The move from 2D's basement room to Murdoc's spacious room over-looking the entire island was just like I thought it would be like. Murdoc made sexual innuendos every chance he got. He asked me if I liked 2D's 'whale' which, if he hadn't smirked and flicked his disgustingly long forked tongue at me, I would have just thought he was commenting on the whale that swam past the porthole just above 2D's bed. He also liked telling me that there wasn't another bed in his room and he wasn't giving up his own.
"You'll either have to sleep on the floor or in the bed with me." He whispered in my ear, his tongue brushing against my earlobe. "I must remind you that the floor is hard and cold while the bed with me is only hard."
I shuddered and stepped away from him. Murdoc threw back his head and let out a belly shaking laugh. I felt nausea pass over me at the thought of waking up with his distorted smile and green and yellow teeth directed at me. I looked over the bassist's shoulder to briefly lock eyes with 2D. As soon as my blue eyes met his black holes he looked at the floor. It looked like he was trying to get to know it, seeing as the floor was going to be the only company he was going to have after I moved out. That and the Spiderman mannequin.
Murdoc followed my gaze and let out another loud laugh.
"Don't even think about it luv." He sneered. "You're my roommate now."
The image of some old, terribly made horror movie flashed through my brain and I had to fight back the urge to laugh. A part of me wondered if I was going crazy. This was no time to be laughing. In fact, being on this island should just kill all thought of laughing.
"Go back to your room, Face-ache." I heard Murdoc call to 2D. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder and then I felt his cheek on the top of my head. I ripped away from him, trying to distance myself as far as I could from his hands, his body, and his tongue. Everything about him had repulsed me before Plastic Beach but now it was twice as bad.
"Don't touch me." I snarled at him.
He blinked at me, a look of utter shock plastered on his face. I stared at him for a moment, taking in the foreign emotion. He shook his head clearing his face of all emotion except rage.
"You can't tell me what to do luvvie." He spat. He wrapped his long green fingers tightly around my wrist and pulled me roughly to the lift. I struggled, wishing I could go back to 2D. I tried not to cry, Murdoc would only get pleasure from my pain. That's he had been since we'd met. He laughed at 2D's pain when he lost is first eye. He didn't care when he lost his second. The onetime Murdoc had ever been there for me was when I had gotten so drunk I could hardly stand. I had a feeling that Murdoc was long gone. Five long years of loneliness did that to a person.
"You're hurting me!" I gasped as his long nails scratched across my wrist, leaving angry half-moon imprints in my skin. "Let go of me!"
Murdoc roughly pulled me to him and wrapped me in an embrace.
"I told you luv, you can't tell me what to do." He whispered to me in an eerily calm voice. My heart sped. Was he going to take me up to his room and rape me? That couldn't happen. Murdoc wasn't that guy. He was disgusting and smelly but he wasn't a rapist. The only illegal thing he did involved tourism in Mexico, right?
Our eyes locked for a moment and I saw Murdoc's lips curl up into a triumphant smile.
"So you're finally afraid of me then?" He chuckled. His grip on my wrist loosened but he didn't let me go. "Bout fuckin' time."
He tossed me into the lift and pressed the fourth button from the top before leaning his head back and closing his eyes. I quietly sunk to the floor and fought back the tears of losing 2D again. When I looked up at Murdoc again, he was staring directly at me.
"You can't possibly be missing that tosser?" He asked incredulously. "Luv, he's a handful of floors below us. You managed to live for five years apart from him. I think you can handle this move."
I glared up at him. "Why are you doing this?" I asked.
"You're going to have to be more specific, luvvie. Why am I splitting you two up or why did I kidnap your boyfriend?" He replied sneering down at me.
I hadn't thought about that. I looked down at my knees and then back up at the waiting bassist. "Both I suppose."
Murdoc sighed and leaned his head back against the graffiti-ed wall. "I split you two up because honestly who likes displays of affection? And I kidnapped your boyfriend because I needed another platinum album and I couldn't get one of those without that Face-ache Spew."
I glared up at him. "You're a liar." I spat.
Murdoc's eyebrows soared into his receding hairline. "Oh, I am, am I?"
Just then the elevator dinged and the door slid open. Murdoc wasted no time in pulling me up roughly and tossing me out of the confined space.
"What makes you think I'm a liar?" He snarled in my ear.
"I can believe that you kidnapped Stuart because you wanted another hit album but there is no way that you split me and him up because 'no one likes displays of affection'. There's something else you're not saying."
Murdoc's nose wrinkled like he smelled something particularly disgusting and I half wondered if maybe he had just caught a sniff of himself.
"So what if there is, it's none of your business is it?" He spat at me.
"Sorry if I hit a nerve." I snarled sarcastically at him, throwing my arms into the air like he was arresting me for some crime. "I just want to know why you decided to split me and 2D up again."
Murdoc stared at me for a moment. Somehow we had made it into his bedroom. I was on one side of his bed and he was on the other. He was glaring at me in a way that made me shiver. I'd never seen him this angry. There was something psychological with the separation between me and 2D. Something that was eating him up inside. I briefly considered asking him if he was ok, I was going to room with him after all, but there was a hatred in his eyes that made me stop.
He edged around the bed and I flattened myself up against the wall, partially wishing I could just sink through it and then deal with the fall from the window to the ground later.
"You want to know why I separated you two?" He asked in that eerily calm voice.
I swallowed hard and fought to keep my composure. "Yes." I whispered. "Why?"
He was nearly at me. I wanted to close my eyes and block it all out but then I wouldn't be able to see him and where he was in the room. Suddenly the room felt like it was closing in on me. Even the building was on Murdoc's side. How were 2D and I ever going to get off this island?
"I separated you because you were happy and I wasn't." He whispered, his hand briefly caressing my arm. I jumped away from him and ran straight into the bed post. He had me trapped; my heart was hammering in my chest. This was it. He was going to do it. I tried to retreat into a happy place. Somewhere I could go for an hour or two, or until he was through with me, but I was too terrified to escape into my own mind.
"Why should that face-ache get to be with the one he loves when I haven't even been able to find her because I've been busy trying to take over the world with my music!" he exclaimed, the sudden calm suddenly gone. "Why should he get to be happy when I have never been happy in my entire life?"
And in that instant, the hatred I had for Murdoc and the fear of being raped was suddenly replaced with pity. Murdoc was fucked up because of his terrible family life. We hadn't talked about it much but he had told me a little bit about it one of the many times he was completely smashed. I suspected he thought I had no idea what he was talking about but I knew and my heart ached for him.
I couldn't imagine it. A mother who dumped him at his alcoholic father's place because she didn't want him. A father who abused and used him as a way to get money. How could someone treat a child like that?
Murdoc's lips had settled into a deep frown. There were actual real live tears in his eyes threatening to spill onto his cheeks that he was trying unsuccessfully to hide. I actually felt for him. I wanted to reach out and pull him to me and make him know he was not alone. I wanted to let him know that he didn't need to be with someone romantically to be happy. But I just didn't know how to say it without giving him the wrong message, let alone the fact that once he realized he was showing actual feelings he would just retreat back into the person he is every usual day.
"Murdoc." I started hesitantly. "Murdoc, you know that you don't have to have someone to be happy, right?"
He was staring hard at the floor. I saw his head nod gently. I took in the position we were in. I was backed up against the window, his hands were on either side of my head, and his head was bent, almost lying on my shoulder. If there was anyone outside they would just think that Murdoc had just taken another unsuspecting woman home with him. But I knew no one would see because no one was there.
"Murdoc, you love music right?" I whispered.
He nodded and I heard him mutter "Yeah."
"Then that's what you need. Music makes you happy." I said, hesitantly reaching upwards to comb my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. I heard him sigh and his entire body relaxed. His hands fell away from the window, and for a moment I relaxed, but then they wrapped around my body and I tensed up. I wasn't trapped in a cage of Murdoc's hands but he was now wrapped around me.
"Don't stop." He groaned. It took me a while before I realized he was talking about my fingers still in his hair. I hadn't even realized I'd stopped.
"Ok." I murmured, too startled to argue. It hit me that Murdoc wasn't going to hurt me. He just needed a warm body nearby. And he obviously couldn't use 2D or that weird Android Noodle. It was lucky I was here for him.
Wait. Stop. Go back. What did I just think?
It was lucky I was here for him.
God, I was going crazy.
Yeah that's right, I just gave Murdoc feelings. Think of it as Elle's pay back for when he took care of her.
I don't know if its because its my time of the month and my hormones are like seriously spiking but when I was writing this chapter I was suddenly struck with a deep attraction to Murdoc. Is that weird? Maybe I just like sensitive guys. Huh.
Well, I'm sorry again its been forever. After Syracuse and Mississippi I literally had less than a week before I was off to Indiana for a journalism workshop in Ball State University. I don't know if any of you guys were there but if you were I probably didn't see you. Despite being a workshop they basically split us all into our different staffs and that was it. So I didn't get to see many other people other than my own newspaper staff and the yearbook people that came with us.
So did you guys forget to comment or something? I know that it's been awhile since I've updated but I loved your comments and I'd like to keep getting them please. :) I promise I will work on the updates. Of course, school is starting like...next week so it's going to be hella busy for me for a while but I promise I will be extra good and post soon.
Stay classy