[CHAPTER 4]
He woke with a start. With a loud ramble he tried to move again, but received only hot, searing pain shooting jerks through his body. He so hated that.
He had no idea what the time was nor day, it felt like eternity for him. And only thing he could think of was to make it end once and for all...
He looked at the knife that lay on bedside table.
"What if I...? I'd be finally free... I'll be dead anyways, so what's the difference?"
He reached a trembling hand towards the table... He wouldn't be found sooner than landlord came after the payment. And then Tim wouldn't be able to do anything to him anymore... He'd add free... Finally free... Completely free...
"tell me would you kill to save for a life? tell me would you kill to prove you're right?"
He kept holding this temptation in his hands. It'd be so easy. Just a small movements on the right places and all his problems would disappear... He touched the shiny blade...
"i feel numb... i can't come to life... i feel like i'm frozen in time..."
So easy just to let it go...
Just one swift motion...
And he'd be saved...
"livin in a world so cold...wasting away...livin in a shell with no soul since you've gone away...livin in a world so cold...counting the days...since you've gone away, you've gone away..."
He played with the blade wondering how'd that be...
If he just...
Just...
Was he afraid?
Was he scared to take it all away?
But why?
There was nothing left to loose...
"i just don't want to hear it anymore... i swear i never meant to let it die... i just don't care about you anymore... "
It felt so weird. But it's the remedy he was looking for...
Flick!
And it was all...
Hot searing pain spread out along the hot liquid burning his skin and tingling slowly, letting out his power of life, the energy...
It was a feeling he was never supposed to feel. But he did. It was never meant to happen, not that soon...
Flick!
Once more. He led out the same feeling letting it to crawl onto his skin spraying out its crimson life...
It didn't feel that bad at all...
"took a ride to the end of the lane... where no one ever goes... ended up on a broken train with nobody i know... but the pain and the longings the same when you're dying... now i'm lost and i'm screaming for help alone..."
He played with the blade licking the blood off... It tasted same, metalic taste seeped into his soul...
Then he reached over and grabbed something from under the bed. It was a bottle of his old bronze buddy. He looked at it then put it to his lips and drunk it all empty slowly enjoying the moment...
"more than this... whatever it is... baby i hate days like this... when it rain rain rains..."
He put the bottle down and took his new shiny friend again...
The feeling of freedom was too close, too overwhelming...
So he put the blade along the blue-ish lining along his arm and pushed it deep into his skin pouring out the scarlett shade...
"it took me back to the end... of everything... i taste it all, i taste it all... the tears again... outside the rain's fallin down... there's not a drop that hits me... scream at the sky but no sound is leaving my lips..."