Thoughts That Count
Episode 4 Part 6
Ezra
"Mm! You're lucky. My cooking is always better the next day. I make really good left overs," I joked as we sat on the floor of my apartment. She giggled, trying not to choke on the food in her mouth, "Don't laugh. No, seriously. The pesto will get up your nose, we'll need the… Jaws of life in here," I laughed.
She did too. The way her hair shook when she laughed made me smile. She was so beautiful.
I put my head down, sobering up, "I'm sorry. About what happened in class. I was mad at you for walking out of here. Its stupid, but… I was. Going after Sperling like that… not my finest hour as a teacher." In retrospect, the chance of ever having such a horrible moment again was probably slim. I'd really screwed up.
"Well, you're right. I… am a fixer when it comes to my family. And I'm the one planning and negotiating. Just trying to keep things together and keep things solid."
"What are you afraid of? I asked. There was something more than just her anger at her father, and I wanted to know, to help her.
"That things will change, but… that's not really helping is it? Its just trying to keep things frozen."
I understood what she meant. Like I was trying to keep us frozen, putting her at arms length, but I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to bring her in and fid out what we were.
"It's human nature to try and hold onto things," I reassured her.
"I feel like my Aunt Ruth," She said, rolling her eyes, "She had her pet cat stuffed when he died. And you walk in her house and… there's mugsy on the piano."
"Oh god," I whispered through a chuckle.
"He's just there and she talks to him. I mean there's not really much difference between mugsy alive and mugsy stuffed. I mean, he's… a cat. Aunt Ruth, she's really happy, but… the rest of us are kind of creeped out." I smiled. It all kind of made sense. "I can't fix this. And if its gonna be fixed, then… they're just going to have to do it themselves. You know, all I can do is-is tell the truth or otherwise I could lose the both of them."
I nodded kindly. She had figured it out for herself. She wasn't a child and I never should have treated her as such, but we were here now, and everything was right.
"I have to go," she said suddenly, "Do you need help cleaning up?"
I was caught off guard. I wasn't ready for her to go, "Uh…. You could… stay." It sounded more like a question then an offer. I stood with her, hoping I could keep her here even just for a few more minutes.
She sighed, "No, I have to go talk to my mom."
"You're sure about that?" I checked, even though I knew she was making the right decision.
"Yeah, I'm sure," I nodded in return and watched her leave my apartment for the second time in 24 hours. This time our parting was bittersweet, but I knew I would find her here again.