Thank you for the reviews. This is where things start to get interesting! This chapter takes place over episodes 2x15 and 2x16. I can't express what this story means to me, so please R&R and let me know what you think. So without further ado...
Chapter 3 – Many Of Horror
Alcohol awareness week had landed at McKinley High School, and of course Puck had convinced Rachel to throw a party in response. He came over to my house before hand, and we managed to fit in a quickie before driving to pick Artie and Brittany up. The basement was decorated like one of those living rooms that you only have for decoration and not for actual living. Besides the enormous bar and stage, I would have thought I was at Quinn's house. Puck and I quickly found the sofa as I straddled him and fused my lips to his.
Quinn and Sam arrived shortly later. The bruises on her face gave me complete satisfaction, and I immediately shot a smirk in her direction. Her eyebrows furrowed, but she turned her attention elsewhere, obviously trying to be on her best behavior tonight. It didn't take long for the rest of the gang to gather in the tiny room, and the party began. The guys sat around a table and began to play quarters while all the girls took a tequila shot. Quinn hesitated, but I guess decided to fuck it because her shot glass was filled with a second before mine even hit the counter.
Moments later, and several shots deep, the room began to swirl as my vision blurred. Everything seemed hysterical, and I couldn't contain myself from laughing as Kurt tripped and fell off the stage. Quinn had joined the guys at quarters, wrapping her scarf around her head like a turban, and covering her eyes with her bug-eyed sunglasses. I had positioned myself next to a shirtless Brittany and proceeded to do a body shot off of her toned stomach. Mike and Tina began to tap-dance across the floor as Artie started rapping "Like a G6".
It didn't take long for everyone to be completely wasted, besides Finn who had for some reason decided to be the responsible one. I think it was partly due to the fact that his virgin girlfriend had never drank before, and he wanted to make sure she didn't do anything that she would later regret. Too late. "Who wants to play spin the bottle?" she slurred.
We gathered in a circle around a makeshift tabletop consisting of a Checkers board game. Of course Brittany had taken it upon herself to go first, and the bottle landed on Sam. She smiled widely as they leaned in and planted their lips together. I noticed a hesitant look on Quinn's face before I returned my gaze toward them as they parted. Sam spun next, the bottle stopping on a stunned Mercedes.
Mercedes displayed a drunken grin as their lips met in an innocent and quick peck. She spun next, giving her the opportunity to kiss her best friend as it landed on Kurt. Things moved relatively unusual until after Rachel and Mike exchanged a kiss, she had spun and landed on Quinn. The guys in the room immediately cheered in approval as both girls began to blush. Quinn took another sip of her drink before leaning toward the brunette and yanking their bodies together in a heated kiss. Brittany locked her eyes with mine as the girls began to giggle and pull apart.
"I didn't know you had that in you Berry," Puck commended. "I mean I already knew you could get Quinn to do anything if she was drunk enough, but you…" Quinn uttered a fuck you as she returned to her spot next to Sam. Things continued as Quinn was forced to kiss Artie, and then, with the help of Brittany, Artie spun and the bottle slowed to a halt in front of me.
"No way," I immediately shouted. "You're my best friend's boyfriend. That has to be like incest in some cultures." My words were highly slurred, and obviously didn't help present my case because the group expressed their disproval at my conclusion. Rolling my eyes, I walked toward him and placed a chaste kiss upon his lips. Without delay I spun and landed on Puck.
"That shouldn't be allowed." Tina groaned, leaning her drunken head on Mike's shoulder. "You guys kiss all the time."
"Yeah, a redo is definitely a must," Kurt added.
Begrudgingly I spun again, this time it stopped at Brittany. My heart jumped. This was nothing new either, but of course the group had no qualms in allowing this interaction to take place. The guys were more than thrilled to have two Sapphic make-out sessions in one evening. Her drunken hands were at the back of my head before I knew it, and I was pulled into her, colliding with those lips that I adored. I had to force myself to pull away after a few minutes before things turned to more than kissing like they often did between us, the alcohol definitely not helping with decision-making.
Rachel of course convinced the group to sing, and we eventually gathered on the stage and performed a not-so-put-together rendition of "Buy You A Drank". After downing a few more shots, the insides of my stomach began to churn violently, and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom before I spewed its contents into the toilet. My hair stuck to the sweat coating my face and neck, and I had to rest my head against the porcelain commode in order to stop the room from spinning.
There was a soft knock at the door as I turned to see Quinn entering. "I'm fine," I hissed, not wanting anyone to see me like this, and especially not wanting her to be the one to take care of me.
"Obviously not, or you wouldn't be plunging your face into the instrument that at one point contained Rachel Berry's waste products." I gagged at the immediate imagery that formed, swearing at Quinn for giving such a horrific detail. "Well it's true," she shrugged as she knelt to pull my hair into a messy bun in order to keep it free of my vomit.
After a moment of pause that followed a second round of puking, I turned to Quinn and managed to mutter something along the lines of "why are you being so nice to me". I had to keep my eyes closed tight to avoid becoming dizzy, and I soon fell to the floor, my head landing in her lap.
She hesitantly began to stroke my hair out of my face, followed by small circles on my back. "Well because I know Brittany would normally be doing this if she wasn't currently passed out on the stage downstairs. And while Puck can be a great lay, he isn't much for the compassionate thing, so I figured you needed someone."
"But why you? After what happened?" I wasn't sure if I was making any sense, but obviously she got the gist of what I was trying to say because she answered without fault.
"Because at one point the three of us were friends Santana, and I wasn't exactly innocent in the fights that have occurred since. Plus, Brittany muttered something about being concerned about you…"
"What?" I raised my voice, starting to sit up, as the room grew dizzy. "How dare she talk about me to you."
"S that girl loves you. She practically worships the ground you walk on. She noticed you were drinking a lot tonight, and just whispered to me to look out for you, that's all."
"I'm pretty sure I'm not the only who drank tonight," arching my eyebrow at her, hinting toward her kiss with Rachel.
"True, but you are the only one hacking their guts into the toilet." I didn't really know what to say, and truth be told, I was tired of arguing. Most importantly I felt sick again. Her hands were at my back as another round of liquid moved its way in reverse through my digestive system.
I rummaged through my locker as Brittany's hands tickled my sides before she rested against the row of lockers next to me. "How you feeling?"
"Fine," I answered curtly, placing a notebook into my book bag.
"Sorry I wasn't there for you."
"It's ok. It's not like it's the first time I was sick from drinking," I laughed, receiving a gentle smile from her. We walked together toward the choir room, only to be greeted by Ms. Holliday.
"How nice of you two to finally join us," she jeered, motioning for us to take out seats.
"I invited Ms. Holliday here today because it's come to my attention that some of you don't really know the details of…um…intimate situations." The class giggled as Ms. Holliday stepped forward and began to talk about the birds and the bees. Since sex was not some foreign mystery to me, I drowned her out as I looked down at Brittany's hand tentatively on Artie's shoulder. I pulled my phone from my bag and quickly typed a text to her. Her phone vibrated against her thigh.
Tonight. My house. Sweet lady kisses.
I saw the corners of her mouth curl into a smile as she typed a response.
Be there after my date with Artie.
I felt my stomach churn again, but this time I fought the urge to be sick. So what if she had a date, she would still be finishing the night with me.
Her lips tasted like heaven against mine; like humid, summer rain when thunderstorms roll through at nighttime. The sweat on her upper lip tasted like salty perfection as it mixed within my mouth. Her soft hands gently grazed my exposed ribcage, sending a wave of shivers through my core. My lips shuddered against hers and she let out a small giggle, obviously enjoying the effect she had over me. A shy finger meekly touched the underside of my breast, and I couldn't help but let out a small moan. She wasted no time in taking my bottom lip into her mouth and bit down.
"Brit," I managed to gasp, slightly shocked, slightly turned on.
"You know I've always wanted to be a vampire." She giggled, moving from my lips to my neck. "And you never let me bite you here," she whispers against the most sensitive spot on my neck.
"You know why," I breathe, silently hating myself for allowing her to have these effects on me. I can force my mind to be as standoffish as possible, but there was no way of hiding the way my body literally responded to everything she did. Each word she whispered to me created millions of goose bumps across my tanned flesh. Each trace of fingertips on my flesh sent shivers down my spine. Each strategically placed kiss forced a thrust of approval.
"I know, we're a secret." Her tone turned to utter disappointment, "and hickeys don't keep secrets." Her head turned to the side as she faked interest in something out the window. I cautiously looked down at her, making sure I sketched every part of her into my brain. The beauty lying beneath me didn't compare to any of the other people who had inhabited that spot before.
I tentatively reached down to slide a strand of her hair off of her face, and that's when I noticed a tear-stained streak traveling down her cheek. I had to forcibly gulp down the lump that had immediately formed in my throat. She refused to look at me as she hiccupped away more tears. "I'm sorry," I whispered, knowing the words didn't mean shit.
"Do you love me?" Her words were barely above a whisper, I think almost hoping I wouldn't hear her, and honestly I think if a car had driven by at that exact moment I wouldn't have.
I froze, and she immediately felt my body tense. I tried to quickly speak in order to alleviate the growing tension. "Brit, you know I care about you…"
"I didn't ask if you cared Santana, I asked if you loved me?" She still refused to look at me as her words became louder and harsher. This Brittany was rare, and I always hated when she surfaced.
All I could come up with was "why?"
Now she looked at me. Her blue eyes were laced with liquid, and with each blink they seeped down her already blotchy cheeks. Now it was my turn to look away, I couldn't see her like this, especially knowing I was the cause for it. "Artie told me that he loved me today."
"What does that have to do with me?" I choked back my own sobs.
"I couldn't say it back." She paused as the words lingered between us. "I couldn't say it because I don't love him….not like I love…" She was crying hard now. I screamed/begged for her to stop, just to stop before she broke my heart into oblivion. She was quiet and still for a while, until her hands softly placed themselves on either side of my face. "Look at me," she commanded.
I couldn't. If I looked at her, I would immediately need to excuse myself to the bathroom for a release.
"Look at me!" This time she yelled and physically turned my face with her hands. Our eyes met and I couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Brittany let me go!" I cried. I fought within her grasp, trying to free myself and rid me of her touch.
"NO!"
"Let me fucking go!"
"NO! Just say it. Tell me you love me." Her words were full of anger, and I needed to get to the bathroom before I unraveled. I fought hard against her, but she was too strong.
"Brittany, if you don't let me go, I swear to god…"
"What? Are you gonna hit me like you hit Quinn!" She spat.
That was all it took before I snapped. I quickly shifted my position until I could easily pin her arms to the bed. I ripped off her panties with enough force to dig my fingernails into her skin. I angrily scratched at her thighs before I thrust inside her. "Is this what you want?" I yelled, harshly pushing another finger inside of her.
"San stop, you're starting to scare me." The anger in her voice was gone. But it was too late, I was releasing my anger and hatred, and I couldn't be stopped.
"You want me to fucking tell you how I feel?" I added another finger, pushing in with enough force that she elicited a small cry of pain.
"San stop, you're hurting me," she cried, trying to push me away from her. But my fueled adrenaline caused me to have more strength, and her futile attempts didn't faze me.
"Does everything need to be fucking analyzed with you?" My movements became quicker as I became more heated. "Are you that stupid that I need to explain every detail of life to you?" My free hand clawed at her bare breasts, squeezing them hard, leaving marks across her flawless skin.
"Santana please," she was crying freely, screams and sobs echoed off my walls. My eyes burned with fury as I took out all my anger on her. I furiously added a fourth finger that immediately caused her to shriek in immense pain. I looked down and quickly noticed the pool of red seeping from within her. It was then I realized what I had done, what I was doing to her. I looked from my fingers within her to her pain stricken face and immediately felt sick. I hastily removed myself from her and ran to the bathroom without looking back. The lock clicked behind me as I collapsed on the floor. What I had just done hurt worse than every mark that littered my arm underneath my long-sleeve tee. I had made sure to keep this article of clothing on as we were fooling around, trying to keep my troubles from hurting her, but in the end, I had hurt her far more than I could have imagined.
I pulled my bare legs up to my chest, and curled my small frame around them. Every sob caused my body to shake violently. I had utterly ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me, all because I was afraid of telling her how I truly felt. All because I was afraid of letting her in and seeing the real me. All because I was afraid that once she really saw who I was, she wouldn't love me in return. I heard the front door open and close moments later, and the realization of being alone settled in as I closed my eyes and laid against the cool tile floor.
The last thing I wanted to do was go to school the next day. But since my dad happened to conveniently appear that morning, it was impossible to skip. I managed to make it to my locker and first period without seeing her. I knew she had to hate me. Hell, I hated me. Somehow, I had avoided her all day, that was until glee. I made my way to the back, hoping I could sit there without notice until I could rush home. I feigned interest in something in my notebook as Ms. Holliday told the class that a student had prepared a number that they wanted to share.
The music started and I continued to doodle on a sheet of paper, until the person opened their mouth and began to sing. I could recognize that voice in a crowded mall. I immediately looked up, and my eyes locked on her gorgeous blue orbs.
"You say I love you, boy. I know you lie. I trust you all the same. I don't know why." Her eyes darted away from me and scanned the rest of the classroom. I knew instantly that these words were directed toward me, but she still respected me enough to not make that obvious to the rest of the class. "Cause when my back is turned, my bruises shine. Our broken fairy tale, so hard to hide."
She walked toward Artie and slouched in front of him. "I still believe, it's you and me 'till the end of time." She rocked her way back toward the center, twirling her head around as her hair flew effortlessly in space. "When we collide we come together. If we don't we'll always be apart. I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it. When you hit me, hit me hard."
The music continued as she flailed in circles. The words she sang reopened the wounds across my arm. "Cause you said love was letting us go against what our future is for many of horror. Our future's for many of horror. I still believe, it's you and me 'till the end of time. When we collide we come together. If we don't, we'll always be apart. I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it. When you hit me, hit me hard." The music faded as she came to a stop in the middle of the floor, the class erupting into applause and cheers.
"While I commend you for managing to display sexiness and pain in one song, I have to comment that nothing about physical abuse is sexy." Ms. Holliday chimed in as she placed her hands on Brittany's shoulders. She nodded in understanding as she tried to catch her breath. "But I think all of you could learn a thing or two from Brittany and her raw and emotional way of expressing herself."
I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to die. Not only had she just serenaded me, unbeknownst to the rest, she subtlety told me that not only did she not hate me, she believed I was worth the risk. She believed in me enough to stand by me through all the pain. I suddenly refused to hide from her any longer. I wanted her, and I'd be damned if I was gonna allow my fucked-up-self to push her away anymore.
The bell rang for last period as I approached her at her locker. "Can we talk?" She looked surprised to see me, but nodded her head in agreement. "I wanted to thank you for performing that song in glee club. Because it's made me do a lot of thinking. And what I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences." I paused, a tear easily releasing itself down my cheek. I looked her in the eye, trying to grasp that she was comprehending what I was saying. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
She shook her head innocently, "no not really."
I turned away, inhaling deeply to try and calm my increasing nerves. "I want to be with you, but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back." I swallowed the lump that grew in my throat, resisting the urge to cry uncontrollably into her. "I'm afraid of letting you in and seeing the real me because I'm afraid of what will happen when I allow myself to be that vulnerable." Her lips tightened in concern as she allowed me to continue, obviously afraid that if she interrupted, I would immediately realize the error of my ways and retreat back down the hall.
"Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love you, and I don't want Puck, or any of those other guys, I just want you." The weight of these words created a barrier between us. This is what she wanted to hear, and I was finally able to give it to her. "Please say you love me back. Please." I choked.
She paused, the muscles in her face tightening in sorrow. "Of course I love you. I do. And I would totally be with you if it wasn't for Artie." The anguish was evident in her voice.
I looked at her in confusion, "Artie?"
"I don't want to hurt him, that's not right. I can't break up with him."
"Yes you can. He's just a stupid boy. And you were just telling me last night that you didn't love him."
"A lot of things happened last night Santana."
"But…what about the song?" I stammered, all hope within was evaporating with every confession she was making.
"I wanted you to know that I didn't hate you. You refused to tell me how you felt, so I decided to pursue things with him and see where they went." She paused, a lone tear sliding from her eye. "Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough that you're still single, I'm so yours. Proudly so." She tried to give a reassuring smile, but I could no longer express emotions as my heart refused to feel anything anymore. I felt led to the top of a cliff, and then told to jump off blindly. But instead of landing in water, spiky rocks welcomed my torso.
I refused to break down in front of her. I turned and walked swiftly back down the hall and immediately to the girls bathroom next to the cafeteria. Locking myself within one of the stalls, I pulled the razor blade from my purse and began to use my arm as an etch-a-sketch to express how I was feeling. This was the only way of expressing my feelings that hadn't let me down. How had my life become this ridiculous episode of The O.C. I was Santana Lopez. I wasn't supposed to be spending my time crying in the bathroom. I was supposed to be making others cry in the bathroom. Something had to change, and something had to change now.