Meh...this seemed a little shorter than intended to me, but when typed up, it seemed about right....x3 How's this for an update? The suspense - ended! Comically, too! Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter Ten

Well...Shit.

"No!"

"Of course not! What are you talking about, Renge - I mean, ah - Crap!"

"Wait, huh?!"

"I've never met you before!"

"But - didn't we go to school together?!"

"NOO!"

The screaming, denial and the utter speed the rapid-fire responses were shot back with was beginning to make the blond's head spin, and he clutched at his head, pushing two fingers into his temple. "Wait, wait..." Tamaki said, trying to find an ounce of reason in this mass of mess. "I...I know I went to school with you two...And I know you were both boys, so does that mean that...Kaoru-kun was actually Kaoru-chan? And that you -" he directed this statement at the younger of the two "-...........Were a gender confused cross

dressing child!?!?"

For a moment, lost in the utter insult of that comment, Kaoru's mask dropped, his jaw falling slack and eyes narrowing. "...I was a what?"

"Yes! Yes she was!" Hikaru quickly overrode his twin's speech, looping an arm around Kaoru's shoulder and pulling the other boy close to his frame in a sort of half hug. "Yeah - that's exactly what it is - was! I mean, I always knew....but we just deemed it better that it was kept a family secret until we left France so...yeah. There. You caught us."

Tamaki gasped, rushing forward to all but yank Kaoru from his brother's arms and embrace him in his own form of a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, my darling Kaoru-chan!! I'm so SORRY!!! I'm sorry I never figured it out! But, I mean, I never thought anything was amiss!! I've seen the two of you topless and I never...I never....OHMIGAWD!! I've seen another woman's breasts!!" And here is where the released the red head, hurling himself backward and looking aghast. "Not only do I feel I have betrayed my darling Haruhi, dirtied my own eyes and soiled your innocence, but I have also betrayed YOUR trust, Kyouya!! Seen things that only you should be privileged to see!"

"...We were only, like..seven, Tono," Hikaru told the blond, fighting to take each breath as his was was smooshed into his upperclassman's chest when Tamaki leapt forward to hug him - yet again.

"Still -"

"Tamaki," Kyouya's voice was low and calm, but his eyes foretold of a great deal of annoyance behind his glasses lenses. "Shut. Up."

"But, 'Kasan, I -"

"SHUT....up."

Crickets audibly chirped as the brunette brought up a hand to adjust his glasses. During that time, Kaoru aimed a well-powered punch to Tamaki's abdomen and Hikaru shuffled his feet. When Kyouya lowered his hand, there was a smile on his face, and when he spoke, his tone was bright and cheery. And disconcerting.

"...Welcome home, Tamaki. I didn't expect to see you until this evening. My family had sent an invitation to your household and expected you to arrive later, after you've rested. Have you said hello to Haruhi, yet?"

"Well, no - I -"

"Go do that, and you can catch up with...your old school mates later." His tone left no room for argument. In fact, it was quite demanding and scary and both of the Hitachiin twins shivered, but Tamaki just beamed and began to flounce out of the room, chatting the whole way. And Kyouya walked with him, closing the door as soon as the blond was across the threshold.

There was a small second of an awkward silence as Kyouya then allowed himself to stare, rather blankly at the twins and they exchanged wary glances.

"Would you like to join us this evening, Hikaru-kun?" Kyouya then offered mechanically.

"Er...no thanks, I'm good," the red head responded, shifting slightly toward the door (although he did NOT want to walk past the Ootori) only to find a warm, painfully tight hand wrapped around his wrist, sharp and brightly painted nails digging into his skin. "Ow!" he exclaimed, glancing sideways only to find identical hazel eyes glowering at him.

"Don't you fucking dare leave me..." was the whispered threat, the speech jumbled and cryptic as it had been when they were only children and they refused to speak other than in their own special 'twin talk' that others could rarely discern. Hikaru shrugged, sweat dropping.

Kyouya, in turn, raised an eyebrow, thinking - not for the first time - that he was dealing with mentally special children. It was true, to some degree (was there that much room for stupidity in only a year?) but at the same time there was nothing he could do about it except try to ignore them. "Is that a yes, then?" he asked, injecting himself back into the twin's quiet conversation.

Under the influence of his brother's glare, Hikaru hesitantly turned back to his in-law, and favored him with an attempt at an uninterested and bored shrug. "I don't see why not..."

-

Kaoru was in shock.

This was not to say that Hikaru was not as well, but he at least managed to laugh weakly at the humorous tales of travel that Tamaki told between sips of coffee and innocent pecks bestowed upon a pregnant Haruhi's cheek or her forehead. Smiles were being tossed around like confetti, and coffee had been prepared, poured like (warm) water, or wine in Rome and people - meaning mainly Tamaki and Fuyumi - chattered happily, with occasional input from his lover or her brother.

The Hitachiin twins, on the other hand, were silent. And Kaoru was in shock. He had been so since dinner, when the blue eyed blond man that he had not seen since adolescence delighted in explaining the tales of his childhood traumas that included :who I thought of as nothing more than an annoying set of twin brothers at the time."

There had been no real reason to be embarrassed about those stories. They had been perfectly executed plots, especially brilliant for younger children such as themselves to come up with, but at the same time, every mention of "the poor gender confused cross dressing child" made the younger twin twitch with irritation and blush hotly every time it was mentioned. As well as the female pronouns that had never bothered him before, but managed to irk him to no end whenever 'the lord' mentioned them.

After dinner, things had not gotten any better. They had moved into the sitting room as a group and after-dinner coffee was brought out on a tray, mostly for the benefit of the blond guest, as it was late for Kyouya, Fuyumi and Haruhi could not drink it and Hikaru and Kaoru did not like the taste, although they all held cups.

" - The Americas was nice, but I caught the stomach flu and JUST when I recovered and was ready to enjoy the amazing nightlife, we had to fly up to the US of A, where I got travelers sickness and only came out of the hotel room to give my presentations!" Tamaki exclaimed, waving his free hand around wildly before clutching his stomach dramatically. Haruhi, leaning heavily against her lover, was jostled by the motion, but by this time had taken up a book to page through and paid him no mind, where as - on the other hand - Kyouya and Fuyumi politely laughed at him, Hikaru jumping in on that laughter occasionally, and often a second short of a note higher.

"Sounds like you had fun, Tamaki-kun," Fuyumi hummed happily, reclined on the sofa opposite the blond. "Although it's very good to have you back. Did you find any success in your adventures in the business world?"

"Ah, yes, I..." it seemed that the blond was prepared to speel off into another one of his stories before pausing. "Very much so, but that's boooooring." And he flashed a very large and sparkly grin at them all. "Tell me - what happened here while I was gone?"

"Ah, well...nothing much, Tamaki..."

"KYOUYA!! How could you say that!?? You got married?!" And here he turned happily look at Kaoru (past Hikaru, who shied away from him slightly) and practically panted like an excited puppy. "Tell me, Kaoru-kun - I mean, Kaoru-chan...Eheh...tell me! How long have to two of you been dating behind my back~?"

The red head, who had been sandwiched between his brother and the sofa arm, feet curled up under him and long since having painfully fallen asleep in the slightly dimmed room that smelled of coffee. He blinked, then held up a finger. "One."

"One? One, what? One week, one month? One year!?!?" 8D

"No," he deadpanned. "One. Date."

"Like..." the cheerful expression on Tamaki's face seemed to become a little more forced as he turned to Kyouya. "You didn't..."

"No, Tamaki," was the calm reply as the Ootori cut off the blond Suoh heir. "I did not woo her. Nor did I romance her, court her, serenade her, nor anything of the ridiculous romantic shows you seem to deem necessary in a relationship."

"But - BUT -!!"

"Lucky," Haruhi said blankly, turning the page in her book and not even blanching as Tamaki gasped and fell all over her.

"Haruhi!!" He screeched, voice amazingly loud. "Didn't you LIKE it when I stood outside your bedroom window and sang English and French love songs?"

"I google the lyrics. 'Bad Touch' is not a love song. No."

"But - but! You threw shoes at me! I always assumed you just didn't have any flowers!"

"I was hoping to hit you in the head."

Tamaki gasped. "HARUHI!!! Don't you love me!?!? This is no way to welcome your husband back into the country!!"

"We're not married yet"

"THE FTHER OF YOUR CHILD, THEN!"

Here, Haruhi spun around and smacked the blond in the chest with her book. "Which means it is YOUR fault that I no longer fit into my normal pants!"

"I'm SORRY!!" Tamaki wailed, dissolving into a blubbering puddle of mush and flopping face first into Haruhi lap, mumbling inaudible apologies against her thigh.

Unbeknownst to himself, Kaoru felt a lump rising in his throat while watching the two for some strange reason. A reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. And then it hit him. These were people in love. This was how a married couple acted (even if these two were apparently NOT married yet?) And this - general conversations, fighting it and affection - was what his marriage lacked.

Not that it bothered him!! No, of course no! He did NOT want any intimacy between himself and Kyouya - that was just disturbing! He was perfectly happy with their cold and dysfunctional relationship that seemed to revolve around ethics and business relations more than anything else. But...still..

As Haruhi stroked the blond curls in her lap and smiled lightly, and as Tamaki quieted and stilled, perfectly content to stay situated between his loves lap and swollen abdominal lump that was his future child, Kaoru couldn't help but feel...a little jealous? (That he would deny, as the mental image of himself - in female form - pregnant and waddling to a couch where he received a foot massage from an uncharacteristically smily Kyouya made him physically balk and shiver.) He stiffened at the thought, and received a sharp poke in the side from Hikaru.

"What's wrong?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in reference to the question.

"I...er, nothing. I was just dozing."

Although the older two of the twins didn't really seem to be buying this explanation, Fuyumi distracted him, asking him how it was working with his sister and when he answered that it was okay, she made several pointed comments at Kyouya, and Tamaki and Haruhi laughed, Hikaru - again - jumping in on that laughter a moment late. Kaoru was off in his own thoughtful world, and undeniably jealous.

BWAAHHAAHAHAH!

-crickets-

Review~? 8D I like review cookies! And here is your preview of the next chapter: a honeymoon to the beach. Only, the groom's been replaced by a certain flat chested, pregnant commoner. Chaos ensues.