A/N: I know. I'm evil. So much time has passed, and nothing. You're probably screaming, You should be ashamed of yourself! We should stone you, you fiend, you scoundrel!

Feel free, my children. I will take your punishment with humble tears DX

I'm very sorry. My hippiness comes through in this chapter. But please do not fear! If you think Bella's bloodlust is gone forever, you are very, very wrong! It never left, my children. It's just… for someone else. :)

Songs: So Happy I Could Die by Lady Gaga, Fairyland by Ayumi Hamasaki, Sakura Modern (Chinese Version) by alan, anything off the album In Ghost Colours by Cut Copy.

I ran for a long time. To what—from what—I was unsure. All I saw as I ran was that face, that blank, lifeless face. Why couldn't I look at him? Why couldn't I face that truth, so undeniable it was written in his very soul?

I was shocked. I was at a loss. What to think—what did I think of that? Knowing his mind so completely had always been a desperate desire of mine, both loving him and hating him, but now that I did, my heart was breaking and healing at once.

I had been fooling myself all this time. Pretending I was finished with him, pretending that the only thing I wanted was his pain. And it was true—I had wanted his pain.

But undoubtedly and unequivocally, my number one desire was to love him again.

I thought that wasn't possible. I thought the Edward I believed in didn't exist. But for him to return, a person a thousand times more beautiful than I believed prior, my mind was scrambled.

Oh, God, I wanted him back. Every part of me was strained, like my body was fighting the forces of gravity, longing to return to him, to acknowledge both our mistakes and throw ourselves into a shining future.

But I'd changed. I'd seen the effects love had a person. It made them weak. It made me weak. I would never, never return that person, that girl who could barely breath without her love by her side.

Had I been happy, without him, living that life that only consisted of working towards a bloody goal? Training, fighting, blinded, unable to see what was truly good, only able to see the anger in my heart. Even when I believed myself over him, my life still revolved around him. Where was that leading me? What would I have done, after I had killed him?

He loved me. He loved me more than any single person on this earth, perhaps more than anyone had ever loved another. How could I refuse him, how could I return and tell that pure white heart that I didn't love him? How could I return to lie to him like he had lied to me?

Weakness. Weakness. Was it weak, to do the right thing, if it meant lessening your own strength? What was weakness?

And what had caused mine?

Enough.

Her voice chilled me.

Do you listen to a single thing I tell you? Nemesis sounded… tired. I told you what made you weak.

What made me weak…

"You couldn't connect with average humans… this started a vicious cycle… you believed yourself worthless…false words and affections… your self worth fell…"

Had I made myself this way? In the beginning, Nemesis told me, she said to me that my power repelled others and made me believe I was worthless, which in turn made me unable to access my power. So when I came to Forks, I was still vulnerable. But I had a fresh start…

Then I met Edward, the beauty, the Greek god. Every time I looked at him, I felt unworthy. When he said he loved me, I was positive it just had to be a temporary fascination, the human girl, but only while she was still young and soft. So when he left me, my worst fears were confirmed.

Nemesis was me. She only knew as much as I did. She took the anger I felt at him, the anger hidden deep down under my depression, and used it to convert me, feeling my feelings were justified, because I did. I discovered myself, but only through a shocking change.

So at the root of this, what was the real cause? My self-value, or my love for Edward?

You must know when to place to blame upon yourself.

Maybe, if Edward's feelings really were false, it would have been his fault. But he was doing what he truly believed was best. He was doing what was right, lying to protect someone more precious than himself. What he did was force myself to be independent, to realize what I needed to do to live the best life I could.

And didn't I always talk about how I was indebted to him, for forcing me to find myself?

I stopped running. I fell to the ground, my body boneless and limp.

Edward. Edward. Edward. Waves of indescribable emotion flowed over me, emotion I hadn't felt in a long time, something so wholesome and true, I felt, it could only be right.

But something else changed. A barrier broke. I felt something else pulsing through my veins, felt life flowing through my body, felt rather than saw Nemesis's shock.

You… you've reached it. The peak.

Peak?

The peak. The peak of my potential.

Was this what it took, what it really took, to take away someone's weakness? Acknowledging what made you weak? Finding yourself?

Or once and for all, truly, and finally discovering love?

I never thought that… this was how I'd become steel.

I picked myself up off the ground, feeling almost faint from the changes that had occurred in me. But I was still strong enough to go to one place.

And that was… back to him.

I fled, so much faster than I had run away, towards the place I had run. My hair flowed behind me like a curtain, my feet bare in my speed, my mask at last discarded.

He came into my sight far before I came into his. I saw him, hunched over, on the ground, lifeless as I had been before.

Yes. As I had been before.

We were one.

I met him on the ground, my arms around him again, in a swirl of air and dirt, and in that moment, everything was right again. His eyes lit with something brighter than fire, and just as I'd thrown myself at him, he returned the sentiment with equal force, and we fell back onto the ground, holding each other with a silent desperation never there before.

We had many things to discuss, many things to clarify. Neither of us were entirely sure of the other's intentions, of where we would falter and where we would fly. But it didn't matter anymore.

We were together.

That night was a long one. There was little speech, and a lot of unspoken communication. We held each other until the sun rose, saying nothing, because nothing was needed.

He left in the morning—he needed to tell his family what was going on. It took me awhile to get ready for school, to remember how to function again.

But something strange coursed through me as I donned my mask and my clothes. A strange, light feeling, that made my step a little bouncier, made me smile at myself in the mirror.

Huh. It's pretty sad when you can't even recognize your own happiness.

My face looked prettier when I smiled, I decided. I was used to seeing an increasingly hard, severe face in the mirror, with the occasional bitter or bloodthirsty smile. As beautiful as that bloodlust was, there was something pure about this new look.

No one had heard about the Cullens yet in school. Angela noticed something different about me, she said, and I actually smiled in response. She didn't ask after that.

School was only a constraint. I was out almost before the bell rang, outside my door equally quickly, colliding with him on the doorstep—

"Oh!" I jogged backward.

"Hey," he smiled softly. We were still shy. There was so much to talk about. "I was going to wait for you, but I guess that's not needed…"

"Yeah."

"Alice is about ready to murder me, so I thought you might want to—"

"Yes!"

Had I missed Alice! And Esme, and Carlisle, and Emmett. They were as much my family as Charlie and the wolves were. It was easy to forget these things, I suppose, when your life has been taken from you.

It was odd to think of all this without bitterness.

We made silly small talk in the car, about music and the family and the kids at school. Stepping out of his Volvo, I hardened my skin from pale to white just in time.

"Bella!"

"Alice!" she flew into my arms with all the force of a bus, but I was ready, barely glimpsing her exuberant face as she hugged me as tight as she could.

"I'm so sorry we left you all alone! I know an apology can never make up for it, but I can try, and since we have all of eternity, you can be damn well sure the effort will be impressive, because we love you so so much and missed you so so much, all of us, even Rose and Jazz—"

"Alice, slow down," I laughed. "You don't have to worry a bit about any of it, I have more than my share of apologizing to do."

She tilted her head, confused. "What do you mean?"

I caught Edward's eyes over her shoulder; he looked equally befuddled. I shook my head. "We'll talk about it later, first I want to hear all about all of you!"

"Well, before that, let's get Alice to stop hogging you, shall we?" Esme walked toward me, her characteristic soft smile on her face.

"Welcome back, Bella. I can never apologize for all we've put you through."

"You're not at fault," I patted her soothingly, because just like they knew my pain, I could see the pain of a mother in her eyes. I saw Edward flinch in my peripheral vision at my words, and corrected myself. "No one is."

Emmett thumped me on the back with enough force to kill a human, his smile saying more than words. Even Rosalie didn't look homicidal—a big step. She studied me from the doorway, face emotionless. And Jasper lurked behind her, looking unsure.

"Jasper!" He flinched when I called his name. With mock severity, I ordered, "Come here."

He did as I said, still looking confused and nervous. I hugged him carefully, saying, "Relax, will you? No hard feelings." I mean, I'd always thought he was pretty awesome, and certainly couldn't blame him for his earlier actions. He smiled down at me, looking both relieved and uncertain.

Jeez, I couldn't imagine what he, of all people, must have gone through.

They invited me in, Alice still talking a mile a minute, Esme and Carlisle looking so heartbreakingly happy it made me feel guilty about even considering not returning, and Edward shyly staying by my side.

"Edward said you were changed by Laurent," Carlisle managed to get a word in between Alice's ramblings. "We hadn't any idea he'd be around here, seeing as he had been getting along so well in Alaska… Why did he change you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"It wasn't exactly like that. He didn't decide to change me at all," I explained. "He attacked me." Esme gasped, and I gave her as comforting a glance as I could spare. "But just before he attacked me—I had a bit of an epiphany."

I smiled sheepishly as I explained, trying to communicate that my low self-esteem wasn't actually Edward's fault. They were shocked, of course, Edward especially. Emmett's eyes lit with a telltale glint when I took out Nemesis, and I felt a little eager myself—my love of fighting had not faded in the least.

But despite all this violent strangeness, there was no change in the emotions behind their eyes when I'd finished my story. Acceptance from the wolves had been good, but acceptance from them—my family—was even better. It wasn't another hour before we were, it felt, back to normal.

And I couldn't help but feel like, at that instant, life was perfect.

Of course, things are never that easy.

I returned home that evening to find Charlie waiting up for me, eating some leftover fish and watching the game (who knows which game).

"Hey, Bells. Over at Jacob's again?" He grinned up at me, still so pleased that I'd finally gotten over Edward.

Yeah.

"Well, Dad, actually, I wasn't at Jacob's today."

"You weren't?" He sat up a little straighter in his chair, paying more attention now. "Where were you, then? Angela's?"

I fidgeted a little—my human mask was so uncomfortable, especially when I was nervous. "You're not going to believe this, but I was down at the Cullens'."

"The Cullens?" He repeated incredulously. "They're back?"

"Looks like it."

"But you're not… you're not seeing that boy anymore, are you?"

"His name's Edward, Dad, and yes, I'm seeing him again."

"No!" He boomed, the game entirely forgotten now. "I won't allow it!"

"Dad—"

"I said no, Bella! How can you just forget what he did to you? I thought you were going to die, I honestly did!"

"Dad, listen." I took a deep breath. "We talked things out. He knows he made a mistake, and he's sorry. He was as bad as me, Dad, truly."

He scoffed. "I find that hard to believe."

"Just ask Carlisle, or Esme! Or anyone in his family! I swear, Dad. Besides, do you really think I'd just take him back if he were lying?"

"I don't know, Bella," He was rubbing his eyes tiredly. "You were so torn up before, you probably would've."

"That was before," I insisted. "I know what I'm doing. And I know he won't hurt me again."

"He better not," He agreed grimly. "Because I'll shoot him."

I was starting to see where I got this whole bloodlust thing from.

Edward was waiting for me in my room when I came up the stairs. I smiled—the expression felt so foreign on my face—and flew across the room to greet him.

"Can we go outside?" I asked him in a whisper. He nodded, taking my hand.

We were strolling idly through the forest, not saying anything, when he spoke.

"I want to apologize again, Bella," he said in a low, tortured voice. I put a finger to his lips.

"No. I want to apologize." He was about to protest, but I went hurriedly on. "Even though leaving me was… the worst thing to do, for both of us, I, too, am at fault." He looked like he was going to protest again. "No, listen. I shouldn't have doubted you so easily. Trust is an important part of a relationship, and mine should not have been so easily broken."

"Don't be silly," he muttered, turning away from me slightly. "After what you said to us today, about your self-esteem… it was only a natural response. I just—it was just so hard for me to understand why you could ever see yourself as inferior to me, a monster, a selfish, parasitic beast." He shook his head. "I never even considered how much your opinion of me, as the one you loved, would overlook all that, seeing only good in me, somehow. But love is blind. I should have realized from the start."

Looks like I have some work to do. "You know, you're almost worse than I was. No, you're definitely worse than I was."

"What do you mean?"

"You have no self esteem. Listen to how you describe yourself—a monster, a selfish, parasitic beast. It's wrong."

"It isn't, Bella."

I stopped, turning to face him. "It is! Think about it, Edward—if you, as a vampire, are a monster, than so am I."

He disagreed. "Of course you're not, Bella. You've never killed anyone,"

"I almost killed you. Or don't you remember?" The words shook me more than I realized. "And you told me yourself that you only killed evil mortals. I don't care what you say, your conscience is entirely too vocal for you to be considered a 'monster.'"

"But you don't understand, Bella! It doesn't matter who I killed, it only matters that I killed! I took more lives than you could ever possibly imagine. I left you, defenseless. I essentially took your life, the life most important to me on this earth." His eyes, so anguished, disturbed me. It was frightening, how often I saw them, especially in my human life, since I didn't make any attempt to correct this.

"Edward, you are the one who doesn't understand. No monster sees himself as a monster; no monster has a conscience, and a heart, and a soul. And don't you dare tell me you don't have a soul—I saw it."

The resolve in his eyes flickered. "What do you mean, you saw it?"

"When I attacked you, that night in the forest. My bankai, my maximized power, is to torture the soul with its worst memories, and once it has reached insanity, to consume it. If you didn't have a soul, you wouldn't have felt that pain, nor would I have been able to see your memories in your eyes. You have a soul, Edward. And it's the purest, most loving, most beautiful soul I have ever seen."

He looked completely stunned, staggered. But as time passed, a smile grew on his face until it was so brilliant I almost couldn't look at him. With vampire senses, every detail of his face was lit in perfect clarity, and seeing him this joyous, this free, was almost painful.

He wrapped his arms around me, just like last night, only even better because there was no desperation, no fear of desertion from either side, just a timeless serenity that permeated the air around us.

"Only you, Isabella Swan," he murmured. "Only you could make my soul something worth seeing at all."

And finally, finally he kissed me, and truly, everything was perfect, in that moment.

A/N: Yaay! A Disney ending for the chapter! That's what I'm best at :D

I won't ask for reviews today, because of how long I took to update DX but I would really, really like them! Lol

Hope your summer nights are full of magic and bunnies!