Another crack fic...lmao I'm thinking this would be more along the lines of 'Homophobic Tendencies' except on obvious crack...lol I don't want to ruin the twist so I'll just let you read and decide for yourself. :)

A Woman's Touch

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Dante rolled over on the couch with a deep huff as he again heard the phone go off. Some asshole had been calling over and over again. By the third time Dante figured he should probably get up and answer it.

By the time it rang the fifth time though he really knew he should've picked it up.

It was lucky number seven though that finally made him move from the couch.

"Devrmacry," he mumbled through a yawn.

"Dante?!"

"Yah?" He responded not immediately recognizing the female voice on the other end.

"It's Kyrie."

"Oh, hey there sweetness. What can I do for you?"

"Is Nero there with you?" Kyrie asked, and it was the first time Dante noted that something was off in her tone.

"Uhh, no, haven't seen the kid in a while. Isn't he there with you?"

"No. I went to his bedroom to wake him up yesterday morning, but he wasn't there. I thought maybe he went out hunting since we have some lingering demons left over from the hell gates that he's been working to clear. I didn't start really worrying until I woke up this morning to find he still hadn't come home." Kyrie said with a bit of a nervous tremble to her voice. "I don't know where he could be, and I didn't know who else to call."

"Hey now. You know you can call me anytime. Don't worry your pretty little head over this, I'll find the kid." Dante offered with a calm, yet sleepy tone. He could tell Kyrie was worried, and even found him self a bit anxious that Nero had gone for two days without telling anyone where he was going. Especially Kyrie.

"Thanks Dante. I'll keep calling around here, and remain in the house to see if he comes back. Call me if you find anything, OK?"

"Sure thing darlin'. Call me if he comes home."

He waited to hear her 'goodbye' before he hung up the phone. He stared blankly around the place as he tried to think of where Nero could've possibly gotten to. It was so unlike Nero to leave Kyrie without a word, to the point it unnerved Dante. He didn't bother with a shower or change of clothes as he stretched before going to throw his boots on. He was still in the clothes from the day before, because he'd been too tired when he got home to even make it further than the couch.

By the time his second boot was about to be tied he heard a sudden knock on the door. He jumped, thinking that maybe it was Nero, which would save him a lot of time and energy once he ripped the kid a new one for scaring Kyrie like that.

He stood, walked to the door and opened it. But it was not Nero on the other side of the door.

It was a girl...

The first thing Dante noticed about her was she had white hair just like him, and it was pulled back in the messiest ponytail he had ever seen. Even then it fell to the small of her back and the luster of it was very apparent in the late morning sun outside. She turned, and he next was drawn the round light blue eyes that watched him with almost with familiarity. But Dante was damn sure he would've remembered sleeping with something that damn beautiful. Except she wore a mens heavy blue and red hoodie. Odd, but he felt like he should've known that too, but he was too busy staring at her face to inspect the rest of her more.

"Well there beautiful...," he began as he leaned an arm against the door, moving a little closer to her upturned face. "If you're looking for a white knight, then baby you found him."

Her face blushed, and ohhh did it make his blood race to all the right spots. But then her eyes narrowed, and before he knew it he was staring up at the ceiling with a bloody lip.

"You perverted old man!" The girl growled as she stepped inside, walking over him and shutting the door. "I don't know what's happened, but it's got your name written all over it!"

He sat up a bit when the girl dropped on a knee beside him and pulled him up by the lapels of the coat he'd put on before her arrival.

"W-wait. If this is about not calling you after, then I can explain." Dante started, trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

"It's me you ass!"

Dante just stared at her, but then a flicker of eyes and a look downward made Dante realize. One of the arms that held his jacket was a scaly blue and red devil arm that looked a lot like...

"Nero?!" Dante gasped as he looked at the.... whatever it was before him. "Dude, you have TITS!"

"I know! Shut up already!" Nero growled as she let go of his coat to stand.

"And an ASS!"

"Knock it off!" Nero snapped as she put a hand to her face embarrassed.

"Thighs.... legs..."

"I will kill you you know?"

Dante sat and just stared at her. Nero had been kind of cute, in a weaker than thou kind of way, but as a woman he was just... DAMN. Dante couldn't even feel guilty about his dirty thoughts before he knew it was the kid, because honestly any man would've thought the same.

Despite wearing Nero's clothing, which he now recognized as far too big for her, he could see the newly acquired curves beneath them. It's NERO. Stop that!

"What the hell happened to you?" Dante asked, finally managing to get to his feet to observe her from a better angle.

"How the hell should I know? I woke up yesterday morning like this!" She growled as she crossed her arms over her chest. Nero had a chest. A real one. "Stop looking at them!"

Dante's eyes headed north guiltily.

"Sorry, it's just kind of a shock," he chuckled apologetically, all the while letting his eyes briefly glance down quick enough so she wouldn't notice.

"How do you think it is for me? My penis is gone, and I have fun bags up top. So yeah it's kind of a shock for me too." Nero said peevishly as she turned.

"Yeah... well. Can I touch them?" Dante asked suddenly.

"No you can't touch them!" Nero growled as she glared at Dante and stepped back from him.

"C'mon! It's not everyday a guys friend grows breasts."

"You scare me sometimes, you know that?"

"I don't mean it that way. Purely platonic. For the sake of science." Dante added, not wanting the kid to get the wrong idea.

"No fucking way." Nero said resolutely.

"All this and I bet you stood in front of the mirror for an hour just playing with them." Dante scowled before Nero blushed bright pink. "See?! So selfish..."

"Can we please not talk about that and worry about how the HELL I get back to normal?" Nero finally asked as she sat on the couch with a deep frustrated sigh. Dante came and sat next to her, not really knowing what to say to their current situation.

"Uhh, Kyrie called looking for you. She's pretty worried." Dante finally said after a while. Nero turned to look at him before placing her hands over her face.

"I couldn't let her see me like this," she said slowly. "I'm afraid of what she might think, so I took off."

Dante couldn't help himself as he tried to hold back a laugh.

"What's so funny?" Nero asked displeased at being laughed at.

"You realize now this makes you a lesbian right?" Dante chuckled before Nero jumped at him to start beating him to death.

"Honk honk." Dante said as he grabbed hold of Nero's ample breasts and gave them a squeeze.

"HEY!" Nero yelled as she pulled his hands away.

"About a C cup I'd wager, no bra even. Why Nero, you little hussie." Dante continued to laugh as Nero tried to beat him senseless, all the while blushing like mad.

"Well! It's not like I have a closet full of women's clothing you know!" Nero said as she pulled herself back to sit away from him, arms crossed resolutely over her chest as she glared at him. "This fucking sucks. Three guys hit on me all the way here and now YOU."

"All right, all right. Don't get your thong in a twist kid." Dante said with a bit of a sigh. "I'll lay off the jokes. Now tell me what happened."

"If I knew that you think I'd be sitting here? I tried to see what I could find out while I was gone, but everyone told me the same thing. It's probably a curse and the only person that can undo it is the original caster. Which I have no clue who did this..." Nero groaned as she scratched at the hair that was beginning to loosen from what Dante just noted was a twist tie...

"Dude..." Dante chuckled as he pulled on it. "You don't tie your hair back with these." The hair fell loose and slid down over the kid's shoulder.

"What the hell was I supposed to do? I feel like fricking repunzel. I tried cutting it, but funny enough it broke the scissors. Obviously someone doesn't want me to mess with it." Nero said as he tried to tame the long locks, but every time he pushed them over his shoulder they just slid back. "I keep tripping over my boots and pants too. This is freaky."

Finally Dante just grabbed hold of the ends of her hair and held them back when Nero was acting like a horse trying to swat at a fly in his attempt to see.

"Thank you."

"I could look and see if we have random hair ties laying around from the girls, and I'm pretty sure I could find you something to wear--"

"Anything but a dress." Nero interjected.

"How bout pants and a shirt?" Dante grinned. Nero nodded after a moment.