Shuichi Minamino ~Kurama~
Beginning to respect every morning
Starting to connect all the bad times
Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is look in a mirror to make sure I'm still me. Still Shuichi Minamino, the half demon Kurama. Some days, I'm not. Some days my eyes are a shade more gold than usual. It fades fast enough, but I'm different those days. Dreams and nightmares haunt me all throughout the day and night whenever I'm more in synch with my demon form.
Everyone around you remembers who you used to be
But I can't take the scared look off your face
And nervous laughter just can't take it's place
Everyone knows me as Yoko Kurama. They know that's who I am, who I was. I hate their reactions to that discovery, especially my friends. They hadn't even heard all the stories and they were still afraid the first time they encountered my demon form. They tried to hide it, for my sake, but I can tell. I can smell their fear, thanks to the demon inside me.
As our two worlds drift apart
You start to twist and turn and you wake up screaming
You realise that you've broken bones
Yoko has always been there. But it used to be bearable, like soft white noise from a TV or radio mumbling in the background. It becomes part of your surroundings and you learn to tune it out. But lately, Yoko is becoming more and more distinct. I no longer see him as a minor piece of myself, I now know that he is a full being of his own. But as he separates from me, his memories and his thoughts become more distinct as well. They're not background noise anymore, they're blaring.
My human mind can't handle some of the things he's been through and has done. I cannot bear the burden of his past. Yoko has been around for over three thousand years. He has learned to deal with these memories. But I've had them all forced on me in a very short period of time. They come to me in my dreams, vivid nightmares of every horror imaginable. Sometimes, I don't even know I'm dreaming until I wake up crying out in agony. More than once I've injured myself trying to get away from my other half's painful past.
And who's to say what's supposed to happen
Trust when I say you're not alone
Nobody can tell me if this is normal or not. There are no self help books that tell you how to deal with a demon sharing your body. No psychiatrist would believe me if I told them the soul of a spirit fox was entwined with my own human soul.
I'm alone.
No, if I was alone I wouldn't be having this problem. The problem is not that I'm alone, it's that I cannot be alone.
Yoko Kurama ~Yoko~
Speaking as a guest it's pretty simple
All you need to rest is a lifeline
Living as the master, remember who you used to be
As much as it annoys me to admit it, this is Shuichi Minamino's body. It belongs to him, and he is in control of it. I am merely a guest.
From my position, Shuichi Minamino's problems seem trivial. He can't deal with my past? I've had this burden weighing down on my shoulders for a far longer time than a simple human like him could ever conceive.
Aside from that, he also has his human mother. A lifeline of sorts, allowing him to lay the crushing weight of my past aside to freely experience his life.
I have no such thing.
The few pleasures I have are the rare moments when I become the master of the body I inhabit. Those few short moments of complete control, as memories of my past, the good and the bad, come rushing back to me.
But I can't take the scared look off your face
And nervous laughter just can't take it's place
But even then, something taints the victorious feeling of freedom. The others, the ones who I have come to think of as friends thanks to my human container, fear me. Not him, only me. My power outranks theirs by far, and my past is filled with ruthlessness and cruelty. They try to hide their fear, but I can smell it. I know it's there.
As our two worlds fall apart
You start to twist and turn and you wake up screaming
You realise that you've broken bones
We used to be able to live in unity, two separate beings yet one and the same. Neither enjoyed the other's presence, but it was tolerable. Now, I can feel a sort of separation. It's as if I'm being forced out of my usual residence in the back of Shuichi's mind and soul and being forced to the front.
My thoughts, my feelings, my personality, and my memories are all becoming more distinct. As if his body is preparing to dispose of me…
And who's to say what's supposed to happen
Trust when I say you're not alone
Is his body rejecting me? Trapped as I am, I have no way of contacting anyone to ask for information, assistance, advice, anything.
I'm alone, yet not alone at all.
Shuichi Minamino is constantly there, repressing me.
Wretch and burn and you wake up bleeding
You're crying out but there's nobody home
He's weak during his sleep. He's too preoccupied with fighting my inner demons to put any strength into maintaining control over his body. More and more frequently lately, I find myself opening my eyes as Shuichi cries out in pain. My eyes. The familiar golden eyes, framed by silver hair. For a few moments, the true me bleeds through.
But then Shuichi regains control and I am lost. Imprisoned in this human, I could scream and send out all of my energy and I would still go unheard. This I know from experience.
Shuichi Minamino ~Kurama~
But I can't change the sight or taste or touch
And I don't think you miss it all that much
I'm well aware that my demon side despises me. I can't change the fact that he is unable to see, taste, or feel anything with his own senses. But then again, I highly doubt those are the things he misses. Thieving and striking fear into the hearts of others sounds like the things he would want back most, not the finer things in life.
You are not alone
No, I'm not alone. I never will be as long as I have this demon haunting me.
Yoko Kurama ~Yoko~
You are not alone
No, I'm not alone. But I long to be. It's familiar. I long to be alone, and free