disclamer -do i own twilight ...i wish .......i dont mrs meyer does

A/N all these reviews are amazing im glad u all are liking this story so far,as you can see i have been updating everyday ,see i do not lie nice reviews get nice chapters.

this isnt exciting but i hope u like it

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Chapter Four -confrontations,excuses and explainations

I pushed my head into my pillow ,trying to drown out the crying that had errupted from my chest at the park.I had been home for about an hour now and these tears were still gushing out.

Charlie had gone down to La Push,he left me a note on the fridge hoping that I would see it when I arrived back from school. I knew it was about 10pm by now ,so I was hoping that Charlie didn't check on me when he came back from the Black's,he didn't need to see me like this,I was suppose to be the strong one of the family.I sighed.

I can not believe that happened what does mean??,Im going to see Mr Cullen tomorrow ,Im going to see him am I not going to breakdown when see his beautiful face,I don't even understand this feeling,I think im in shell shock of what probably won't be able to look at me any more ,he'll be disgusted with me.

These thoughts only seemed to release another round of sobs from my chest it was unstopable,this sobbing I dont understand ,it was like ten years of tears where finally leaving my heart.

Pulling my blanket up over my head and buring my head into the matress,I fell into a deep sleep, almost death like.

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I woke up from my death slumber to the sound of my alarm ringing beside me. In a zombie like fashion I dragged myself from my room into the bathroom .I made my way straight to the mirror to check out the damage of crying all night had done.

I had heard Charlie come in last night,but thankfully he didn't check on me and just made his way straight to his room,he must of been tired because within five minutes I heard his snoring drifting through-out the house.

When reaching the mirror I was shocked by my appearance ,even though I had slept it looked like awake all night crying ,my eyes were all puffy ,and around my nose was red and hair look even worse, it had stuck to the back of my neck and to the sides of my face.I looked like death; like a solider in shell shock

.I know I wasnt that attractve to look at but this only seemed to make me look even worse.

Turning away from the mirror I decided I would not look in one until I have tryed to fix myself back up again.

I stepped into the shower letting the smell of my strawberry shampoo and my coconut body wash drift me away from my worries.

After returning from the bathroom,I made my way to my closet deciding to wear a pair of dark demin jeans,white tank top and a royal blue cardigan to match blue converse.

To be honest I was trying to make an effort, like I hadn't been effected by with that I put on make up just to cover the dark rings that were now forming under my eyes,and the redness around my that I grabbed my bag and headed down the stairs and out the door to see alice already waiting in the driveway.

I walked to her BMW and got into the passengers seat ,closing the door behind me .

"Woahhh Bella!!!!! what happened to you ??!!!! you look like you have seen a ghost or something"she yelled at me.

"Alice calm down ,im fine I just didn't get much sleep"I huffed,as she sped towards school.

"I so don't believe you Bella,somethings happened to you ,and if your not going to tell me I will make it my goal to find out!"

We had reached school by now,Alice always broke so many speed laws when in her car,even if it was only a trip to school.

"Whatever miss pixie hell you will never find out what happen any way!"I yelled at her while making my way towards the school's entrance.

"Haha so something did happen then,I was just fishing then I didn't think something had actually had! "she chuckled wrapping her little arm around mine.

"Just lets get to spanish ok ,we don't want Miss Rogers getting angry now do we,remember the last time she shouted at you in spanish"I chuckled remembering the thought of Alice shouting back but in french .It made Miss Rogers so angry she detested the french.

I felt Alice's arm pulling me back as I dragged her towards the language building.

"Bella wait what are you talking about??,we don't have spanish first ,I have bio and you have English lit with that Mc dreamy,Mc steamy read me a bit of old fashioned lit teacher of are soo lucky you have him,I bet you just love to drool over that man all day just thinking of the things you would have him to do to you in the library!"she squealed.

"Alice please he's my TEACHER and he's MARRIED,and thinking of him like that is just WRONG!!!"I told her before storming off ,up the english corrider to meet my fate or doom or whatever were going to call it.

Standing outside my English clasroom I saw that there was no one else yet in the classroom except him!.It was strange though, I thought all the drooling girls would be piling in hours early just to impress.

I knew I had to go into the classroom,because I was already standing outside and the longer I stood here with my nose pressed up against the glass,the more special attention people would give me.

So with that I opened the door and quickly made my way to my seat ,looking at the floor the entire time.I know he had heard me enter but not once did he take his eyes off the board.

It was like he was trying to balance the equation to solve cancer for the much attention that board was getting for crying out loud.

That's when I realized ,he mustn't be able to stand the sight of me right now,he couldn't even bear to look at me,or even give a mumbled good morning nothing .

This is the way it was going to be because of my stupid mistake.I should of pushed him away,I knew he hadn't been himself recently,he was looking for comfort and he was hurt,I should of stopped it. I should made him see reason.

I bowed my head lower into my book ,until I felt my head hit the table,yeah it hurt but I didn't even care at this moment and time,because he was treating me like I was invisible ,almost that I wasn't worth beening seen. I hated him for making me feel like this -worthless and a silly little girl.

But then I started to see sense, I replayed last nights events in my head,as much as my heart didnt want me to.

I hadn't kiss him.I had simply said goodnight and was about to was the one to pull me was the one to touch me .He was the one would had kissed me wasn't me at all it was HIM,I wasn't married with a daughter and kissed a student it was all him.

So with that ,I pushed my self up from my desk and marched towards his desk,he spinned around to face me ,but before I let him utter a word and make me feel guiltly ,I was going to tell him exactly what I thought of the situation that he had put me in.

"Mr Cullen,I want to tell you that it is unfair for you to block me out and pretend that i'm not sitting right over there when I am. I will not have you punish me and make me feel worthless and horrible for your mistake. I did not push myself apon you ,you kissed me ,this is your problem not mine and im not blaming myself any more for what you did!!"I yelled at him.

I looked up at his face,it was mixed with anger ,fear and most of all it looked like he was torn .He stood just looking at me dumbfounded and speechless.

With that the bell rang starting off the lesson.I took my seat as I watched as the mob entered the classroom.

Once everyone was settled He called the class to attention,but his gaze went straight to me.I looked away,staring out the window knowing that if I spent any time looking into his eyes.I would dream that he would be able to kiss me like that again .

I know it's wrong ,I knew it's forbidden ,but it just feels so right.

"Class ,I will let you get a head start on the essay I have written on the board for this essay I will need you to have read the first ten chapters to be able to understand this the question is,

"How did Jane's isolation and loneliness as a child effect her life at Lowood and her interaction with other characters?,I have written the question on the board and I expect the essay to be a least three pages long ,you may begin.

I decided to concentrate on my work knowing fully well that I would be able to answer this question before the end of class I had already taken some notes at home hoping that he would ask this.

I stared across the classroom to see everyone with there heads buired into there books,huh I guess am the only one who did the homework then.I brought my attention to angela weber who looked like she was freaking out,I knew that literature wasn't her strong point.

so I decided to help her out,

"Angela do you want some help, I have already written down some of the key points if you want to see them?"I whispered.

"I'm ok bella ,its just im having a hard time trying to decide what events in her childhood shows her most alone?"she whispered back.

"I think your best bet would be to start with the event that happened in the red room,its shows the feeling of isolation and how alone she was"

She sighed "thanks bella I think I kind of get it now ,your my life saver...wlll homework saver anyway"she chuckled.

"Anytime "I laughed back.

Most of the class flew by,I had finshed my paper and I still had 15 minutes to spare so I looked over my essay again,making sure there where no mistakes,there wasn't.

But I was making sure my attention never drew to him for more than a few seconds.I felt his eyes burning holes in my back of the most of the time.

The pain of not being able to know what he was thining or what he was feeling was killing me.I decided to look up towards the front to see if I could read his emotion across his face,but I couldnt,it was like a canvas filled with pain and despair,it didnt help me one bit.

I looked up once more to try again ,but his time I was met my his eyes they held me ,they captured me I couldn't look down.I saw despair ,anguish and remorse filled the depths of his eyes.

I watched him stand ,walk to the front of the class,

"Class ,I have finshed grading your papers from last week,they were all fairly well done,but a few of you need to work of your explainations of your answers and please remember always relate back to the question"he spoke.

I dropped my head knowing that, he would soon be nearing me to hand me back my paper.I Heard footsteps come up behind me and stop beside my desk.

"Bella,very nice work,but I have left you a few pointers along with your grade if you wish to improve it "he whispered.

The tension between has was unreal it was electric,I could feel the heat and want roaming around my body,I needed him,I wanted him,I know its wrong to,my head does but my body thinks different I supose.I reeled myself back in knowing it would never happen he's married!.

"Thank you Mr cullen,I will take your opinion into hand"I answered back,inhaling his scent one more time before he made his way back to his desk.

Flipping to the end of my essay I found the Grade A circled with red pen,but below the grade I read the note,

Dearest Bella,

please let me explain I can not now because I have no time to tell you fully what happened and why it happened

it was my fault and im sorry I have been ignoring you ,but do not feel you are worthless as you are far from it.

Please met me tonight at the park,I will be there with Nessie again,I will wait by the oak tree until after dark

But I will understand if you do not appear.

Mr Cullen.........Edward.

I sat there open jawed and speechless.I can not believe he actually sent me a note like children in a classroom!.I mean would it not be wierd me in the park with my teacher I supose it is outside Forks and im there everyday anyway . I could make it look like we just bumped into each other.I wanted to know his reasons,he needed his chance to say what he thinks I got mine...well kinda of.

My thoughts seem to be brought to an end by the bell .I grabbed my things making sure his little note was well hiddened,as I left my Jane Eyre essay with him and hurried out of the classroom.

EPOV

The bell rang singing the end of this end of the class that was complete and utter torture.I dont even know why I left her that note shes probably even more freaked out now .Meet me in the park after dark"!.

Great just great Edward because that doesnt make you sound creepy one little bit now does it!.

I saw the perfect little Bella rush towards my desk,I prepared myself for abuse that she would give me,for even considering what I had suggested.

But she didn't she just left the Jane Eyre essay which she had already finshed,and hurried her way out of the classroom.

Wow this girl really was something ,why did I have to fuck her up by bringing her into and making her a part of my oh so shitty situation I would like to call my marriage.

Once the entire class had filed out ,I decided to mark her paper ,and there it was

Dear Edward .....Mr Cullen,

yes I will meet you,

you deserve to tell your side of the story

bella.

A/n so what do you think a good filler chapter i hope so :D

now can i please have five more reviews come on they are the driving force

thank u again for reading reviewing alerting favoriting everything u all are amazing

up next the explaination!],quicker u review the quicker u will get a chapter

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