable position.
"I'm going to die anyway! I know it is selfish but I couldn't help but to think that if I had this baby then some part of me will still be left behind for Charlie and Renee. And more importantly, for you," Bella insisted her hand traveling up my arms, linking behind my neck.
I felt my face crumple. This was too much; this decision was too big for me. I took a shaky breath and rubbed a hand over my eyes. I didn't know what to do. But I couldn't stand the thought of Bella trying to carry a child when it would most likely kill her.
"Don't you want him?" Bella interrupted my train of thought. I removed my hand and looked down at her. Her eyes were huge and sad. They sparkled with unshed tears and it broke my heart.
"Bells of course I want him. But not if it costs me you," I explained carefully. Bella meant the world to me and the thought of giving her up for a faceless, nameless baby, even if he was my own, hurt me beyond words. What she said suddenly filtered through my brain. A boy?
"It's a boy?" I asked in disbelief glancing down at her flat abdomen. I couldn't see a bump or anything; didn't she have to be further along before they could tell that stuff? Then again I had zero experience with pregnancy except for one hellish night in which I had had to drive Emily to the hospital when her water broke. Sam had been screaming at me the entire to drive faster and Emily had been crying.
"I don't know but I feel like it will be a boy," Bella whispered, dropping her hand to her tummy. She gave me a funny look before grabbing my hand and placing it over her tummy instead. I don't know if it was normal or the fact that I had a fair bit of supernatural in my blood but for a second I thought I felt the tiny flutter of a new heart. Bella smiled at me and her finger's twined with mine over her belly.
"I can do this Jake. Please I want him; I want us to have a family even if I'm only in the family for a little while," she begged softly. That was my one weakness and she knew it. I could never refuse her when she begged me like that. I kissed her gently, keeping my hand pressed against her belly and the little heart fluttered again.
"Ok Bells," I whispered against her mouth.
I was shell shocked and more than a little scared but found out I was going to become a father on a Wednesday.