Tadah! An update! This was supposed to be up yesterday, in 'yay's for Kyouya's b-day! But, it wasn't finished by then so now you get it today~! So, enjoy!

Chapter Seven:

Romantic Tea Parties of DOOM!

It seemed they were....avoiding each other. For a week after Haruhi had woken Kaoru in the library, the red head had dutifully steered clear of his husband (and Fuyumi for good measure) during all day lit hours. Subconsciously, he supposed he feared confrontation with Ootori Kyouya, and was seeking a passive aggressive way to avoid any such confrontation. Still, it seemed to be working so far. Every night, when Kaoru returned to their shared bed chamber (usually at a rather late hours, fault of finding some obscure corner to duck out of sight in after dinner and then getting lost when trying to find his way back), Kyouya was already in bed, with the lights turned off and back toward him, and when the Hitachiin woke up the next morning, the other man was always gone.

Faintly, Kaoru wondered if this was what a dysfunctional family was like; if this was how his parents acted before his father moved to France; if how a marriage doomed to fail started out. It seemed likely, and his subconscious seemed to approve of these notions if all the silly dreams (where he was dressed in his wedding dress again and crying hysterically "I want a divorce!") were any indication.

On the morning of the seventh day of the marriage, the boy-bride jerked awake from another of "those silly little dreams", this one less about the union itself and more about the dreaded repeats of the wedding night. His night cloths were slightly damp with cold sweat and his senses were so heightened and disarray that it took him a moment to realize that the space in the bed next to him was, indeed, empty.

The electric green numbers on the alarm-clock indicated it was eight-twenty-seven, and the day-by-day calendar next to it (which no one seemed to touch, but always seemed to change) foretold that it was Saturday. He groaned, wiping a hand over his face and rolled out of bed to get dressed (in one of the five-hundred-and-sixty-two dresses, skirts, blouses and dress suits that had arrived in the mansion six days ago).

His skirt fluttered around his thighs, blouse bouncing over fake breasts and heels making rhythmic clacking sounds on the stairs as he descended the loft stairs...until Kaoru stopped rather abruptly.

"O-oh..." he squawked, announcing his presence to the man who lounged on the couch and looked up to hold Kaoru's gaze.

"Good morning," Kyouya greeted smoothly inclining his head curtly over the file he had in his hands.

"Good morning," Kaoru responded automatically, rushing down the rest of the stairs and past the couch, intent on putting as much distance between himself and the young Ootori as possible, as soon as possible. At the same time, he did not care if he was appearing rather rude and flustered to the other man, nor if it was common knowledge that he purposefully spent as little time as possible with his husband.

The red head had just reached the door that lead to the hallway when it was pushed open from the outside, nearly hitting him on the nose, and in came Fuyumi, flanked by Yuki and Matsuki. Fuyumi smiled, wrapping her arm around a still-trying-to-escape Kaoru and, none too gently, spun him around to redirect his path. The pregnant woman had a good two inches on him, and was quite scary.

"Kaoru-chan!" she gushed sweetly. "Are you doing anything important today?"

"Umm, well, no...Not re -"

"Great!" Fuyumi exclaimed, and by now Kyouya had put his paper work down and was eyeing them interestedly from his seat. "Let's have a tea party - all of us. Kyouya-kun, you remember when the two of us used to have tea parties as children?"

"I was a child, Fuyumi," the man said with a slightly raised eyebrow. "You were an adult."

She laughed, pulling Kaoru toward the two couches as the other two Ootori brides followed. "One is never too old for tea parties."

Hot in the face, Kaoru sat stiffly between his eldest sister in law and the sofa armrest, knees pressed tightly together and eyes furtively cast away. Sure, he'd attended his fair share of tea parties as a child (little girls in France had loved sipping water and chewing cookies in vague imitations of how their parents did) but he had also outgrown them - before he even started picking out his own cloths every day. And it also seemed that Fuyumi had ulterior motives for spending time with the two of them. Kyouya seemed to sense it too.

As a maid quietly slipped in through the open door and deposited a silver tray laden with fine china tea set (cookies included), the handsome brunette relaxed against the back of the settee, gazing at the four women across from him quizzically. "What is it that you wanted to discuss, Fuyumi?" he asked in a no-nonsense sort of tone.

Fuyumi tittered, bemused as her little brother took on the working-man demeanor with her of all people. "Well, I was going to seduce the two of you into casual conversation first, but I wanted to know if you had decided where you were going to honeymoon?"

That caught Kaoru's attention and for the first time in a while, his gaze flicked to Kyouya's. "Uh...no, we hadn't."

"No?" Fuyumi echoed bemusedly. "What about France? Kaoru-chan, you could show Kyouya-kun where you grew up and everything."

More like where his favorite place to throw frogs at girls was, or where he had fallen through the thin layer of ice into the pond out back of the family estate when he was Hikaru had been playing 'Werewolves!' "Uh...I don't think so..."

"What about the Americas?" Yuki offered.

"Or Germany?" Matsuki contributed, smiling. "It's nice this time of year, right?"

It was truly amazing how fast the women could fire the names of countries back and forth (romantic side notes included); in fact, it was much like tennis, although to the two who were actually supposed to take the trip, each destination seemed less appealing than the last, and they systematically shot down each opinion whenever asked for input of their own. Soon, the women stopped asking them all together and settled for rallying location names between themselves. Accordingly, Kyouya and Kaoru zoned out.

"The Philippines?"

"Scandinavia?"

"Iceland."

"Mexico!"

"Peru?"

"Russia?"

"Australia."

Blah, blah, blah...

Time seemed to slow, the second dripped past with the consistency of honey. Impatient fingers thrummed, and the tea was sipped through tightly closed lips. And finally, when Fuyumi suggested 'Bulgaria!' with a tone that seemed so convicted that the conversation seemed to be coming to a close, a thought sped out of Kaoru's head and he immediately spoke.

"I've never been to a Japanese beach before," he said, distracting the rambling brunettes. All eyes flicked toward him, and he flushed, suddenly feeling defensive. "Well, I haven't!!"

"Really?" Kyouya asked, eyebrows raised in interest. For some reason, that made Kaoru's face redden even more.

"Why does that surprise you?" he snapped.

Fuyumi tittered. "Not really, Kaoru-chan. You just remind us of Haruhi a bit, I suppose. Alright, the beach it is." And she stood with a little difficulty and pattered her new sister-in-law's shoulder, a smile still playing around her mouth. "You're lucky we have a private family beach - you can make up for lost time."

And as the Fuyumi, flanked by Yuki and Matsuki once again, made their way toward the door, Kaoru found himself unsure if she was talking about his childhood and Japanese culture exposure or...wedding night...

Eeeewwwwww!

" - Oh, and Kyouya, we have the Suzushima dinner this evening. Father left for America, so you're to go instead."

Kyouya nodded as his sisters left before he stood, himself. Kaoru hesitated, still sitting upright with his tea cup in hand; he wondered if he, too, would have to attend this Suzushima party... He had often seen the finely dressed wives (girlfriends and daughters never seemed to be allowed) on the arms of their husbands whenever his father held fancy dinners in France, looking pale-faced and perfect if not a little unhappy, and ... he wasn't all that eager to try that. "Uh..." he started hesitantly, looking up at the brunette in an almost self conscious, questioning way.

"Yes," Kyouya answered, easily reading the red heads (mind) face. "My mother always attended all of the unveiling parties with my father, as Yuki, Matsuki and Fuyumi often do as well."

"And Haruhi?" Kaoru questioned.

Kyouya hesitated before replying. "...No. Haruhi's a special case."

"What kind of special case?" he asked again, curiosity piqued at the slightly conflicted look that crossed the other figure's face.

"It would be easier to say that her in-laws do not approve of her," the Ootori explained. "Sometimes, if Tamaki is out of the country, like now, she might attend with his father, but the family currently don't want to broadcast her pregnancy."

Ginger eyebrows knit. "Why not? It's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Only to the parties involved."

Several seconds of silence reigned, one man attempting to process the information received and the other gauging his reaction.

"Uh...Alright," Kaoru finished off rather lamely, mind blanking on any other questions he could ask without prying, perhaps too deeply. (He had never been one for boundaries on anything personal before, per say, but he held a new sort of respect for Haruhi and didn't want to seem too nosey for some reason.) "Okay, then. What should I wear?"

"Whatever you want," Kyouya waved off, edging out of the confined bit of space between coffee table and couch.

Kaoru nodded, feeling his mouth go dry and head pound at the prospect of sifting through his dresses and high heels to find a matching set. His mind reeled. "Uh...uh, what kind of party is it, anyway?"

The brunette shrugged. "The Suzushima Trading Company are unveiling a new type of tea cup."

"Oh..." the red head looked down at his own, half drunken, luke-warm cup of honey-colored liquid...

And suddenly discovered a newfound distaste for teas.

The unveiling party of the new tea cup form Spain took place at the Suzushima mansion, in the large dining hall and spilling out into the expansive back yard that was lit from various paper lanterns hung from strings. Women in party dresses and men in fancy suits chatted amicably, occasionally dipping out of the hot mass of bodies that were gathered in the hall for a glass of pale white wine or one of the many finger foods. Pleasant chatter filtered through the people's ears and mouths, giving the whole room a surprisingly lax atmosphere that seemed to ignore the evil, rude and downright snarky undertones in the speech and the mean glances thrown out of the corners of people's eyes.

It was scary, and although he was loath to admit it, Kaoru all but clung to Kyouya's arm, even almost following him into the mens room before the snickering around them alerted him to exactly what he was doing and re-routed. Fuyumi was there, but she was not the bubbly ball of energy that had suggested the 'honeymoon' only two hours earlier, and she walked listlessly next to her husband, occasionally smiling or saying something to agree with whatever Shinichi had said.

All four of them - Fuyumi, Shinichi, Kyouya and Kaoru - had been at the party for nearly two hours, and at this point, the formalities of walking around with ones spouse was beginning to wear thin; the women breaking off subtly to join larger groups of their own sex. Various giggles now joined the chatter, and the whole room seemed to lighten in mood considerably. And yet (even if ever diligent housewife Fuyumi had wandered off) Kaoru did not budge.

Walking close behind the slightly taller man, the red head kept his head low and eyes averted. He didn't specifically pay attention to where he was going, and eventually walked smack-dab into the plan between Kyouya's shoulders when the Ootori finally stopped walking and turned to his wife.

A minor look of irritation was gracing his features, but not so much that it would be noticeable to anyone passing by the two. "You don't need to keep following me," he informed curtly.

Kaoru blanched. "Well, what am I supposed to do? I don't like any of these people," he complained.

"There's no harm in introducing yourself to people you don't like. They might like you, either way," the brunette countered. "And do you really expect that everyone here 'likes' one another? And yet they are perfectly happy to associate with each other for the sake of business."

"Talking to people you don't like is just as pointless as bathing in mud," Kaoru spat.

Kyouya gestured to the closest females, a group of five. "Go introduce yourself. It'll be too hard to navigate and negotiate deals while you're stepping on my heels."

Choosing to take the higher road and not argue this time, the Hitachiin favored the other man with a glower before turning away from him (light blue, knee-length dress swishing around his legs) and all but marched toward the women. Although it was usually a little bit of an odd feeling he got while approaching total strangers, all the funny butterflies seemed to be void for all the others in attendance, and a perfectly acceptable way to greet people was just walk up and say something.

"Hi," he said jovially, smiling sweetly at the women when they turned to look at him.

For a split second, the women gave him a sour, cold, mean stare; perfectly reflected on all five faces. But then...they smiled.

"Hello~" one sang, her short hair bobbing around her ears.

"Hi," another greeted, her hair a darkish brown colored and curled in tight ringlets. "Who are you?"

"Oh!" stated a third. "I know! You're the girl who just married an Ootori, right?"

For a moment, Kaoru considered denying that fact, but then he ruefully nodded. The smiles, pleasant and sweet, melted into evil, snide smirks as they exchanged glances and giggled behind their perfectly manicured fingers.

"Oh, dear~" the third and first women tittered together.

"Oh, we're soooo sorry for you," a fourth snickered.

Kaoru was perplexed, and knitted his eyebrows together. "Uh...what?"

"Didn't you know?"

"Your husband's, like -"

"- a faggot." And they were all giggling again. Kaoru found a mark of irritation appearing on his temple at their voices.

"What did you just say?" he hissed, although the group seemed to miss the note of mild anger in his voice.

"Oh, yes!" they professed. "He and the heir to some fortunate providence over seas had some 'torrid love affair' that ended traumatically when the poor sap's father found out and disowned him - ruined that entire company."

"Really, now?" So this was how gossip started and spread. "I heard he was caught fooling around with another boy at some organized event two years ago."

"I heard he and Suoh were involved in high school..."

"No way!"

"Yes way! Isn't that simply delicious?!"

"I know!!"

This was...well, utterly disgusting. The smiles, the glee with which the five women who Kaoru hadn't even bothered to ask for introductions from downright teased Ootori Kyouya behind his back and in front of his wife, and the very insinuations that were being made against Kyouya, that poor overseas boy, and Suoh were generally just pissing Kaoru off more and more the longer he listened for. Brightly painted lips pursed as he bit the inside of his cheek and narrowed finely plucked eyebrows into a 'v' shape. Not that the nameless women seemed to notice.

"He's not gay," Kaoru stressed intensely, defending Kyouya's honor for no particular reason other than it was making him mad.

"Oh, darlin~" the fifth woman simpered. "Yes, he is!"

"You poor dear"

"I bet you two haven't even had sex yet."

This made him falter before jumping to Kyouya's (and now his own) defense, and the women seemed to sense his hesitance.

"Yes...yes, we have!"

"Ohohohoho~" One laughed. "Look, she's blushing."

"It's alright, dear," another cooed. "You're not the only one - I've heard it's taken this long for his brothers' wives to get pregnant, even."

"It's a shame, though," the curly haired one mused aloud. "They're all awful good looking...Kyouya's the prettiest~"

Kaoru felt his face heat up as a steady blush began creeping over his face and dripping down his neck and shoulders. It wasn't necessarily at the insinuation that the Ootori men were all gay, but more of the fact that Kyouya was, indeed, pretty...Not that he noticed, of course!

"That's not true!" Kaoru objected angrily, stomping his foot a minuet bit to add emphasis. "He's not gay! And - and I can prove it!"

When favored with five sets of eyes that bordered between surprise, questioning and challenging, the red head set his jaw, narrowed heavily outlined eyes and spun on his high heeled foot. It only took a second for amber eyes to latch onto the (now) familiar head of black hair, and even less time for him to stride over to the man and his current congregation of business men, ignoring the excited, gossipy whispers stemming from behind him as more and more women realized something interesting (by their terms) was about to go down.

Heels made clicking sounds on the polished wood, and when the sounds eventually stopped, Kaoru found himself directly behind Kyouya. While the adrenaline of the pent-up anger that was running through his veins still elated him, there was no hesitation as he rose a hand and tapped on his husband's shoulder. The Ootori turned, surprise a minor characteristic feature on his expression and mouth slightly pursed as if his tongue had already set about formulating words. "Kaor-"

Before the question was fully formulated and out of his mouth, both of Kaoru's arms had encircled Kyouya's neck, pulling him downward a tad bit until their faces were only inches apart. It was a bit discomforting, truthfully; intensely sudden, and it seemed that now Kaoru had gotten past this initial point of physical contact, he was frozen.

If only for a moment...

"You know I love you, right, Kyouya?" he spoke in a voice very unlike his own and loud enough for...well...everyone in the suddenly silent room to hear. And then...

He honestly had no idea why. It wasn't the kind of thing he would normally do. No, definitely not. Not even when he was with his brother! And yet...he did...

Kyouya was of the objective opinion that whatever lip plumper Kaoru was wearing was cherry flavored.

Fuyumi dropped her punch glass in surprise and when Shinichi asked her if she was alright, she blamed it on the baby kicking unexpectedly (not the possible flashes of tongue she was seeing).

Matsumo Himawari, Shima Sakura, Isua Riiko, Kuze Kanaya, and Yorinozuka Yumi felt their jaws drop to the floor.

When the red head in drag finally pulled out of the kiss, it was to ruefully wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, and avoiding all the awe-filled stares and whispers and giggles, mumbled, "Uh...could we go...? Like, now...?"

The car ride home was uncomfortably silent. Kaoru sat to one of the seat, and Kyouya to the other, their faces blank and lax and identical headaches pounding in their temples. It was a little chilly; the air conditioner blasting at the red head's request. Tension, as thick as butter, strangled the air, and the seconds didn't seem to actually be progressing.

Building...Intolerably...Almost painfully...And then...

"Look, I'm really sorry!" Kaoru gushed profusely, whipping his head around so fast that his neck audibly cracked. " I - I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything. I - those, those bitchy ole' hags kept..they kept saying you were gay, and it...that - that was all I could think of! They didn't believe me otherwise!"

Slightly perplexed, Kyouya quietly listened to the entirety of Kaoru's speech, expression unmoving save for the tiny upward twitch of his mouth.

"Please don't be mad!!" the red head frantically cried, feeling close to hysterical at the lack of response he was getting. "I'm really, really sorry, Kyou -"

"It's alright," Kyouya impressed, lightly cutting across (what he was sure would eventually turn into) a mini-Tamaki rant. "I'm not mad, or embarrassed."

Kaoru's hand had flower to his face, but he parted his fingers to peak out at the brunette carefully. "You're...you're not...?"

"No, I'm not," Kyouya assured bemusedly. "It was sudden, but..." he paused, seeming to mull things over. "But...thank you, I suppose..."

"You're...you're welcome," Kaoru responded, blushing under his foundation and lowering his hands into his lap.

The rest of the car ride was silent.

From: Suoh Tamaki

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Americas.

To: Ootori Kyouya

CC: (none)

Body:

'Kasan,

I'm coming home! :D

Whoo! So? Like it? Ya'll got a little more KyouKao in there! I was very pleased at slipping that in - it wasn't something I planned, but then it just seemed to...work...Originally, Kao was just gonna bitch out the Terrible-Fivesome and be done with it, but...hell, who could object~? xD Anyway, I'd like to thank all my wonderful reviewers! You know, if all the people with alerts and faves on this story reviewed, I'd break the "100 reviews on one story" goal I set! 8D Even if I don't until the next chapter, just knowing that makes me so intensly happy!!! Anyway, here, preview for next chapter!

Negative Twelve. Rene. Twin boys. Think about it. ;D

REVIEW, LOVELIES~!