A/N: I'm not dead! Surprise!

P.S. Has not been beta'd yet.

Fate

Chapter 14: Night-time Realizations

I woke with a start, not knowing exactly what it was that had pulled me from my sleep. I laid there in the dark, just listening. That's when I heard it. That sound. It was a sound I had heard way too many times. It was Reid. The whimpers I'd heard on the video Sibly made had traveled with him into his nightmares.

I was about to get up, intending to gently shake him from the dream. Before I could get out of bed he jerked awake with a startled gasp. In the dim light that came from the moon, I could see him clawing at the bandage around his wrist.

I scrambled ungracefully to his bed and grabbed his forearms, pulling them away from his chest and closer to me. He let out a soft sob and tried to scoot back, but I held on. "Reid!"

My voice didn't register and he kept struggling.

"Reid!" I said again. With my hold on his arms I pulled him closer. "It's Hotch. Look at me. Hey, look at me."

Finally he seemed to notice me, his jerky movements coming to a halt. He dropped his chin down to rest on his heaving chest.

I sat there quietly, watching him slowly regain his composure. I wanted to hug him, but I was afraid that would only make it worse. He hadn't experienced many comforting touches over the last year, and I can imagine that right after his nightmare he wouldn't want any kind of touch. I settled with tightening my hold on his forearms, grasping them right under the elbow.

Sitting here in the dark, I was struck by how clear my senses were. The only things that mattered were the sounds of Reid's hitched breathing, the way my fingers overlapped the rough cast, and the way the moonlight reflected off of his dyed hair. Everything was just so heart-breaking in its clarity.

And just like that, the moment was over. Reid pulled away, breaking the connection and leaving me to wonder if it was real, or just the hallucinations of an overly tired and worried mind.

Neither of us moved nor spoke as Reid's breathing evened out and I became more awake. After a few minutes I reached over and switched on the lamp that sat between our beds. I allowed our eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness before gesturing to his wrist and saying, "Let me see that."

For a moment he stared at me as if he didn't understand, but he quickly glanced down at the ripped bandage and then held his arm out to me. I removed the rest of the bandage to make sure he hadn't done any more damage. The abrasions were ugly, but didn't seem any worse. I retrieved a clean bandage and loosely wrapped up his wrist again.

We sat in silence again. I didn't know what to say and it was killing me. We'd had this problem when he first joined the team. He was intimidated by me and I didn't know what the hell to think of the strange young man. It was frustrating then too, but in a whole different way. Finally he broke the silence, and in doing so rescued my tongue from the cat.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." he whispered.

"It's no problem." It came out cool and collected... I was anything but. "Do you want to talk about it?" It's what everyone asks after they've seen someone have a bad dream. And there's always only one reply.

"No."

And now we're back where we started. I could kick myself for not knowing what to do for him. Earlier, Gideon, Morgan, and I had decided that he would stay with me when we got back to Virginia. I would be the one dealing with his problems, most likely by myself. I was doing a lousy job so far.

With a sigh I said, "I'll let you get back to sleep. Let me know if you need anything." We were both tired and I wasn't going to force anything out of him.

I waited for his nod before getting back into my own bed and turning the light off. For the rest of the night I lay in bed and thought about the future.

I had retreated from this battle, but I will not lose the war.

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