CHAPTER 9
Han collapsed back into the gunnery chair as soon as the Falcon jumped to hyperspace, blowing out his breath in relief. That was the second time he had narrowly escaped Vader's Super Star Destroyer and Han would not have complained if he never laid eyes on it again. He had definitely gotten way more than he bargained for when he first agreed to shuttle supplies for the Rebel Alliance.
It was after the evacuation of Yavin IV that Han first considered heading out for good. His routine shipping runs and escorts of Princess Leia were getting too dangerous. He already had a death mark on his head thanks to his dropped shipment from Jabba the Hutt; he really didn't need the increased attention that Imperial watch lists would bring.
He had even started packing his belongings, ready to get the hell out of there (especially after Leia's smart remark about the Rogues bailing them out), but as always, Chewie was there to hold him back. The Wookiee was dead set on staying in the Rebellion and Han really couldn't blame him one bit. And if it had just been a simple matter of picking up and delivering supplies, he would have had no qualms with serving the Alliance.
But things had started to get serious and Han couldn't help but remember the words he'd uttered to Luke before the Battle of Yavin:
"What good is a reward if you ain't around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station isn't my idea of courage. It's more like suicide."
He had meant it then, and he certainly believed it now. He and Chewie needed to get the hell out of the Rebellion before they got themselves killed.
Before he got other people killed.
Han ripped off the headset and hurried down the ladder, ignoring those ominous thoughts. He was going to have a long talk with Chewie when they got back to the fleet.
For now, he was still captain of his ship, and his first task was to make sure that everyone onboard was safe.
"Nice shooting," Han offered to the soldier who'd volunteered to handle the other gunnery chair. He held out his hand. "I'm Han Solo."
"Lieutenant Tycho Celchu," the man returned.
Han narrowed his eyes, an odd sense of familiarity hitting him as he recalled the way Celchu had handled the Falcon's gun. Han hadn't kept tabs on his old acquaintances in the Empire since he'd left, but there was one person's career he couldn't help but follow... "You didn't happen to train under Fel, did you?"
Celchu nodded. "Yes sir, Captain Fel was one of my instructors at the Prefsbelt IV Naval Academy."
Han chuckled. "I'll try not to hold that against you." He brushed past Celchu, who furrowed his brow in confusion.
He reached the hold and observed the dwindling chaos. "Everyone alright in here?" Leia was tending to the wound on the redhead's leg. Chewie was handing out ration bars to the two other pilots, while Threepio was trying to be helpful and translate. The two men looked up in relief at Han's question.
"We're fine," Leia said. "Lieutenant Jade got a nasty blaster wound, but it should heal nicely."
"Good." Han nodded to Jade, then to the two other pilots. "I'm Han Solo, and this is my first mate, Chewbacca."
The younger, brown-haired pilot raised his hand. "I'm Zurel Darillian."
"Rade Ticarus," the other one added.
Han turned to Jade. "I'm Mara Jade. Thanks for coming back for us," she said, avoiding his gaze, looking highly uncomfortable.
He waved dismissively. "Thank the Princess, and Luke for keeping all those TIEs from blasting us."
"He means Commander Skywalker," Leia added, smiling brightly at the mention of her friend. "He's the leader of Rogue Flight, some of the best pilots in the Alliance."
Han rolled his eyes.
"He's the one who rescued me," Jade whispered, again looking extremely uncomfortable.
Now Han couldn't keep the grin from spreading across his face. So Luke had rescued yet another pretty girl… Yeah, he was going to have a nice, long talk with the kid when they got back to the fleet.
Leia nodded vigorously. "Yes. He's a great asset to the Alliance."
"Alright Princess, let's stop giving junior a big head, he's not even around to hear you fawn over him." Han ignored Leia's indignant frown and Jade's small smirk. "Chewie, you and the Professor show these guys around. I need to have a chat with Her Royal Highness in private."
"Oh, certainly Captain Solo, it would be my pleasure!" Threepio said cheerfully.
Leia was glaring vibroblades at Han but he ignored it and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards the cockpit. Halfway there she yanked her arm away and brushed past him. Again Han rolled his eyes.
Finally they were alone and Leia placed her hands on her hips and affected the offended, stuck-up pose she'd perfected so well. But this time Han didn't give her a chance to speak.
"What the hell happened back there, Leia? We could have gotten killed!"
She stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded. "I don't know what happened," she replied. "Obviously, the Empire was tipped off to the defection and pick-up."
"Obviously,"Han replied sarcastically. "So, what, the Council didn't think it was important to mention that Darth Vader himself might have a vested interest in this group of defectors? Are they trying to get us killed?"
"They didn't know, Han! It was an ambush!"
"Yeah, and I don't like the fact that Alliance Command didn't know that there might be trouble on this mission! I don't like it at all, Leia."
"There's a possibility of trouble on every mission, Han. You know that."
"Then maybe it's high time I got the hell out of here and stopped risking my neck for your crazy Rebellion!"
Leia took a step back, deeply affronted. "You can leave whenever you like, Captain Solo," she said, her voice deathly quiet. "As you so often remind me, you have no ties to my 'crazy Rebellion.'"
Han sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He didn't want to fight with her. He really didn't. "Look, I'm sorry—"
"Is there anything else you'd like to say about the mission before I return to our guests in the hold?" she continued on, all business.
"Just one thing," he said, more in an attempt to get her to stay and talk things out with him than because he actually cared about the mission. "What do you think happened back there?"
She looked away again, and for a moment Han thought she wouldn't answer. But she was a Princess and a politician and she couldn't resist giving her opinion. "Honestly?" She glanced back towards the hold. "I think one of them is a mole."
"What?" Han exclaimed. "And you wanted me to go back there to rescue them and one of them might've been in on it? Have you gone completely insane?"
"I'm not certain of it, and even if I was I wouldn't have left them all to die back there! If one of them is a mole, he or she needs to be interrogated and put on trial. That's the way the Alliance works."
"Well, who do you suspect?"
Leia paused. "Jade."
Han huffed incredulously. "The girl? Have you looked at her? She couldn't hurt a fly!"
"Oh, I saw her fighting out there and I assure you, she could hurt a lot of people. I wouldn't let her hear you say that about her or you just might find yourself missing a limb."
"Fine, whatever. So what is it about her that's got you all suspicious?" He had to physically restrain himself from saying what he was thinking—that Leia couldn't stand the thought of another woman her age coming into the Alliance and taking away Luke's attention. If history really did have a way of repeating itself, Luke was sure to start mooning over this new girl as soon as they got back to the fleet.
Leia narrowed her eyes and Han had a crazy feeling that she was able to read his thoughts. Then she shook her head. "She had a blaster out when we first arrived and I asked for the recognition code. I just…I got a bad feeling."
"She was pointing it at you?"
"Not exactly. It was pointed near me."
"O-kay. So an Imperial lieutenant who's about to defect to the Rebellion is carrying a blaster, and that automatically means she's a mole?"
"I told you, Han, I just got a bad feeling! I can't explain it any more than that."
"Oh, don't tell me that you joined Luke's side, and you think you can use the Force now, too."
"Very funny. No, it's not that at all. Just call it woman's intuition."
"I'll call it woman's something, alright," Han muttered under his breath. "Fine. So let's say this Jade woman is a mole after all. What do we do about it?"
Leia shrugged. "Keep acting the way we've been acting. We don't want to let her know we suspect anything. When we get back to the fleet, Intel will have to brief them all. And I was hoping Luke could speak with her as well, and see what he thinks about the situation."
"Heh, I'm sure he'd love that. Just make sure he doesn't stay alone with her for too long."
"Oh, you're incorrigible."
Han smirked and leaned back against the bulkhead, crossing his arms over his chest. "I am, aren't I?"
Leia huffed and shook her head, reaching for the cockpit door's activation panel. Han put out his arm to stop her. "You really believe that Luke can use this Force stuff, don't you?"
She gazed up at him, looking him directly in the eye. "Yes. I do."
Now Han was the one to shake his head. "It's all a bunch of hocus pocus, you know that—"
"No it's not, Han! My father knew the Jedi. So did Mon Mothma. The Jedi of the old Republic were not deluded magicians who performed hocus pocus, as you say. They were honorable men and women who were slaughtered by their own troops, and betrayed by the Republic they had swore to protect!"
Somehow Han's other hand had reached out to clutch Leia's arm. He was suddenly very aware of how warm her skin felt against his; how flushed her cheeks got when she spoke passionately about something she believed in; how her eyes sparkled when she argued with him. He leaned in to her involuntarily and she stepped back in kind, eyes darting up at him warily, doing her best to keep a polite distance between them.
But Han stepped towards her again, undeterred. When he spoke, his voice was a whisper. "And you really believe that Luke should be a Jedi, even knowing all that? He already blew up the Death Star, Leia. He doesn't need another reason for the Empire to hunt him down."
Leia's breath quickened, and it became very obvious that this conversation was no longer about Luke, or Leia's involvement in the Rebellion, or Han's inability to commit himself to a higher cause.
The air grew hot and heavy and Han almost had to remind himself to breathe. Leia's big brown eyes gazed up at his and he found himself staring at her lips—
She pulled away abruptly, clutching her arms around her chest. "I think Luke should be whatever he wants to be, Captain Solo." The door hissed open and she stepped into the hallway, pausing once to look back at him. "And I think the same for you."
And then she left.
.
.
.
Mara was laughing, something she hadn't done for months, maybe even years. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt happy of her own volition, and not because she'd successfully completed a mission or received Palpatine's approval.
Had she ever been happy? Happiness had never been a consideration. Certain things brought her pleasure, of course, and she had generally felt fulfilled in her old life.
Her old life…
But happy? She didn't think she'd ever truly felt that way before. And yet, here she was, in a ship filled with Rebels, on her way to the Rebel command ship, and she was laughing—but not because she was about to betray them. She was the one who had been betrayed.
No, she was laughing because…it just seemed right. She couldn't even place why. Perhaps it was her body reacting to the highs of battle. Perhaps it was relief that she was still alive, and would live to fight another day. Perhaps she was giddy at the thought of lying to Palpatine and stealing her life back.
Perhaps…there was no reason.
She found herself milling around the hold with the others, floating back and forth between dejarik and sabacc and alcohol. Tycho of course grew protective and cut her off before she could feel the effects of the brandy. Not that she needed his protection; she'd learned long ago how to counter the effects of intoxicants through the Force and exactly how much she could drink before she became impaired. But she played along with him, because Mara Jade, the TIE fighter pilot, wouldn't be aware of such things, and she still had a cover story to keep intact.
In the end she sat talking with Leia Organa for hours, finding her to be a kindred spirit despite the suspicion Mara knew the other woman felt for her. Organa believed, rightly so, that Mara was the reason behind the ambush. In her old life, Mara would not have rescued someone who posed an obvious threat—never leave an enemy at your back, she'd been told countless times—but Organa had done exactly the opposite and gone out of her way to rescue her. So had Skywalker. Perhaps their rescue had more devious purposes, because they needed her for questioning, but either way, it was Mara's first indication that the Rebellion was highly different from the Empire. The Empire that had just been so willing to kill her to get rid of a few defectors.
Mara talked to Organa because she wanted to allay the Princess's suspicions, but also because she was genuinely curious about the woman. She'd first laid eyes on Organa in the Death Star's control room, when the Princess had been forced to watch Alderaan be destroyed. At the time Mara had been dismayed because of the effects Alderaan's destruction might have on the Empire.
But now, after getting to know Tycho and Darillian and Ticarus, Mara was starting to feel something else about the destruction of Alderaan:
Anger. Sadness. Betrayal.
And she hadn't even known anybody who'd perished. It was a lie…a lie that had become the truth.
And yet Leia Organa sat in front of her, talking and laughing as if her world hadn't just been destroyed months ago.
In the middle of their conversation, Mara began to feel a familiar pressure at the back of her mind and knew that the moment she so desperately wanted to put off was now unavoidable.
She had to report to the Emperor. The man who had raised her like a father. The man who had controlled her implicitly.
Despite what had just happened, she still felt a pang of sadness for her old life. Palpatine had always treated her fairly, with courtesy, and pride. And Mara had bought it hook, line, and sinker.
She felt like an utter fool. She wanted nothing less than to let him inside her mind. But she had no choice.
Mara closed her eyes, trying to stave off the contact until she could be alone, and was suddenly very grateful for the alcohol she had drunk, for it would allow her an excuse to get alone.
Organa regarded her with concern. "Are you alright, Mara?"
She shook her head, and it wasn't a lie. "'Fresher." The word came out as a croak.
The Princess was on her feet immediately, pulling Mara with her. She wanted to protest but decided it wasn't worth it; she needed to get alone now before she could no longer ignore his presence in her mind.
Somehow she stumbled into the fresher and slammed the door shut before she collapsed onto the floor, the familiar pressure in her mind now overwhelming and so unlike it had ever been. Vaguely Mara wondered why it was so different now—was it the betrayal, her revelation of what the Emperor truly was, her newfound desire for liberation?
Or was it something else, because now she had felt someone else's presence in her mind and it had been something else entirely?
She wouldn't allow herself to think such things.
Lying on the floor, she kept her eyes shut as she finally opened the bond with her master.
My child.The voice was deceptively soft, like a whisper in her ear, and Mara shivered against the cold floor, the sensation like a snake slithering up her body. For the first time in her life she hated this, despised it, this violation of her mind. How could something so fundamental in her life change so quickly?
You have been successful.He didn't need to ask, and Mara now had confirmation that Vader had indeed lied about his—and her—participation in the mission. For the first time, she felt like she could truly do this. She took several steadying breaths and cleared her mind of doubts, like the soldier she was.
Yes, master.
And just like that, she had lied.
I am very pleased, Mara. Very pleased indeed. You will receive high commendations on your return to the Palace. Public commendations.
It was something she had always wanted; as the Emperor's Hand, she lived her life in shadows, receiving praise only from the Emperor in private. It was the only approval she expected, but she hadn't been able to hide that she desired to be recognized as an official part of the military, like Vader, with her own rights and privileges. It was a bone of contention between the Emperor's two acolytes, but Mara had always deferred to her master's wisdom that she remain hidden, concealed.
Now that she had finally recognized the game the Emperor had been playing with the two of them, she could only smile ironically at the statement that would have once brought her such incredible pride. Thank you, master. But, with your permission, I would like to continue on with my mission immediately.
She put a hint of deference in her thoughts, knowing that the Emperor would not tolerate any kind of dictation of her next assignment. There was a pause, and Mara could sense him thinking on her request, wondering why she did not desire to return to the Palace. For a moment Mara was worried that he had suspicions and that she'd be recalled, that she'd be found out—
But he was in a giving mood, it seemed, and decided to agree to her request. Of course, child. You have done well. I expect nothing less of you from your next assignment.
Mara smiled, knowing exactly what her next mission entailed. Yes master. I won't fail.
She purposefully excluded the you.
The contact broke, as it so often had…but this time, it was like part of her heart was ripped out of her chest.
She managed to pull herself to the toilet before she started heaving and tried to be as quiet as she could, but it was to no avail. She could sense Leia Organa in the hallway, the woman's concern clearly radiating through the Force. But Mara had locked the door and she stayed hunched over the toilet until all the contents of her stomach had been expelled.
It had never been that way before. She had always felt lost and alone when their contact was broken, but this…this was violent and painful and she never wanted to feel this way again.
Would it always be like this?
Would she always hear his call and be forced to answer, as long as she—and he—lived?
Would she ever be free?
After a few moments she knew she couldn't hide anymore. She pushed herself to her feet, splashed water on her face, and opened the door, ready to face the galaxy like the soldier that she was.
.
Leia cringed as she heard Jade get sick in the fresher, feeling a pang of sympathy for the other woman in spite of her suspicions. Leia knew that Jade was only eighteen years old and fresh out of the academy; the combination of the firefight, her injury, and the alcohol was bound to overwhelm her.
They'd been talking for hours and Jade seemed like a nice enough girl, but Leia knew that Intel had to investigate her once they got back to the fleet. For now, though, she would try to be a friend to the woman who so obviously needed one.
After several minutes the water began running and then Jade stepped out of the fresher, looking rattled. She stopped suddenly when she saw Leia waiting for her, and shifted awkwardly.
"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Leia said.
"I'm fine," Jade said, brushing past her without a second glance, acting so incredibly different from how she'd been just minutes ago.
Leia followed, undeterred. "You were sick."
"I'm well aware of that," Jade snapped.
"Do you need any medicine?"
"No, what I need is to be left alone."
"Sorry," Leia apologized, not meaning it at all. "You'll be bunking in my room, by yourself, if that's any consolation."
"That's not necessary, I can sleep in the hold."
"No, you need to sleep in a bed."
"I am not kicking Princess Leia Organa out of her own bed—"
"But you will deny a direct order from the heir to the throne of your home planet?" Leia interrupted, gracing Jade with a small smile. "I might have to question your dedication to the Royal House of Alderaan."
Jade looked at the ground, twisting her toe awkwardly. "Look, I'm sorry for snapping at you. You're right; I just got overwhelmed."
Leia started; had she voiced her concerns that Jade was overwhelmed? She shook her head. Of course she had; how else would Jade know that she'd thought that? "That's completely understandable. And exactly why I want you to get a good night's sleep in a comfortable bed—well, as comfortable as you can get on the Falcon, anyway."
Jade chuckled softly. "You're right. I think I'll go to bed now. I'm pretty tired."
"I'll help you get settled."
After a few minutes, Jade was ready to get changed and Leia made to leave, but Jade called out to her before she could go. The younger woman was staring at her blankly, wringing an old shirt with her hands. "How did you deal with it?"
Leia furrowed her brow. "Deal with what?"
The redhead looked away. "With watching your world be destroyed." She turned back, her gaze suddenly intense, and Leia almost had to flinch away.
Alderaan was still a very sore subject for her, one she only discussed with Luke and Winter and Mon Mothma. She could only think of one way to respond.
"I just did," she said.
After a few moments of silence Leia left Jade alone to sleep, that suspicious feeling still niggling at the back of her mind.
It wasn't until several hours later, when she had finally settled into bed, that Leia realized Jade had asked how she felt when she watched her world be destroyed…and yet Jade was supposedly from Alderaan, too.
.
Finally alone, Mara collapsed onto the bunk, trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep. She was exhausted, but was still too keyed up to sleep. Taking a deep breath, she began to immerse herself in the Force. She had never actually tried going into a healing trance before, but she had learned the basics of the skill and hoped that she'd be able to pull it off.
She was stopped by a soft knock at the door. Sensing who was standing outside, she pulled the covers closer around her and propped herself up on the bed. "Come in," she called.
Tycho entered the room, looking worried. "I heard that you got sick. I wanted to make sure you were alright."
Mara sighed and rolled her eyes. She appreciated Tycho's concern but really needed to be left alone. "Does everyone on this ship know that I barfed?" she asked in her best annoyed tone.
He shrugged. "Does it matter?"
"It's kind of embarrassing. I don't need people thinking I'm some clueless girl who can't handle her alcohol, or a blaster wound."
"Oh, on the contrary, I think you would love if people thought that way of you. That way you could sneak up on them when they least expect it and beat them up."
Mara couldn't keep the grin from spreading across her face. Again, Tycho knew her so very well, and yet not at all. "Don't tell my secret," she warned playfully.
He smiled back. "I wouldn't dare. Seriously, though. Are you alright?"
She faced the wall, seriously thinking about about that question for the first time. Was she alright? She had just lied to the Emperor, the man who had raised her from childhood. The man who was her master, and taught her everything she knew. The man she lived for. The man who gave her purpose in life.
She had lied to him and was planning to leave the Empire that had been her home for as long she she could remember.
How could she possibly be alright?
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "My leg is sore. My head is pounding. You could say I've seen better days."
"You'll be fine in a few hours. You're a strong girl."
"If you say so."
Tycho smiled and before he could say good-bye, something made her call out to him. Something inside her didn't want him to leave.
She had been alone for so long, with only the Emperor for false comfort. Suddenly, she didn't want to be alone anymore.
He hovered over the bunk, watching her intently, and she reached out to gently touch his arm. "Stay with me tonight?" she asked.
Tycho shifted uncomfortably and Mara immediately regretted her request. He had lost his family when Alderaan was destroyed, family that included a fiancée. He thought of Mara as a younger sister, perhaps as a way to make up for the sisters he had lost, and she began to worry that he had gotten the wrong idea about her intentions. She squeezed his arm in reassurance. "I just don't want to be alone right now," she explained. "Please."
Despite his misgivings, Tycho cared too much to say no. He would never be able to deny a friend in need. Nodding, he settled down on the floor, taking an extra blanket and pillow to get comfortable. There was no way he was anywhere near comfortable on the Falcon's hard floor, but he would have been sleeping on the floor anyway if he had stayed in the hold, so she didn't feel too guilty about it.
Mara dimmed the lights and began to immerse herself in the Force, pulling herself into a healing trance. Before she succumbed to blackness, she whispered, "Thank you, Tycho."