Chapter 20

He looked like he was drained and couldn't keep his eyes open. It made me worry and made my heart began to ache. This made me realize that I might have made a bad decision; somehow it felt like being with Randy was going to be more trouble than it's worth. I looked up at Randy to tell him to go and I'd be there later on, but what would he say? I guess I'm going to find out.

I said "Go ahead, I'll be there later."

He waited a few minutes seeing if I needed him anyway, only I didn't and I showed it in my eyes. He believed me after a few minutes kissing me lightly and heading on in. I looked over at John who was watching me closely trying to find a piece of him left me in.

I walked over to him slowly scared to get to close. It seemed like if I did, I'd get pushed away and he'd walk off. Right now, I can't handle that. He looked away slowly trying to find something else to look at instead of me. Before he moved his eyes, I could tell they were sad.

I said "Hey."

He asked "What do you want?"

I said "Don't be mad at me."

He said "I'm not mad just done."

I asked "What do you mean done?"

He said "With you and trying to be with you."

I looked down at the ground trying to hold my tears back. If he saw them then he'll think I'm weak and I am alittle. Instead I moved closer to him, slowly putting my hand to his face. I started to caress his cheek, but he moved my hand away and started walking in the hotel.

I looked for a minutes, stunned and hurt at the same time. I felt my feet move before I even told them to. I was trying to catch up to him.

I said "John wait a minute."

I reached for his arm, but he moved it away quickly and walked away leaving me there in the middle of the lobby with tears sliding off my face watching him walk away. All I want is to crawl in a ball and cry forever.

Minutes seemed to pass before I even moved from that spot, I walked to my room quickly by passing people left and right. I didn't care who they were all I needed was to get to my room and hope Randy was there.

The way he treated me mad me so angry that I wanted to punch a wall so bad that my hand began to pour blood. I caught the elevator doors before they shut and pushed my floor. There was only a man and woman on here this time.

The elevator finally dinged after 15 minutes had passed. I ran to my room ready to see him. I guess if I saw him it would make me hurry and get over what happened between me and John. Only this time my heart didn't leap it just beated normal.

I walked in slowly looking around like a mice looking for food. I shut the door slowly biting my lip and walking forward. I saw him looming over the bed unpacking his suit case. I moved forward to lean on the door frame and watch him.

I said "I always thought you threw them in both the suitcase."

He looked back giving me a sweet smile and dropping the blue dress that he was folding. He came over quickly wrapping his arms around me and picking me up so I was his level. I leaned down kissing him passionately.

The rest came naturally; I silently prayed that the night of passion would make me forget all about John and his attitude. Only when I woke up at 6 in the morning, I didn't forget it still remained in the back of my mind repeating the conversation over and over.

I didn't move from Randy's warm arm across my belly, the feeling was different now. It wasn't the cold chills I hoped that would come. Maybe that would be easier. His warm breath was on my forehead softly.

Do I love this man? Do I want a life with this man? Do I want kids, marriage, place together? The questions seemed to roll off my mind quickly. I didn't find the answers I wanted when I began to think. I felt a small tear leave my eye; I moved his arm slowly to his side trying not to wake him up. Hopefully I wouldn't wake him.

I walked in to the bathroom grabbing a pair of light blue jeans, a nice black tank top. I walked in the bathroom feeling the cold tiles on my feet as I moved over to the counter putting my clothes on the counter and turning on the shower.

I hopped in showering quickly and getting out. My belly began to growl softly telling me that it's time for breakfast. Maybe John would be there, my hopes began to rise as did my adrenaline. The adrenaline made me rush to put my clothes on d fix my hair so that it was curly at the ends.

I didn't bother with the make-up, I didn't feel the need to and I need to get out of here before my mind along with my stomach begin to go into overdrive. When I came out I saw he was still sleeping the same way he was when I left for the shower.

I left a note on the pillow and hurried out searching every corner until I got the elevator. Not yet, I guess he's down stairs; I pressed the elevator waiting for that ding. I was ready to get down there; I needed to get down there.

The elevator dinged and I hopped on pressing the ground floor, music played softly. It sounded like jazz in a way. They played something that everybody hated to make it fair. It was fair and responsible I guess.

The elevator dinged softly as I got off Dave got on giving me a sweet smile. I waved at him before running off to the breakfast room hoping John would be there, only when I came in the room he wasn't there.

My heart suddenly became empty and drained now. All the excitement instantly went away being replaced with sadness. Sadness always gave me no warning or anything, it just shows up. I wonder if it's like that for all people.

I moved forward picking up five pancakes, four coffees, and a nice cinnamon pretzel for me. I knew I'd be in the gym today, so what the harm right? I waited at a nice little table that sat across from the bad entrance. I could see people sitting at the bar talking and laughing. I looked straight ahead and there was ….

John sat with a small drink in front of him and a bottle of beer next to the cup slowly drinking it. My heart wanted to go and talk to him or try. But my mind screamed no because of the way he treated me earlier this evening.

Only my mind got so mad that I started walking forward even though I didn't command my feet to. He didn't even look up at me; I saw how bad his face was. Huge bags under his eyes, tired look that made him almost fall into the cup of booze. It made me feel bad almost made me cry.

I said "John."

He asked "What you want?"

I said "I can help you upstairs come on."

He didn't really have a choice since he was too tired to even speak anymore. So I put one arm around my shoulder and had the cafeteria bring it up to his room as I walked out. The blame and guilty replaced the angry.

We passed people everywhere now trying to get a room and being impatience at the same time as they waited. I shook my head at the people who were being rude; I hated those people it seemed so mean to the desk clerks trying to go as fast as they can.

I could hear John whispering, but I couldn't hear him. It made me smile in a way because it looked cute when he whispered. It seemed forever before we got to his room, when I entered the entire room was a mess, beer bottles everywhere you looked along with pizza boxes and bags all over the case in the living room. The bedroom was a different story; it had clothes everywhere on dresser, a chair the bed.

I sat him down in the chair and began making room for him on the bed. Gosh this is a mess. That's all I could think of saying right now. I finally got down and place him in the bed covering him up softly and moving over to the phone.

I called the maid service and called for an order around 5 or I walked into the mini kitchen grabbing a cup of water and then grabbed a bottle of aspirins that sat on the counter next to the microwave.

I sat them both down gentle bedside table, I wanted to kiss him, but I stopped something said it wasn't the time right now. Instead I backed away and walked out trying to hold all my tears back.

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